Ex-wife didn’t even have the kids call me on my bday

darealyst · 2025-10-14T16:19:21+00:00

We are not amicable enough to do this kind of thing.

Major-Principle-283 · 2025-10-14T00:00:49+00:00

I woke up on my birthday, started getting ready for work. Came downstairs. My wife didn't acknowledge my birthday, my kids didn't acknowledge my birthday. No texts that morning from any of my friends or family either. Got to work. None of my coworkers acknowledged my birthday. Came back after lunch, still no birthday texts or anything. Then I got called into my boss, Angela's office. I'm thinking "oh great, how could this day get any worse?"

I go in and sit down, she says "I just wanna wish you a happy birthday, do you wanna go get a drink and something to eat?" I said ok yeah.

So we go get a drink and some food and then, she says if I wanna go back to her place. I'm already mad at my wife so I go there. At her place I'm sitting on the couch she says, I just need to step in the other room for a second. When she came back, my wife, my kids, my mom, my coworkers were all there to wish me a happy birthday, but I was sitting on the couch butt naked.

StandardButPoor500 · 2025-10-13T11:20:35+00:00

>I expect zero from her

Your whole post is about what you expect from her and how she did not deliver on your expectation.

It's a fair expectation, don't get me wrong. Hopefully when your kids get older, they'll be able to keep track of it themselves.

jarnock · 2025-10-11T21:27:20+00:00

I make my kids do it so they become good mothers and fathers, not shitty like their mother.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-10-11T15:23:50+00:00

Guess I will follow suit later this year for her bday.

I don’t have the kids recognize her birthday and holidays like Mother’s Day for her, I do it for them, so they see an example of civility, politeness and basic fucking manners. I get nothing and expect nothing in return.

omenoracle · 2025-10-11T14:41:52+00:00

I screwed up my ex’s bday this week. She took a lot of care to make sure I had a nice birthday with my son a few weeks ago. I felt bad. Sent emergency flowers from our son, that she probably didn’t like. I had just deleted my calendar invite/reminder because we’re …not married. To be clear, I felt bad because I set my son up to disappoint her.

Sorry, I’m sure that felt bad. Maybe kill her with kindness next time? I told one of my friends the other day and they just said, your kid knows what she is like. Set the example you want your kids to follow regardless of your co-parents behavior.

Chazilla80 · 2025-10-11T13:37:37+00:00

How old are they?

tellmemorelies · 2025-10-11T12:07:02+00:00

I have been in a similar situation with my kids and the ex.

She wouldn't let the kids call me on my birthday, actually physically stopped them from calling me.

When her birthday came around, my daughter asked if it was okay to call "Mom" and wish her a happy birthday...... I took the high road and actively encouraged her to make that birthday call.

My daughter turns 40 yrs old in December, and still remembers this.

Over the years their Mother/daughter relationship has slowly sunk down to almost no contact.

Take the high road, and show your kids how to be a good parent.

no_user_selected · 2025-10-11T11:50:06+00:00

I told our son to call his mom on her birthday and he said that she told him not to call her because it was her birthday. I was just like, that's weird, but ok.

Capable-Cap-5847 · 2025-10-11T08:56:37+00:00

Same thing happens to me brother stay strong those kids love you and they don’t know any better because of her … just remember that … my birthday is this week so I will be posting probably the same

ErictheBoogerMuncher · 2025-10-11T08:19:33+00:00

Like other people said, she did it because she knows how much it would hurt you. Don’t give her what she wants.

mindyabusinessyo · 2025-10-11T04:01:44+00:00

Your expecting to much out of an individual bro. Don’t let it bother you. I don’t know how old your children are but if they are older they are capable of reaching out to you themselves. Even then don’t let anybody not telling you happy birthday bother you or dictate how good your day / night goes

Your birthday is the day for yourself , do what makes you happy on your day regardless who reaches out imo.

LaughGlittering4131 · 2025-10-11T02:54:19+00:00

So sad

krazykanuck · 2025-10-11T02:33:18+00:00

I get it dude, but what would have been more important; her getting the kids to call you, or you talking to your kids? Because if you guys are rocky, why would she get the kids to call, that would mean she is thinking about you. If the most important thing was talking to your kids, then take the initiative and call them or set up the call yourself?

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-10-11T01:09:09+00:00

My ex never had my daughter wish me a happy Father's Day, and she's had my daughter for Father's Day since the beginning. No card, no call, no text .. I might as well be invisible.

Same thing with my birthday until last year when I reminded my daughter that I had a birthday too. But she didn't say happy birthday on her own, it was a reaction to telling her about my birthday. It only happened once so this year I don't expect anything.

She's 16 now so who she is is who she is for the most part. She doesn't want to tell me anything about her life, and definitely doesn't care to hear anything about mine.

If I text her anything, it is usually ignored for weeks at which point I might get an emoji. That's been going on for about 3 years now and I'm over it.

I give up. I haven't initiated any communication in a couple months. There's nothing there. Oh well, I tried.

bluephotoshop · 2025-10-11T00:58:07+00:00

Regardless, be there for your children, regardless what your ex does.

Winter-Technician947 · 2025-10-10T23:56:15+00:00

Happy belated birthday butt (that's Welsh for friend) - from Wales, UK ! Don't let her get you down.

zvekl · 2025-10-10T23:30:05+00:00

At least your ex wife didn’t make your daughter cry on HER birthday!

My daughter came to me in tears right before bed because her mom called her and complained that she didn’t call her. Because, apparently, it’s also HER big day, giving birth was so hard.

She didn’t call her own daughter on her birthday. Calls to guilt trip daughter for not calling her and thanking her for giving birth to her .

What type of narcissistic logic is this.

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2025-10-10T23:11:35+00:00

I don’t expect anything from my ex (I’ll celebrate separately with them), but I’ll have the kids call her on holidays or her birthday if they’re with me. I encourage them to make her a card, and if they want to buy her a present, I will help them do it. It’s not about your ex; it’s about what you’re showing and teaching your kids.

mcrmd · 2025-10-10T22:35:18+00:00

That sucks and I’m sorry that happened to you.

I was still married and living together during my last birthday, but my STBX was laying groundwork. I was burnt out from watching the 3 kids solo while she worked out of town 4 of the past 6 weeks with her new job.

The 5 of us all went to my parent’s cabin, where I was hoping to relax, and she picked a fight with me as soon as we arrived over the stupidest thing. My daughter made a mess eating snacks and I told her to wash up because her face was filthy. STBX told me NEVER to talk to her like that.

Her eyes were seeing red like I was pure evil, and I said “Where have you been the last month?” She wouldn’t drop it and was wavering between calling me abusive because of my tone, or insinuating I was a creep because I used the word “filthy”.

No present, no cake, no song. I slept outside on the patio.

mluc78 · 2025-10-10T22:35:13+00:00

Not saying this is the way. Just a thought. But when it’s her birthday do it right for the kids to notice and remember. Kill em with kindness.

SynthGains · 2025-10-10T22:27:36+00:00

Man, that stings. My 40th was a handmade card from my kid and a pit in my stomach; her 40th was Honolulu and her 41st was a new iPhone Pro, so I’m also bracing now that we’re divorcing. I decided not to mirror the energy. I sent one simple line: “Going forward, let’s make sure he can call the off-duty parent on birthdays and big holidays; I’ll do the same.” I also set reminders so I help him call her on her day—less about her, more about the kind of dad I want him to remember. If we’re formalizing things, I’ll ask to put that expectation in our plan in plain English, but either way I’ll keep doing my part. For my next birthday I’m planning something with friends and scheduling time with my son so the day isn’t hanging on her choices. It still sucks, but this feels calmer than score-keeping. Anyone else try something similar that actually worked?

Nice_Cartoonist_8803 · 2025-10-10T22:26:23+00:00

You can include your birthday as a holiday where you always have the kids in your parenting plan. Then you can create the day you want with them without having to depend on her support or participation.

RedRibbon3KS · 2025-10-10T22:07:50+00:00

Expect that she will find ways to jab and hurt you. Don't expect anything from her. To her, you are an enemy.

That being said, your kids see what is going on. If not now, they will later. While my ex took every opportunity to speak crap about me and say stuff like you are like your father to them, I try not to stoop to her level. Oh, I am no saint bc I tell just a couple of my friends what I am thinking but I don't tell the kids. I will try to be the best I can. As a result, my oldest sees what is going on and how she is and how I am.

I am not saying you should be a doormat but be better than her. Your kids will see it. Your ex is a terrible person. I think she is petty and vindictive. Be better than her for yourself and the kids

hotantipasta · 2025-10-10T21:56:59+00:00

You should call them next time.

Bazza90 · 2025-10-10T21:56:18+00:00

You have to pretend it's not your birthday and celebrate it on your time with them. Anything that is in the other parties' control is something that they can leverage against you. It is easier to give up all expectations from the other side.

no-more-nazis · 2025-10-10T21:46:32+00:00

Would you rather have her pretend that she sees you as a legitimate parent, while preparing to sue you by surprise at the first chance?

Title	Ex-wife didn’t even have the kids call me on my bday
Author	BornBandicoot2515
Upvotes	26
Comments	37
Date	October 10, 2025 9:39 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1o3dvi1/exwife_didnt_even_have_the_kids_call_me_on_my_bday/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/ex-wife-didnt-even-have-the-kids-call-me-on-my.1563831 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563831

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