Just slept with another woman again and ended up crying in my bathroom

waggs160 · 2024-08-18T02:35:23+00:00

Sounds pretty normal to me. I would stop with the booze and chicks for a while it will cloud your mind. You will not give yourself appropriate time to heal emotionally. It will become a repetitive action. Booze chicks. Drinking will make you more depressed. It is a quick easy fix but it is only a crutch and will not help you in the long run. Most likely cause more problems. Speaking from experience. Find a hobby. Play video games, work out, join a club go hunting. Go to church of your not into it try it you might like it. I hadn’t gone since I was about 14 and now I go every Wednesday and Sunday because I get out and enjoy listening to the word and applying it to myself. Not saying you have to and I’m not perfect or a super fan but it helps. I might have a drink now every 3 months? I broke the cycle and at first it was weird and I wanted it again but it’s like quitting smoking. You want that feeling but you don’t need it. If you ever want to talk feel free to message me

finhead71 · 2024-08-18T02:08:47+00:00

Good rule of thumb I'm trying to popularize, you shouldn't date for 1 month for each year you were married. Minimum. Work on you, hang out with friends, lift weights, check off a couple of those bucket list items. Sounds like it's still very fresh of a hurt.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-08-18T00:04:10+00:00

There is nothing wrong with you. It's a marathon, not a race. Maybe you are not ready to go there with women yet. Working on yourself is paramount at this time.

OddWish4 · 2024-08-17T21:00:25+00:00

Im a woman, but I understand the hurt you’re going through. I relate so hard. In my experience, spending some time without hookups or dating is healing. You need to learn to love your own company and heal your wounds so you can move forward in your life. Unhealed emotional wounds cause people to continually pick the same partner and relive the same issues again and again. If you can’t love being in your own presence, how can anyone else? Learn to love being in your own company and let your head get clear.

tyyyy110 · 2024-08-17T20:39:10+00:00

It happens man.

I went through a hookup phase right when I was separated. I was having sex plenty but at that time still felt empty. With time, therapy and patience/grace with yourself it'll all get better.

Techdude_Advanced · 2024-08-17T20:30:26+00:00

You know your situation the best no matter what we tell you, but you need to go into monk mode for a while. Learn to be alone and be happy with you. Drinking doesn't help either. Took me over a year to socially drink again with my buddies. It takes time to let go of who you were in that relationship.

WittyBeautiful7654 · 2024-08-17T19:41:15+00:00

Happens bro

Exarion_Universe · 2024-08-17T19:04:18+00:00

Put down the drinking and get away from the women for a while. Give it a year or something man. Not good for you right now.

No-Marsupial1823 · 2024-08-17T19:01:45+00:00

Dude I was just about to make a post about how I feel when I go out on dates or sleep with a new woman. I would be getting ready for a date and call my friends and tell them that I’m not really feeling it and I didn’t really want to go. They would root me on to do it. I’ve had sometimes where the date went great and ended up having sex and everything was cool. But other times when I’m not really feeling the woman I start to think about my exwife. I miss my ex’s smell, soft skin and just her presence every single day. Been divorced about 4 months now and we have no contact at all. I believe you will eventually get over this feeling. Once time has gone and you’ve totally accepted the fact that your wife is gone and you start to feel better and meet an amazing woman you will feel way better. I’m just having the problem of finding the right woman for me. I often compare them to the good things my ex would do for me. I will also go by their looks and say to myself my exwife is way prettier than her. I just have to find the right one. I wish you well as you are going through this hurting stage. I truly believe that in time we all will feel better even if it’s just a little better

lostpassword100000 · 2024-08-17T18:02:58+00:00

You’re not ready to date. Get into support group or therapy

Bumblebee56990 · 2024-08-17T15:18:30+00:00

Therapy.

darkpainter245 · 2024-08-17T15:16:18+00:00

So I’m someone who also never took the time away from women. Idk I needed that external validation and dopamine every now and then but it was never satisfying. Luckily I found a partner who was really great with everything I was going through but it was also very different than dating (I still dated and still do)

My point is yes, it’s going to feel like shit. I remember thinking about my ex during sex and it looking the mood. I remember crying during really great moments because of what you are feeling.

For me I kind of got to a place where I’m really secure in my healing process and my journey and with that my boundaries. I still date and with good boundaries you can see the problematic people trying to enter your life. I say I date but I don’t I connect, I almost refuse to go on a date. Why? It’s expensive it’s loud and I’d rather be at my house eating good food and relaxing. Having that makes it easy for me to find the women that just want to go out and have an experience on your dime. Stuff like that.

My point is focus on your healing with or without getting laid. I’m going to betray the group for a minute… I think the avoiding sex thing is to avoid sex if sex is hard to get cause that throws off your healing process and it’s hard out there for a lot of guys. So my advice is focus on you. Focus on what you need.

Last thing I guarantee it wasnt 60% you. Women are just good at making it sound like it was you and men are good at taking responsibility.

mr21vp · 2024-08-17T15:04:55+00:00

Sorry to hear that and consider taking a break from drinking and seeing other ladies. Get your head on straight and stop living in the past because it's gone forever.

Happy-Perception-823 · 2024-08-17T14:30:27+00:00

I felt like this during my first break up when I was 22 years old it was hard to get over but I made it. Time is a healer...

IcyEntertainment8673 · 2024-08-17T14:28:32+00:00

I know women aren’t welcome here; but for what it’s worth, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope you find comfort…. This was a tough read. Wishing you the best.

Training_Ad1368 · 2024-08-17T14:22:26+00:00

Crying for an ex is something I did when I was 19 and naive. Now I cry for my freedom.

CrazySanta7 · 2024-08-17T14:08:35+00:00

Stop drinking for now. Clear your mind. Become independent again. As a lifeling beer drinker, i went off the rails after divorce. Hooking up with many young women. No, this is not bragging, trust me. It did not help in any way. I have not had beer in 3 years, and my mind is clear.

Character_Log_3051 · 2024-08-17T13:58:51+00:00

Cry it off pull yourself together listen to some sad songs that remind you of her than use your dread and guilt and self loathing take it where it belongs. To the gym and fucking destroy yourself run till u can't throw weights to the ceiling look at your self in the mirror use your self loathing as a tool everytime your close to failure bang out 5 more because you deserve the pain. Go hit a heavy bag too put on some E for Emmure listen to that an punch it the f*** out you'll feel better.

No_Animator_6015 · 2024-08-17T13:50:18+00:00

You need a break. You are forcing yourself to find intimacy to replace your ex. Stop. You need to reevaluate what will make you better : now , in a month, 6 months and a year. When was the last time you were selfish and did some thing only for YOU? Start small

Fun_Feeling_314 · 2024-08-17T13:08:36+00:00

I find sex just isn’t as pleasurable as it was with my wife. I had a gorgeous girlfriend who I was deeply in love with. She did everything right. She had a good libido. Her body was much hotter than my ex. It took me forever to climax. I feel you man.

ldbrown1000 · 2024-08-17T13:07:27+00:00

Your focus needs to be on healing the spiritual and emotional injuries you have, self-inflicted and otherwise. That’s why this hurts and thats why you’re crying. Find a a men’s therapist, counselor or coach, someone who can walk and talk with you as you process and heal. Your journey is only yours. Don’t rush to fill your pain with a body count.

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2024-08-17T12:05:04+00:00

Brotha, give yourself 4 seasons alone before dating. You need to be alone for some time to clear yourself of your ex and get to know yourself. I did it and I'm very thankful I did, it made dating much better since I was mentally free of the past.

svenz · 2024-08-17T11:13:23+00:00

Bro, you need to take a break. Why are you sleeping with women so soon after your divorce/separation, especially when you obv. still have feelings for your ex. You got some shit to deal with and you haven't gotten over it yet.

Late_Finding_627 · 2024-08-17T11:09:47+00:00

Read “The Power of Now”. You are stuck in the past. Even though you initiated the divorce, you’re still very much dealing with the trauma. Don’t compare your situation to your ex’s. You seem to have no interest in getting to know another woman in depth right now bc you don’t really know who you are. Stop dating until you figure that out. If you’re lonely, spend that time with supportive friends and family. Give it 6-12 months and if you just focus on yourself, you will be a different human being. Cut down on the drinking and go to the gym for crying out loud…at least 6 days a week. Get yourself together. You can do this when you learn that putting yourself first is how to overcome it all.

Icantbethereforyou · 2024-08-17T11:07:35+00:00

You only describe physical sensations, that you grew accustomed to, her smell, her look, her familiarity. You really need to take a look at her, outside of all these instinctive muscle memory sensory recollections. Do you miss her? Or her physical comfort? These aren't the sane thing.

You're now discovering what repetition does to your mind. You have a set pathway of what your "wife" is. I don't know you, or your story. But take solace in this: there's nothing stopping you from building a new sense of repetitive comfort with someone else, who deserves your love

SnooDucks2052 · 2024-08-17T11:06:45+00:00

I feel similar. I got a GREAT new girlfriend. I divorced my wife almost 4 years ago & I see her daily (we got two little ones). I miss what we had but it’s over. Love my new girl but my ex wife is the only woman I was ever totally comfortable with.

Good_Dirt_9914 · 2024-08-17T07:55:43+00:00

Had 23 years of marriage under my belt & was given the boot. Take some time out & self evaluate . It's been almost a year & I still can't move on to dating, etc . Stay strong. Time is the best healer . I can't even distance myself as we have 4 kids together. In my case, she filed for the divorce.

One-Donkey-9418 · 2024-08-17T07:43:51+00:00

Distance and time. Distance and time. This will be the thing that cures you of her. Forever. Takes a bit but you'll move on and leave her in the past. Look thru the windshield never in the rear view mirror, good friend told me that, it absolutely helps.

stupididiot78 · 2024-08-17T07:39:13+00:00

I haven't even actually dated anyone yet. I was talking to a woman for a while and it just felt weird and wrong.

frogmicky · 2024-08-17T06:58:06+00:00

It's ok guy to cry real mean cry. Stop acting like a pimp and inviting those hoe's over. Take care of yourself go for a walk or a drive to clear your head of everything that has happened to you.

Reflog1791 · 2024-08-17T06:40:42+00:00

You feel guilty for getting drunk when you’re making an effort to be sober/less drunk.

You feel guilty for smashing a much younger woman.

Lot of guys would trade places with you.

Start living your life in a way that would make yourself proud. Don’t invite hoes over for a romp that makes you cry and don’t drink if your goal is to be sober.

Most importantly don’t be so hard on yourself man. It’s probably been a hard year give yourself a little grace.

Livlife2fullestt · 2024-08-17T06:37:48+00:00

Nothing is wrong with you brother. You have a good heart man. Why don’t you try and reconcile with your ex wife? Since you initiated the divorce maybe there is still hope?

Title	Just slept with another woman again and ended up crying in my bathroom
Author	Okboomer777777
Upvotes	72
Comments	43
Date	August 17, 2024 6:33 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1eub9gw/just_slept_with_another_woman_again_and_ended_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/just-slept-with-another-woman-again-and-ended-up.1527503 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527503

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