A woman who’s with an obviously terrible man is also a terrible person.

DisastrousAttitude · 2026-04-13T11:42:21+00:00

That's something I used to think about when I was younger. I'd feel sorry for any girl who ended up with some guys I knew were assholes, but with experience I realized they're probably not much better than them

BanDeezNutzPlease · 2026-04-13T16:38:39+00:00

Wrong. The most terrible people in the world are men who can't get laid. It is because women can detect bad personalities and misogyny with their highly developed personality detector glands.

So Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy, OJ Simpson, Rae Carruth, Josef Stalin, Adolf Hitler, Genghis Khan, etc. were all good and decent people. Whereas men who are single are literally worse than Hitler. Because at least Hitler had a girlfriend. She clearly loved him because she was able to detect his good personality. Unlike the encels whose misogyny and bad personality signals are so strong that they can be detected even through internet dating sites.

No-Appointment-8270 · 2026-04-13T12:54:16+00:00

I'm gonna be hated for this but for A LOT of women, evil & humiliation turns them on

Ok_Cook_3098 · 2026-04-13T14:29:24+00:00

Thats reads like a classical "just world" Fallacy.

Sometimes good people do bad things and bad people good things. Sometimes good people get together with bad people.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-04-13T11:40:37+00:00

We have to define good and bad for that conversation. Usually women don't hang out around drug dealers and criminals, unless they are from that surroundings themselves, or are deeply troubled. And if by "bad" we mean those men, and those women, okay, sure.

But for example abusers come in all sorts of social status, looks and intelligence levels. There are lawyers who are abusers, there are celebrities, politicians and rednecks. Are those bad? Are women who ended up in relationship with them are also bad? I saw mostly that women had self-esteem issues more than morality issues.

And i would say that people tend to be around people with similar socio-economic class more than it's about morality.

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TheRedPillRipper · 2026-04-13T12:37:07+00:00

if you are around obviously bad people, you are a bad person as well

The primary flaw in this viewpoint is if an entire society is fundamentally bad. Objectively, the choices of the good in those societies are limited because of the society itself. A prime example found in the book I am Malala.

The secondary flaw in this viewpoint is ignorance. Objectively an individual is either ignorant of, or responsible for addressing issues. One can be a good human, and still be utterly ignorant of the terrible people around them.

Ultimately, most of us are human. We make mistakes. Go through phases. Acknowledging this and retaining sufficient perspective is critical, to ensuring one is not overly judgemental by looking beyond the superficial.

Turbulent-Company373 · 2026-04-13T12:48:16+00:00

Women like to ask where have all the good men gone. However, men could also ask where have all the good women gone.

Commercial-Formal272 · 2026-04-13T22:59:40+00:00

Conversations like this is why I prefer the term "maladaptive" over "bad person". "Bad" carries moral implications and a sense of fault, while "maladaptive" indicates that someone is faulty. The trauma might explain poor decisions, but that doesn't make the decision less faulty. I'd say that, while some women are evil and indulge in malice vicariously through their evil partner, in most cases the woman isn't a morally terrible person, and instead is terrible at being a well functional person.
Whether this is seen as more or less harsh is another matter, but making the distinction does help bypass most of the morality, guilt, and sympathy driven conversations. Many times those "two bad people" pairings are just two broken people breaking eachother more.

Maleficent_Kale939 · 2026-04-15T21:46:33+00:00

10000% OP. My mom had a habit of being with abusive men. First time it happened 6 year old me was terrified and sobbing with me. 10th felon she ended up with that she tried to get me to call “dad” I was already way checked out and contemptuous of her

I blame myself too for being with my narcissistic ex wife. She sucks, sure. But why’d I allow myself to be with a person that sucks for that long? Why’d I blind myself?

These things run in families. I have to work every single day on valuing and loving myself, building confidence, seeking healthy conflict, having boundaries etc. If I’m with a bad woman that’s my fault.

Too many people go through life just allowing bad people in and then complaining. Buck stops with me going forward. Never again.

nightcall379 · 2026-04-13T11:47:52+00:00

With the exception of family trauma, and even that requires context, a good person doesnt hang around bad people. The reason why I have to state the obvious, because a lot of guys here have convinced themselves that “even the good ones when bad men”, which makes no sense.

So, in other words, "No True Scotsman"- "No True Good Woman"

It makes perfect sense considering what they're biologically designed to search for in a mate

If women are biologically programmed to find handsome psychopathic men, because beauty equals health, and health equals offspring with a higher likelihood of survival, same with psychopathic Machiavellian personality types which also increases the likelihood of survival, then it makes perfect for all women, good or bad, to be attracted to those types of men

Nature is amoral, it only has one goal, survival of the species

Attraction is amoral as well

Women can't choose what men gives them the tingles

And most importantly, the problem is that all of this will inevitably be anecdotal

Women will never admit that they dated an attractive guy despite him being evil, they'll always find excuses to not seem bad, like: "he changed", "he was abusive", "manipulative", "Stockholm syndrome", and so on

m0rbidowl · 2026-04-13T16:58:25+00:00

I give women a little grace if they're young and inexperienced. Some women are raised in toxic environments and think terrible men are "normal" (I speak from experience). I think a lot of women in those situations have at least one toxic relationship in their lives.

However, after a certain age/going through the same thing before, they should know better. The people you surround yourself with says a lot about your character.

Ronniebbb · 2026-04-13T12:54:19+00:00

I think there are nuisances to this though. And we also need to consider how manipulative some horrible ppl are.

I've ppl both men and women, who were just nice ppl, and they meet someone (online or whatever) and they think that person is a nice one as well. Then the manipulation sets in after a point (usually when they're dependent on them) and it goes downhill fast.

When I was in highschool, a girl a I knew found herself in a severely abusive relationship. She was literally a hallmark movie nice girl. Her parents raised her to be quiet, agreeable etc. and she started dating another classmate as freshmen, both in grade 8.

He by that point was a really great guy by appearances and grade 8&9 they were that couple from highschool. Then summer of grade 9 things started to change. She was distancing herself from friends to make him happy, even cutting back from family. By mid way through grade 10 he was beating her and raping her. School somewhat turned a blind eye to it, because that's how anything bullying related was handled. It took till grade 12 to finally get her to dump him and that took on a whole other storm.

DriverInitial8305 · 2026-04-13T13:34:50+00:00

Simping and chivalry is the only reason why anyone would think differently. The drug dealers and abusive men are somehow always with a woman to sleep with. At some point these women should be held accountable

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Foreign_Look8668 · 2026-04-13T16:37:13+00:00

Birds of a feather

Lucky-Seaweed6807 · 2026-04-15T18:48:41+00:00

Actually I’d disagree. I’ve been in a relationship with an asshole, I’ve seen women and men do it too. If you’re lonely and you vibe with someone, you really dgaf if they’re a bad person. I’d rather be around an asshole that treats me like a human than “good people” who treat me like a subhuman.

Winter-Item4335 · 2026-04-16T06:39:00+00:00

Another bitter woman blaming men for all her problems. I know more good men stuck with miserable women and I say stuck because men sacrifice everything and stay for the family and their kids. Women will burn the family to the ground to spite the man. Reddit has really become an outlet for angry single women that will never date and definitely never marry because of the warped convoluted thoughts rattling around inside their heads I cannot imagine listening to you spew hatred in person.

Turbulent-Serve5777 · 2026-04-13T12:10:00+00:00

I agree with this. Good point!

John_Oakman · 2026-04-13T12:19:20+00:00

Thing is, successful bad people (well successful people in general, but focusing on bad people in particular to be on topic) tend to be charismatic, thus manages to fool good people. This state of affairs can be seen in many aspects of society, from politics to businesses to fandoms to social groups, in which the leadership tend to be terrible people, even when most of the rank and file are not bad people*.

Of course the traits that makes one charismatic is independent of their moral character, as there are just as many (if not even more) unsuccessful bad losers out there and about, but it is mistaken to assume that good moral character is dependent upon intelligence (specifically the ability to distinguish manipulative behavior).

On a side note, there's also the issue of moral virtues being defined in passive terms, which gives the morally virtuous limited means to forward their cause (especially compared to their more immoral counterparts).

*Unless one believes the underlying assumption that the default state of human being is wickedness (which is different from believing that the natural state of man is fallen and in sin), but that view has its own coherence issues.

Weak-Tumbleweed-3796 · 2026-04-13T12:26:47+00:00

I think this is much more nuanced than you're making out, what's your definition of morality? Are you referring to societal standards that uphold certain behaviours as good and others as bad and if so, which society? Obviously, moral behaviour differs from country to country, from continent to continent...

Are you referring to strictly criminal behaviour? If so, socioeconomic factors play a huge role. If a woman grows up in poverty, she is more likely to grow up around criminal behaviour and that behaviour will therefore be normalised and she will seek out a partner, whether consciously or subconsciously, that displays such traits as it will be a form of comfort and familiarity to her. When you grow up around criminality, that behaviour is often rationalised as being morally ok i.e 'it's ok to steal from large companies as they wont even notice and we need it'. Does a person being a product of their environment make them a bad person and if so, how were they meant to avoid conforming to behaviours and beliefs that they were exposed to as a child?

Are you referring to women who end up with abusive men? If so, study after study have found that abusers hide their true personality at the start of a relationship, often appearing as loving, attentive and a genuinely nice person. This behaviour then changes once the relationship becomes more serious and more difficult for the woman to leave i.e marriage and/ or children. Does this reflect her morality? No, it reflects the behaviour of a manipulative person.

Title	A woman who’s with an obviously terrible man is also a terrible person.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	37
Comments	147
Date	April 13, 2026 11:36 AM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1sk86qs/a_woman_whos_with_an_obviously_terrible_man_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/a-woman-whos-with-an-obviously-terrible-man-is.1577834 https://theredarchive.com/post/1577834

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