How often would you say women lie about their own sex drives?

caligulawillblush · 2021-03-23T20:44:10+00:00

I think a lot of women are unaware of their true sex drives and so it may appear as if they are lying. I [22F] genuinely thought I was asexual until I met my previous boyfriend, because I hadn’t met anyone prior to that that made me want to have sex. Women’s desire is heavily based on how a man can make her feel, so if a man isn’t flirting and teasing and building up sexual tension, it is hard to feel like you have a sex drive at all. Personally I’m single now and don’t desire it at all, but I know when I date again then my libido will come back in full force. So I think a lot of women aren’t lucky enough to have experienced being with a man who is able to build that attraction and desire, and so they think they have low libido. And that’s why it may seems like they are lying. As far as do women like sex that much? Physically, it’s not that amazing feeling, the actual act isn’t even enough for most women to orgasm. Mentally/ psychologically (with the right guy who is able to switch on your sex drive)- YES! Which again ties into women just not fully understanding their sex drive - if you aren’t mentally there because the man doesn’t excite you, i imagine it quickly becomes a chore. All of this is just my opinions obviously.

Urbantexasguy · 2021-03-24T00:11:22+00:00

My curiosity got the better of me once, so I went to over to the Deadbedrooms sub, and sorted the posts to bring the most recent ones to the top. I then reviewed the most recent 20 posts, excluding the same sex ones, both gay and lesbian, and counted the numbers. I got....

12 posts with "HLF's" (high libido females) and "LLM's" (low libido males)

8 posts with "HLM's" (high libido males) and "LLF's" (low libido females)

Now obviously 20 is a pretty small sample size, so it's not scientific by any means, but the sheer volume of wives and even girlfriends on that sub, complaining about the lack of sex with their husbands and boyfriends, REALLY surprised me.

I would say that lends some credence to the idea, that a woman's sex drive is deeply affected by the actions (or lack thereof) of her partner, and the strength of her emotions and commitment to her partner. I've noticed that several women here are trying to explain the "programmable" nature of women's sexuality to the men, with little success.

Psychological_Wear_7 · 2021-03-23T20:48:57+00:00

"Women aren't lying, they just don't like sex all that much"

Women LOVE sex with men they're genuinely attracted to. They're not making you wait 3 months if they actually like you

Fit_Toe_329 · 2021-03-23T21:39:28+00:00

I think we're still very much in the aftermath or sexual repression of women and there are still echos of it in our culture.

Subsequently, women aren't as open about sex as they could be. There is still an attitude that women 'endure' sex and it is still somewhat male centered amongst many people

Attitudes are definitely changing though and women are Increasingly seeing sex as something for THEM to enjoy. As a society we are beginning to talk much more about women's enjoyment of sex.

As much as we criticise the body positivity movement - it is helping women feel better about themselves - and not feeling sexy is one thing that hinders womens sexuality.

IcarusKiki · 2021-03-23T23:45:21+00:00

Women have sex drives but they are more reactive and less proactive than men. I can go months without getting horny and I doubt men can really say the same. Meanwhile I’ll be the HL partner in a relationship. Women can be just as horny as men but there usually is some other factor involved other than just liking sex.

WilliamWyattD · 2021-03-24T04:26:34+00:00

You are trying to categorize the strength of women's sex drive using a male paradigm. Women are the sexual selectors. Their sexuality is usually more passive or receptive. Add in they have hormone fluctuations men do not. Now layer on culture: part of culture still shames them for being actively and aggressively horny and sexual, while a lot of modern culture is trying to titillate both genders at all times and elevates great sex to an almost religious ideal, but uses incredibly high-end images of the most beautiful men and women, activating female hypergamy and making it harder for women to find average people attractive.

So that is a soup of contradictions that is obviously going to lead to a female sex drive that looks messy and contradictory by male standards. It doesn't require lying for such a sex drive to seem full of contradictions; it is full of contradictory impulses, biological and cultural.

michael1962-01 · 2021-03-23T20:38:57+00:00

If she's into you the drive is insane.

VikingPreacher · 2021-03-23T23:01:03+00:00

That depends on the individual women, no?

Personally, I don't. I'm open about having a pretty meh sex drive. I'm more into cuddling and general intimacy than sex itself generally

2021-03-24T02:12:25+00:00

Just like all women will be promiscuous for the right man, all women will be sexual freaks & animals for the right guy sleeping with them. There's no sex drive for women. There's men who drive them crazy for sex. In other words the man is their sex drive, and if they can't get fulfilled they will keep sleeping around until they find another man who does give them what they want.

Cupcakelover1985 · 2021-03-23T21:08:31+00:00

Personally I lie all about mine all the time. Specifically my libido. I’m low libido but when I’m dating a guy after we’re exclusive I put on the act that I’m high libido so he’s satisfied with our sex life.

OXOzymandias · 2021-03-24T02:00:50+00:00

women sex drives is just very fluctuating thats it

basedmillennial95 · 2021-03-23T20:51:55+00:00

Women love sex with high value men.

They hate it with low value men.

Women see 80% of men as unattractive.

Now you understand everything.

rosephase · 2021-03-23T21:18:15+00:00

I think people are extremely pressured to label something that changes a lot over time and circumstances.

Physiologist21 · 2021-03-23T21:58:47+00:00

All the time, most people are pathological liars and lie all about stupid shit. You think a woman won't lie about her sex life? Pfff.

Ohmaygahh · 2021-03-25T15:00:47+00:00

The average woman does not give nearly as much thought as the average guy about the why and how of the process of attraction.

athrowaway283222 · 2021-03-23T21:08:42+00:00

every woman is different.

i feel super horny everyday, but never, ever horny enough to have sex with even the most attractive men out of the ones who make moves on me without me loving them being involved. basically if i'm not into how they behave with me and don't sense real compassion, respect, interest from them my drive can't be started 😃no matter how many thirst traps i'll ever post, i don't see that changing

Anthony-waltzs · 2021-03-23T22:11:23+00:00

Yes, women lie about their sex drives a lot. That does not mean men and women have the same sex drives that is not true at all. But the gap is not far apart. This all depends on whether or not your woman is sexually attracted to you or not, if she is not all that sexually attracted to you, then you are going to have less sex and crappy sex life. If she is you will be having sex more frequently and it will be more enjoyable. When you get married the sex goes downhill, what changed after you got married? Usually nothing, it's just that now that she has the ring she does not need to keep putting it out like she used to, and she will make you think it was because of "stress at work"...

AutoModerator · 2021-03-23T20:37:08+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

DicamVeritatem · 2021-03-23T20:59:23+00:00

"She'll lie about her sex drive if she cares about your opinion of her"

I would say this one is strongly correlated with age. Young women, not as much.

Post-30 women who badly want a quality man to commit to them? Absofuckinglutely.

Reasonable_Director6 · 2021-03-24T10:34:26+00:00

Women don't lie they just responding in the most accurate way to the current situation. You will never knew the 'truth' from them because they are working like a mirror. For the slim man she likes she will say 'I like slim guys' and then another one will be beefy and she will say 'I like beefy guys'. What is true? Both and none. The same with the libido. This is your job to act and the woman job to react. If she say to you 'i don't like sex too much' it means - I don't like it doing with you .... . If she says my drive is low .... around you!

Otter-Incognito · 2021-03-24T17:16:20+00:00

"Women aren't lying, they just don't like sex all that much" [...] I personally disagree with the first idea hard

Do you have any particular reason to disagree with this, beyond wishful thinking? It seems patently obvious to me. If women loved sex as men do they would act like men do in the pursuit of it. The common excuses against this argument are paper thin and only make sense if one fails to apply them universally. The perfect counterargument is gay men men's sexual behavior, in the absence of women's tempering influence:

Sex doesn't feel that good/women can't orgasm as easily
- Sucking dick never made anyone cum but there's gay dudes kneeling at glory holes waiting for dick in every sex club I've ever been to
Sex is dangerous/risky for a woman
- Yet somehow in some of the most murderously homophobic countries in the world guys will still risk their lives on a regular basis for a nut
Cultural pressures prevent women from being comfortable with their sexuality
- Hah. You know what I'm just gonna leave this here.

The only reason this is subject is so often up for debate is that people on both sides of it abjectly refuse to see the truth parading right before their lying eyes.

fat_dick_jones · 2021-03-23T20:41:09+00:00

It's not about lying, it's about whether she's sexually attracted to you or not.

A whore will do anything if she's sexually attracted to you, but she won't do jack if she's not.

2021-03-24T00:16:27+00:00

I think women have crazy high sex drives if they are attracted to you

MasterTeacher123 · 2021-03-24T05:01:54+00:00

When a woman really likes a guy her sex drive rivals any man. Every GF I’ve ever had wanted it more than me.

The thing is they only feel that way about a small percentage of men. So it seems very lopsided

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-03-23T20:41:02+00:00

• "Women aren't lying, they just don't like sex all that much"

Depends on the woman

• "She'll lie to you and make you wait if you're long-term material"

Yes, but long term material is code for "not that attracted to you." Don't wait for sex kings 👑

• "She'll lie to you about her sex drive if she's not attracted to you"

Absolutely true, but most women don't do this, most women just don't date these men in the first place.

• "She doesn't THINK she has much of a sex drive until she gets around a guy who really gets her going"

Maybe true for an 18 year old who pulls a hot guy for the first time, but nah. Most women are well aware about their sexdrive or lackthereof from a young age (i.e. puberty)

• "She'll lie about her sex drive if she cares about your opinion of her"

LOOOL this is absolute malarkey. Lying to care about you? What kind of horseshit opinion is that

2021-03-23T21:39:44+00:00

Always, they are notorious liars.

2021-03-23T21:48:57+00:00

Depends on the circumstance. If shes trying to bed some dude, shes going to put out and act more interested until the bag is secured. If she's with some dude that she's not into, she'll just say that shes "not in the mood right now" or some other BS.

Most women/The majority of women's sex drives are about equivalent to a man on the lower end, which makes sense. Those with actual low drives are basically non-existent/wholly dependent on how a man looks and makes them feel, while those on the higher end are equal to a slightly above average Male drive.

just_a_place · 2021-03-24T05:48:25+00:00

I think women are confused most of the time about their own sexual needs and very few women understand themselves in this regard.

The first idea you put there is the most common thought among men because women do in fact show a propensity to be less sexually driven and less sexually satisfied and that is because, as I said, women are confused about their own needs. They follow the guy's lead and this is where guys get the impression that women are not into sex at all and only do it to humor us. Sometimes as a guy you just gotta stand back and see what turns her on, what arouses her, and just watch her and pay attention to what gets her off. Just one example: blowjobs. A lot of dudes think that getting a blowjob is just as much fun for her as it is for him and that's because a girl will usually not assert the fact that she may want him to go down on her. Some guys are just meat-headed and don't put 2 and 2 together and figure "Hey, she just sucked me off, maybe I should go down on her and make her feel good too." Like, it just doesn't click and girls are too polite to ask a dude that jut nut for him to maybe get her off now, reciprocate.

PoliticsIsBroken · 2021-03-23T23:23:35+00:00

They lie, sometimes unintentionally. A women will say they are or are not many things. But around Chad none of that applies. She's whatever will keep him around.

Generally most women do not really give you the honest truth about themselves to avoid internal dissonance.

Sometimes they let it slip though. One time a woman told me she thought her fiance was not attractive, and admitted she settled, "but he makes good money". Keep in mind this chick was a straight 3 on a good day.

Kaisha001 · 2021-03-24T00:44:12+00:00

Whenever it's convenient.

nemma88 · 2021-03-24T01:05:02+00:00

To mirror some other replies - I did not understand my sex drive until around 20-22, though I was sexually active since 16, and those prior sexual encounters were not bad at all, the men were not bad but I work best with spercific context.

Unlike others I didn't believe I was asexual, I was very sexual I just didn't understand why I gravitated towards people that didn't always pan out.

It also changes with the time of the month, like its far more active when I'm in ovulation window.

TheClownPill · 2021-03-24T14:41:08+00:00

It obviously varies person to person. One woman I was with could go multiple times a day just fine.

Another claimed she would have tons of sex in our relationship and turned out to be lying about that.

It isn’t based on attraction, a woman could have doe eyes every time she saw you and still not want to bang all the time.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-03-24T15:38:40+00:00

I don't think women know what their real sex drive is to be honest. I believe their libido is so responsive and reactive that they can go their entire lives without having sex but at the moment they find a man attractive they cannot stop fucking him.

That was the case with most of the women I've dated and specially my now fiance. I met met her at 24 and she was kind of a prude that had had only two long term relationships and spent 1-2 years celibate in between. She claimed to be very shy in bed before, not kinky at all, and her libido was really really low. Not AT ALL the woman I knew. Like... You know... She was really into sex. REALLY. Any kind of sex. Any time if the day. Often anywhere too. It was like she had just discovered a part of herself that was locked for way too long.

This happened a with other women too, but with my fiance was more evident I think.

LMM-GT02 · 2021-03-24T16:59:20+00:00

If women woke up and knew exactly what they wanted, the earth’s crust would crack from the sheer improbability.

2021-03-24T18:35:08+00:00

I think it's a safe bet that women lie about everything and it's best just to focus on yourself.

blue_eyes18 · 2021-03-25T21:14:05+00:00

I’m upfront about mine (but possibly explain it poorly), but judging based on the reactions of a couple of guys I’ve dated, I’d say it’s a real fear grounded in some truth. It actually happened to the guy I’m dating now when he married his first wife. The had sex pretty regularly before marriage, but after being married for a little while, she asked how often they needed to have sex and didn’t seem excited about it. She also later cheated on him with her female best friend sooooo idk about that one. Maybe she just wanted the stability of hetero marriage in the 90s.

I was a virgin when I met my last ex (he knew this from Day 1) and threatened to take sex off the table until after marriage if he kept being so damn pushy despite me trying to compromise and please him in other ways until I was ready. He, um, broke up with me two days later. Lol joke’s on him though because the man who came along after him was more patient. It just takes time for me to feel comfortable enough to develop a drive around my partner. (Which I mention whenever I start dating someone.) I do think he was genuinely worried we’d have a really boring post-marriage sex life though. Can’t blame him for it. I don’t think it would have been an issue, but now we’ll never know.

My drive isn’t the highest, so I try to be pretty honest about it since lying is a sure fire way for both people to end up pretty disappointed. The last thing I want is to feel stuck in something unfulfilling long term.

Title	How often would you say women lie about their own sex drives?
Author	Spread-Em-Plz
Upvotes	19
Comments	221
Date	March 23, 2021 8:37 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/mbo6wm/how_often_would_you_say_women_lie_about_their_own/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-often-would-you-say-women-lie-about-their-own.1189544 https://theredarchive.com/post/1189544

Comments