Why do women treat their male friends so differently?

PositionStandard6089 · 2026-06-28T21:51:21+00:00

when i was a younger woman i would support, listen to, and care about my male friends with the same regard as my female friends.

there ended up just being too many instances where they thought that i was in love with them, or flirting with them, or they got romantically attached in some way.

after my friend max tried to massage me sensually and i asked him if we needed to have a talk about friendship boundaries and he flipped out, accused me of leading him on and then stood outside my building scream/sobbing "but i love you!" when we had spent relatively little time together, i realized it wasn't worth it.

ashpr0ulx · 2026-06-28T22:38:00+00:00

why do men treat their female friends differently?

i work in a male dominated field: i am the therapist and personal medic for all the guys. i don’t even mind but they aren’t running to steve to bandage them and talk about their marriage problems.

now, if your friend doesn’t want to hear your vulnerability, ever, that’s just a shit friend.

i can say when i have refused vulnerability with men i’m friendly with it’s usually because it is too intimate, bordering on romantic groundwork laying. such as complaining about their current relationship in a way that shows interest in me and disrespects their partner.

love_in_october · 2026-06-29T06:01:56+00:00

Men who do get treated like emotionally close female best friends often complain about being "led on".

And if they're treated like standard female friends they often end up like this post, complaining that these mean women aren't prioritising their emotions.

anomalocarus · 2026-06-28T21:47:10+00:00

Every male friend ive ever had has hit on me, while knowing that i was not interested in that way AND that i was in a relationship. I just dont make friends with them anymore.

chamomilecloud · 2026-06-28T21:48:45+00:00

I don’t get vulnerable with any males outside of my soon-to-be husband, brother, and dad.

I don’t even keep close male friends. It’s been my experience that men interpret emotional closeness as romantic interest, and I do not want to deal with navigating it if/when it happens. I have very close female friends and that’s my preference.

mooncake_bites · 2026-06-28T22:47:43+00:00

Some things men will just never be able to relate.
I was once being followed by a guy on campus and happened to come across my male friends (not friends anymore) and I begged them to give me a ride or walk with me. They laughed in my face (maybe they thought it was a joke) and then said out loud “your dorm is right there” in front of him. It was only after I burst into tears that they took me seriously.

Another time, I was hanging out with my friends who work at the desk of a dorm. The same stalker came in and asked me what floor I was on. I asked him “why?” It was another guy friend who said “it’s just a normal question, answer him.” The guy said “yea I’m just a normal guy.” He basically put me in the worst position in front of everyone and now I had to tell him. The rest of my school life was me making different routes to my dorm and making sure he couldn’t keep track of me.

Since then, I never made guy friends again. Whether it’s due to malice or ignorance, my life was derailed from that “mistake.” Just because they dont live the reality of a woman, men can easily do things that put you in danger even if they don’t mean to.

ThotismSpeaks · 2026-06-28T22:12:01+00:00

I hang out with femcels and I never heard this. The ones who are hostile towards men just don't befriend them.

There are certain forms of emotional intimacy and vulnerability I only share with my female friends, though, because there are issues that aren't appropriate to discuss with men, and ones that cross friendship boundaries knowing that most men are heterosexual, and I am too.

ValeWho · 2026-06-28T22:43:49+00:00

I don't treat men differently but I sometimes feel that men treat me differently.

I have only a few really close male friends and we can be colourable with each other, just as much as I can be with equally close female friends.

But occasionally there are some male friends that I do like but would not consider to be close friends. And I know they have several male friends who they are closer to than me. Yet for some reason they want me to console them, when they are having a bad time. And don't get me wrong, I have no problem with helping a friend in need. But sometimes I get the feeling that the only reason they come to me is because I am a woman and they seem to expect a woman would be better at handling emotional topics. And that just doesn't sit right with me

Financial_Leave4411 · 2026-06-28T22:45:36+00:00

My female friends don’t try to fuck me. 😑

Talking_Tanuki · 2026-06-28T22:00:24+00:00

I’m close with my male friends, but there are some boundaries to respect my husband. I’m not going to have a sleepover with my guy friends or travel with a guy without my husband. I’m still emotionally available and supportive.

pie-mart · 2026-06-28T22:20:58+00:00

Almost every single man i have been friends with eventually hit on me then ended our relationship wjen I rejected them

Sometimes they wait yeeears until you break up with someone.

And most of the time they become your friend to get sex or a relationship

The only men I have as friends are ex casual flings amd even then thats the looses definition of the word

GridReXX · 2026-06-29T02:34:39+00:00

When women treat male friends like how she treats her female or gay male friends, he acts as if she wants to fuck him or he thinks she’s into him.

They can’t handle platonic intimacy. All intimacy is sexual or romantic for them it seems.

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2026-06-28T21:48:51+00:00

I’m not really sure what you’re asking. I’ve always treated my male friends the same way I would treat my female friends. Unfortunately it lead to many of them confusing my kindness for romantic attraction and hurt feelings when I’d have to explain that I just wanted friendship.

dribblestrings · 2026-06-28T22:24:35+00:00

Because most of the time they just want to fuck us. I don’t want to get emotionally “intimate” nor “vulnerable” with a man, thats how feelings develop moreso on his side as they perceive it as something else. Emotional intimacy is what a partner is for, and if I need that I have my girlfriends and family as well.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2026-06-29T00:47:15+00:00

How different are we talking about here?

If I went on a holiday I would be more comfortable sharing a room with a female friend than a male one. Would you consider that "unfair"?

If it's just vulnerability and emotional chats I'll treat them the same.

Previous experiences have led me to learn that men can mistake friendship for romantic interest. So before I allow a man vulnerability and emotional chats I tend to make it very clear that there's no interest there.

Words like "well you're like a brother." Which means that generally by the time we get to that point there aren't any issues

My group of friends are fairly "anti-dating people you are friends with" anyway. Less drama

PuzzleheadedRow9896 · 2026-06-28T21:56:33+00:00

Haven't heard of it. My best friend is a dude and I have many other dude friends. The only time they're excluded is from girl only shit.

And they're welcome to be vulnerable and have emotional intimacy within boundaries of what is appropriate given that I'm married and not their person.

cb8585b · 2026-06-28T21:59:56+00:00

Well I’m especially close to some of my female friends and no I don’t envision being that close to a male friend. I’m talking I’m not giving my male friends bikini waxes and cuddling with them. But they are otherwise included in normal friendship activities with no difference.

Excellent_Badger123 · 2026-06-29T00:00:10+00:00

I have 3 carefully chosen close male friends. I don’t treat them differently from my female friends. Key is to have the mutual understanding through good honest communication that this is not ever going to be anything other than a platonic friendship. Inevitably I find the best basis for a mixed gender friendship is common ground like a long history of knowing one another or a specific thing we are both interested in like meditation.

text-redacted · 2026-06-29T13:23:47+00:00

I treat male friends different because I am attracted to men and men are mostly attracted to women. The line between emotional closeness and romance is a thin one so I try to stay far away from it in respect to my husband.

Additionally I have always felt myself more naturally relaxed in the company of women. I am shy and awkward in general and it just seems to be worse with men. I don't often have emotionally deep conversations with friends at all, but especially not with male friends.

AchingAmy · 2026-06-28T22:03:41+00:00

Oh, I don't treat men differently for those reasons. That's some gender bioessentialist bullshit. I treat trans women the same I do with cis women for example, and they were born with dick and balls and a y chromosome. Plus I was too lol.

I just treat people who identify with the privileged gender under patriachy differently because they're more likely to be objectifying me or a threat in general(most of them are stronger than me since I got weaker on HRT and, well, I have a bit too much of a sedentary lifestyle too.) Also those who were socialized male and didn't deconstruct that are problematic oftentimes because they lean into machismo, toxic masculinity, the manosphere, bro culture, or other stuff that's off-putting to me at best or toxic at worst. A lot of men don't seem to know how to be friends with women either but interpret romantic interest where there is none or just befriend us to get in our pants. If you notice, many complain about the "friendzone" precisely because they befriend women for sexual or romantic access only because they don't see us as friend-worthy and don't value us that way. Cishet guys also have the higest percent of homophobic. misogynistic, and transphobic people in their demographic, so I'm cautious with them for that reason.

Does this means I'd never be friends with a guy? No. But they're likely gonna need to be queer of some kind and deconstructed a lot of what they've learned from being socialized the way they were. I find I relate to people who share some common identity. Whether that's being queer or a woman, and often both. Most of my friends are queer women or other gender minorities.

Also not all women do treat male friends differently. For those who do, they often run into the same problems I talked about above. And many women don't treat people who amab all the same(what you claimed). Some see trans women very differently and treat us like any other woman. Though... some also are transmisogynistic or transphobic af. Women are all different and not a monolith... to repeat myself for like, idk, the hundredth time or something

AutoModerator · 2026-06-28T21:43:14+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	Why do women treat their male friends so differently?
Author	anarcho-leftist
Upvotes	0
Comments	126
Date	June 28, 2026 9:43 PM UTC (3 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ui9p88/why_do_women_treat_their_male_friends_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-women-treat-their-male-friends-so.1583840 https://theredarchive.com/post/1583840

Comments