CMV: The art of approaching women really isn't that complicated

Practicing_Raccoon · 2023-06-20T05:40:33+00:00

A woman approaching women is not the same as a man approaching women.

RevolutionaryFig929 · 2023-06-20T06:19:23+00:00

If you are a woman, you will not be seen as a potential "danger", most times, as a man this is different, thats already a difference.

jazzmaster1992 · 2023-06-20T05:33:05+00:00

The issue isn't that these men don't want to have to think about their actions. The issue is that these men don't want to feel or appear creepy. The men who make it "complicated", do exactly that so they can avoid social suicide. They're the ones taking time to assess the context of a situation and her interest level before approaching. And they are frustrated because they perceive less and less acceptable opportunities to approach or meet women they find attractive, let alone learning how to do it successfully.

The dudes who aren't worried as much about how it looks when they corner a woman with her earbuds in at the bus stop to get her number, probably aren't the ones posting on reddit claiming that approaching isn't complicated.

webernicke · 2023-06-20T11:53:20+00:00

"Read body language" is a whole "rest of the fucking owl" type of instruction.

peteypete78 · 2023-06-20T05:44:36+00:00

Read body language

lol

determine if she's actually engaging with you

Do you know how many women are just friendly?

jpla86 · 2023-06-20T15:33:39+00:00

Uh, yes it is. And women made it more complicated.

Try approaching women as an average-looking guy and you'll see what I mean. Men have been demonized and shamed over the past decade for even interacting with women let alone trying to approach them. I rather not be labeled a "creep' for looking in the same direction a woman happens to be in.

Approaching women only works for attractive men.

ICtruthcity · 2023-06-20T06:10:59+00:00

Said by the OP with 0 experience as a man.

Most women are going to know at face value whether the guy is for them, yet watch a man fail miserably out of politeness or for a free dinner.

Most men don't have experience actually achieving reciprocated attention from dozens of women, yet women have experience rejecting hundreds of men.

It's not the same ball game since what's hard or easy is different for every man, women already know what they want, and getting reciprocation comes from actual experience of which most men don't have or are premature in the process.

puddingbike · 2023-06-20T07:08:10+00:00

Don't approach women in public transit, or in dark parking lots.

I picked-up a very pretty woman on the NYC subway before. I was drunk, too, and basically I was just running some game, but back then I didn't think of it as running game, and I didn't even think of it as "pick-up"...it was just living.

The only places where the right man should be hesitant are places like OP mentions: dark parking lots. If it's a place that seems dangerous, then you might be perceived as being a danger.

It all really depends upon the particular man. What they refer to as "cold pick-up" isn't something that most men are cut out for...that's truer now more than ever.

grown_folks_talkin · 2023-06-20T10:56:03+00:00

One can be out of shape for this endeavor, either due to lack of practice or never having trained in the first place.

As an introvert, I’d have to be extremely “on” to start a conversation with a woman due to her aesthetic appeal.

Where I live, I haven’t seen many public approaches in the last 12 years. I sense most of this stuff happens on apps or social media now anyway.

sexualdeskfan · 2023-06-20T06:32:29+00:00

I actually agree it isn’t that hard but I don’t think you have a grasp on what it’s like approaching women as a man just because you’re a bisexual woman.

bottleblank · 2023-06-20T11:37:30+00:00

"I am a woman and know nothing of which I speak, having no experience of being a man in modern society, being viewed as a predator and oppressor whose every action may or may not be indicative of misogynistic abuse".

WilliamWyattD · 2023-06-20T07:05:12+00:00

I think social calibration begins long before you engage a woman. You have to know your league in various contexts, and what that means for who you should approach at all, and for how you approach those you can approach.

You want to be a positive to society and to yourself. The idea that it is all a numbers game is crazy. It is not true that it doesn't matter how many times you get rejected or how you make women feel, and all that matters is the success. This is training yourself to be an unfeeling sociopath. Learn social intelligence and skills instead. It's OK if you missed a few opportunities so as to not leave a trail of awkwardness, disgust and creepiness in your wake.

WingclippedBirdman · 2023-06-20T06:31:48+00:00

Im going to completely agree as a man. I have never had an issue approaching because I always look for an anchor to not make it weird. Even in public transit it works, I once got a girls number on the subway just because i asked her about a six pack of craft beer that she had with her. The problem is that people are told "go approach" and then do shit like this https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pfd2rcXZjEM&feature=youtu.be

Thats an actual guy who paid for redpill coaching and you can see why hes failing and looking like a creep, the whole thing is just extremely unnatural.

Tons of guys here will make a billion excuses to not approach but the reality is you just have to make it seem normal. Going up to someone on the phone wont work, asking someone at a cafe if the coffee is any good works just fine. The more you can extend a basic chat the better:

"Hey is the coffee here good? No i mean like good, good. I'm really into dark roast arabica and peaberry and thats not very common, whats your coffee taste like? Kind of light bodied or a real strong, lightly sour thing with a ton of caffeine?" If you can extend a conversation and shes engaged, keep going, if shes not interested then thank her for the advice and walk away. Its really not hard to just find an anchor relevant to what shes doing or has on her and asking about it.

The "potential danger" excuse tends to go away when you give her a reason to think you wont make her the victim of a crime, typically by showing a motive. "Oh hes not here to kill me he just wants to know if he should get coffee here"

Happy_Nuclear_End · 2023-06-20T12:13:09+00:00

"Omg I'll use my "experience" as a lesbian and apply it to heterosexual relationships. It's the same thing."

Literally unable to argue in good faith.

No-Assistant-2592 · 2023-06-20T08:05:16+00:00

I don't know if you're a woman or not. But approaching a normal woman, as a man, feels very hemmed in. Most of the time you can't be too subtle or too frank, etc.

There are subcultures that are better at this. Normally when people have dated other women and experienced how boring and unfulfilling it can be to date women that can only do so as a "traditional woman", that's where you can find people that try to make the dating experience fun for both parties. You kinda have to experience it and go "Holy shit, I hope that I'm not like that!" and then put effort into not being that.

Unnecessary-Training · 2023-06-20T08:20:41+00:00

Read body language and determine if she's actually engaging with you.

This is the only rule which matters. But most guys on here seem to be too socially stunted to get it.

crow_in_your_garden · 2023-06-21T10:59:56+00:00

Well, to be honest, approaching a woman isn't complicated.

Approaching a woman without making her afraid or uncomfortable is already more complicated. Even by doing everything right, you can still create a strong defense reaction sometimes for some women. And I personally don't like to scare people.

Then if by approach someone, you mean seducing someone you approached... well that is super difficult. As a man who doesn't look good, I have yet to find a way. I have no issue to make friends with women, but to make them want me physically, I have no clue.

The real awful part is enjoying multiple rejections without any positive feedbacks during months or a year. Then you start doubting, loose confidence...

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-06-20T06:54:49+00:00

It’s hard for guys that never leave the house, that isolated themselves during school/college years and didn’t make any friends and now the only reasons to leave the house are work, gym and shops. They can’t read body language other than I’ve managed to make her talk to me, this is progress.

These guys needs friends first, before the go out into the wild

Safinated · 2023-06-20T16:37:58+00:00

Men can approach. They just don’t like the answer.

I’ve been hit on by women — none of them got pushy, pissy, or mopey about either my rejection or my total cluelessness that they were offering me vag. Can’t say the same about dudes

StaticNocturne · 2023-06-20T07:27:57+00:00

Then why call it an art? And yeah it ain’t the same as a woman

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-06-20T07:40:25+00:00

Ah, I think this is one of those things that some people know intuitively but is basically the equivalent to rocket science to awkward people. Just because certain people can navigate romance intuitively doesn't mean other people can-- for them, it's a skill that takes a ton of practice. And most of them will only become adequate at it, not great. Natural talent almost always wins.

You can bring a horse to water but you can't make him drink!

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mrcs84usn · 2023-06-20T05:42:13+00:00

Approaching is just one part of it, and hopefully you don’t have approach anxiety. Some people don’t know body language, especially things like the direction her feet are pointing. Then there’s -how- you’re trying to strike up a conversation, and what are your IOIs, and all that.

When someone doesn’t know how to approach, you telling them “determine if she’s actually engaging you” isn’t specific enough. I’ve watched instances where a man continues to prattle on while the woman’s body language was closed off, but he hung around because she didn’t explicitly tell him to fuck off.

odd_cloud · 2023-06-25T21:13:49+00:00

Yeah, yeah, it’s so easy. Do you really assume most guys try to start talks to women at dark parking lots, so they have no luck?

I guess the problem of these guys is more like they approach on a conventional place, but women aren’t interested or just rude.

Title	CMV: The art of approaching women really isn't that complicated
Author	10throwawayantsy
Upvotes	0
Comments	165
Date	June 20, 2023 5:05 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14e1jty/cmv_the_art_of_approaching_women_really_isnt_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-the-art-of-approaching-women-really-isnt-that.1223124 https://theredarchive.com/post/1223124

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