I asked a girl to have coffee with me. She insisted a dinner so I agreed. I wanted to be a date, but I didn't specify. Now she wants to bring a friend. I asked who she wanted to bring she said she didn't know yet. How do I handle this situation without being awkward?

feraljohn · 2017-07-24T11:19:15+00:00

You're getting played.
No need to worry about awkwardness.
Why did you even agree to dinner for three?
You should blow her off because she's trying to play you.
If for some reason you're still interested in her, dial it back to coffee for two.
If she doesn't want that, blow her off and realize that you dodged a bullet.

no_condoments · 2017-07-24T17:12:29+00:00

You: "If you and your friend want to grab dinner tomorrow go ahead. We can do our dinner together next Wednesday"

Her: "it's not a big deal, we can all go together tomorrow"

You: "No thanks. Let me know if dinner works on Wednesday"

jblzk94 · 2017-07-24T11:57:55+00:00

That's a dead give away. At this point you already know she only wants you to pay for her and one of her friends meal. What's the point ?

You will never get anything you want from this girl.

stuckit · 2017-07-24T15:47:52+00:00

Nope the fuck out of there.

DadOnDabs · 2017-07-24T16:45:42+00:00

You fucked up from the start. Stick to your guns unless there is a legitimate reason not to. If you wanted coffee you stick to coffee. If she says can I bring a friend you say, "there's not room for 3 on my magic carpet." Or some other bullshit. You know what you want so take it. Only time to change plans is if something actually comes up on her end and she suggests another time/place.

Next time she says, "I want dinner instead." You have two options.

1) "only if you're treating me to somewhere classy."

2) "we'll do coffee first and see how good your table manners are."

BaalZebib · 2017-07-24T16:32:42+00:00

Tell her that you need a guarantee of a threesome. Oh, and one of those two pays for dinner.

fatfrost · 2017-07-24T18:12:50+00:00

"Sorry babe. I don't know you well enough for a threesome yet. How about just you and me this first time".

Morokweng · 2017-07-24T15:35:27+00:00

It was probably a test and you caved in to try to please her instead of staying true to yourself. Now she knows you're a beta.

Best to just next her and remember that just because a woman asks you to do something, you don't have to fucking agree to do it. You need to be willing to walk away.

flooj · 2017-07-24T11:12:57+00:00

[permanently deleted]

sand141 · 2017-07-24T18:54:31+00:00

I believe she's testing you to see what your intentions are.

This an excerpt from a book but it applies to your situation:

Insist that, “No. I don’t want to meet up with friends with you. But I do want to meet you at X place, at X time, on X date. Just the two of us.” Only one of two things can happen:

She’ll realize that you’re assertive, know what you want, and are confident enough to walk away from a win-lose situation, which could trigger her attraction for you and make her want to take you up on your offer, or…
She’ll reject the offer and go about her business being your on-again-off-again light flirting friend who obviously just likes getting attention from men.

lamecoder · 2017-07-24T11:27:50+00:00

Just fuckin make it clear why you want to have dinner with her. Don't be confrontational, be playful and tell her something like. "Oh, I thought it's going to be an intimate thing", "I was planning to seduce you and take you to bed". "Do you always take emotional support to your dates " or something liek that., if she insists act disinterested., you should be disinterested as well.

2017-07-24T16:58:22+00:00

Learn how how to take an "L" without losing dignity and respect.

"I was interested in this being a one on one situation with you. If you're not interested in doing that, then I'll have to excuse myself from dinner."

I usually make it clear I don't do the "friends" thing.

Understand, she won't bring a friend more attractive than she is. So you have nothing to gain by going unless you want a platonic night out.

jebesbudalu · 2017-07-24T17:36:49+00:00

Go out with them

Try to hook up with the friend Pay only for yourself walk it out if they throw a fit

TheSpaceTitantic · 2017-07-24T18:37:19+00:00

The situation only becomes awkward when you as the initiator feel uncomfortable. You need to do whatever you have to do to make sure that if this date happens, it only happens on terms with which you're comfortable.

Unlike the majority of the replies, I think this may be a shit test, and she may be trying to ascertain both your level of interest and your assertiveness. In my opinion, the only wrong way of going about this is going out with her and the friend AND paying for them. If you pay, you will not only have been used, but you will be responsible for letting them use you.

If I were in your situation I'd tell her something along the lines of

"Okay, but I hope your friend doesn't get too uncomfortable being the third wheel on our date :P".

This makes your original intentions clear, and will inform her that bringing a friend is neither conventional nor acceptable behavior, and will do so without you coming off as whiny. If she still insists on bringing a friend, I would either cancel or go and only pay my own way.

jarjarbinks77 · 2017-07-24T18:50:58+00:00

Tell her you are a one woman man but if all she wants is a threesome you will give it a try this one time.

winter_is_long · 2017-07-24T20:46:53+00:00

A couple of years ago I asked a girl to meet me for happy hour. She said she was broke, and asked if wouldn't mind paying. It was HH so I agreed. We met at the agreed place and proceeded to have a very enjoyable time. About an 1.5 hr into the date she started texting with someone. A few minutes later she said she had to go. She grabbed her stuff, gave me light hug, walked out the door and into some other guys car. I promptly deleted her from FB and did not contact her again. Fuck that shit.

oaoao · 2017-07-24T16:37:45+00:00

"Ok, cool. Let's just get drinks so Friend doesn't feel like a third wheel"

DirkDieGurke · 2017-07-24T17:47:26+00:00

Insists on dinner and then wants to bring a friend? She's playing you for a meal ticket or a chump. I don't know how attached you are to this girl, but she sounds like a real player from the start. I'd dump her. Don't expect to score with her.

Work on being more polarizing. Make her know it's a "date". Let her know it's a man and woman deal.

flooj · 2017-07-24T17:59:27+00:00

Ask for separate checks at the start of dinner.

AngledLuffa · 2017-07-24T18:09:48+00:00

Sorry, I'm busy that night.

Then never contact her again.

bianceziwo · 2017-07-24T20:09:28+00:00

Go, friendzone her, fuck her friend

JaggedYellowPill · 2017-07-24T11:12:01+00:00

"Just so you know, when I asked you out I meant for it to be a just you and me thing."

amberheartss · 2017-07-24T20:41:51+00:00

OP! We want an update!

matthewzz1997 · 2017-07-25T01:49:22+00:00

She wanted free dinner for herself. Now she wants free dinner for herself and a friend. Next her.

wyvernwy · 2017-07-25T04:27:48+00:00

Bring a date

2017-07-25T09:53:06+00:00

I've been here. She doesn't want to be alone with you because she doesn't entirely trust herself with you. Also, women see serial killers and rapists behind every tree. She's just protecting herself until she knows your intentions. It isn't that bad an idea.

Odds on if she doesn't know who she's bringing she won't be able to find a willing third wheel on short notice and will either bail last minute or come alone. If you are looking for a long term relationship settle in and see where this show goes. If you are looking for a night of fun, this girl is probably not your type.

RedPillAlphaBigCock · 2017-07-25T10:26:37+00:00

I think you have asked the wrong question. She already made the situation awkward. A better question might be how to handle it with integrity and show you have a spine. She isn't treating your offer like a romantic offer, so if you want a yes/no answer for whether she's down to date I'd just put it out there that romance is your intention.

I might say something like this:

"I'm sorry if I miscommunicated earlier. I got your number to arrange a time for coffee because I enjoyed our conversation and wanted to see if we have the chemistry to justify asking you on a proper date.

In my mind, those don't involve friends, unless you're suggesting a threesome? What did you have in mind when you asked to bring a friend?"

That puts it out there what you're after and playfully invites her to explain herself. And remember that if she puts her foot down, you are perfectly within your right to say, "I don't feel comfortable going to dinner with you and your friend" full stop.

If she insists on bringing a friend, you can either say you will not attend, or you can go and refuse to pay for either of them, since it is a platonic gathering. Just set some boundaries man; you've got this :)

MrTheFalcon · 2017-07-25T05:41:53+00:00

Nope, ghost. You don't need this.

norwegianmorningw00d · 2017-07-25T06:36:42+00:00

She's not interested just move on

TheXXL · 2017-07-25T13:48:34+00:00

Dude watch out, she only wants a free meal, and also she will bring her best friend whose meal you also have to pay.

thetahill · 2017-07-25T20:37:46+00:00

When she insisted on dinner, you should have told her that if you do dinner, it's dutch. I had a girl do this to me. I upfront told her I don't go to dinner on first dates when I don't know someone, because I want to get to know them without money being a factor. She grumbled, and eventually agreed. I wasn't attracted to her for other reasons, but she actually respected me more for that.

I would say, "It will be fun for all of us to hang out, but just to be upfront, I only buy dinner for people after we have met and know each other better. However, I will pay for coffee if you want to do that."

This is a boundary I insist on enforcing and if she has a problem with it, then I don't want to date her anyway.

Pretzilla · 2017-07-24T16:34:49+00:00

Open a conversation with her about it.

"why do you feel you want / need to bring a friend?"

Let the conversation evolve and see what you can learn.

atomiswave2 · 2017-07-24T19:20:50+00:00

Just say something came up. She doesn't care about you, just wants to use you. Bye bye

PuempelsPurpose · 2017-07-24T19:51:35+00:00

Bail.

TonyDCoaching · 2017-07-24T20:00:45+00:00

Cancel it. Set it up again on your terms.

dutchmangab · 2017-07-24T20:12:15+00:00

If you have plenty of friends who like to eat out for dinners I'd cancel on the plans. Even if you think of something funny (others have provided good material) to say in response they 'framing' you for a free food. You can win, but its an uphill battle. Go to dinners with people you know will be great company instead.

If you're like me and have friends who hate going to restaurants. Use them to go to a restaurant you like and not have to sit alone. Just say "Sure. I know a great place" and make reservations at that place you love. If you can do it online, at the remarks/requests box write "separate checks". Do not under any circumstance let them choose the restaurant. If you can't hold a conversation with them, just stuff your face, pay for your food and say goodbye.

KINGCOCO · 2017-07-24T20:22:08+00:00

OP how do you know this girl? How long have you known her for? How old are each of you? Tell us a bit about yourself and the girl.

shegotmass · 2017-07-24T21:20:24+00:00

I would say don't waste your time. Otherwise change the venue to something more fun dinner activity like dave and busters where you pay seperately, then you can converse with other women in the venue and just use the girls as social proof/ wingwoman then ditchem if they are still lame.

Cherbam · 2017-07-24T21:42:06+00:00

if you ask me, i feel like that is just a defensive move from her, shes just trying to appear not interested just in case. cause otherwise she would have just refused the meeting.

2017-07-24T23:37:59+00:00

Be nice to her friend, and don't worry about it, chaperones are making a comeback, mainly because of perverts, rapists, and serial killers making a comeback as well.

MagicStar77 · 2017-07-25T00:42:47+00:00

Go. Just bring money to cover yourself. Let them cover themselves. Now if you want to plant a kiss your going to have to be creative and find places.

alphabytes · 2017-07-25T01:50:39+00:00

Just go along with it... have fun.

pru51 · 2017-07-25T02:26:55+00:00

Tell her you don't know what's a good time to meet up with her yet and that you'll let her know. Then just don't text her back.

2017-07-25T03:22:54+00:00

Next time say it's a date. Being in the situation where it being a date is a question is the worst, and most def awk.

wyvernwy · 2017-07-25T04:22:46+00:00

A female friend?

chaseerdown · 2017-07-26T11:43:18+00:00

She's scared of going on a blind date so she's bringing a friend. You may have said something that freaked her out. Go to the date. If you cancel and reschedule requesting for her to be alone she will probably get even more weirded out.

souljabri557 · 2017-07-24T23:56:23+00:00

Okay, hear me out...

Who wouldn't want to go out to dinner with two pretty girls? Even if nothing happens, it could still be enjoyable. Obviously don't pay for their meals or anything, but everyone here is like "REEEE fuckin bitch is playing you" and maybe that's true, but why not just enjoy yourself?

Go.

2017-07-24T13:51:57+00:00

I agree with them the rare instances they want to bring a friend, I just say "that's fine as long as it's a female".

I legitimately don't mind that though.

If you didn't want to you should have just said no. There are lots of ways to handle this but the LEAST awkard would be to say something came up, say raincheck, and cancel.

Make her re open and ask about when.

Razbonez · 2017-07-24T16:35:12+00:00

Menage a trois?

LocomotiveEngineer · 2017-07-24T17:08:46+00:00

Is she a blonde?

pratseek · 2017-07-24T19:01:26+00:00

Let the friend come.. Be excited about it.. And when she is at dinner with friend enjoy the whole atmosphere.. If she is using you for free dinner also, later she will respect you for behaving like a man whose emotional core is not shaken..

I asked a girl to have coffee with me. She insisted a dinner so I agreed. I wanted to be a date, but I didn't specify. Now she wants to bring a friend. I asked who she wanted to bring she said she didn't know yet. How do I handle this situation without being awkward?

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