If you arent very attractive is your only hope is to be good socially? How much of an obstacle are you facing?

hunterpua · 2020-10-14T21:17:47+00:00

There are a few ways to get girls.

Being good looking is one but it isn't that big of a factor really. If you're really good looking but really awkward too then you won't do so well.

You can be rich and attract some girls.

You can also be famous or at least meet girls in a setting where most people know and like you and get a bunch of girls that way.

But the reason having good social skills is important is not only to compensate for a lack of the 3 other things but to make it more likely that you attract girls that you actually like as people, not just because they're hot.

Attracting girls you actually like also makes it more likely that they will be loyal and will be there not only for the good times but also the bad.

There are a lot of girls who would happily fuck a good looking or rich or famous guy even if they have nothing in common and won't even get along outside the bedroom and sure the sex is still gonna be fun but odds are, they're gonna start losing interest as soon as you show a little bit of weakness.

And the girls who can give you more might not give much of a shit that you're handsome, rich, or famous, if they dislike your personality and can't get along with you.

It'll suck to realize you still don't know shit when you're already years into getting laid because of the shallow stuff so its better to start with the social skills and build the 3 things concurrently just as icing on the cake.

Even if you peak at low levels for the 3 things, your social skills will be more than enough to make up for that.

The 3 things that would make you attractive plus the particular quirks that make you...you, are like the product you're selling. Game is your ability to sell that product.

And if you know sales, you'd know there are people who are so good at it they can sell out even the shittiest products.

All the working out, grooming, style, developing your marketable skills, getting a good job, etc is product development.

The push-pull, qualification, sexual escalation, responding to "shit tests", creating strong connections, etc are your sales skills.

If you see people talking about "working on yourself" don't look at them as someone who has all the answers, just look at them as someone who helps with product development.

The same is true for those who only talk about psychology and the different tactics you can use, that person will only be good for developing sales skills.

If you can find someone who talks about both and they understand the difference then that would be the best person to learn from.

...

This part is for everyone reading this comment

If you find this advice helpful and want to be part of a Facebook group that believes in finesse over brute force, technique over strength, smart work over hard work, Seduction over pursuit then send me a direct message letting me know you want to join.

If you are serious about improving your dating life then I'll be happy to welcome you in.

Brytzu · 2020-10-14T23:19:44+00:00

If you want more academic literature on the subject, you can research the PAS (Physical Attractiveness Stereotype). Basically, psychologists have repeatedly demonstrated that when we find a person physically attractive, we ASSUME that those people possess other positive attributes. So it is true that if you and a better looking guy are both going after a girl you both just met, he will start out a little bit "ahead" of you so to speak, but that does NOT mean, as some people say, that only looks matter.

Blackheart43078 · 2020-10-15T00:58:14+00:00

You'd be surprised at the number of "hot looking" women who are lonely because guys are afraid to approach them for fear of getting shot down. The best thing you can do is be yourself from the start. Don't try to impress them, just talk to them. Communication is important to females. They love guys who can talk about more than themselves, sports, video games and bullshit them. If you can't talk to them, you'll never get them to sleep with you. Women like to be treated like ladies and bragging about your job, the money you have or your car is not the way to win a woman over. If that's what attracts them to you they are nothing more than a gold digger who will leave you the minute you don't have your fancy car, your fancy car or a wad of cash in your pocket.

The days are gone when you need these things to get a woman. Be the old romantic style guy like your father was. Buy them flowers for no reason, not just on their birthday or Valentine's Day. Open doors for them. Offer them your jacket if they feel cold. Take them to the beach at sunset and start 9 small fire if it's legal where you live. Women love the hell out of this sort of thing.

NDex101 · 2020-10-14T22:54:40+00:00

You may be overthinking this a bit. The obstacle is whether or not she has fun when she's around you and how you make her feel. It's the same obstacle every man is faced with.

AnthonyAValera · 2020-10-15T01:04:29+00:00

girls say that to guys that have passed their “looks threshold” for most women including hot women, you just have to have above-average sex appeal. being a 7. how ? get ripped (muscle + low body fat) and get good style (either badboy/douchebag/party boy style or sucessful businessman style). and you’ll automatically be above-average (7). and thats all u need to not get rejected for ur looks and pass their “looks threshold.” then it just comes down to ur social skills, confidence, and cool vibe. but u’ll gain all these inner game shit easier if u put effort to LOOK GOOD. u’ll get validation from people cuz people will notice (both guys and girls).

Psychological_Sea996 · 2020-10-14T22:05:15+00:00

Looks are EXTREMELY important. Anyone has says they aren’t is lying. Would you fuck a fat ugly girl because she has a good personality? If you’re being honest the answer is no. Maximize your looks first.

kalz44 · 2020-10-14T23:18:29+00:00

Looks matter but so does talking to women. How many women have you met in the last month? If the answer is less than 5, you need to meet more women.

BlackSeaGull99 · 2020-10-14T23:53:04+00:00

There are 4 ways to attract girls - Looks, Money, Status, Game. Pair one of the first 3 with game and you are good. Since game is the social aspect, you don't wanna be some socially awkward or creepy guy.

bigang99 · 2020-10-15T01:40:46+00:00

okay the biggest thing is that nobody is going to find you attractive if you dont find yourself attractive first.

read that again.

that said, grooming and style is important but ultimately you need to be the purest version of yourself, whatever that is. I can tell you for a fact that the nights I go out feeling good about myself and feeling like a vibrancy from my chest, feeling centered and present. I'm a sexy motherfucker.

but the days I pay attention to the miserable fucks on reddit saying "lOoKs MaTtEr" and spend 25 minutes picking out an outfit. and generally act like a lesser version of myself.

KingCeddy24 · 2020-10-14T22:35:48+00:00

You mean physically attractive? There are a lot of ugly celebrities that sleep with very hot women because of their charisma, status and money.

If you have the good mindset, you can attract people no matter how ugly you are.

longtermthrowa · 2020-10-15T02:23:26+00:00

Ive a friend who's not that attractive maybe a 5, short af and uses glasses most time and an acquaintance that is 30 pounds overweight and also has pimples here and there. Both are SOCIALLY AWESOME (you know, funny, easy to talk, good listeners too, always with a smile or sort on their face etc etc) and pull up some cute girls every now and then. First one landed a gf, a cutie in general terms.

So yeah, personality can "make up" not being attractive. You don't only date the outside, also the inside.

thetroublebaker · 2020-10-15T04:01:22+00:00

The arguments in this thread are insipid. Yes looks matter, but the bar of being an attractive guy is a lot lower than you think. Properly fitting clothes, a decent skincare routine (get some sun if you're a light-skinned dude) dental hygiene, a decent haircut, and at least be fit enough to where you can play sports for fun and move household appliances without hurting yourself, and you are pretty much there for most women.

Sure some women are going to reject you on stuff you may not be able to change (height, body shape, nose too big, whatever), and like some guys, some women only go for 10/10s. Oh well, rejection is a part of the game. But the goal is to increase your attractiveness as much as you can. If only 1/100 women would date you, and you up your game and now only 5/100 would date you, at least you improved your chances 5x.

2020-10-14T23:02:55+00:00

Try to maximize your looks like grooming and clothing so at the very least, you look as best as possible

YetzirahToAhssiah · 2020-10-15T02:31:32+00:00

If you're good-looking but can't talk to women or express yourself sexually, every now and then an opportunity will fall into your lap, but it will because you were chosen, not because you chose her.

It helps, but women have a more complex attraction. Sure, some women care more about looks. But what KIND of look do they like?

Don't worry about all that, man. It's not a big issue. Look up the guys from RSD... some of them are pretty normal looking, but man can they get girls. That's not to say I agree with their methods, but it should dispel your concerns.

Also, take a look at some guys who you think are attractive. Now imagine them quiet, nervous, nerdy, with unkempt hair. Are they still attractive?

So then, what can you do to improve YOUR look?

2020-10-15T03:00:49+00:00

Confidence makes most men attractive. Arrogance, insecurity and utter ignorance can make even the hottest man disgusting. Whatever you’re working with, put a genuine confidence boost behind it and you’ll be surprised who you attract. It also depends on what the women is looking for. Some women prefer more physical attraction like most men and some prefer more mental stimulation or an emotional connection.

OrzhovPalatine · 2020-10-15T03:05:05+00:00

Social skills always outweight physical. Good looks only let you cut the line and gives you a few free fuck ups. You still need the social skills to get across the finish line and talk her into sleeping with you.

Most average dudes arent gonna be able to take advantage of looks anyways. This doesnt mean you dont try to work out and stay healthy but that's always been to build your confidence not for women.

Women arent buying looks that's what we want. Girls are attracted to your vibe, how you "click" in womanese.

Your vibe is a mixture of your confidence, how you carry yourself and most importantly how you make her feel when shes around you.

A girl could like a cocky funny fat dude, ain't no way I or you could fall for a cocky funny fat girl.

Likewise a girl isnt interested in a boring hot guy, I on the other hand am definitely interested in boring hot girls.

Moment you understand this everything becomes easier

somethinlikeshieva · 2020-10-14T21:30:34+00:00

to me looks are an excuse, trying is always better than not trying. just put your best self out there when you do

2020-10-15T01:28:05+00:00

Not really. A lot of factors. Being good looking isn’t enough most of the time.

ohtokonohko · 2020-10-15T02:31:48+00:00

It may start out by looks, but it all depends afterwards. It also depends on how the other person sees you. Are you showing yourself to be true? Are you being honest and considerate? Ask yourself those questions. If you’re beautiful externally but ugly internally, you’re only going to get played. If you’re ugly externally but beautiful internally...you MIGHT get somewhere. Just keep being you and, definitely, someone will come to you.

JohnnyBGood10 · 2020-10-15T02:50:07+00:00

Asperger’s/HFA guy here who’s essentially had to teach himself social skills through self-help books, FBI speed-reading methods, trial/error & luck: One of the key things is value. You’ve got to find soneone who values you & what you have. vaSomeone in the past once told me Tom Cruise is a fairly short guy who may have not have even graduated high school initially - but the guy’s attractive & has to be pretty talented to be in so many movies. Another example - from my US perspective at least - Putin doesn’t seem to come off as a very social person, but having the reputation that you can wrestle a bear can seem pretty badass to some people. Asperger’s guys are a good example- Newton figured out gravity but from what I’ve read he had moments where he talked to trees. Hans Christian Andersen was a good writer but apparently had a thing about masturbation ( thank you Cracked article I read years ago but just now happened to remember). I have no doubt in my mind that at least one person loved them for whom they were. Attractiveness is also in the eye of the beholder and can fluctuate with time, culture, etc. It sucks coming to this conclusion but when I’m able to fully figure it out myself I will 100% share it with the world.

DanyyBoyy · 2020-10-15T02:53:27+00:00

As mention by others here:

Good Social Skills, Money, and fame to some degree is achievable and will go a long way.

As for looks, they a much easily to approve than first appear. While you cannot change your height or facial structure, a combination of the following can really improve your looks:

-Work out and obtain a good body -Get higher end but affordable close and shoes that fit you well -Sit out in the sun or go to a salon for a tan -Get a great haircut from a good barber -Consider some taste for non excessive accessories -Etc.

PS if you like a certain type of girl, a corresponding asthetetic look helps a bit

Bloodinthewater0611 · 2020-10-15T03:44:22+00:00

I’m not sure if I’m an anomaly or what. I’m a very attractive woman. I’m built like a brick shit house. Jessica Rabbit from “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?”...... thats me. When I met him, no he wasn’t physically my type. But I had only been out on the dating scene maybe a year by then. I was noticing that the attractive men I had been dating..... it just wasn’t clicking. They weren’t very considerate or affectionate. From the get go with my bf the conversation flowed. He was witty, smart, funny. He has a good career (no not gold digging, I have my own career, it just shows me ambition and follow through). We DO NOT match. But I absolutely adore him. He makes me think, he makes me laugh, I can challenge him and we can debate. He had the confidence to talk to me. To REALLY talk to me. He’s engaging. Little 20 somethings might still pay attention to that surface shit because they aren’t old enough or wise enough to understand..... that shit don’t matter. Legit. I’m hot. I get flirted with on a regular. But men RARELY had the confidence to truly approach me and have a conversation.

Bonoechelon · 2020-10-15T09:19:47+00:00

Good looks help a lot at first but good looks or not, if you aren't good with conversation and social skills and unable to convey implied social proof she'll most likely lose interest

skld2assassin · 2020-10-15T00:24:45+00:00

Love it

Patopatoduck · 2020-10-15T01:59:03+00:00

Workout, social life its important because it shows you have validation and can get you to know more and more girls and you know acces to nightclubs and cool events and maybe good jobs and all of that shit is attractive to some girls

2020-10-14T22:58:17+00:00

Yeah it is your only hope.

nordicdatingmentor · 2020-10-15T00:31:42+00:00

Wrong premise

TheLastCoagulant · 2020-10-15T01:59:46+00:00

It's hard to get over because then you have to deal with self esteem issues if you guys start dating. Just today some told me "Bruh, like hell she likes you" when he saw who my girlfriend was because I'm convientionally unattractive and she's gorgeous man, just gorgeous. Also, even if you're good socially, there needs to be SOME physical attraction for it to be a long lasting relationship

veeeerain · 2020-10-15T02:21:39+00:00

If you put in effort you can make yourself more attractive.

ImJustSo · 2020-10-15T03:25:26+00:00

Hate to break it to you, even if you are good looking, you still have to be good socially.

2020-10-15T04:16:25+00:00

Looks on their own won't get you girls, you still need to know how to talk to women, and have the confidence to approach them regularly. But looks coupled with even mediocre game will make it way easier.

Fortunately, it's not hard to look better than 80% of guys out there. If you work out consistently, eat and sleep well, wear clothes that fit right, and keep yourself well groomed, then you'll be way better looking than the majority of men.

Almost nobody is born ugly, looks are 70% lifestyle and 30% genes.

This0neTime23 · 2020-10-15T04:50:39+00:00

Attractiveness helps with initial interest, but like fruit that rots quickly just after it ripens, lack of personality kills interest. The reverse is also true, someone you may not initially find physically attractive becomes so because they are approachable, open minded, and easy to get along with. They ripen in reverse almost. You start noticing them in a more flattering light. Emotional attraction is interlinked with the sexual interest, which can change how you see someone.

In a basic way, you need to be attractive enough to whomever you're interested in. And that can vary substantially. As such, you really shouldn't worry about it because you can't control it entirely. Learn to like yourself and others will like you. Don't sweat it because optimism will make you open to possibility and despair will have you quitting before you leave the house. Attitude is what matters and courage/boldness is definitely hot

harrysapien · 2020-10-15T04:57:55+00:00

When I was in the 8th grade I had bad acne. When I started high school (9th grade) my acne was the stuff of nightmares despite seeing dozens of dermatologists and skin specialists. I tried everything EVERYTHING but to no avail.

So, I had to figure out other ways to be attractive and that left my personality. I became "that guy" who everyone liked. I was the class clown but not obnoxious. I was good in sports, was on the honor roll, and I was cool with everyone.

Regarding women, I took all of my intellect and studied, yes I fucking studied the opposite sex. I read books, magazines, Cosmo, everything. I also constantly talked to girls asking them what they liked, what they are looking for in a guy, but more than that I listened, really listened. I also watched some incredible specials on "The Science of Sex" and "Science of Sexual Attraction" which I highly recommend.

I developed phenomenal "radar" and I learned how to spot the girls that "could" be attracted to me. I say "could" because with my face being what it was, I would have to woo them and win them over. Also, I learned not to pursue or chase women that gave clear signs of not being interested. I also learned to sincerely value female friendship from girls I liked but did not like me back in that way. This was invaluable for me learning how to woo women-- that is, by having tons of female friends to learn from.

Most importantly, I learned how to talk, be engaging, interesting, funny, charming, patient, and a "touch" mysterious. One of the best secrets I learned for wooing women is to be interesting and to make sure every interaction with me was fun.

I also learned the art of being romantic without being a drooling puppy dog.

Next was the physical stuff, what I like to think of as reptile brain stuff. I learned how to be a good dancer, world-class masseuse (reading and hundreds of hours of practice on family members), a great kisser.

I also focused on my body, and was easily under 10% body fat, six-pack abs and jacked all over. I'd lift 3 to 4 times per week, play sports everyday and then run 5 to 10 miles a week on top of all that.

in any event, that is my story from way back when. HOpe it helps.

SandtheB · 2020-10-15T05:28:29+00:00

First, for a lot of us, we are not as unattractive as we think.. so don't make harsh (and unhelpful) mindsets that de-motivate you.

Second, you are right if you add value to someone's life it matters WAY less, what you look like..

2020-10-15T07:29:18+00:00

Or you could go for ones within your range.

mariols17 · 2020-10-15T11:10:00+00:00

learn game

WinterSky116 · 2020-10-15T14:26:22+00:00

Physical attraction is important but personality is big too. When you really click with someone looks don’t matter as much. Here’s some tips for being more attractive 1. Learn new things, you’ll always have something to say for any subject. 2. Good posture 3. Personal hygiene please for the love of God 4. Kindness to strangers is so attractive and means you’re a good person 5. Emotional intelligence, be in tune with yourself and the feelings of those around you. Practice empathy. It’ll change your life. Journal. 6. Don’t compare yourself to others. You can only compare yourself to your own progress. 7. Work out, eat healthy, take care of yourself. Sometimes if you have an unattractive face you can still work on your body. 8. Smile :) don’t be afraid to make eye contact. When you first meet someone try to see their eye color and they’ll feel like you’re interested in knowing them. 9. Treat others how you want to be treated. Respect boundaries. 10. Love yourself. Respect yourself. 11. Eliminate self depreciating humor. Try self grandeur humor instead. For example, when you trip you can sarcastically say wow that was graceful.

bashful07 · 2020-10-15T15:50:22+00:00

I agree that attention comes easier to others more attractive but if you think about it, I’d rather have someone speak with me because what I said caught their attention, not my looks. I don’t want attention from people who judge me by my looks. I’ve always thought people who judge a book by it’s cover don’t seem to be quality people, for the most part. That being said, I don’t judge people by their looks but I do look to see if they spend time taking care to be clean and well groomed. I mean, if they don’t take care of themselves....

daphuc77 · 2020-10-15T18:38:18+00:00

That or hung like a horse lol

Altruistic-Seat9814 · 2020-10-15T19:26:22+00:00

live for yourself, have a cool life doing things u like and take care of your looks to make sure it’s at its best, doing that u guarantee ur gonna be an interesting person to date even tho not looking like a male model, social skills is a good thing for everyone to learn but rule number one in the book is just not to be weird, be yourself, be easygoing, make people laugh and ur good to go.

Least1ngenuity · 2020-10-15T20:52:32+00:00

Being attractive will open many doors. Your mouth and how you act will decide if they stay open

shoes_3030 · 2020-10-16T15:59:04+00:00

Just give up on dating. It's what I had to do after constantly getting rejected over and over again. I tried but guess I have nothing to offer I am not rich or attractive a good time to stop with coronavirus.

Title	If you arent very attractive is your only hope is to be good socially? How much of an obstacle are you facing?
Author	bayfarm
Upvotes	308
Comments	127
Date	October 14, 2020 8:42 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/jb94nq/if_you_arent_very_attractive_is_your_only_hope_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/if-you-arent-very-attractive-is-your-only-hope-is.1503940 https://theredarchive.com/post/1503940

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