Very depressed.

lackoffinance · 2024-09-29T16:00:22+00:00

Narcissist for sure. Theres no amount of time to expect when things get better. It’s different for everybody. Hang in there, keep doing the work on you, and go down roads you may not have explored before. It will take time, but things will change.

Kooky-Monk-7402 · 2024-09-28T23:08:40+00:00

“You did nothing wrong?” You both are demons, dude.

Kooky-Monk-7402 · 2024-09-28T23:07:42+00:00

otusowl · 2024-09-26T02:22:33+00:00

"It gets better" on a very individual timetable. Two years after, I was still a wreck. Now that I'm five years out, I feel largely back on track with life. You'll get there if you work toward it, but I can't speak to your individual timetable. Best of luck, and keep reaching out to us dudes as needed. I'm willing to do DM's or anything else for any guy here feeling at the end of his rope; we gotta watch each others' six as we all move forward.

6-demon-bag808 · 2024-09-25T22:20:52+00:00

Right here with you brother. It sucks. I wish I could tell you something positive. I can't. I love my cheating wife and my children, almost 40 and I'm probably about to go back to war.

onajourney13 · 2024-09-25T19:39:39+00:00

I feel you brother, you're not alone. Try to navigate with dignity for self 🙏🏼

fffrdcrrf · 2024-09-25T17:57:02+00:00

Man theres a lot to say here, but first and foremost fuck her. She is nothing more then some woman who happens to be the mother of your child don’t give her any more respect than just that. Your greatest revenge needs to be success and happiness. Women these days are corrupt and are nothing in comparison to the women who came before them, it’s a woman’s world these days at least in western culture. Men need to stick together

Enkendu · 2024-09-25T16:32:15+00:00

I know I'm late to the thread here. However, what helped me, was getting angry. I get angry a lot. I vented, I bitched it all out, I said so many things I was not proud of just to get it out of my system, but the secret is, I said all those things in a private setting, where no one heard it, or to an anonymous male friend who understood the pain and can just listen without bias, and maybe even vent with me without adding to the drama. After releasing that anger, many times, I actually have a lot less feeling towards the EX who did me dirty, who proved that loyalty meant nothing, who betrayed me for her own selfish purposes. Honestly, instead of holding onto the old "good days", I look at her with pity, because my life is better than hers. I am doing better than her in every way.

I also used the anger to drive me, it gave me motivation to get out of bed and prove to myself that I am better than her. I live by better principles, better standards, I have integrity, and I am trustworthy. All things that she has proved that she is not.

Sometimes the anger seeps back in, but I find a quiet place, in the car for instance where no one can hear it, and I call her every name in the book that I would like to. I say everything out loud so that I get it out of my body and no longer hold onto it. Once all that energy is out, I can move on with my day. I do this in a controlled environment so I don't give her fuel to justify her betrayal and her victimhood that she tries to carry.

I find myself needing this far less today than I did a year ago. I hardly need it anymore. She is an untrustworthy monster who breaks families apart, and the world knows it. Her life is going to be hard for her, while mine has actually become very peaceful and loving.

r3tude · 2024-09-25T16:15:20+00:00

I went through similar, dad died, mum died quite close together then the wife left me.

She moved on very quickly within a few months someone else moved in with her.

Me I was isolated as all our friends for the past 10 years were her friends, no family. I was in therapy a couple of times . I do really recommend therapy but it isn't cheap if it's not on insurance

Go to the gym I really notice my mood drop if I don't exercise. Force yourself into some group activities..I was quite lucky there's some male support groups for hiking and such.

3 years on Im still single but quite happy in myself. It does get better it's just slow and when you think your ok, you aren't but you'll see, you'll get there.

orussell03 · 2024-09-25T16:11:05+00:00

It gets better. Focus on yourself and change things around if you can. Go start a new life. It worked for me.

Throwaway199179 · 2024-09-25T15:57:23+00:00

9 years and same thing. She cheated and got pregnant before we even signed divorce papers. Her family still wishes me happy birthday/holidays, and her mom still talks to me like I'm her son. I miss the family we were building. We were looking at houses to buy just a couple of months before she cheated.

It's been a year since I last saw her, and I feel myself getting worse. I think about trying new hobbies/ dating, but at times, it feels pointless. Why let people in if they're capable of doing the same thing she did? I get told to learn lessons from her but before she cheated she gave no indication, 0 let on of unhappiness. Just came home one day with flowers and she told me after 9 years, she "never loved me once."

MightBusiness7231 · 2024-09-25T11:40:34+00:00

It does get better but it takes a long time and you need a mental reset. Make peace with the past, and focus on your future, even if it’s one day at a time. Praying couldn’t hurt. My divorce had me rediscover God and it has been a rock of my sanity. Churches are also awesome support groups.

Get up, make your bed, do some exercise, eat breakfast, go to work, listen to an audiobook in the car, get home, cook a meal that you love, listen to music, get into a hobby or work extra shifts. Here’s a list of self care activities. Print it out and keep it by your bed or where you make your coffee.

When you’ve nurtured yourself that pain of the past will fade into the background, and you won’t dwell on it. And maybe there’s even a real romance ahead with a sane woman, or maybe just happy bachelorhood. PM me if you want to talk.

https://ibb.co/q1qGcP1

THX1138-22 · 2024-09-25T11:31:54+00:00

Set a goal for your life (something you want to accomplish at work, or a physical goal like running a half marathon, or start a club etc). That will help you move towards something positive in your future, as opposed to lingering on the past injustices. Let go of the trauma/victim mindset. The more you dwell on the past, the more she controls your mind and life. Do you want her to keep controlling your mind?

Chicago_Saluki · 2024-09-25T11:20:25+00:00

You sound like you’re past depressed bro.

Exactly65536 · 2024-09-25T11:06:30+00:00

Try to focus on your future, on the actions you can take in your present to improve it, and not to get stuck on your past.

What happened, happened. It'll not change and it'll not get better. But as the time goes by, it becomes less relevant.

roshi-roshi · 2024-09-25T10:32:09+00:00

I’m angry too. So fucking angry and alone. I hope I can use the anger to heal because I need relief soon.

CopperTylenol · 2024-09-25T10:19:49+00:00

There is no magic pill to help get you through this. It’s a good start that you came here to vent and get support. - Go to therapy. - Lean on family/friends. - Exercise. Something as simple as walking in the morning. - I use a self help app, as well. It has like 10 - 20 min sessions by topics like how to let go of regret, help with depression, anxiety. Just encouraging words for you to listen to.

dudefromyork · 2024-09-25T09:29:17+00:00

Does your medical insurance cover mental health treatment? It might well do and you might be eligible to go see a specialist. Maybe your work has a mental health hotline or employee assistance thing?

Sounds like you got hit hard by all this. Physically if you got hit by a car you’d go to the hospital. Same with mental health. You got hit by a car and you should go see a doctor. Absolutely no shame in it whatsoever these days. It’s really common in men.

I went for some counselling. At least two other men I know have been. And I wish another of my best friends would do so.

Can you find out if it’s something that you can access?

fixingmedaybyday · 2024-09-25T07:29:04+00:00

The fact that you’re like “fack her” is a great sign. Sure you feel like shit still but the fact that you say you won’t accept her back is huge. Next is completely mourning the loss of your future family and finding ways to get over that resentment. Still not easy, but easier. Btw, I’m 3 years out and going through that part too. It’s tough, I still wish she was there to share in moments with my kid. It still feels unnatural without her bitching and moaning.

Long-Review-1861 · 2024-09-25T07:21:56+00:00

Sounds like you were married to a borderline bro

cherrybar12 · 2024-09-25T06:25:43+00:00

She’s out of your life (to a degree), look on the bright side!

lonelySoulThrowAway · 2024-09-25T06:10:07+00:00

hey !! it got better isn't it? the bitch getting her share of the guy she cheated with. Rejoice that you are not in her field of fire anymore :)

qmriis · 2024-09-25T05:19:44+00:00

Nothing she said requires a response.

If you don't have children why even acknowledge her existence?

Get in the gym. Get in therapy.

MR-Ozmidnight · 2024-09-25T04:41:30+00:00

Hey, I've been divorced for over 29 years, and I still have bad days from time to time. It's different for everyone, and dealing with the passing of your parents adds another layer of difficulty. Trust me, it's really tough. The love of my life found me two years after my divorce, and we had 17 beautiful years together before I lost her to early-onset Alzheimer's seven years ago. I miss her every single day, but she taught me that there is love and warmth out there. It's up to you to find it. "We can walk with you on your journey, but we can't walk it for you." So get up. I don't know how many times I've said this, but everyone is different, and it takes different amounts of time. Have you seen a counselor? If not, maybe you need to see one. You're carrying a lot of pain. You did the right thing with your ex. You should never accept anyone's cheating, especially if there is a child involved. Things will get better, trust me, but you're going to have to put in the work, especially since you lost your parents. Good luck, remember you have people who care about your well-being here. Whenever you need help, ask, and I'm sure people will help you.

Boomhower113 · 2024-09-25T04:09:25+00:00

8 years is a blip. You’re young enough to start again and make everything better for everyone around you.

Quit pining over her and go get fucking hard. Mentally, physically, in business, with other women, in everything you do.

qmoorman · 2024-09-25T04:00:56+00:00

She is a p.o.s and you know it now. Are you gonna sit there with shit on your face or are you gonna clean it off and live your life? The decision is yours.

2024-09-25T03:29:08+00:00

Just work on yourself, get in shape and build confidence

She is just noise...

whereami113 · 2024-09-25T03:08:00+00:00

2 years and you let her live rent-free in your head?. Come on man....sink yourself into something that inspires you to be better for you. Don't give her any more time or attention...if it happens...let yourself think it..take 3 minutes to work through it and move on. You had your turn on the ride..now it's time to get off and leave the fun park.

FirmConsideration219 · 2024-09-25T03:07:50+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/Quotes_Hub/s/InBFjMhUvo

JustSomeDude7287 · 2024-09-25T02:52:35+00:00

She’s projecting her guilt onto you. She knows you’ll never forgive her so she’ll play the victim and you’re the abuser.

Don’t engage keep it about your child only.

It gets better if you actively work toward being better. Being a better you. Being a better father. Being a better person. Time does nothing if you do not put in the work, that’s not how healing works. It’s a false hope thinking in x number of years I’ll forget it! Sadly if we don’t work through it the hurt will always be there. The pain will always be in your body. We are in pain and depression when we live in the past and anxious when we live to the future. All you can do is work on the present moment and make it better.

Remember every emotion will pass. Feel it and let it through your body.

EngelsBol · 2024-09-25T02:52:32+00:00

Do you exercise rigorously 4 days/week? If not, start now. Get out there and push yourself.

xadmin1 · 2024-09-25T02:48:46+00:00

Who picked someone like that to marry? You need to stop playing the victim.

barubi123 · 2024-09-25T02:37:54+00:00

The reason why she clawed back is because she needs immediate validation from a male. It happened after you two split, it happened after her and the next guy split. These are her issues and I wouldn’t lose sleep for one night over a gaslighting and narcissistic human being. You are much better off. As someone currently dealing with a divorce from a narcissistic partner, I couldn’t be any less impressed by her behavior. You will never get seen, validated or anything by those people unless they want something from you

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2024-09-25T02:19:04+00:00

"Who literally abuses someone and then says all this stuff."

A Malignant Narcissist, that's who.

Let it go. Let her go.

You are doing yourself dirty by holding on.

Movieman_Steve · 2024-09-25T02:16:15+00:00

If you're always looking back then you'll never see the great future heading your way. You'll miss the great things and better relationships coming at you if you look back.

ArizonaSpartan · 2024-09-25T02:06:21+00:00

Your path is forward. It may not seem better right now because it has ups and downs. Don’t look back, you’re not going that way.

Title	Very depressed.
Author	AgreeableSun537
Upvotes	77
Comments	49
Date	September 25, 2024 1:55 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fotfof/very_depressed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/very-depressed.1531307 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531307

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