She’s moving on, why can’t I?

rhett342 · 2024-01-08T05:28:13+00:00

I used to feel like I was cheating, but I got over that with time. We aren't getting back together and it's because she's a lying cheater. If she can move on while we're still together then I certainly can when we're done.

georeddit2018 · 2024-01-07T23:56:24+00:00

You are the back up guy, incase she things dont work out with the other guy.. Let her go.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-01-07T17:22:21+00:00

If you are not ready to date then don't. Take the time and energy to work on yourself. Single therapy for healing and decide if you want to stay married to a woman dating another guy. Get some clarity, start the divorce process, process the pain, lean into the pain and eventually go get you happiness without her.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2024-01-07T15:36:50+00:00

No matter what you all say to this dude won't mean shit he'll do what he'll do and will feel much worse than he does now

Adventurous_Fact2083 · 2024-01-07T14:49:01+00:00

I sent mine packing 15 months ago. 9 months in the separation I gave the bitch divorce papers. I wish I would’ve gave her divorce papers the day after I put an order of protection on her. Ask her how it felt not to see her kids for x amount of months. Let me tell you from experience though get rid of her and serve her papers. Otherwise she’s disrespecting you and thinks you’re a pansy.

silmarp · 2024-01-06T23:34:01+00:00

What the fuck are you doing with your life? You are considering couples therapy while she is with another dude? That is wrong in many levels. Accept that it's over dude. Stop orbiting her. She is not special. At all. She is not special. Not even a little tiny bit.

Why don't you move on? Because you have no self respect at all. You need to decide to move on but you are shameless and you won't move on until you decide to do so. If something she will push you to the point you will finally have your breaking point and then you will have no other option than moving on.

Come one dude. Get real. Grow a spine. What the heck?

You need to be proactive while moving on. Moving on is an action, is a choice you need to make. You are not moving on because you didn't decide on moving on. that is simple.

redditrock56 · 2024-01-06T23:33:21+00:00

It is 16 months for OP, but she checked out of the marriage long before that.

"Spending time with another guy" means she's fucking him, just move on.

lifeisallihave · 2024-01-06T22:12:30+00:00

Couples therapy? Go at it alone to help with your healing and hopefully you can rebuild your life and move on. I'm still struggling, some days I'm ok and other days I'm down but I keep going because that's all I can do. I hope you find the strength to move on.

CRobinsFly · 2024-01-06T21:21:08+00:00

Dude. She was gone 16+mo ago. She's trying to have multiple orbiters around her for 2x+ the supply - why even go therapy at this point?

No woman has a golden padussy even though they all seemingly try to convince you of it. She is not special at all.

Open the dating apps. Smash some easy tail and then you may realize (like I did) that you aren't even that interested in women anymore because they ultimately add little to nothing to your life.

West-Start659 · 2024-01-06T19:05:52+00:00

I did, felt guilty but that passed after i found out she was bumpin uglies with the kid next door, go for it OP if shes seeing a guy then why bother with therapy, that should be a hardline for you if she wants to go to therapy then she needs to cut ties with him

Typical-Ladder-1608 · 2024-01-06T19:02:04+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that OP... tell her there's no need of couples therapy if she spends her time with another man... it's not the way to fix it... it's like an open relationship on her behalf making you like a stupid husband...make her decide... don't let her keep manipulate you and waste your time to move on next one...stand firm with your decision...did she already PA with the new man?

Classic_Dill · 2024-01-06T17:46:38+00:00

Research has been done on this, men struggle far more then women to move on, you will move on, but my gut says you've never gotten through the acceptance phase of healing.

krazykanuck · 2024-01-06T17:09:55+00:00

Wait, separated 16 months and you are going to couples therapy? Is she stringing you along? Or are you holding onto hope and she’s humouring you?

BabyYoda55 · 2024-01-06T16:38:56+00:00

Let her go man! Don’t worry about finding someone else right away. You are on your own path. Her wanting counseling while dating other men is wild.

HawksNation91 · 2024-01-06T16:36:48+00:00

Get in the gym, get into therapy, read books. I was in your shoes and now I can’t stand my ex! Goodbye and good riddance! Her awful decision making made it easier for me to get over her in the end. Just focus on you.

Mr_vmn005 · 2024-01-06T16:05:46+00:00

Couples therapy for what reason ? She’s seeing someone else and you’re clearly wanting to move on yourself ?

probebeta · 2024-01-06T15:49:16+00:00

Read a bit about hypergamy. She is spending time with the other guy because she thinks he is a better option. Let that sink in for a second.

She "might" be wrong and wants to leave the option open to monkey branch back, which maybe makes sense in her mind. But why would you get her back knowing she's not considering you as her best option. Get rid of her and move on...

SoCal4247 · 2024-01-06T14:31:12+00:00

Couples therapy with your wife who’s dating another guy? Say that out loud. Does it sound like something that’s going to end well? It’s been 16 months? Dude. Move on from this.

Objective-Apple-7830 · 2024-01-06T14:08:57+00:00

Couples therapy, when separated, is a great idea when both are committed to working at the core issues surrounding the marriage - thus, why date someone else during the process? She has checked out of the marriage, and the sooner you file and move on, the better.

Far_Excitement_4835 · 2024-01-06T13:39:16+00:00

Instead of couples therapy seek therapy for yourself to help you move on.

Why would you even consider taking her back anyway? Happened to me where she left for someone else. Hurts, we understand.

The other comments are spot on.

There are many possibilities but seems like she is taking you for a fool.

Do you like or want to be plan b?

If you take her back after this what's to say she wont do it again as you have already taken her back once.

It's time my friend. Time to enjoy whatever is left of your life. Make it count.

All the best and always reach out when you need to.

DivorceTA1988 · 2024-01-06T11:49:07+00:00

Don’t do it! I didn’t figure it out until the end but mine was seeing someone else during our reconciliation attempt and it made me feel absolutely awful.

What do you need to know after 16 months? You can live without her, move forward with divorce and move on with your life. It’s the end result either way, stop wasting your time and money.

Yun-2000 · 2024-01-06T10:19:27+00:00

Couple therapy???? Y'all ain't a couple no more, couple therapy for what exactly? How about she goes couple therapy with her new man?

Awakeningof17 · 2024-01-06T09:25:43+00:00

Couples therapy? Really? She's keeping you on a hook while she gets her real 'therapy' from this other dude. You are her plan b in case it doesn't work out with him. Have some respect for yourself man. Start going to the gym, eat good food and avoid alcohol. Read some books, get a new hobby. Forget about her and her couples therapy. Once you get into a groove and start feeling better about yourself, you'll start to attact other women. Right now you are coming across as wounded and needy. Not attractive dude.

Throw_Her_Away123 · 2024-01-06T05:24:06+00:00

Same. She checked out over course of months so had much time to get over it and then move onto AP.

Also struggling. The logical part should make you say F her, thank god she’s not my problem anymore. But the emotional part of you is stuck on her. Hopefully one day your emotional self becomes more like your logical self.

Good luck.

rrazzor · 2024-01-06T05:06:03+00:00

Friend, you need to face the reality. Sad, but start caring about yourself, just a bit. Respect yourself, please. There is no such thing as starting therapy and she’s already seeing someone else. I’m sorry man.

stent00 · 2024-01-06T04:35:44+00:00

Counselling is a waste of time and resources especially as she's around other guys. Just pull the plug man... If she was serious about working things out with you she would stop dating.

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2024-01-06T04:10:52+00:00

Just break it off, why on earth would you pay hundreds or thousands of dollars for couples therapy when she's already checked out.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-06T03:22:38+00:00

This isn’t really much to go on. I’ll make a few assumptions since you’re in this sub. I’ll assume she wanted the separation and that it wasn’t really mutual desire, I’ll also assume you agreed you could see other people during this separation? I’ll refrain from being crude, but adults separated 16 months don’t “spend time with another guy” like they are just chastely having coffee. Hopefully you were just being circumspect. It’s simple and extremely painful I’m guessing, you haven’t “moved on” because you don’t want to. Why wouldn’t she do couples therapy, it probably gives you hope and takes up an hour of her time every few weeks. What does she get? She keeps you as a back up plan. That’s a good return on investment for her. Some men don’t mind non monogamy and open relationships. What are your values? Loyalty, monogamy, fidelity? Figure that out and then take actions that align with your values or you will continue to feel unmoored, because you are. I’m not you and you don’t give a lot of info, but 2 months into my ex’s separation request I filed for divorce. I value loyalty and commitment, she apparently didn’t. I took action, It was still horribly painful, but every decision from that moment forward I felt a little bit more confidence and self respect. Take action, stop being a bystander in your own life.

tyyyy110 · 2024-01-06T03:19:26+00:00

You are holding you back here. 🤷🏾‍♂️

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2024-01-06T03:04:12+00:00

She in her mind left the relationship long before you knew.

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-01-06T02:43:04+00:00

It’s just how it goes. Like a lot of things in life, it’s different for each. Not fair, of course, but none of this has been fair to any of us, haha

anon97t01 · 2024-01-06T02:38:59+00:00

Wait, you’re starting couples therapy and she is already with another man? She basically got a have her fun, sex with another man, and then gets decide she now wants you back. Don’t let her have her cake and eat it too.

Psychological-Point8 · 2024-01-06T02:35:49+00:00

Just got to come to terms that it's basically over and Divorce should be done. For me she found someone else before she asked for a divorce and it just plain old sucks. Currently in the same boat as trying to do dating apps but I just delete the account within a day or two. Just got to take time for yourself, eventually we will be ready.

Title	She’s moving on, why can’t I?
Author	Unhappy-Nail-9281
Upvotes	26
Comments	43
Date	January 6, 2024 2:26 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18zozu3/shes_moving_on_why_cant_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/shes-moving-on-why-cant-i.1242350 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242350

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