If you don't want to be exclusivity with a person, then you don't really like them.

bluestjuice · 2025-12-23T18:18:23+00:00

Are you talking about nonmonogamy here, or about social expectations of exclusivity without conversation about it?

My_House_on_Mars · 2025-12-23T16:20:42+00:00

I'm monogamous but I think I can understand other people's choices.

Ultimately you can't control the other person. Having a monogamous relationship doesn't guarantee them not leaving after meeting the family or whatever

dogbusinessman · 2025-12-23T15:51:28+00:00

If you don't only eat cake then you don't like cake.

wtknight · 2025-12-23T16:21:10+00:00

That's not true. Why can't a person like multiple people at the same time? People can have more than one friend and like all of them. Why can't they have more than one lover and be attracted to and treat all of them well?

Solondthewookiee · 2025-12-23T17:41:28+00:00

I guess I'm not following the argument. You're making it sound as though one partner wants exclusivity and the other doesn't; has either one asked for exclusivity? I absolutely went out with women I liked and did relationship-like things with them, but if we hadn't agreed to be exclusive, then I was also talking to and going on dates with other women.

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2025-12-23T15:59:32+00:00

I’m not understanding why the person who is questioning the commitment of the other party doesn’t just use their words and ask to make the relationship “official”?

Like this is not a new phenomenon in dating. Maybe I am misunderstanding the post??

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2025-12-23T16:29:07+00:00

So then you can only really like one person?

I don’t really like any of my friends because they’re not my only friend?

I don’t really like pizza because I also like steak?

I don’t really like rock music because I also listen to hip hop?

This is such a weird take bro.

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-12-23T17:54:18+00:00

if you don't want to be exclusivity with a person, then you don't really like them.

This constraint doesn't work in any other context besides romantic/sexual relationships. We are at a point in history where that constraint is not even necessary. Ur not in exclusive relationships with your friends or siblings or aunts and uncles and u still like most of them.

Bc sometimes ppl just like variety, like a buffet for romantic/sexual relationships different guys can fulfill different desires. If u like variety then asking for exclusivity fuck that up. Vs if u keep ur mouth shut u can just have variety.

Think of the 666 thing, you could try to find 1 guy who is 6 feet tall, has a 6 pack, makes 6 figures or...

U could get Guy 1 who has a 6 pack, Guy 2 6 feet tall, Guy 3 makes 6 figures.

U can also do this with qualities, a guy who is charming, creative and funny or Guy 1 who is charming, Guy 2 who is creative, Guy 3 who is funny.

Then u don't have to choose or compromise and have everything you want.

If we loosened the expectations of monogamy in romantic/sexual relationships society then dating overall might be better. Instead of expecting one person to fulfil all your needs just get multiple to do so. Like friends or family.

> I truly never understand people who are all "Yeah, we dated for a few months, already had sex, met our families and friends, but we never said we were a couple, so I can go fuck someone else" etc and at the same time not having the courage or honesty to tell the them that you don't want to be with them.

Agree, that's odd. But that might be bc of more incentive to keep them around than have a hard conversation.

Why do you even date them for months if you can easily dump them and look for someone else?

More is usually better. There are more options than that. Y dump them to look for someone else instead of being with with them while looking for someone else ?

Why can't you just break up with them?

More cost than benefit.

Why are you wasting not only their time but also yours?

Long term planning vs short term planning.

Do you just hang out and fuck? Because that’s just a fuck buddy and you should not consciously deceive them and use all the functions of a romantic partner.

Consciously deceiving them is wrong but they might be deceiving themselves and it's more beneficial to stay quiet.

attendquoi · 2025-12-23T16:18:31+00:00

Not everyone is concerned with exclusivity. I'm certainly not, so I'll go along with whatever the other person says they want.

Lemon_gecko · 2025-12-23T15:48:00+00:00

To play devils advocate here.

"Why do you even date them for months if you can easily dump them and look for someone else?" - because they need to find that someone, and they are already here.

"Why can't you just break up with them?" - convenience. Sex, split rent, i don't know what else. Chores?

"Why are you wasting not only their time but also yours?" - it is wasting partner's time, but they don't care enough about it. It's not wasting their time because they get convenient relationship.

Disastrous-Royal9903 · 2025-12-23T16:13:31+00:00

Because not everyone is evolutionarily hard wired to be monogamous or has the desire to stay with one person thier entire life.

As a species, we have evolved several different reproductive strategies. There are reproductive advantages to monogamy (increased food security, emotional security, etc. for offspring) but there are also advantages to serial monogamy/non-monogamy (more gene mixing, more offspring, more genetic diversity).

Having multiple reproductive strategies as a species rather than just one that everyone follows helps ensure our survival as a species. (More strategies means more ability to survive different threats as they arise).

EugeneCezanne · 2025-12-23T17:54:25+00:00

Umm, no. Like most human relationships, whatever equations lead to outcomes are going to be multivariate. Reducing it to one is only ever going to yield this sort of binary, superficial analysis.

Like, you didnt even consider that not everyone even cares about exclusivity, or relationship status. That's a pretty big variable that can have everything to do with who they are as a person, the particular stage of their life, or how they feel about dating in general, and virtually nothing to do with the other person.

because communication is a foundational part of a relationship.

So, communicate. If you want a relationship to be defined, then define it. Dont just assume that someone else has silently agreed to your rules on your schedule.

Why do you even date them for months if you can easily dump them and look for someone else?

Because you like them. That doesnt necessarily mean you want to commit to them, nor that you wont like anyone else.

you should not consciously deceive them

You havent described any conscious deception.

Honestly, it sounds like you're just vaguely alluding to some personal story for which we have no surrounding context.

behappyfor · 2025-12-23T16:16:37+00:00

Because they get to have a cake and eat it too. And yeah people tolerate the other person in dating even if they don't like them if they get benefits. Like sex money etc

LillthOfBabylon · 2025-12-23T15:47:57+00:00

Did you mean to copy and paste my post? Personally, I don't care, but I'm curious.

Bikerbats · 2025-12-23T20:30:50+00:00

Sorry OP, but this is whack. Monogamy comes with time, and I get the feeling that you're presenting this as monogamy from the first date forward, and that's just nonsense as far as I am concerned. There are few things as unattractive as the chump or chumpette who "falls in love" on day 1 and locks on like a dog to a cuff.

Communication is absolutely necessary, but you communicate as feelings grow. You just don't bust out of the gate with feelings. What you seem to be missing is that the reason communication is key, is because there is no guarantee that both parties are progressing (or regressing) at the same rate.

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TheGloriousEv0lution · 2025-12-23T16:09:13+00:00

I think most people know whether or not they see a future with the person within the first few dates and sex and that most people intuitively know this

I believe the person avoiding the exclusivity talk does it because they think the other person will say no and shatter the illusion. If nothing is said, you still have plausible deniability

ChadChasingBReturns · 2025-12-23T16:38:41+00:00

My husband and l both dated other people until we were certain that we liked each other enough to pursue a relationship. At that point we had a conversation and said this is what I want. That’s usually how things go in the west. A few dates does not make someone my boyfriend.

kvakerok_v2 · 2025-12-23T17:23:59+00:00

Nah, you're just not committed (yet).

Disastrous_Agent9307 · 2025-12-23T18:19:14+00:00

People just need to introspect, communicate that introspection transparently, and try through empathy to discern what the other person wants even if they aren't communicating as clearly as we may wish.

Like, I've been in these will they won't they things. Just ask them and look for their reactions. Even if they say yes, but look filled with panic then step back. If they say no, but look like you're their last train out of hell, maybe slow down, but don't bail entirely.

And know who you are and what you can and cannot tolerate or do. Like this doesn't have to be pure torment or some perfectly clinical thing. Talk to each other and then add in behavior, actions, and reactions.

mashedturnip · 2025-12-23T18:37:27+00:00

Of course you can. You can want to have many, not just one

Now, if you care about what the other person thinks, that’s a different story

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-12-23T20:57:08+00:00

Uh, what?

You trying to go uber religious mode then?

Obsessivethot · 2025-12-23T23:01:22+00:00

You have to tell them with words that you want exclusivity. You are not entitled to have it just because you feel like you should. Very bizarre

pwnkage · 2025-12-24T05:24:19+00:00

I knew you were Slavic before I opened up the post because my boyfriend is Slavic too and he’s the most morally good and most handsome man I’ve ever met but also the most unhealthily enmeshed man I’ve ever met thanks to Eastern European family trauma.

Green_Quiet1717 · 2025-12-24T08:49:36+00:00

Communicate. Tell the other person directly that you want monogamy. If she's hesitant, just cut your losses and walk away.

If you have hard boundaries, it's up to you to communicate and enforce them. Don't assume someone can just read your mind or let them string you along when you already know this is not what you want.

xxTheMagicBulleT · 2025-12-24T12:18:43+00:00

Definitely there is a world apart from lust and love.

Lust os just sexual acces.

Love is being at a level you care for them and put them before your own needs.

People often see lust the same as love there not.

Prestigious-Smoke511 · 2025-12-24T13:47:13+00:00

The reasoning simply doesn’t work on this one. At all. This is logically invalid.

peaceful_pastry · 2025-12-23T19:01:59+00:00

I disagree I just am not a jealous person. So long as things are fair I’d be down for whatever. Consenting adults and all that.

SecondEldenLord · 2025-12-23T23:04:05+00:00

Not necessarily, it just means you love sex too much and got too many options. Most of the people who want exclusivity are usually people who don't have many options.

Title	If you don't want to be exclusivity with a person, then you don't really like them.
Author	Cultural-Ad-8486
Upvotes	79
Comments	182
Date	December 23, 2025 3:42 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ptx29n/if_you_dont_want_to_be_exclusivity_with_a_person/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-you-dont-want-to-be-exclusivity-with-a-person.1569520 https://theredarchive.com/post/1569520

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