Arent women scared when they are in a traditional relationship?

xKalisto · 2025-04-21T18:00:29+00:00

Yes it leaves you in vulnerable position which is why you need to take precautions with your partner to mitigate the risk.

If they want you home they should accommodate. If they don't want to accommodate then that's a red flag.

For example in my country you need to work to be able to pay social security/pension fund. And we set up our taxes so that we pay for me too and it counts into my pension fund and potential other government support. But many people don't even think about that and then the women don't get any retirement funds and grandpa dies and they are fcked.

spanglesandbambi · 2025-04-21T18:05:30+00:00

Yes, this is another reason why lots of women won't end up in traditional relationships.

I personally have lowered my hours rather than stopped working for this reason and some others. For example, career breaks for children impact your ability to get re employed at a senior level.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2025-04-21T18:12:05+00:00

I was temporarily a SAHW, and while I never had any doubts about my partner being a decent person, I did think about how screwed someone in my position could be if their partner wasn't so decent. It's a huge gamble to make yourself dependent on another person, and just hope that they do keep loving you and want to provide for you. And I don't get why anyone would put themselves in that position without the security of a marriage. Not that a divorce wouldn't screw you over, it would, but you've at least got some protections.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2025-04-21T18:11:41+00:00

Any woman should be scared to get into a marriage and have kids with any man while not having her own money or income stream.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-04-21T17:43:21+00:00

Yes it’s incredibly risky. But many women of my generation and younger didn’t grow up with SAHMs, they grew up with exhausted working moms and didn’t want that. Which is understandable, but I grew up with a SAHM and… not only no, but fuck no.

My dad never was abusive until after I was born and my mom quit her job. And get this - they were married for nearly 15yrs before then! Something happens to men when they know it would be very hard for you to leave and when they feel like they are “the only one working” (they don’t see labor at home as “work,” but of course don’t want to do it). Power corrupts even “nice” people, and being the sole wage earner is having a lot of power over another person. Not to mention that even if he’s the most wonderful man on earth, accidents and illnesses happen, and disability is not enough to support a family on.

Now, can this arrangement work out? Sure, but only if the woman has a lot of savings, well-off family with whom she has a good relationship to fall back on, or continues to work for pay in some capacity in order to keep her resume up to date.

detransdyke · 2025-04-21T18:29:14+00:00

So, I'm disabled and can't work, but my husband's salary is very comfortable for us to have all the necessities and some treats on top (while putting away a ton for savings ofc). He makes close to 6 figures a year, and honestly our life right now is like a yogurt commercial, everything just feels so happy and good!! But I'm not an idiot, I know crime statistics, and I ofc know my own personal experiences with abuse. I've never been able to work a ""real big girl job"", so I didn't have much in the way of savings - but my grandfather passed a couple years ago and left me a 6 figure nest egg in a 401K that's still gaining interest, which my husband has zero access to.

It isn't because I don't trust him, because truly I do, but there's a level of cognitive dissonance that I think most het/bi women find themselves grappling with at some point: namely that even the most infamously, despicably abusive and sadistic convicts in the world...... in any interview with people who knew them before the truth came out, it's always the same, "he was such a softspoken guy, very polite, handsome, great family man," and more. There are so many stories of "the men behind the masks," so to speak, so trusting a man enough to build a life with him is ABSOLUTELY a leap of faith; and it takes a lot of courage. Especially with the current political climate, young dudes swinging violently back toward conservatism, etc, dating men is a risky fuckin gamble.

I got supremely lucky with my husband, I am legit obsessed w him and think he's just the greatest, and I would be SHOCKED TO THE CORE if I ever had to use my emergency fund/escape plan, and of course devastated beyond belief. Prior to meeting him I had pretty much resigned myself to only seriously getting into dynamics with women (I've dated a couple women seriously and lived with one, and p much had always envisioned my life partner as a woman, but....... I got wooed by a beautiful ginger man, I am only human ✊🏻😔 prettiest curveball of my life fr

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2025-04-21T19:08:52+00:00

Legally, a woman is entitled to something if her husband divorces her.

What’s scarier is the situations where women are trapped with men who don’t give them access to the money

GridReXX · 2025-04-21T17:15:51+00:00

Yes it is risky to fully financially depend on someone else, and especially someone else who is physically stronger and more testosterone-forward than yourself. But it is a risk that some prefer.

It is even more foolish to do this without being married because as you said at least married SAH women have legal recourse if the relationship dissolves.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-04-21T17:23:10+00:00

You underestimate the power of denial, ego, and learned helplessness

“That won’t happen to me, I’m special and so is my man! Because God says it’s the way it’s supposed to be and will also provide. Let go and let God”

relish5k · 2025-04-21T18:30:39+00:00

No.

My husband supports our family financially while I work part time / spend the days with the kids, managing the household. He has only ever been a good partner to me, we've been in love since we were 21 (late 30s now). He would not to that to me but he also wouldn't do that to his children. I know him well and trust his character 1000%.

And as a last line of defense, his mother would actually kill him if he did something like that, and his family would probably disown them lol. She and I are very close and she loves he grandbabies and could not support him doing that to his kids.

We are married but I would be fine without his money, it would not be hard for me to re-enter the workforce if I needed to.

chalkandapples · 2025-04-21T20:04:31+00:00

I mean yeah, even if you are married not working for most of your adult life is really detrimental and getting half of assets don't mean much when that's a finite resource and you don't have the means to make a good income yourself. Unless the amount of assets is significant enough I guess.

This is why everyone told me to not put myself in that situation when I was young.

That being said, being in a traditional relationship is a calculated risk, and sometimes it makes sense to take that risk given the benefits. We take risks all the time and sometimes it's not realistic or tiring to live your whole life not trusting anyone.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2025-04-21T18:05:02+00:00

No I wasn’t because I was young and dumb.

I will never be in that situation again

leosandlattes · 2025-04-21T17:28:24+00:00

Every woman ever alive knows this is a risk you take when you are in a traditional relationship. That's why our moms and grandmas told us all to be financially independent so that you don't have to stay with a man who abuses you, neglects you, or could leave you with nothing if he decides to run off with the secretary.

Alternatively just find a man who is more obsessed with you and is less willing to leave you than you're willing to leave him. Even then there are downsides to this, so.

Aimeereddit123 · 2025-04-21T20:50:52+00:00

I’m never worried. We are still in our same hometown. I have lifelines. Would I ever MOVE with someone without my own stable income? Not. A. CHANCE. Not only if they left, but what if their behavior made it necessary for YOU to leave?? That’s what would scare me. I never want to just ‘suck up’ hurtful behavior because I financially couldn’t leave. That’s torture.

Waste-Love9786 · 2025-04-21T20:53:08+00:00

I was in that type of relationship and yes I was terrified of that, and I eventually left. That relationship makes me reluctant to fully commit to someone ever again

Ive been in a few relationships since that one (but never lived together like i did with the other guy) and i became very self-sabotaging. The relationship would usually start as a FWBs situation and the guy would want to take it to the next level and id refuse until they'd threaten to abandon me so id eventually cave in

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-04-21T21:03:27+00:00

I asked my mother this when I was younger and she was a SAHM. She said 1. Alimony, 2. My dad would never leave her because he can't function on his own/he loved her (that answer would depend on her feelings about him at the time), 3. (If he died) Life Insurance.

Up until recently, though, women couldn't own bank accounts in their own name. They still can't own land in many places. My closest female friend is disabled and relies on her husband's employer health insurance. Women have only recently been able to have a choice, and many still don't.

Robot_Alchemist · 2025-04-22T04:21:53+00:00

Trust of your partner

rose-of-suleiman · 2025-04-22T04:52:37+00:00

Yes there is risk but if you are marrying responsibly it is not very large. The alternative is a not just a small risk but a guarantee of spending my entire life only able to see my own children for 3 hours a day, and most of that won't even be spent with them but instead doing the cooking and housework that could not be done during the day. That is a wasted life to me so I will take the risk.

Disastrous-Chart-928 · 2025-04-22T11:11:21+00:00

Nope, because I didn't pick a blatant psychopath.

Sophiatab · 2025-04-21T18:54:54+00:00

Usually women who enter into that sort of relationships fall into two categories. The dumb ones don't have the long-range thinking to be scared. The smart ones make sure they get well paid.

oppositegeneva · 2025-04-21T18:55:53+00:00

I trust my husband has my best interest at heart, especially with how we have set up our finances that he insists upon.

He deposits a certain amount of money into my personal bank account (from our joint account) every month to do what I want with. I don’t need to consult or tell him about purchases I make with this money.

It’s not meant for groceries, bills or gas. It is for me to either save or spend.

This has allowed me to have savings. I also have access to our credit cards, our joint bank account, etc. We’re married. He has never even implied that his paycheck isn’t ours.

I also have skills that would enable me to find a job if I needed to in an emergency situation.

Women should not choose the “traditional” route unless they’re legally married and their husband has a similar mindset.

Vikklee · 2025-04-21T17:54:35+00:00

It is scary! If my husband left, I would have no money, assets, and no experience to get a job with. Love and relationships are risky though. I picked a good man though, and he would never do that. If he dies, I also would be taken care of.

attendquoi · 2025-04-21T17:22:02+00:00

Yes, personally I'd be terrified. That's why I'd never get into a relationship like that. I don't have much sympathy for women who do when it comes back to bite them in the ass.

MailenJokerbell · 2025-04-22T00:32:14+00:00

They aren't scared because they're delusional and think it will never happen to them.

They should 100% have their own savings on the side to prepare just in case. Of course, you don't get married thinking it will end, but you should NEVER let your fate be on someone else's hands.

Can't be me though, i grew up knowing I'd never put myself in that situation.

Edit: just to add. My brother IS having a traditional relationship with his partner. But he told her to make a savings account that is on her name that he HANDS HER MONEY to deposit there. Not even depositing it himself. That's not every man though.

RecognitionSoft9973 · 2025-04-21T17:37:30+00:00

Even if you're in a trad relationship, that doesn't mean you can't brush up on your skills in your spare time via online courses. There are tons of them. You could even do a online degree from a good college or university. The bigger issue is losing money or your home upon divorce, but in developed countries, a lot of divorce laws favour the woman and/or the spouse with less assets.

Plenty of trad women are making money online by being influencers anyway. Some of them probably make more than their husbands.

Also trad women usually (or rather, they should) have some pretty unique and marketable skills. Like making clothing, cooking things from scratch, knowledge about childrearing and so on. You can easily leverage those into a career. They don't need to know project management or how to deal with Excel macros to find a job.

I'm not saying all of this in support of tradwives, just that there are options for you if you are a tradwife.

AutoModerator · 2025-04-21T15:20:54+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2025-04-21T17:24:36+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

toad-wrangler · 2025-04-27T16:43:22+00:00

I feel safe when I'm unemployed, but I'm married to a good person and have a back up plan for if he suddenly wakes up bonkers crazy one day.

ExcitementLow4699 · 2025-04-21T17:45:22+00:00

I'm in what I would call a trad-lite relationship, where my husband works and provides financially for our children, and most of the time I take care of the housework, pet care, and child care. I am a reservist in the military, though, and every few years I'll work a part-time job for a bit just to keep my resume current. I figure if, god forbid, my husband were to divorce me, I'd be able to go active duty, or go and get a different job, until I found a new man to provide for me. I have a lot of skills and experience I could monetize as well...

So, not a lot of fear there. I would never be a SAHM for someone I'm not married to, unless I was like, one of Elon Musk's baby mamas or something, being paid tremendously.

zeezle · 2025-04-21T18:59:55+00:00

To be frank you have to be kind of dumb to be functionally a tradwife without actually being married. The only people I've known in that situation without being married were way more along the lines of dependapotamuses/hobosexuals (it goes both ways gender-wise) than tradwives and they were just jumping on the opportunity presented to them. For them they were sometimes a little worried about being dependent, but not worried enough to do something icky, boring and inconvenient like actually have a job. (They were not good homemakers at all so I don't even really consider them trad-stay-at-home-partners and thank god they weren't parents... yet anyway.) Getting to leech made up for fleeting moments of worry I guess, I don't know.

That said I know a few women who are doing the tradwife thing (and they are actually married) and they're happy in their relationships. They just have enough money that they'll be fine if they get divorced or widowed (death is probably more likely for them tbh, some of them have been married 20-30 years with no signs of any divorce issues... and they're in a demographic that has a sub-10% divorce rate... of course it's not impossible but it doesn't seem likely).

It's not for me at all, but they're all happy as far as I can tell.

I personally found it easier in my relationship/marriage for us to just both aim for FIRE and retire early rather than do any traditional provider vs tradwife bs. But I am also aware that "just have lots of money so neither of you have to work" is a bit of a trite answer.

Title	Arent women scared when they are in a traditional relationship?
Author	realsomaliman
Upvotes	22
Comments	69
Date	April 21, 2025 3:20 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1k4g5yu/arent_women_scared_when_they_are_in_a_traditional/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/arent-women-scared-when-they-are-in-a-traditional.1550228 https://theredarchive.com/post/1550228

Comments