Why divorce if things are amicable?

Moms_Sketti88 · 2026-03-02T16:08:26+00:00

I for sure see your thoughts on this. Ours was very contentious but knew it would be when I filed against my ex-wife. She has a short fuse and super high temper when she was mad. She spent thousands on legal fees to try to make my life hell. She wanted me to only have our child 3 nights a month. I’m glad it’s over.

I always thought if it was amicable, maybe it would have made things harder and I would have dismissed the divorce case. Even as much as I despise her, I do miss having a family unit, one house, bigger pay checks for tax purposes, having money in my checking account and most of all seeing my kid every day. I sometimes wished during the process some kind of out of body experience would happen to change her. Of course that was just fantasy. I hate being divorced but I also didn’t love my wife.

Chaotic_Boots · 2026-03-02T14:17:50+00:00

I had a completely amicable divorce and I'll tell you why it was absolutely necessary: we were miserable together, we had tried therapy, we had tried separate bedrooms and hadn't slept next to each other in years, we had so much resentment built up that we did start to generally hate each other, we barely had sex, and frankly couldn't stand living with each other anymore. Being honest and civil about all of that, doesn't fix it. What did fix it was me moving out, and us getting divorced.

We're actually friends now, we are both in long term relationships with other people, and we have a better relationship than ever. We are both not as burnt out, we are both getting out needs met, and in that situation, we are much happier people and are more easily nice to each other.

leaving4me · 2026-03-02T13:21:49+00:00

My ex was amicable to separate and through a lengthy separation while we attempted to work through the financial and custody details. Amicable as long as she was in total control of the kids and 100% of the marital assets that is. I offered 50/50 on the kids and a sweetheart deal on the assets to move on, but that didn't meet her absolutes, so I filed. She didn't return to amicable until day 4 of trial when her wishes and reality collided in front of a judge and I retained far more of the marital assets than I offered originally. It cost her $100k to wage that war only for me to net better than my offer by a landslide. Now she's just spiteful.

rojo1161 · 2026-03-02T12:36:52+00:00

Being amicable isn't enough for some. Why stay in a loveless sexless marriage? Let's say there are no kids involved, you've become roommates, share income and expenses, live in separate rooms, yet one or both of you needs more than a platonic companion. Staying is safe and comfortable, mostly drama-free, but offers no chance for growth, for the chance at something meaningful with another person. or simply healing one's own issues and past traumas.

bob_dazz · 2026-03-02T07:50:49+00:00

We’re not in love anymore. Too much water under the bridge, and we’ve grown apart. We both want very different things. But we’re aligned on being great co-parents and strong role models so we work hard to be amicable. It gets easier as time goes on, and we used ti be best friends but now we’re just good friends.

I like that there is minimal conflict in my life with my ex.

koolllG_uy1911 · 2026-03-02T05:39:41+00:00

Reason #1 - Money. Reason #2 - Money. Reason #3 - Children.

Lawyers are expensive. Say you have $100,000 to split. Instead of even 50/50, lawyers will likely take at the minimum $10,000 from each side. Even more if it’s a contested divorce.

aardy · 2026-03-02T04:57:42+00:00

I filed before I detested her, but after it was clear there was only one direction it was going.

We, with a shared goal, wrapped up a California divorce in nine months, after almost a decade of marriage.

When we do not have a specific shared goal, we aren't particularly amicable. Tactical might be the better word for those situations. Which still means I'm at least dealing with someone rational.

UrAristotle · 2026-03-02T04:07:43+00:00

Because marriage is a democracy but the vote has to be unanimous.

TheDussem · 2026-03-02T03:07:13+00:00

It's just easier sometimes to be the bigger man.

I can't afford the house alone, so she's taking it. The dog loves her more than me, so she's taking him. Why fight over things that aren't going to work in your favor?

I wanted to fight for the relationship and talk and communicate, but she didn't. I never wanted to get nasty with it, and I try really hard not to, simply to make it easier in the long run.

Vollen595 · 2026-03-02T02:58:17+00:00

The only attempt her being amicable came when my ex realized she was about to be destroyed in court. Prior to that she was an entitled insufferable b*tch. Even before I filed. Now that it’s final my version of amicable is ignoring her completely.

ExaminationKlutzy194 · 2026-03-02T02:55:57+00:00

No. Move on. Other that having kids in common. Split and move on.

shell_shocked_today · 2026-03-02T02:44:16+00:00

For me it had something to do with her having a crush on a random person she saw at her job (customer) and telling me for months that she didn't love me and never had loved me.

MaximumIll7812 · 2026-03-02T02:13:57+00:00

Amicable just means you both know its over and are willing to be a team one last time.

It doesn't mean you love that person still.

ArizonaSpartan · 2026-03-02T02:08:26+00:00

Because when spouses know the goal is to get out some have reason kick in and will try to leave emotions out of it.

Chemical-Eye-1828 · 2026-03-02T01:33:41+00:00

I would add that if one tries to be their best self it will spillover into their marriage and perhaps even make it easier to reconcile.

Plastic_Canary_6637 · 2026-03-02T01:02:52+00:00

Amicable doesn’t mean happy and the goal of a relationship should be happiness

TimeCycle3000 · 2026-03-02T00:53:20+00:00

Friendship might be there but no longer romance .0

Delicious-Curious · 2026-03-02T00:41:38+00:00

To my wife, “amicable” means the way she wants things to unfold.

Delicious-Curious · 2026-03-02T00:41:27+00:00

To my wife, “amicable” means the way she wants things to unfold.

Environmental_Art760 · 2026-03-02T00:31:38+00:00

Amicable usually means a no-fault, non-contested divorce. The divorce is happening, they just chose to be civil.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-03-02T00:25:37+00:00

I think there are actually some people that agree to 'nest' until the children are independent or left the house.
Both have to agree though and if someone does not want to be 'just roommates' and want to go for whatever reason, then no point in trying to reason with them to stay.

Also sometimes they detest you even before they have even spoken a word about divorce.

dystinct · 2026-03-02T00:17:16+00:00

Amicable is deciding it’s over and how to work together to end it.

Title	Why divorce if things are amicable?
Author	No-Seaworthiness969
Upvotes	12
Comments	34
Date	March 2, 2026 12:14 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ridre0/why_divorce_if_things_are_amicable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-divorce-if-things-are-amicable.1574537 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574537

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