What advice have men given you that aligns with FDS?

sadcello · 2020-08-21T07:18:34+00:00

A lot of men have confessed proudly to me in many ways that they know what they're doing, they just don't care, can't be bothered to do it the right way, or know for sure they'll get away with it.

There was a man who proudly told me he cheats because he can, because his wife will pretend nothing is happening. Even after he purposely got caught to hurt her, his wife forgives him even before he apologizes (he never had the intent to).

Men like him told me to not be his wife. To have standard and boundaries and not choose a man like him. Have more respect for myself, they said. Don't get married young, don't depend on men, have a dream and a job, don't get stuck as a housewife because no man will respect that kind of parasitic woman. Men don't want to be protector or provider to a weak woman, they want an equal.

But of course they can be honest and proud about it because they already had their cake and eat it. If their wives suddenly become their equal, got a high paying job and all, they won't suddenly respect her. If they get dumped by their wives, they'll curse her and get revenge on her. If the whole generation of women stand up for themselves and reject men like them, they will stop telling women like me to respect myself, they'll start telling women love is everything, sacrificing for family is noble, women's work at home is important and precious, men love nothing more but to protect and provide a woman who'll become a housewife, yada yada yada.

Men change what they say according to what they already have and what they want. This is a fact that only rings louder today when men are losing ground and power over women.

I didn't become a feminist because I listened to women. I listened to men and found out they're all selfish, self absorbed, immoral, opportunist piece of shits who are proud of 'gaming' the system and playing with women's feelings, bodies, minds and lives to get what they want.

I have never forgotten every single thing men told me. And they hate women like me with passion because it's harder to manipulate me.

plummyjellyfish · 2020-08-21T06:47:28+00:00

My dad was a male pickme, there's no other way to describe it.

He was constantly being taken advantage of by LVW and putting up with it again and again. I'm estranged from him now because his pickme/LVM ways lead him of course to capitulating to the first woman who told him that she didn't want him to see me anymore, so to hell with him for being so weak. As a kid, even I would ask him why he allowed his girlfriends to take his money, hit him in the face, why he did nothing when they hit their own children in front of him, etc etc.

He would just shake his head and never really reply...I was definitely the 'adult' in our household. But one day, I suppose he had a moment of insight and honesty, and turned to me and said, 'I don't know why I do these things, Plummy. I'm just lonely. But I'm not a good man and I know they're not good women, either. I'm just lonely. Whatever you do, I don't care what you do, don't ever end up like me or with someone like me.'

So in a way, my dad was a role model in the sense that he was a walking, talking, breathing example of what NOT to do.

Davina33 · 2020-08-21T07:44:11+00:00

I had someone who was like a grandfather to me. He was in his early 70s. He met my ex and straightaway he didn't like him. He knew my ex was stringing me along. He used to make me packed lunches for work and iron my blouses. He taught me what to expect from men. My grandfather moved to Jamaica and I never had a father so I really appreciated his advice. R.I.P Pete.

Mountain_Nectarine_6 · 2020-08-21T06:44:30+00:00

the only advice a man gave me that was FDS worthy was from my landlord who is an elderly man in his 70s-

he said, YOU are a princess and don’t you ever forget that. any guy is lucky to date you, not the other way around. now stop crying over some worthless guy and go enjoy your day

other than that, pretty much NOTHING. all my former guy friends are trash and offered LVM advice since they’re also LVM and tried to take me down with them

GIfuckingJane · 2020-08-21T08:06:30+00:00

I'm in the military and almost every male mentor has told me not to get married. Hell, my mentor pulled me aside yesterday and told me again! They have seen all their female friends and fellow Soldiers get held down by their relationships. My mentor told me men will break you down, be resentful if you excel, and expect you to make the sacrifices for his career.

So I don't know what to do. I've come to the realization that marriage is setup to benefit the man. I don't know if ill be able to find some who will support my dreams and make sacrifices for me. Men don't seem build for this. Maybe I need to get realistic.

azngirl7689 · 2020-08-21T12:08:17+00:00

My father told me to consider myself single until the man proposed. His reasoning was that a proposal shows he’s serious and only at that point should I take him as an exclusive suitor.

finalbosskitten · 2020-08-21T07:14:24+00:00

Trippy question, love it.

I think I've heard one from a partner. Not sure if it is FDS or Pickme of me to acknowledge but: I want you to take for granted having your needs fulfilled...because you deserve it.

Despite having done way more than I hear 99%+ of guys doing for their partners, he literally acted like it was just as easygoing as clouds in the air and it also made him...just, happy and smitten, visibly. I think a key is that he took the initiative; didn't have to ask, he did stuff because, simply, he wanted me to be happier and could actually read me and what I needed most of the time. He helped me completely recover from severe anxiety as well. Isn't like he compromised on himself either (though was able to). He had his hobbies, long-time friends, and fulfilled his ambitions.

It was an all around good experience to hear it as, indirectly, it taught me that a healthy relationship is one where you aren't afraid of everything exploding the next day, or good things being temporary because they just...are...and come from such a deep-rooted place of good will, appreciation and love that they're unbending. Also another takeaway is that it's SOOOOO scary how transactional people assume such things like this are? And seeing this stuff as being a begruding, torturous chore? Red flag tbh.

Applegooglepear · 2020-08-21T07:11:23+00:00

"Don't cry in front of me or anyone for that matter men don't care about your tears we don't even deserve them"

When he first told me ..I thought it was harsh ..but he was 1000% right. I never cried in front of another man again.

tehrobot · 2020-08-21T06:25:20+00:00

Guy friends confirmed that they lose some attraction towards any woman they are seeing who put out quickly. I asked why and they said they had no idea 🤷

Maisiebr · 2020-08-21T08:04:11+00:00

My very LV uncle told me (he could be very insightful if it wasn't for his own actions) that I have inherent value as a person and I also have an immense power over men as a sensitive and intelligent woman, so I should never ever settle and God forbid I run after a man. Be yourself, lure them in, pick and choose however you like and don't ever let them mistreat you or they are out.

typeadhd · 2020-08-21T07:04:54+00:00

Men LOOOVEEEE to blame women for being in bad relationships and say “well she saw the signs from the beginning” so I’ve asked these same men what signs? And basically all the things we say here and these same guys say the women shouldn’t have stayed the entire time and at any sign of disrespect or fboy tendances she should leave ASAP.

I just take that as confirmation for FDS

edit — typos

fastidiousadipose · 2020-08-21T07:04:14+00:00

My bff told me :

Dont give a guy ur real number and go by a nickname the first few dates

Never pay

Never get picked up at home or anywhere far

Always text me and another friend where u are along with his pic n number

No drinks at the house ever...even if u known him for awhile

Dont go to his house unless yall exclusive

He's very likely a DL so always test him b4 entering sexual relationship and every 6 months after

hikurangi2019 · 2020-08-21T07:13:16+00:00

“Always be in control, don’t trust any man.”

balladwilds · 2020-08-21T09:52:21+00:00

pretty sure everything in here ive heard it too from a man. Don't have sex too quickly, if he was into you you would know, high standards is what makes a woman attractive, once a cheater always a cheater etc..

lionessbutthole · 2020-08-21T12:39:14+00:00

"You can never make a guy care. Sometimes we really are just trying to fuck."

GrungeAudrey · 2020-08-21T17:32:35+00:00

No really advice, but things a few men admitted to me or noticed in other men:

"My sister's boyfriend proposed to her, but they didn't decide a date for the wedding yet. I'm afraid he is leading her on, I wish I'm wrong...but I'm a guy and I know how guys think."

"We men are far, far more gosippy than women are, and create more drama within companies".

"Whenever I'm about to make a business deal with a man, and the guy is married I pay attention to his wife, if there is significant age difference I know is an impulsive idiot, a perv and/or senile. No deal."

"I'm more confortable when the taxi driver is female because I know she will be professional. So many male taxi drivers are always uber conservative or emotionally unstable, I'm in no mood for political debate or being your therapist."

"With the exception of my family and friends, conversations with most men are competitive, superficial and boring."

"I used to feel bad for the nice guys, until I realized I did many favours for them and never reciprocated, and often got me in trouble and never felt remorse for it. They want to be treated according to some abstract idea of who they think they are in their head, it's crazy."

Invisiblescars_123 · 2020-08-21T13:12:18+00:00

My father told me to never lower myself for a man and that if a man truly wanted to be with me, he’d jump at the opportunity to do so. He also told me to find a man who treats me like a princess.

JasmineAndCloves · 2020-08-21T15:11:14+00:00

I was talking to my dad last night about my ex and how, when we first met, he was working as a waiter but told me he was also working on his master’s degree in education in order to become a teacher ... which he never completed. Without missing a beat, my dad said, “Any time a man tells you he’s ‘working on’ something, it’s bullshit.” Meaning, don’t date for potential.

For reference, I myself have a masters, so no double standards here. And, I’m sure my dad wasn’t referring to men that are legitimately trying to progress/succeed. But, if you aren’t seeing results and he keeps saying he’s “working on it” ... 🚩

FDSxMuffinVSrat · 2020-08-21T08:54:38+00:00

A friend of mine was like, "Men are horrible. We're all horrible."

Other friends have validated my decision to leave relationships where my exes cheated.

Upon hearing yet another guy cheated on me, my brother said I was really unlucky, shook his head, and said "These hoes ain't loyal", referring to my exes.

That's the best I can think of.

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2020-08-21T14:51:24+00:00

I have a male friend who told me to not sleep with a guy for 3 months after first dating him. This is the 90 day rule from the handbook....

CSardothien_1 · 2020-08-21T16:46:00+00:00

My father once told me a bit of advice that I’ve never forgotten. I was in high school and this guy I knew pulled a massive ‘nice guy’ move on me. In short I couldn’t go to his graduation party he invited me too and he flipped shit. I told my dad because he knew him and was longtime family friends. I asked my dad why he was so upset at me as I didn’t understand what I did wrong when I was going to be out of town. First my dad told me that I did nothing wrong. He then told me ‘that men need to feel needed. And it’s not your job to make them feel that way.’ I’ve been around men my entire life. I grew up with boys, my friends were boys in school, I’ve lived with men during my college years, and I work in an extremely male dominated career field. ALL of them have told me the exact same thing: men ain’t shit. I’ve had male friends call me to ask how to get an STD test because he cheated on his now wife with another man and showed no shred of guilt. I’ve known men who have raped other men with no sign of remorse. All I can really say is it is easy to tell when a man is fully invested in a woman. It is a stark difference between those who do not. My dad new after the first date with my mom he was going to marry her. 8 months later they did and are the happiest they have ever been. My sisters husband planned an entire secret wedding vacation to the Caribbean for my sister and paid for everything. It’s been said here a million times but once more isn’t going to hurt: a man will show his affection, and the relationship will not be confusing or complicated.

Buckley92 · 2020-08-21T15:27:36+00:00

There was ONE comment I heard, romance wise.

I was on the chairlift at a very small ski hill in Saskatchewan and was telling one of the older male instructors in his 60s about how much I loved one of the lift supervisors who was about 30. He just looked at me and said, 'Him? You know what I think? You could do a LOT better.'

Pitiful-Implement · 2020-08-21T15:30:22+00:00

Many years ago before I got remarried to my current husband a guy who was 11 years my senior was interested in me. He was a nice looking older man and financially stable so I did consider him.

My Male co-worker I confided in told me: A. He is too old for you B. If he has not been married before at his age (he hadn't) he is probably a weirdo and C. You can do way better. He was right on all counts and I regret that I even took the time to have a conversation with that older guy.

peachpy54 · 2020-08-21T21:47:26+00:00

If a man doesn't talk about / bring up his partner in the course of normal conversation with conventional frequency, he is not into her. If there is any indication that he is hiding her, then he's either doing it on purpose, he's checked out of the relationship, or he's just not into her. Confirmed by a red-blooded hetero dude.

FurryBellyButt0n · 2020-08-21T17:53:36+00:00

My NVM ex told me that "I was naive to think men can actually be my friends because at the end of the day, they are only being friends with me so they can eventually make a move on me when I am single and/or try to have sex with me."

He is a POS and I remember being very HURT, OFFENDED, and AGRY he said that, but now since finding FDS--it's one thing that really resonated with me. It's the one honest thing he shared with me.

I was a fool pickme that "trusted him" when he would "catch up" with this female BFF a few times a year so it's not shocking that as soon as he discarded me, he "reconnected" with "his friend" when she was newly healed and single to make a move on her.

He told me this because he had those thoughts--lesson learned and I have found that all my "male friends" are LVM that are NOT REALLY my friends. The only exception are my gay male friends and they confirm that even gay men have a high level of fuckery in the dating realm too.

feminologie_ · 2020-08-21T23:03:32+00:00

I am a nurse. An elderly male patient once asked me if I was married and I said no. Then he told me this beautiful story about how he met his wife of 50 years and how he loves her so much. He told me to never marry a man with "roving eyes" and while I'm dating to not to "get grabby" which I assume means find a guy who has eyes for you only and don't accept the first scrote that pays attention to you. He was a cute old man lol.

kwalden2 · 2020-08-21T08:17:30+00:00

I've had many men project FDS-adjacent ideals onto my life.

There's my father, who would tell me to dump a man if said man happened to breathe wrong. My dad is also all about my financial indpendence outside of a man.

I found my first love at 11. This boyfriend, emphasis on boy at this age, REFUSED to walk through a door I opened. He would always rush to open my doors. I was told by him and other males alike to simply let my young beau do things for me. A lot of FDS came naturally, but I started to feel a bit suffocated too easily on the accepting generosity part. I was bullied and just "used" to being treated like crap. My young beau protected me from bullies, and I honestly didn't even realize how much he did until later on in life. He was a good guy, and we reconnected shortly before I got engaged to my now-husband. My former beau gave me some FDS-style encouragement. "If you marry a worthless human being, I will find you and pimp slap the both of you. You for being too nice, and him for being worthless." Note that "pimp slap" was a playful reference to what I used to say in our younger years, and that my ex never actually met my now-husband to judge him. It was well-intentioned advice to be careful before committing, or at least that was how I chose to take it.

My junior year "boyfriend" is still a friend to this day. Can you be called a boyfriend if you dump within 2 weeks for a girl who is ready to put out? Anyway, he gave me some FDS style advice once or twice. When we were first trying to go back to being just friends, he told me I shouldn't be going to movies with guys like him because what he would try is no good for me. 9 years later with the tension and some individual therapy behind us, he made me repeat that "I am an independent woman who doesn't need a man." He's a good friend to me agaisnt all odds.

When I wanted to pay my own way on dates with my senior year high school boyfriend, he didn't like the idea and told me it made him uncomfortable. He decided to allow me to pay because of my insistence, which I appreciated. I was raised in a very generous family, so it just felt wrong to accept others' generosity consistently, especially from a high school boy who was starting out. Honestly, I am 50/50 on whether or not I did the right thing there. Maybe being more FDS would have helped us along to a better relationship, but also maybe we weren't compatible so he had no business investing in me. I know that other FDS things were missing in the relationship to contribute to its downfall. He never tried initiated kissing me in OVER SIX MONTHS, and his whole plan for our prom was literally abysmal. Prom aside, his plan for some of our other dates was high effort and thoughtful. He also never properly asked to define the relationship exclusively. I really should have just bailed sooner.

In university, I had an off-again-on-again casual interest (okay it got pretty intense emotionally, but never manifested into anything tangible). He went out of his way to insist on paying my part during most occasions. I feel like acting on such an opinion is a form of giving FDS-style advice on what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. Oh, this same guy also promoted waiting for sex and no-fap. He was basically a tradcon. Now that I know about Reddit and some of the buzzwords, I can see that I was ironically getting FDS-style advice from a possible recovering manosphere type!

I met a man who I think liked me at uni, but he never asked me out. I started to date my now-husband, and we all met up in the cafeteria. Me and my studmuffin rolled up with me holding my favorite soda pop. Potentially interested man asked me if I paid for my own soda pop. I said yes, so this guy turned to my now-husband and said "you're not doing your job." 100% FDS approved comment lol.

My husband often reminds me that the motives of a male friend are almost always ulterior. My husband is 100% against porn and disrespectful leering/comments in a relationship, so that's definitely FDS approved. Those things my husband says are definitely FDS approved. He also believes that romantic gestures are supposed to be a thoughtful surprise. While it is 99% FDS approved for a man to do the work and "wow" the woman, it still isn't always right and I will tell you why. He did not even tell me that he finished our wedding vows! He refused to answer if they were done, so I left mine at home. I just said "I love you," and then this guy entirely upstaged me. I appreciate the gesture, I really do, but give a lady the slightest warning sometimes so she doesn't look like a bumbling idiot. It wasn't until a year and a later when we were watching a movie, and he says to the screen "you're not supposed to tell her you're writing a love letter!" that it dawned on me what he thought he was doing lmao. I told him I was onto him, and he admitted it. We had a good laugh.

nyan_birb · 2020-08-21T19:08:00+00:00

For me it came from my dad. First, he’s told me countless times that men and women are not the same. To be careful of who I trust and let in my life when it comes to men. That they will pretend to want to be friends to get closer to me in hopes of sleeping with me.

He also told me that a man pays for the date because this is the price they have to pay to spend time with me. That I am worth every dollar spent on a date and I should never feel bad bout not going half-half.

Solid advice.

IlikePez · 2020-08-21T06:09:40+00:00

Hugs

throwawaynevermindit · 2020-08-21T15:08:39+00:00

The FDS standard points that I hear most from men are the exact points I would recommend people think about harder, to understand WHY they work in a more realistic (and not faux-empowering) light.

What men reward with better treatment, serves men in some way.

Queen_Evergreen · 2020-08-21T13:06:58+00:00

“Never stay with a man who won’t go down on you” - my dad

flowerpower102938 · 2020-08-21T20:37:39+00:00

All men are pigs-My dad

willowgrowingroots · 2020-08-22T14:41:43+00:00

I envy ya’ll dads so much. Mine groomed me to take abuse & suggested I’ll forgive my cheating ex.

magenta_mojo · 2020-08-21T16:06:31+00:00

Went on a couple of dates with a guy who told me most guys are dicks, that maaaaybe 1 out of 50 was really a good man. And he said he tells his sister the same thing

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Title	What advice have men given you that aligns with FDS?
Author	samarsharqi
Upvotes	311
Comments	69
Date	August 21, 2020 6:05 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/idrbvh/what_advice_have_men_given_you_that_aligns_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-advice-have-men-given-you-that-aligns-with.167434 https://theredarchive.com/post/167434

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