Why rush back into a relationship? What is wrong with living single

No_Test_660 · 2026-03-17T19:48:21+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with being single.

But after years of shared life, silence can feel loud.

So people don’t chase love they chase familiarity. The real freedom is when being alone feels full, not empty.

I’ve been learning this again after a 10 year relationship.

The_Vincent_44 · 2026-03-17T08:03:15+00:00

The single life is underrated but I think most men don't know what to do with themselves outside of their marriage. When it's been your whole identity for years, you just look to get back to what you know.

I firmly believe once you are content by yourself, then you are truly ready to look for a partner. Before then it's potentially chaos.

2026-03-17T07:35:43+00:00

I think it's because these men have only known being in a relationship and are using relationships as an emotional crutch. My belief is that you need to be able to do everything by yourself before you can find a good partner. If you can be happy and look after yourself, anybody who comes into your life next is going to have to offer something else to be able to stay. That means you aren't sticking to a bad situation because you need someone to cook for you or do your laundry or help you emotionally.

Outlawt0rn-NZ · 2026-03-16T23:49:25+00:00

My wife and 10 year old son are shifting out in 4 weeks to one of our other other homes, that shes getting debt free as part of her 50% equity settlement. As an introvert myself, I'm more than happy, in fact really prefer, my own company/freedom and have NO intention of dating again. I earn multi 6 figures, still retain 3 cars and 2 homes, admittedly with mortgages...look ok etc etc, but I seek no one for companionship/validation, just happy doing my own thing here on in. I have a loyal dog, hobbies, take myself to a nice restaurant or to the movies by myself, road trip etc, and more importantly I no longer have to walk on eggshells in my own home. I still look/admire women, but then tell myself yeah/na.. Not buying into their bait and hook...

MensDivorceCircle · 2026-03-15T07:08:48+00:00

I rushed into a relationship after my separation, so I get why it happens.

In my case I was in a new relationship within about three months and my divorce wasn’t even final yet. Looking back, I wasn’t ready at all. I was hurt, confused, lonely, and honestly just trying to feel normal again.

The woman I started dating was going through a divorce too. She had been cheated on and was dealing with her own heartbreak. We were both pretty broken at the time. And if I’m being honest, the attraction didn’t hurt either. She was incredibly attractive and that made it easy to ignore all the emotional reality underneath.

At the time it felt amazing because we understood each other’s pain and we weren’t alone. But what I didn’t realize was that two wounded people can easily bond over the trauma instead of actually building something healthy.

For me it wasn’t really about love. It was about validation, distraction, and trying to patch a hole that divorce had blown in my life.

I think a lot of men do this. Divorce blows up your identity, your routines, and your emotional support all at once. Jumping into another relationship can feel like getting your life back.

But looking back, I would have been better off taking more time to rebuild myself first. It’s a lot easier to build a healthy relationship when you’re not trying to use it as emotional first aid.

I just went through my second divorce, and have been single for over a year and loving it. I even left the U.S. for three months living in Portugal. Take the time to learn about yourself, and regulate your nervous system and stop chasing your own emotions with a shot of sex and affection.

HarveyMushman72 · 2026-03-15T04:52:04+00:00

Still in the process. I have no desire to be in any sort of relationship ever again. I am done. I get horny, I rub one out and the post nut clarity sets in. I value my peace over everything.

Frosty_Rants2 · 2026-03-15T03:19:32+00:00

Well said. It's OK to be single. Remember; when you say yes to one, simultaneously you are saying NO to the other 4 billion women on the planet.

SinglePlayerOnlyPlz · 2026-03-14T23:09:45+00:00

I enjoy not having to answer someone for why i enjoy the way i continue living. However: i felt like i was finally worth something when i was with someone by my side. The title of boyfriend or husband fills me with great honor, pride, and self-assurance... As well as confidence. Being loved is the greatest feeling in the world, no question. No amount of money, material posessions, or enjoyment with hobbies will never fill the void that remains when you are single. Unfortunately love is a double-edged sword. As great as it can be, i'll never forget the depth of pain and betrayal i've been under rose-tinted glasses that love put on me.

To summarize: the reason people seek relationships varies from person to person, but those like me only feel worth something when that someone is with us, so I am only one example. I realize it's not a healthy mindset, but every day i am trying to better myself and strengthen my mind, so that a woman is never the only reason i can be happy again.

Sea_Structure_2910 · 2026-03-14T21:10:34+00:00

Every situation is different. I didn't rush back into a relationship, but I saw the appeal.

Divorce is like the ultimate rejection, so getting into a new and exciting relationship reassures the ego that we're still desirable. It can also replace the physical affection that was lost.

There's plenty of petty reasons as well, like trying to show off to your ex that they're missing out, or that you don't need them and you're happier without them.

I think it's usually not the best strategy, most people would be better off taking time to heal and feel whole on their own, but I think that's a hard road to travel. I was married for a decade and a half, together with my ex for almost 20 years, and I had mostly been in medium-long term relationships before that. Being with someone was all I knew, and the shock of suddenly being so alone was pretty fucking jarring.

The freedom was refreshing, but the long silences that filled up the moments where having a partner used to be such a comfort were challenging to say the least.

Retying3043 · 2026-03-14T18:26:50+00:00

Most divorced guys have a bro mindset and define themselves by the attention that women give them.

There is nothing wrong with being single and enjoying your freedom.

Feezyp · 2026-03-14T16:44:49+00:00

Take time to heal homie

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2026-03-14T13:48:21+00:00

I enjoy going out with a woman everything that comes along with it. One thing I won't do is get married again, have another kid (vasectomy), or move in with a woman.

ng_rddt · 2026-03-14T13:24:15+00:00

There are many benefits to being with a partner in a healthy, committed relationship; the benefits I am going to list only apply for HEALTHY relationships: 1) health: both men and women live longer and healthier when in a relationship-men, especially, are known to rarely see the doctor and get checkups, and having a partner who loves us and reminds us to look after our health is good-another pair of eyes making sure we stay healthy is a good thing; 2) Financial: Sharing expenses and social security benefits means that many couples have much more financial freedom/early retirement options than single people; 3) social: workplaces and society in general looks down on people who are single in their 50s because there is this assumption that there is something “off” about that person.

To find a healthy relationship, read Dr Shawn Smiths book: Gatekeepers, a tactical guide to commitment. It is written for men. Best book I read post divorce.

soontobesolo · 2026-03-14T11:26:31+00:00

No rush, but it's a new opportunity to date and explore relationships of all kinds on your own terms. A fresh slate. A world of possibilities.

I had a blast!

Don't limit yourself to one person, is the secret. Not for a while anyway.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2026-03-14T11:10:58+00:00

Missing companionship. I like women, I like a different perspective, the zest for life of younger girls, and they are pretty to look at, smell nice. Had a woman hang out and sleep over for a month, it was nice. Very relaxing, my physical aches stopped, I was more energetic, slept better, more optimistic. Sex was very passionate. Not rushing into a serious relationship or cohabitation and never again into marriage.

I was very lonely and touch starved for the last 6 years of my marriage, plus I'm 45 and it's not like I'm getting any younger. I see no benefits of not dating or waiting for... whatever. I mean, it's OK to be single, peaceful but monotonous.

kepler22Bnecromancer · 2026-03-14T10:46:28+00:00

Single is freedom. I'm not against someone else but I'm not desperate or even seeking it. My kids are teens now and my priority and I'm focusing on myself and rebuilding. I just don't have the time or energy to dedicate to a woman. I enjoy the attention I get on occasion and if it happens it'll happen naturally and be casual, not forcing. Maybe later when the kids are raised I'll be more open to it.

PigletGreedy2195 · 2026-03-14T07:49:15+00:00

Take your time learn how to be single again learn to rebuild your identity outside of a relationship. You’ll thank yourself in the future. You can avoid a destructive rebound that will trap you.

Clockblocker69 · 2026-03-14T07:13:58+00:00

Poah

You know I came from a loveless marriage. I’ve met someone I really like and love in the mean time but I “can’t have her”. For now at least.

Now I’m just continuously doubting myself and feeling I won’t be able to operate in a healthy relationship at all since I haven’t had that.

I miss the affection, someone who’s actually interested in me, someone I can give some love to. But then again the dating world is fucked. My self worth is fucked. I guess living on my own is something I have to get used to but I don’t want to. I feel like it’s a slippery slope where you just miss out on what this life has to offer but in the mean time trying to accept that I’m alone and will be.

It’s a constant mindfuck between seeing people happy, knowing others are intimate and accepting that that’s not for me although I desire it.

I mean, I probably wouldn’t want to move in with anytime soon at all. Heck I’d even be open to an open relationship, I just need someone who sees me. And no, my friends (male and female) can’t fill that void.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-03-14T05:58:57+00:00

Lots of us haven’t really lived alone or fully taken care of ourselves for any extended period of time so there’s a skills deficiency- at least I think that has something to do with it. Also the fear of being alone.

mesi130 · 2026-03-14T05:07:58+00:00

Oh I’m staying single! I have no desire to date again. No benefit to being married. I love the single life. No one to answer to. No women to complicate my life

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2026-03-14T04:50:40+00:00

I definitely think you shouldn’t rush back into the market. I am dating again now after taking a year off. Much better this time. Not pushing for sex or validation but yes it is fun to hang out with someone my age and that has that feminine charm. But I’ll admit you have to sift through a fair amount of mismatches. Not really that different from my youth. But really dating is not that hard as long you don’t feel you need to.

Gattsama · 2026-03-14T04:14:20+00:00

There's no right answer, but there's a lot of wrong answers and bad choices. A lot of men do not have a mission. In the absence of a mission, they feel bored and directionless. A lot of men end up making the relationship or their family their mission to fill that space .

Since most of the time the divorce is initiated by the woman, the men kind of lose their sense of self. And the absence of that the feel that they need an external in order to get back on track or have a mission .

So unfortunately a lot of guys end up looking for a new relationship so they can step right back into that husband role again. The truth is only boring. People get bored. If you have time and extra space in your life, it's because you're not directing it towards more fruitful options. And for a lot of people they think if They are in a relationship. It fixes that problem. And in a way it does. Because if you have free time a woman will find a way to totally fill that up lol

Plastic_Canary_6637 · 2026-03-14T03:17:52+00:00

Nothing is wrong. Most of us got married bc we wanted that companionship. Even after a failed marriage we still want that closeness and family so it’s natural that we try to seek it out again

Historical_Eye3756 · 2026-03-14T03:15:27+00:00

👆 right here is a smart man! 46 years old and I too enjoy my freedom. I can see for some guys but I was always independent and never relied on the ex wife for anything including taking care of our kids.

PS - No way will I ever get married again.

Bonsai-ninja · 2026-03-14T03:05:55+00:00

There's nothing wrong with being single however for me personally I enjoy having someone to protect, love and care for. I love connecting with someone and sharing experiences with them.

No-Spinach-169 · 2026-03-14T01:51:26+00:00

I have been divorced for five years now, and never dated since. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single. I think most men are driven to seek out women because our sex urges get the better of us.

NanooNanooBot · 2026-03-14T01:50:29+00:00

For me, I feel like I am one of the best versions of myself that I have been & I'd like to share that with someone before my body declines more & it gets harder. (I've had spinal & chronic pain issues).

tonyway7293 · 2026-03-14T01:23:59+00:00

10 years with someone who discarded me like trash in the end and is trying to rape me financially.

No kids, so it is time for ME to be selfish…. But, I’m not going to date.

Been hitting the gym consistently making noticeable gains. Therapy once a week to process. Tried skiing for the first time. I plan on riding my motorcycle a lot this season doing more trips. Travel. Build a classic truck. Eventually, get a dog (STBXW took both dogs…. One of which died in her care after she left).

I hopped right into the dating apps as soon as she left the home in July. I had some fun but it was mainly a headache. I’m not impressed at all, with the current dating “scene”. It’s mainly divorced women and single moms who blame and talk poorly about their exes. You will also get posted on the local Facebook “Are we Dating the Same Guy” and “Tea App”, and you will get judged and slandered by other women you never even met.

No thanks.

JayRock1970 · 2026-03-14T00:59:23+00:00

I think there's a primal drive within men to have a family/tribe to take care of.

conker574 · 2026-03-14T00:51:43+00:00

Dating lightly. But, personally I want a family. Not to replace my old family, but i want to enjoy life with someone. Hard part now is finding someone who's equally or less damaged as me.

bob_dazz · 2026-03-14T00:05:31+00:00

I’m currently chatting to multiple women. Dating lightly. Not interested in much else. It’s fun. Putting yourself out there is great for your confidence and is helping me realise that unlike my ex wife, women actually think I ‘m a pretty good guy. They want to talk and flirt and I’m here for it.

HotCut100 · 2026-03-13T23:37:40+00:00

This was the longest relationship I ever had (10 years) so I want to take the time alone to rediscover who I am, who I want to be around, and what I truly want. Relationships mess with your head and trigger the desire to please someone else through sacrifice and service. After having such non-reciprocal relations, the mind, body and soul needs to be fed. And I want to emphasize this point -only you can do that. A new partner can help, but it’s truly on you. Even in a relationship, it’s up to you to tell your partner how they can help meet your needs, whatever they may be.

For me personally, I’ve got young kids to focus on to make sure that they are protected from her stupidity and the situation she created. Something as simple as sitting on the couch, holding them watching a movie with all of us laughing to tears at an utterly stupid joke is infinitely better than the drama of being in a relationship. Now, when they are with their mother, that doesn’t mean I’m going to be celibate.

Living single doesn’t mean celibate. And I agree with one of the other commenters, we as men need to learn to sit alone and in uncomfortable situations. That’s the only way you confront your deepest fears. Whether they are about being alone or possibly the mistakes you made leading to this point, or fears about the future. You have to sit in that and confront it in order to deal with it and move forward.

Reflog1791 · 2026-03-13T23:25:12+00:00

If you’re hitting the gym and taking care of #1 many fine women will want a shot at the champ. If your ex was a dirtbag it seems like any woman who shows interest is 1000x better than your ex. And most of them are. Just don’t let the next one take 60% of your shit and ongoing payments.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-03-13T23:20:56+00:00

75% of the time it is the woman who walks away. Most of the time she already has a new partner, and the rest of the time she moves on to a partner very quickly.

This is a huge blow to the male ego, and understandably so. Divorced guys try to move on quickly to prove to themselves that they still have "it" and are able to still attract women.

Most men are unable to sit in uncomfortable and unfamiliar situations. They either had no father in the home at all, or if they did that father was weak and embraced comfort. No surprise the desire to leave uncomfortable situations ASAP rather than sitting in them and growing as a man.

Typically they will marry again very quickly and replay the same relationship over again, just with a different partner. Normally it takes divorce #3 before they put the work in.

Accomplished-Bet-883 · 2026-03-13T23:12:39+00:00

Some of us have, for all practical purposes, been single and celibate for years.

Ticktock, time don't stand still and there's things I want to do again.

BigBubbaMac · 2026-03-13T23:04:42+00:00

I'm staying single and celibate at least until I'm fully divorced. Probably for longer.

Title	Why rush back into a relationship? What is wrong with living single
Author	No-Seaworthiness969
Upvotes	39
Comments	62
Date	March 13, 2026 10:58 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1rt2mok/why_rush_back_into_a_relationship_what_is_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-rush-back-into-a-relationship-what-is-wrong.1575431 https://theredarchive.com/post/1575431

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