Once and for all, explaining things for men

I see so much misinformation from men, so I want to clear some things out.

80/20 rule

As soon as you look around and see who is dating who. People on average date and marry within their own status. Sometimes an advantage in one area can compensate another one. But it's very unlikely for a mid woman with no career to date a hot successful man. He has better prospects. Unless he's using her for sex, which is a sad alternative.

Your next argument will be "but what about dating apps".

What about dating apps?

Dating apps isn't real life, the rules are different. It's a purely visual platform, and women are bombarded with hundreds of profiles. It's only natural to pick up the best ones within the selection. It doesn't mean it will lead to anything, but it might open a conversation.

Most male profiles are horrible. I know a guy who is pretty hot, well off, and currently in a relationship, but when he was on a dating app, he said he had 1 match, and that was from a bot. I want to see his profile, but I won't be surprised if it was a bad lit selfie or something.

A guy in my friend group asked us to help him with his profile, and let me tell you, all men had one consensus that all women vetoed. You guys don't fucking know how to make a good profile that appeals to female gaze. Consult your female friends (if you have any) and you'd be surprised.

Sure, if a guy is obviously ugly, he'll have very little chance, but most men are normal-average looking, and they are shooting their chances, by including a topless mirror selfie, pics with other women, "just ask", only selfies, nothing in the profile that sparks any interest, and so on.

Which brings me to the next point

Chad narrative

I'll tell you a secret how women view men, from a potential partner perspective.

We divide them in 3 groups: small "hell no", small "obvious supermodel" and big "maybe".

I don't speak for everyone, but I never go for obvious supermodel. I have a healthy self esteem, so I estimate myself fairly, it's like if I get a job offer to be a CEO of Microsoft, I'd be sus it's a scam.

The "maybe" group is most guys, and then they can become "hell no" very quickly or "yes" based on random factors like how they talk, smell, compatibility, humour etc. Again, most men are in this category.

The bar is in hell/too high

How can both be true? How can women claim to have been dating terrible men, and all you can think of "well was he hot" and in most cases he wasn't. Some of you just don't believe it (for those, look up "men of the year" on tiktok) and some start saying some Dark Triad stuff, which isn't a complete bullshit, interestingly.

Dating women has a harder entry, like there's a natural defensiveness against a man who is hitting on a woman, so he would be obviously scrutinized to his pinkies. But once the seal is broken — he breaks the defensiveness somehow — then it's not that hard anymore, I'd say dangerously easy, because most women have some sort of self esteem issues or anxious attachment. Most of dateable age people came from boomer/gen x dads after all.

That's why so many of us had shitty relationships, especially when we were younger, before we developed some boundaries and self-respect. Yes, I did cry over a less attractive guy with worse paying job than me. He wasn't even that charismatic or funny.

Is it all looks / all personality

Looks can open up the entry, but personality seals the deal. Just like with women. But for men looks are much more forgiving.

When I say "personality" I include things like charisma and humour, not that you would help granny across the street.

You rarely see an ugly woman getting on her charms (I know men would fuck her, they would fuck anything), but an ugly comedian and a hot girlfriend is a cliche at this point.

What's the most alluring trait in person, men and women, is when someone shows interest in you, like flirts, compliments, but has zero neediness. This is fascinating stuff, and it's hard to explain, but the reason most Niceguys fail is because you can sense their despair.

And yeah, your rebuttal of "how come Chad is always getting it" fits in this narrative. Conventionally attractive people are typically less needy and more confident.

It's the same social skill that works with friends as it is with partners, in the beginning at least. Just as you don't want to be friend with an overly nice, complimentary, but needy and codependent person with fear of confrontation.

This is why those bullshit pickup artist tricks sort of can work in certain scenarios, if implemented correctly. Yet the majority of you can never pick it up because you don't get the basic principles.

That's why the common advice "go to the gym, get hobbies, make friends, improve yourself" is also sort of true because it does built confidence and self-esteem and support pillars around you, so that you don't fall for the first girl you crush on.