Why do men get attacked for having boundaries and standards ,a husband got called “ pathetically insecure and territorial”. in popular subreddit because he wasn’t comfortable with his wife modelling underwear?

el_jefe1978 · 2023-08-13T20:58:31+00:00

It's a shaming tactic, used to shut up men and allow these women the space to do whatever they want.

JazzPhobic · 2023-08-13T18:54:11+00:00

The logic behind it is borderline retarded.

"Youre an insecure control freak cuz you wont let other men jerk off to semi-nudes of your wife!"

xxTheMagicBulleT · 2023-08-13T21:09:09+00:00

Cause in this world women are allowed to have all the emotions.

And men should basically act like robots. Cause of yea have a opinion or boundaries. Your oppressing someone. Yet women nag about how emotionally unavailable men are. No shit damn if you do damned of yea dont.

Why you don't have the same outlook or values. With your partner. So she joins your path in life. Kick them to the curve. Honestly. Cause argue about it you get put on blast and often humiliated on all sides by people on social media. Or friends of friends. Like your some monster. Cause women love to share their drama like your house is made of glass. And I can't stand that shit that everyone knows my shit.

But so normal nowadays for women to make big Facebook posts or other media about fights. And of course, the people writing it only gonna say part of the story cause ow no why would I be honest and make myself look bad no just make the other side look like an insecure loser.

GutwormJim · 2023-08-14T12:33:19+00:00

Had a girl flip out on me because I turned her down because I didn’t want to be with someone who made homemade porn with several different men as a way to make money on the side. I was told how I was a typical evil man trying to hold a woman down. Safe to say I dodged a bullet.

If men want to avoid trouble they have to stay away from the phony wannabe models and wait for someone to come along that actually respects themselves.

frankieche · 2023-08-13T19:33:45+00:00

Because we live under a matriarchy. It’s abusive and chaotic.

DiversityIsDivisive · 2023-08-14T03:06:42+00:00

The magic line is "It is because I am secure that I am comfortable asserting my boundaries"

liebestod0130 · 2023-08-14T00:37:10+00:00

A husband SHOULD be territorial about his wife. What do they expect?

SouthernSeeker · 2023-08-13T21:47:23+00:00

Morons gonna moron. Don't let comments on social media affect your perception of reality.

AlternativeIcy1183 · 2023-08-13T19:56:00+00:00

You can use the word insecure literally anywhere.

Why don't you let other men fuck your wife? Are you insecure about your peformance and your dick size? Are you insecure she may fall in love with other men? Are you insecure that she will get pregnant and the child isn't yours? Real men who aren't insecure will raise a child regardless of its DNA.

CutiePie0023 · 2023-08-13T19:54:13+00:00

It’s sad. I believe men are 100% are allowed to have boundaries and standards and can say “hey, babe I’m not okay with -this- or -that” and have that be RESPECTED.

To the women who say guys are “insecure” or “controlling” for not wanting their girl “go to the club with the girls” / “do onlyfans” / “to act single when they’re not” don’t respect their partners enough to not do it or end up cheating on their husband/boyfriend anyway .. it’s a very sad generation we are living in

Consistent-Pear7168 · 2023-08-13T19:29:23+00:00

bcz they cnt handle it when we standup for ourselves with logic

crc8983 · 2023-08-13T20:14:03+00:00

My wife crossed a boundary of mine and I let her know. She called me "too sensitive ". That sparked a rather heated rebuttal. She got the point quickly.

ButWhatOfGlen · 2023-08-13T22:36:40+00:00

Females control the narrative. They're not going to let go without a fight. Do the math.

rabel111 · 2023-08-13T22:36:09+00:00

Its all about control. Large parts of our community find it unacceptable that men have any say in personal relationships. This extends to men being persecuted for have preferences about who they feel attracted to or who they would enter into a relationship with. These control freaks are trying to reframe men's consent into some kind of male violence.

Za__guy · 2023-08-14T09:07:52+00:00

Dude

Reddit is fucked up feminist. Not it represents anything

There a post where a group call some girl husband a rapist because she only agreed to sex so he stop begging (she didn't want to)

Worst part that they were serious

Unnecessary_Timeline · 2023-08-13T20:11:41+00:00

If she won’t listen to him, then his counter offer should be that he will be volunteering free yard work or house work services to local young single mothers in need 🥺❤️ those struggling young mothers can’t do it all on their own, he just wants to help the community 🙏

UniversityEastern542 · 2023-08-14T01:12:07+00:00

I've noticed a couple major double-standards that are completely inappropriate:

Some women think it's okay for them to have male friends (male friends can theoretically be fine, but the vast majority of "male friends" are orbiters disguised as friends who they like getting attention from) or to hang out with their exes (who is somehow also a "friend"), but flip their shit if you talk to another woman, even amicably. Either fraternizing with the opposite sex is okay or it's not, there's no in-between.
Some women post provocative pics on social media but would be furious if their bf liked another woman's pic. Either posting and interacting with provocative content on social media is okay or it's not, there's no in-between.

Personally, I'd rather we just be faithful and not mess with the opposite sex at all, but some women today have an insatiable thirst for attention and validation from the internet. At the end of the day, you need to hold yourself to a high standard of conduct with regards to women, but some of them make it really hard.

crc8983 · 2023-08-13T23:16:16+00:00

I told her that I found her comments were extremely disrespectful to Mr. They were absolutely inappropriate and will not be tolerated. Any more she'll find herself in the guest room. Then, I 180'd her the rest of the day. She got the point and apologized the next day

Soluna-Fantasy · 2023-08-14T08:24:48+00:00

I got called insecure, because my ex wanted to have a threesome with another man and I said no. It ended. Now she's trying to slam me for child support. Where are my rights?

New_Builder8597 · 2023-08-13T23:33:34+00:00

A humorous anecdote about a couple married in the 90s who managed to stay married for 24 years: She said: I need to know about your emotions, start a sentence with "I feel"... He said: I feel that you are wrong.

Transfiguredbet · 2023-08-14T00:27:41+00:00

Im used to the fact that women can resort to these tactics, but its the men that shame other men for have standards that annoy me the most.

Minute_Ad_1494 · 2023-08-13T21:28:59+00:00

Everyone has standards. I wouldn't want to date a man that's slept around. Men shouldn't be expected to either.

excess_inquisitivity · 2023-08-13T21:44:39+00:00

Men are having opinions that inconvenience women.

That is the tragedy.

GuyanaJimmieJones · 2023-08-14T00:17:58+00:00

Look man, if your wife or GF feels the need to model underwear for strangers or sleep around on you, you don’t need to be posting on Reddit about it. You need to kick her ass to the curb and go find another one. The world (not just the US) is full of attractive, interesting women. Frankly, in my experience, it’s been mostly American women who have this ass backwards notion of relationships (dating, marriage)and I gave up on them about 10 years ago.

Mrbigballsmcgee · 2023-08-14T00:31:42+00:00

Just have to hold your ground with blatant shaming language and misandry. Staying calm helps, even when they always are not.

BayouGrunt985 · 2023-08-14T01:26:44+00:00

Time to get your passport

Trentz985 · 2023-08-14T04:58:36+00:00

What is essentially happening now in 2023 is that women have too much freedom and feel too comfortable running their mouth these days.

Third wave feminism has them all gassed up on their own supply thinking they can get away with blatant and basic disrespect, gaslighting, narcissism, delusion like still having high standards while single, over 30, and with kids from a former marriage yet expecting a guy that is “six foot, six inches, six pack making six figures”, have “hot girl summers” and high body counts and still deserve a quality guy, have OF accounts, show off their goods on social media and in public and then get mad at YOU for saying anything about it, play games with guys just for their own amusement, play victim when it benefits them, want a guy to have traditional aspects like paying for meal and pay all bills yet they don’t want to be traditional themselves, and demand “equality” in the form of superiority, while getting away with clear misandry - and too many simp men are enabling it. That’s why men get attacked these days for standing up for themselves against this bs. Makes you miss the 50s.

So, this guy made two mistakes. The first is that he proclaimed his boundaries and standards with women present. This will never end well because they don’t know anything about men, and are generally stupid when it comes to not realizing their own hypocrisy around how they can have standards, but men can’t. Don’t try to explain to them – they won’t understand. Never complain, never explain.

The second mistake he made is having a wife that wants to model underwear. Unless she is a top tier swimsuit or underwear model professionally, which I assume she isn’t, that’s a bad choice in a woman. Being with someone who doesn’t see the problem around flaunting their body publicly in any capacity doesn’t deserve to be with a good man.

walterwallcarpet · 2023-08-13T20:46:49+00:00

A human being's sexual past is a reliable predictor of their future behaviour. Female 'value' has always been reduced by promiscuity. Libertine female behaviour has never done them any long-term favours, and has been discouraged by society, religion, and by other women, as it reduces the overall market price of pussy, and there is no dead cat bounce for the libertine, once her stock goes through the floor. Men will, of course, have sex with such women, but will never offer commitment, and with good reason. Men are wary of paternity fraud. Even with modern DNA testing, asinine laws ensure that you can still be stung.

By contrast, sexually experienced men (who are usually confident and successful) are sought after by women. The double standard doesn't originate with men, but with women themselves. Surprise!!! But they get all insecure when a man they believe they've got locked down and safely in the harness appears to take the blinkers off, now and again. So - it's entirely possible for them to get their pants in a twist over a bunch of pixels.

Frird2008 · 2023-08-13T19:34:09+00:00

People who work on emotion get offended when people who work on logic resort to logic.

allgutennombrestaken · 2023-08-13T21:53:15+00:00

I feel like the issue was more him flying off the handle than having the objection. He has the right to object to it and I would sure as hell have a huge problem with it if I were him as well but the best way to approach the issue is decidedly NOT to immediately start yelling and throwing a fit. A simple emphatic "no, I'm not comfortable with you doing that and this could even be a dealbreaker for me" would suffice.

IT_you_in_Hell · 2023-08-14T03:34:25+00:00

But what's the big deal?, If your partner does stuff that gets you uncomfortable in an unacceptable way just tell them and if you can't get to an agreement just leave, sounds like a too easy of a solution but you need to have in mind that maybe your personalities are not compatible after all.

unhemlich · 2023-08-14T16:49:11+00:00

aita is a cesspool of losers

1837-1980 · 2023-08-14T20:07:44+00:00

I would hope any woman who respects not just her man, but herself and body would not do that. There is no gain in showing your body off to strangers you don’t know. To be in a relationship you MUST consider the feelings of the other person and how you affect them. That is a healthy boundary and a necessary one. Ladies, if you have a man think about how you would feel if your man wore a swimsuit let’s just say that showed off his cheeks. You would probably not like it so don’t do it either. This should not even have to be said.

Oz70NYC · 2023-08-15T05:41:02+00:00

Sounds like me and my ex-wife. Now I'm not conventionally attractive. I have facial scars from my 13 years served in the USMC, and a big, bushy beard. But I'm also 6'4", 257lbs and built like an NFL linebacker, so I do get modest attention from gals. My ex would get jealous and was hyper aware of other women when we were out in public. Even me interacting with women would get her ears perked up. But when it came to her "sharing" on the internet the MOMENT I mentioned I didn't approve there was an issue. And that's yet another of DOZENS of reasons she's the "ex" wife. 7 1/2 years of my life I'll never get back.

Only thing I miss is the dog, which passed 4 years ago.

Neeaccount123 · 2023-08-13T21:03:31+00:00

If a wife has problems with her husband she can do whatever she wants to do to change the situation, same with a husband, don't like what your wife is doing, change the situation. Nobody is forcing anyone to stay together after they cross your boundaries

NinjaJuice · 2023-08-13T21:39:40+00:00

I think we need context. Was she modeling and modeling underwear before marriage?

UniversityEastern542 · 2023-08-14T01:03:28+00:00

Body count 100% matters and don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. Women invest the most in early relationships and invest less in later relationships. They become distracting and unreliable as partners. Some are so experienced with breakups that they have a breakup strategy. While it doesn't diminish their worth as people, a high body count or extensive romantic experience absolutely damages most women's prospects as a romantic partner to you. Most experienced women are incredibly jaded.

Don't think of it as a judgment about her, just a gauge, like reading the temperature before deciding what to wear. A high body count is a bad indicator. You don't have to heed it and you might choose to love her anyways, but it's an indicator she is fickle and difficult to get along with.

Shreddersaurusrex · 2023-08-14T04:36:59+00:00

SIGN language

Confident-Cupcake164 · 2023-08-14T09:27:12+00:00

Because people encourage backstabbing.

When a relationship is good, other relationship will not be chosen.

So to turn all relationship into shit the people encourage backstabing.

Boundary as in transactional relationship makes relationship good. you do this for me I do this for you. It's clear.

So illegal.

Marriage also have laws like alimony.

Present_Animator5025 · 2023-08-14T10:07:13+00:00

Buy the ticket. Take the ride.

slaughticorn · 2023-08-14T11:49:29+00:00

Just remember, though kids, it isn't women shaming men. It's the patriarchy.

ThrowawayGhostGuy1 · 2023-08-14T15:22:27+00:00

For women, attention is everything. Any attempt to curb perceived attention is a human rights violation to them.

Daytona_675 · 2023-08-14T16:36:45+00:00

they prefer Adam 22 boundaries

omega_dawg93 · 2023-08-14T23:40:13+00:00

you ARE insecure depending on how you both state your boundary and how you react when the boundary is crossed:

you're NOT controlling her behavior... she is an adult and can do whatever she likes.
you ARE controlling your behavior after she crosses the boundary. you live by YOUR rules, and if she expects your protection and respects your presence, she will do what's needed to keep you.
you ARE secure if you hold your stance at the risk of losing her... even tho she will call you insecure for putting the boundary in-place.
she's thinking you do NOT trust her decision-making ability or are afraid some guy will snatch her away. don't fall for that bullshit as she might turn down sexual advances, but she's NOT turning down any attention she receives.
it is a shaming tactic, and 99% of the time, if the roles were reversed, she'd throw a tantrum, go into silent mode, withhold sex, etc. in an attempt to set HER boundary over your behavior.

Timely-Response-2217 · 2023-08-13T20:16:41+00:00

It's no one's business; that's an issue for the couple only. It should have stayed a private matter rather than inviting mob scrutiny.

That said, the “girl boss" mentality is all the rage for those that lack critical thinking and mindlessly repeat TikTok mantra.

RennietheAquarian · 2023-08-13T20:40:47+00:00

Wow. People are crazy.

LibertarianLibertine · 2023-08-14T10:08:55+00:00

You're expecting rational behavior... from women...

GreatBayTemple · 2023-08-14T00:31:39+00:00

I mean, it's her body and all that. The thing men don't understand is where YOUR boundaries are. Physical boundaries. If you are not okay with how your partner acts, get up, walk out. There's nothing to debate about what you feel comfortable.

ace3737 · 2023-08-14T02:08:05+00:00

Well yeah. Real men are territorial.

jack_avram · 2023-08-14T01:05:58+00:00

It's easy to blow up and firehose the complaints but ultimately we need more messages of men supporting fellow man - reinforcing these values over the current broken paradigms of ignoring a man down on his life or telling him to just ignore it or walk it off ("taking a walk" to process and talk is recommended though) it is possible and it could always increase the support - you got this and tell me more, I'll listen and acknowledge the emotion.

DukeHammer8 · 2023-08-14T18:18:21+00:00

I don't know why they are acting this way, but I would never model underwear, because I'm respectful to my boyfriend.

Rhbgrb · 2023-08-15T00:15:45+00:00

Women are hypocritical and think they should be allowed to do anything they want with no consequences or thought of others.

They are allowed to be this way because the men around them allow it.

Codename-18 · 2023-08-15T07:03:26+00:00

Oh I was called sooooo insecure after a woman led me on booking a holiday, she was future-forecasting all the sex we would have had and details and all. Then AFTER I booked she gave me the 'I have to clarify expectations' speech and said we wouldn't have had sex, to which I replied that I was fine with that but I had to clarify mine: I wasn't gonna take her out on dates/dinners and that if I chose so I would be on my own depending on how things would change and asked her whether she was fine with that.

Reeeeeeeee men are not entitled to sex, fair enough. Women are not entitled to money and attention.

I changed the name on the flight to my FWB's and we went Dutch on everything lol.

Swift-Sloth3733 · 2023-08-15T12:04:24+00:00

double standards. plain and simple.

mikehawk1988 · 2023-08-15T20:47:40+00:00

I'm so sick every bit of doubt or critique is disclassified as "insecurity". It's the most manipulative thing to say.

Screamingidiotmonkey · 2023-08-13T22:32:44+00:00

I mean, what kind of modelling. Was it illicit content, or just modelling underwear? Like, I wouldn't go off on a guy for gym or beach bod photos. If it's specifically to sexually satisfy others and not something that was out in the open, yeah a clear betrayal of trust. But we do have bodies and it's pretty smothering to expect another adult to not acknowledge that part of themselves. Sounds like a case of poor communication, likely from both sides here.

Pitiful_Row_8253 · 2023-08-14T00:21:40+00:00

a husband got called “ pathetically insecure and territorial”. in popular subreddit because he wasn’t comfortable with his wife modelling underwear?

Yeah I saw that post, to be fair he did handle it like an asshole, blowing up at her and straight up telling her that she's "not allowed" to do it.

Black-Patrick · 2023-08-14T01:36:38+00:00

Who cares? It’s far more insecure to be dishonest on behalf of the supposed opinion of strangers..

ms4720 · 2023-08-13T21:46:35+00:00

Control

GeezMaHatGhandi · 2023-08-14T02:07:15+00:00

Well modern day society and Reddit in general is full of absolute fucking mongs. Insecure is now just another buzzword. Men will get called insecure for not wanting to be in an open relationship. When the conversation has reached those levels then you realise that everyone is retarded and should be ignored.

No_Jeweler80 · 2023-08-15T22:53:05+00:00

idk he should’ve killed himself tbh

XoXSmotpokerXoX · 2023-08-13T23:30:03+00:00

Yeah you had me until this OP,

but it’s unreasonable for men to be insecure over a woman’s sexual past.

that is just lame, dont marry her then, but if your goal was to marry a virgin with no sexual experience I think you might have several problems.

And the direct comparison would be either a man or woman creating drama because of past relationship insecurity, not "dude enjoys porn".

ahympcasah · 2023-08-13T19:39:35+00:00

Because boundaries are a line you have for yourself, and with the way others interact with you

Wanting to be in charge of someone else’s behavior is control

I won’t be spoken to in this this way. If I’m continued to be spoken to this way, I’ll leave the relationship = boundary

You need to wear outfits I’m comfortable with = control

I see I have touched a nerve.

Fellow men: be better. Stop wanting to control women.

nurseynurse77 · 2023-08-13T21:17:15+00:00

Women get attacked too. If she doesnt want someone broke she’s a gold digger, if she doesn’t want someone short she’s a bitch

Ok-Negotiation6436 · 2023-08-13T22:26:37+00:00

I read the post, I think some people had a problem because OP basically forbade her from doing it.

I personally don’t like anyone forbidding a partner from doing things. Now going to them and saying this makes me uncomfortable let’s talk about it is fine.

I think it’s 100% understandable for him to be uncomfortable about it have a conversation. But he’s not her dad and doesn’t get to forbid her. If she chooses to do it knowing he’s uncomfortable that’s not cool either.

SDcowboy82 · 2023-08-14T02:26:42+00:00

Boundaries are limits on what others can do to/with you, not limits on what others can do on their own.

Boundary: Don’t touch me

Not boundary: Don’t model underwear

Untimely_manners · 2023-08-14T03:04:06+00:00

I think the wife was surprised at the husband's reaction. She was trying to help friends with a small business model swimwear for average women.

meltedcheeser · 2023-08-14T03:37:16+00:00

I’m always confused why men think why watching porn in relationships isn’t cheating but a woman modeling is. Seems like a convenient double standard — where men own the right to a woman’s body whether in viewing it or deciding what she can do with it.

Would I be with someone who was modeling on insta? No. But would it be fair to tell that person they couldn’t model on insta while also looking at other women on insta? Nah.

foxecturn · 2023-10-10T05:06:53+00:00

Im late to the party but I think it’s ok to not want your partner to post pictures like that, but if you look at and enjoy pictures of other people in the same types of photos that you wouldn’t want your partner to post, then your a hypocrite regardless of gender

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