What is your standards for a long term relationship?

TheRedPillRipper · 2023-06-01T07:37:07+00:00

Your standards

Attraction. Has to be mutual.
Communication. Life, and problems happen. How we navigate adversity collaboratively; is pivotal.
Attitude. Do we cumulatively provide more ‘peace’ to each other? Or subtract it?
Relationships. How her family, and friends view her; is a great indicator. Of their character.

Finally another standard that I didn’t know I had, until I found my wife; was financial acuity. It was nice when we were dating, to compare notes. On real estate. Taxes. Personally that was validating to know another person faced similar challenges. Plus it gave us both a good understanding of each others idea of ‘lifestyle.’ Which is fundamental.

Godspeed and good luck!

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-06-01T14:50:38+00:00

Men on PPD: NoBoDy waNts Me i hAvE suCH LOW stanDARdS or WoMEN aRe ToO piCKy ThEiR sTANDArDS aRe RiDICUloUS mODErN woMEn SuCK

Also men on PPD: Lists the same standards women have of men (LOL) or Lists very picky standards.

Gotta love it. This is exactly why this forum serves as comedy to me.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-06-01T08:33:11+00:00

Hot sugar mama (fat chance).

Hard standards: no kids, similar personality, funny (I mean actually funny not they only laugh at my jokes), enough income to buy her own shit, doesn't have to be a genius, just not room temp IQ.

Bonuses but not required: brunette (all ethnicities with dark hair included), nice butt, nerdy/alt, gym goer.

I'm debating adding "doesn't require endless online validation" to the list of hard standards after my last Tinder experience. I added single moms for that reason, too. No offense.

Gr4nd45 · 2023-06-01T09:04:03+00:00

Trustworthy and committed. That's the most important. Other things can be bargained. To an extent.

Other traits: - physically active. - responsible and mature. - not too much of a complainer. - not an attention seeker.

This is as much as I can get off the top of my head.

wtknight · 2023-06-01T11:08:31+00:00

Attractive, likes intelligent conversations, no casual sex history. That's pretty much it for me.

mrrockydong · 2023-06-01T12:21:37+00:00

Mutual attraction, an actual personality, similar goals, hobbies.

Luciansleep · 2023-06-01T15:02:16+00:00

Can be myself around
Great communication and mental health care
Just fun to be around
I can be as affectionate as I want without them just losing interest
Have some kind of long terms goal whether that be college or a trade or something that’s feasible.
Good looking enough to me
I get along well with their family and vice versa
Little to no traditional beliefs on how a man should act
Just kind
Marriage minded and understands money and doesn’t need expensive stuff all the time.

SadEtherealNoob69420 · 2023-06-01T07:33:12+00:00

Tbh idk yet

But here are some of my standards that I have formed with no dating experience:

Attractive. My looksmatch or higher
Fit. As active as me.
Non smoker.
Good body type
Good personality. Kind , helpful , optimistic.
Kinky and open minded.
Financially smart. Has goals for DINK.
Takes care of her appearance.
Average IQ.
Has hobbies

Opening_Pattern_301 · 2023-06-01T07:22:57+00:00

My most rigid standard is an acceptable past, im convinced women who are low n and never engaged into hookup culture have the qualities that inspire me the most to protect and provide, other than that it is just a matter of compatibility

gymbronyc718 · 2023-06-01T10:23:49+00:00

Perfect girlfriend is about 3ft tall and has a flat head.../so I can rest my beer on her head while she's blowing me standing up.

John_Oakman · 2023-06-01T11:54:45+00:00

Notional existence. Since anything more than that would be considered entitlement.

motherseffinjones · 2023-06-01T15:48:01+00:00

Has finances in order, workouts/attraction, communication, matches personalities wise/funny, doesn’t have a ton of kids preferably none as I’d like to start my own family. I don’t think that’s a crazy high bar lol but maybe I’m wrong

BlueMountainDace · 2023-06-01T16:45:22+00:00

My standards:

Respect: There has to be a mutual level of respect. Without that, things will fall apart really quickly
Family: Family is important to me, so they should have a deep, positive relationship with their family
Attraction: I know we all age, but my partner should be attractive to me and vice versa
Ambition: I want a partner who aspires to something greater. That could be a lot of different things. It could be being the best Mom or becoming a Doctor. The aspiration doesn't have to be infinite and they should be content once they attain it.
Fun: Life is there to be enjoyed. I don't want a partner who is boring.
Finances: We should be aligned about how we use our finances and what our financial goals are
Love: My partner should love me for who I am - not what I provide or what I do.

Lucky for me, I found all of this in my wife.

SpiritualBlob · 2023-06-01T07:29:15+00:00

Must have a degree and not be a misandrist. All the other things are pretty much negotiable and dependent on how much they influence the chance to be active together.

sexualdeskfan · 2023-06-01T07:22:03+00:00

No kids, active, certain degree of health and fitness, well groomed, attractive, a nice person, not an idiot, interesting to me, wants kids, non smoker, similar values and goals in life, optimistic and positive with a certain level of class plus compatible in the bedroom.

Anti_Thing · 2023-06-01T15:49:03+00:00

My main standard is her sharing my intense religiosity & spirituality. Many of my more specific standards are ultimately included under this.

I have put a great deal of careful, explicit thought into what I'm looking for in a partner. I'd never date someone if I couldn't see myself making a family with them.

I don't care if she has a degree. On the one hand, it'd be cool if she had a similar education background to me; on the other hand, someone with no degree is more likely to share my values.

She must not be obese, though there's otherwise no specific size I'm not willing to date over. Most of the women I've dated have been somewhat overweight.

I can't see myself dating a single mom.

There must be mutual attraction.

She must the willing to put in the work for a healthy marriage.

She must have the same overall worldview as me & not be unreasonably antagonistic.

As far as it depends on her, she must have healthy relationships with her friends & family.

She must have a similar approach to finances as me.

She must take care of her physical & mental health to a reasonable extent.

She must be a nice person.

She must be intelligent.

It's extremely important to me that she enthusiastically want kids. I want to have at least 2 kids in the next 5 years. In total, I would ideally want 4-7 kids, around half of them adopted. If medical issues prevent us from having our own biological children, she must be willing to adopt. Attitudes like "I want to focus on career & travelling in my 20s & have children later", "I'm potentially open to children with the right guy", "I only want 1 or 2 kids", or "I want to make sure we're financially well off before having children" won't cut it for me; I need someone who's as baby crazy as I am!

She mustn't recreationally consume tobacco, marijuana, or any illegal, psychedelic, or hard drugs, & she mustn't recreationally smoke any substance. If she needs drugs for medical purposes, she must be diligent to observe all laws &, as much as is reasonably possible, avoid THC, psychoactive drugs, or smoking. This means that "medicinally" smoking THC heavy pot when non-psychoactive CBD pills would work fine is not OK. She must abstain from drunkenness (the exact amount, of course, depends on her exact height & weight, though as a general rule of thumb this means no more than 4 drinks in a 24 hour period).

I don't think I could make it work with someone who doesn't share my distrust & pessimism towards government, police, mainstream media, or mainstream society as a whole. OTOH, she must have a submissive & respectful attitude to the powers that be, never intentionally breaking any just, reasonable laws.

She must conduct herself in a classy way.

She must share my views on sexuality.

ReflexSave · 2023-06-01T11:23:27+00:00

Kind
Good communication
Healthy weight
No STDs
Not materialistic/superficial

Bonus points for: Creative, curious, funny, in good shape, and a little dorky.

Happy_Nuclear_End · 2023-06-01T07:13:10+00:00

Appreciate me, don't nag, willing to lose weight, not deformed, able to bear children. Anything else is acceptable.

Naebany · 2023-06-01T10:44:33+00:00

Attractive for me

Slim

Nice personality, no nagging, complaining all the time etc.

Financially independent. Doesn't have to be rich, just pulling her weight, can afford to go for some vacations etc . No kids. Probably doesn't even want kids.

Not too religious, preferably non religious at all.

Shares similar interests or at least is willing to try.

Caring.

roger61962 · 2023-06-01T07:44:14+00:00

8 digit $ net - not counting real estate. Not into prenups.

dont_know_nothing_0 · 2023-06-01T09:51:21+00:00

She should be my match on an intellectual and physical level, younger than me, and have a modest amount or no sexual/relationship history.

DerayRevan · 2023-06-01T07:25:11+00:00

Be hot enough to have kids with

Average IQ (even am not attracted to that)

Cook+clean since we are gonna have quite a lot of kids+me to feed, so it's a bonus, trust me you'll add so much value in my life if she had those skills

Don't embarras me in public

Smile aka have a friendly personality

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-06-01T11:29:44+00:00

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KayRay1994 · 2023-06-01T12:04:48+00:00

be active, reflective, good hearted, adventurous, self aware, have a sense of humor i can vibe with, provide a new perspective of the world, can be overweight but anything more than overweight is a no-go (if we’re going by the overweight -> fat -> obese -> morbidly obese descriptor, that is)

Expel_10 · 2023-06-01T12:07:17+00:00

My standards:

I'm attracted to her, I workout and take care of myself, I'm fine with most body types except overweight.

Does the talking, I hate talking alot.

Has her own life and hobbies going on, I need my alone time.

Has the same dream/ fantasy to live in nature in a village in the mountains, something like Switzerland but I'm a U.S citizen I'm sure they have an environment similar here.

Intelligence as in she can solve simple problems without my help.

Doesn't treat me like dog shit.

That's pretty much it.

SoulBadguy0408 · 2023-06-01T13:55:25+00:00

Not ugly, no kids, not mean/abusive, wouldn't want someone with extremist values, tbh a lot of it is just the usual stuff

Hot-Law2682 · 2023-06-01T15:18:51+00:00

First off I'm only 21 so thinks like kids and marriage are completely out of the picture. My standards are:

Mutual attraction (doesn't need to be thin but can't be super obese)
Interesting person (does cool stuff and has a personality I vibe with)
Consistent communication
Loyalty
No kids (should go without saying tbh)
Not a mean person
No extreme drug/alcohol use

Bonus points for (but not necessary):

Nerdy/introverted personality
Into similar hobbies/music
Willing to split the bill on some dates
Has own place
Actually cute/hot (don't really expect this at all but it would be nice lol)

MxMaster9907 · 2023-06-01T16:51:18+00:00

Physical attraction
Finances: does she work or own anything?
Good communication. Ideally she’s been to therapy
Likes to smoke weed

Coolio_Street_Racer · 2023-06-01T18:21:31+00:00

Compatibility(Morals, Interests, etc...), Studious, Respect for her Father, Strict Father, Good Social Circle, not a whore.

LogicalArchon · 2023-06-01T19:14:28+00:00

Strong level of mutual attraction
Doesn't engage and hasn't engaged in hookup culture
Good communicator
Kind hearted
Bonus points for intelligence

I know it's asking a lot, that's why I'm single. But I enjoy being single and much prefer it to pointless relationships which are obviously not going to last anyway

2023-06-01T20:36:34+00:00

I would say my standard would be someone who shares the same moral values as me, is empathic, is communicative, and is optimistic. I assume standards don't have to with attraction but rather to do with a person's character such as behavioral, personality trait, attitude, and beliefs.

Barely-moral · 2023-06-01T21:51:22+00:00

Considering all the pain and effort I need to spend to be attractive enough to have a LTR...

-Attractive (80% of women meet this criteria) -Will stay in the relationship. -Has no better option in life other than staying in the relationship. -Basic compatibility (As in the life she wants does not make me want to kill myself)

That is it. Everything else is something I can get if the previous points are there.

masterdebater70 · 2023-06-02T06:06:29+00:00

If I ever decide to go that route again...

We never live together.
We don't spend all of our time together.
She never asks me what I do when we're not together.
I never ask her what she does when we're not together.
I don't ever have to meet her friends or family.
She doesn't ever have to meet my friends or family.
If we enjoy each-others company, we do that.
If one or both of us wants to do something else, we do.
If it's no longer "good" for both people we shake hands and say bye.

So far on OLD: no takers! LOLOLOLOL.

Anxious_Adult123 · 2023-06-02T10:37:57+00:00

Copy pasting from my old comment to some post in the very same subreddit!

No history of cheating- Once a cheater, always a cheater!
A personality and world views so that we can have good deep conversations and decent communication skills!! This is something I value so much in a potential partner!
No exceptionally high body count. Never gonna say a woman must be virgin but body count does matter IMO
This may be a bit of stretch but no type A, B or C personality defects.
Not too extreme in their political or religious beliefs.
Educated!
Healthy weight. Not expecting someone to be like Miranda Cohen.
Family values similar to mine.
Regarding looks, 3/10 with good personality and some or most of the above qualities automatically becomes a 10/10!
Sarcasm, my same ethnicity, my same religion (and caste preferably) are some negotiable quanlities- not a must, but if there are cherries on top😂

Are my standards too high or too much?!🥲🥲

VehementlyDrawn · 2023-06-03T07:00:45+00:00

My standards are high because I have tons of options.

Low bodycount / no casual sex is my number 1
Nurturing
Submissive
Same sense of humor as me
Non-religious or at least not a fanatic
No children
College educated

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2023-06-03T15:25:15+00:00

Mutual attraction. This doesn't mean she has to be a 10. It just means I'm attracted, and so is she.
Respect. For me. And how she treats her family. If she treats them poorly, that's a red flag.
Communication. Not just from me either. Women complain that men don't communicate, but we do. Its women who are cryptic on what they want.
Continuing on communication. Someone who knows how to express themselves clearly. If I ask what you want to eat, tell me. Don't just say "I don't care" and then complain about what I pick. Say what you mean. Don't expect me to pick up on vague cues.
Not abusive. This may be obvious. But women are abusive in more stuble ways. Such as being emotionally manipulative, sexually manipulative, and financially manipulative.
Emotionally mature. I don't mind you telling me everything about your not-so-good past. But don't expect me to be your therapist.

I'm sure there is more I'd like. But my main thing is not to be vague with communication. Especially with me. I'm not good picking up regular social cues, let alone cryptic communication. This, in my view, is the main cause of divorce. Women expect men to know what they want. When we don't give them that, they get angry or bored and leave. We don't know what you want unless you tell us.

Workaholiconew · 2023-06-09T01:19:12+00:00

Sexual satisfaction - a relationship must have sexual satisfaction
Reasonability - I need a person who can express themselves like a mature and normal person.
Not high cost/risk - I rather not risk being run into bankrupcy or an early death

blurrednightss · 2023-06-09T23:47:59+00:00

Makes at least 50k

Isn’t overweight

Is at least a 3.5/10

Doesn’t have a large online presence and has little to no male friends

Traditional-Bad-4055 · 2023-06-01T08:50:58+00:00

Intelligent (don’t care about degree)
Physically attractive
No major mental health issues
Income 150k+
Family values
Adventurous (travel, new hobbies, learning, etc.)
Responsible and functioning adult
No kids

DoinIt989 · 2023-06-01T12:00:41+00:00

In rough order of importance (#1 is an absolute dealbreaker for anything long-term)

Must want 2+ biological children (and doesn't have any yet)
White
Slim and cute
Able to laugh at life, not overly serious
Close to her family, at least some/most of them
Ideally at least 5'5"

purplish_possum · 2023-06-01T11:39:48+00:00

Minimum four year degree.

Minimum 80K income.

Minimum IQ of 135.

Likes sex.

Big fat booty.

Ill-Menu5401 · 2023-06-01T16:21:34+00:00

Right race, right ethnicity, right looks

Asian, Korean/Chinese/Japanese with Chinese being very much preferred, at least dead-average for their race and ethnicity with make-up on

Slim or thicc with a fat ass, nice feet, very sexually active with me, seductive, submissive or if I'm in the mood then very dominant and beats me, berates me and physically abuses me, especially choking me

Rude_Macaron2021 · 2023-06-01T14:40:08+00:00

None.

I don't have the luxury to have any standards in the first place.

But if I did had options I would probably filter by her not being fat, not having kids, etc.

M3taBuster · 2023-06-01T16:58:14+00:00

- Physically attractive. Usually having at least an average face, not being significantly overweight or underweight, and having long hair and being feminine is good enough for me.

- Similar values. Usually being politically right-of-center is a good catch-all for this.

- Similar lifestyle. Same sexual history as me, no children, no smoking, drugs, or excessive drinking, not a partier, no tattoos or piercings (other than ears), etc.

- Similar hobbies/interests. She's gotta be into T.V./movies, anime, and video games at the very least. It'd be nice if she was also into art, hiking, weightlifting, guns, history, cooking, etc.

- Good personality. This one's hard to quantify, but I generally screen for kindness, honesty, loyalty, and intelligence. I also tend to prefer introverts and people with an edgy/crude sense of humor.

Title	What is your standards for a long term relationship?
Author	Glowupgirl111
Upvotes	19
Comments	111
Date	June 1, 2023 7:04 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13xaosm/what_is_your_standards_for_a_long_term/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-your-standards-for-a-long-term.1220955 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220955

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