Say no to hookup.

GodILoveTheEnglish · 2021-03-01T06:34:50+00:00

"There are signs that would indicate he has feelings for me too, but there are also signs which could mean he might be stringing me along."

Yeah, he's just giving a little bit of sugar on a string to make you believe he ever wants to continue this relationship beyond stringing you along. He does this because he knows that if he can reel you in just enough to make you think he wants to be with you, you will continue to settle for non-commitment. It is a ruse. He only wants to string you along. Never settle because you "really really like him."

I feel so bad for this poster. She doesn't need more signs to figure out that he's only using her - she already listed all of them.

I hope she finds us.

ChocoBananza · 2021-03-01T09:55:51+00:00

I remember that a fee years ago I’ve read something on AskReddit, along the lines of ‘what’s the worst thing you constantly see as a psychologist/therapist?’

‘The amount of women making excuses (analysing every single detail from their interactions/social media) for men who obviously don’t care about them is staggering.’

This post reminds me of that. A lot. I hope she finds us soon.

frogchickenhorse · 2021-03-01T09:04:31+00:00

I hate hate hate how much we get screwed over by guys.

TheFinalGirl_21 · 2021-03-01T06:50:55+00:00

I remember these days.

Men love to bring up “crazy” women who key cars and throw bricks through windows, while having nothing to say for men who literally murder us for declining dates or refusing to give out our phone numbers. I’m not the type to wake up in the morning and choose violence, but I’m not mad at those women at all. I figure, they’re fighting for me.

How many of us have been strung along like this and left utterly broken? Sometimes permanently broken. We have to swallow our anger and pain and rejection and “move on” and there are no consequences for them using us up like dirty socks. But if a woman was doing something like this to a man (in proper context, having him pay her bills and teasing the possibility of sex if he continues, when she is clearly using him for money), she would be on borrowed time. And the men in the comments would be encouraging him to harm her in some way.

In related news, I’m so (not) amused by these memes celebrating Amber Heard being dropped from a movie, by people who still support Dr. Dre.

witchingsauce · 2021-03-01T08:38:30+00:00

Sure he has feelings. Lust is a feeling...

lifedecisions2make · 2021-03-01T10:33:23+00:00

It's a horrible message that these men give, I'll fuck you, may even grab dinner with you on my terms and no doubt dump emotional crap on you but you're not good enough to call my girlfriend.

Of course if a woman hasn't experienced FDA or is struggling with her MH health, so she internalised this into she must be a horrible person, unworthy of love and respect.

I'm lucky (and it is just luck) that I haven't experienced guys asking this of me... Even as a person with codependent traits I would still have ran.

I doubt I'd have a sex only relationship, but if I did he'd be crazy hot and good in bed - the last part I've barely found in the dating world.

This isn't about us, it's about these men keeping an eye out to see who's next...

If these men actually knew the incredible women they had, they'd be bending over backwards to keep them and treat them properly.

But we are self aware and emotionally intelligent and they aren't.

2021-03-01T06:40:35+00:00

[permanently deleted]

throwaway32132134 · 2021-03-01T11:08:52+00:00

Women really don't understand how much power we have. We control our lives. She really needs to lay down what she wants and move on when he shows her yet again that he is not willing to provide it. Time is so precious and irreversable.

Mcccy · 2021-03-01T09:09:01+00:00

Can you message her? She needs FDS asap, poor girl has no confidence and she's only going to get more hurt by guys if she doesn't wake up soon :(

1Here4Bach · 2021-03-01T12:57:01+00:00

There are plenty of women who just want to have sex no strings attached. So my question is, why do men keep picking the women who clearly want something serious? It’s manipulative and sadistic.

Novemberinthechair · 2021-03-01T17:16:20+00:00

Christ. That's a lot of words for, "I know he's using me, but I'm trying to convince myself he's not."

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-03-01T14:05:04+00:00

"Reading signs" to find evidence of "twu wuv" in a fuckboy is like an archeologist in Cleveland finding flower pot shards in a mulch pile and hoping they'll discover the tomb of Alexander the Great if they keep digging.

tinny_98 · 2021-03-01T11:15:15+00:00

The only thing that stuck out to me is “we have sex, but he’s still not over his ex. Honey, you’re being played. Go find a nice guy who wants to commit to you.

2021-03-01T07:33:31+00:00

It’s the ‘I never found a post in these subs where the man is around the same age as the woman or younger’ for me

SedentaryLife_ · 2021-03-01T13:41:59+00:00

I was in a same situation pre covid. After 3 mos of going out, i said out. During those times he was trying to hook up w me again but nah for me. But when he stopped, i realized that i really like him. So i told him after 6 mos. He welcomed me with hugs and told me he was waiting for me all along. And then after a month, he ghosted me. That was 5 mos ago. Havent heard from him since tsk. I say, know your worth. If he really likes you, he’ll do everything to get you back.

BellaMob · 2021-03-01T15:28:46+00:00

I went through something like this and it's so fucking dehumanizing. Even worse when you can't tell anyone because people and "feminist" will just blame you for him manipulating you.

My "friend" brought up having sex with me when I was actually mentally ill. I'm sure I was developing pure ocd , so I begun to have horrific intrusive thoughts everyday. It was so bad I would break down everyday hoping it would stop. I can't even describe how bad the pain was psychologically. I had no resources for therapy and I was trapped in a abusive household. I couldn't even lay down or take a shower without bursting into tears.

He played mind games for a while telling me he missed me and wanted me and then in the same breath saying he didnt want a relationship and then weeks later saying he did. That was making everything worse and of course he didnt care when I told him.

When I finally stopped have intrusive thoughts months later after being able to afford therapy and the thoughts stopped, but I still get so pissed thinking about it. He didn't give a damn about me and I was just some warm body to fuck. Men really have it made. They just get to rape, and manipulate women without any backlash and we get told," We have to take responsibility for our actions." By everyone. When obviously we didn't know we were being manipulated. This world is fucked .

Candid_Check_4843 · 2021-03-01T20:05:57+00:00

Do you guys remember the "Scrote tropes decoded" post by u/DutyKooky a few days ago, where she claims that when guys say:

see where it leads/looking to see what happens= looking for how much I can extract from a woman/ how much I can get away with before she dumps me

Well here it is!!! The guy is this post literally says "I don't know, we'll see what we want as we go" and it precisely means "[I'm] looking for how much I can extract from a woman/ how much I can get away with before she dumps me."

janeaustenfan99 · 2021-03-01T09:52:25+00:00

She’s very young. She’ll learn. Hopefully.

Lemon_bars_addiction · 2021-03-01T11:36:20+00:00

The age gap as well, as if being used for sex wasn’t bad enough

SarcasmSlide · 2021-03-01T16:02:29+00:00

Like goddamn this sounds exhausting.

ReignOnYou95 · 2021-03-01T16:02:12+00:00

Shes 22 and hes 27. That right there is all you need to know that hes using you as a hot young girl to fuck and thats it.

PersephoneisHalfHell · 2021-03-02T10:33:30+00:00

I used to be her. Reading into every little sign, desperate to see the hidden message about how he "really" felt, what he really wanted, what he wanted but just couldn't realise right now.

I look back and hurt for myself. My therapist told me he was feeding me crumbs and I, starving, took them.

Now I know: I'd rather starve than give myself to someone who views me as so little that they're happy to only feed me crumbs.

Previous-Focus-2013 · 2021-03-01T19:28:23+00:00

[permanently deleted]

midwesternwinds · 2021-03-01T21:22:33+00:00

27 is old enough to know what he wants. Yes, he enjoys the ego boost he gets from breadcrumbing this poor girl (and I wonder how old she was when they met? 22/27 isn't too crazy an age gap, but it's iffy, and is a red flag if they met when she was in her late teens). He knows she likes him that way. There's no reason to keep manipulating her. He may even be hoping to make his ex jealous with her.

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-03-02T08:32:20+00:00

This hurts me to read. I would have been using this same logic and questioning when I was 22. Desperate to find some sign or feedback that contradicts what I deep down knew. I have a friend who termed this "noodling" where your thoughts behave like a giant brain noodle squiggling up down left right until its a big tangled mess. The simplest of solution is to walk away the second you noodle. Noodling= not the guy for you and never will be. I HVM that is dedicated to you will never make you noodle. When you have strengthened boundaries and raised standards your reward is knowing you will never have to noodle again. ahhhhhh.

KateJ1982 · 2021-03-01T19:44:10+00:00

Just so sad.

2021-03-01T20:11:55+00:00

Men are gifted manipulators.

kikii07 · 2021-03-01T20:31:02+00:00

I say below 25 years old, women should be so careful. He's taking advantage of her naivety and knows he can pull any strings and she can go along with it. No to hookups

Lavender_flow · 2021-03-01T19:52:56+00:00

This is one sad read

Previous-Focus-2013 · 2021-03-01T06:13:09+00:00

First time I have ever given relationship advice, but here we go:

Stop treating this as a board game. Women almost universally overestimates their capabilities of analysing men and millions of relationships are ruined every year from women making non-logical "strategic" moves based on incorrect analysis of men. Yes sometimes it happens the other way around, but not even close to as often.

If you really need to know or clarify something, ask him in plain text directly with no blurry code or hints involved.

I really wish for your relationship to take you were you want it to go. Good luck.

Title	Say no to hookup.
Author	Previous-Focus-2013
Upvotes	322
Comments	88
Date	March 1, 2021 6:02 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lv1mvn/say_no_to_hookup/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/say-no-to-hookup.1191962 https://theredarchive.com/post/1191962

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