Redditors over 30: What's the biggest change you've seen when it comes to dating?

PPD-Angel · 2018-11-24T06:03:32+00:00

Just a reminder that gender identity and pill color are the only parameters that can be set for who can respond to a post.

Uncommon_Sensed_1234 · 2018-11-24T02:17:05+00:00

From observing over age 30 family members dating, it is getting the man or woman who doesn't come with relationship war wounds, a crazy ex, and kids in tow.

trettles · 2018-11-24T05:03:41+00:00

Suddenly everyone eats ass. I don't remember that in my mid-late 20s.

YetAnotherCommenter · 2018-11-24T03:05:03+00:00

How combative and ruthless (at least openly) dating has become.

There's no longer even an attempt at making dating a fun and friendly experience. It is now, essentially, a job interview. Partially this is due to dating apps and how explicit traits are listed and easily filterable. Part of this is due to the fact women are becoming more transparent about certain expectations (at least in terms of physical preferences and income requirements).

Now, this all existed before. It was just less explicit.

Honestly I think on balance it is a good thing in that it exposes the reality a lot more. That said, it does reduce the utility of the dating experience, at least for men. And clearly this contributes to why a lot of men are thinking dating isn't worth it.

Eartherry · 2018-11-24T03:56:52+00:00

You find out a lot of what you knew in your twenties was bullshit. I'm looking forward to realizing what I know now is also bullshit when I hit my forties.

yasee · 2018-11-24T01:40:29+00:00

online dating apps & websites for sure

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-11-24T04:15:03+00:00

I'm noticing a sudden surge of high quality dudes and chicks in my circles that are suddenly single due to recent divorce or longterm breakups. A bunch of rad people that were off the market are suddenly available, mostly dating each other

jim234234red · 2018-11-24T04:03:09+00:00

I’ve had a lot of dates in the last few years as a mid to late 30s guy in a huge metro area with more educated women than men. I’m no Chad, but I’m not a nice guy whom women despise, I have a good degree, high salary, and tend to do alright.

Honestly, most dates are enjoyable. Even if they end up going nowhere.

The biggest impediment to dating the typical career women of 35+ in my city is that we just can’t agree on the terms of the relationship.

She is looking for beta bux. I’m looking for an attractive woman and partner. Stale mate.

The biggest miscalculation feminists have made is their idea that women should wait ‘till they’re 30s before settling down. Apparently, they never considered that guy sin their 30s tend to think more with their brains instead of their dicks, and thus 35 year old women have far less leverage.

Alth12 · 2018-11-24T08:18:00+00:00

I think the change in people's social skills and increase in social anxieties. Now it seems people are a lot more awkward when it comes to actual face to face interactions. I can't recall even 10 years ago seeing the amount of men and women in bars and clubs who really like eachother (based on body language) who have no idea what to say, and can't even read the cues of the other person. Even couples on date nights sitting awkwardly on silence and browsing on their phones.

It's the reason why so many older posters here actually say TRP is stating the obvious with regards to it's self improvement amd social stuff.

[deleted] · 2018-11-24T06:14:26+00:00

When I started people didn't even have mobile phones, so you had to call the girl you wanted to ask out. This meant you had no obligation to text which was good.

Without online dating the pool of potentials was much smaller, so you made do with the options you had or you went without. It wasn't hard to hook up though you just went to a club and spoke to people and something would always come along. You had the five to two (1:55am) girls for example, who were a bit ugly but if you got to that time and hadn't pulled you knew you could score with them.

Once you'd hooked up with someone there was a high chance you'd do it again and you'd always see the same people around the nightlife. Going out was religious where I wasz between 16 and 21 I went out drinking once a week at a minimum, during uni it was two or three times a week sometimes more.

It was very common to hook up in groups, so if my friend hooked up with a girl then there was a very good chance I'd hook up with her friend. And then at a later date you'd end up hooking up with a different girl in the same group. If you get me. Its probably still the same .

I don't think it was very acceptable to be single into your 30s like it is now. People expected to be paired off earlier than that.

There was a lot of casual sex in university but at the same time most people would end up in a relationship, possibly due to the student loans running out over the course.of the year.

Porn has changed sex completely. Back when I was young kinky stuff was.more the preserve of weirdoes, now it's accepted and even trendy.

I was an early-ish user of online dating too and a gf I found online and I agreed to tell a lie about where we met cos it was sad to say you met online.

Edit : Here's something weird I just remembered - I used to meet girls on chat rooms and do phone sex with them. That was of its time I bet. I was a fuckin pro at it after a while.

LeJacquelope · 2018-11-24T06:58:21+00:00

Dating has become a dystopia for 80% of men. Even those 80%ers who succeed have only managed to survive the Quarter Quell. This is because of ancient truths that are now being laid bare:

Most women have a coldly utilitarian view of men. This overwhelming majority love a man's value, they do not value his love. This is why women nowadays whine about a "man shortage" which when you look at it translates to a lack of men who are at or above their socioeconomic level.
For the most part women are as unsympathetic as inhumanly possible, particularly with regards to male strangers. Just look at how women, who often have lots of emotional baggage, respond to men who have emotional baggage. It's a psych horror reality show when you're not looking at it from the perspective of a male simp trying to crush the other male competition.
Either a majority or large minority of women don't even orgasm during sex, and it's only partially because of the man's lack of skill. Women can go without sex their entire lives and not break a sweat, largely because of this. When they decide they need it, a vibrator is worth as much as a man unless she needs to trade her sex for the security he offers her.

TL;DR: sex, and especially relationshps, have taken the same downturn as the American Dream.

Welcome to the new reality, Millennials. May the odds ever be in your favor.

BleuBird18 · 2018-11-24T07:31:32+00:00

The people that married young around me weren't high value, they were just religious.

Marrying later in life (after college) has been a general trend for a while now. People put it off because religion doesn't have the same degree of importance overall, and it's normal to support yourself and establish a career.

Despite RP claims of 'female desperation' and male value skyrocketing once people enter their 30's, things are how they've always been. There's just less partying, and better venues when parties do happen.

If anything, I feel more relaxed and patient. I know what I want, and I'm no longer willing to try to make a relationship work with a guy just because we're dating.

My standards are higher than when I was 20 or 25, because I know I can do better, and I'm done selling myself short.

What changed? My confidence increased. Among RP types, I am highly desirable. Financially independent without being obsessed with work, naturally feminine, youthful, WHR, I enjoy dressing up, and I'm frugal. I love taking care of a man, low N count (2), folks are married, my dad is amazing, I lean traditional, but marriage isn't an absolute necessity to me (the only reason for it would be kids), and I don't drink. On top of all that, I am all for prenups, and I am supportive of many male issues.

Both 'masculine' men I dated (Military Officer, and a man heavily involved with the manosphere) were so fucking fragile and spent an immense amount of energy focusing on stupid shit.

I played along, and gave them everything they wanted (never argued, 'no' did not exist in the bedroom, laughed at their jokes, did 100% of the housework and cooking, was in every way the ideal RPW).

When they started dating me, they were anti-marriage and against kids. Both men tried to push me to marry and have their babies.

Dating isn't hard, online or off. There are losers, decent guys, and obvious catches. Men still push me for dates and try to escalate things physically. I don't have to date 45 year Olds. At 31, I target 29-36 year old men. I am pursued by 25-45 year old men.

I put up with less bullshit, and I am clear about my boundaries. I know how to flirt and make a guy feel like a Rockstar without ever actually touching him.

I can get along with conservative and liberal men.

It's easy to weed out players.

If I meet someone amazing, great. I'm not lonely or unhappy, so I'm not going to tie myself to anyone unless they at the very least, meet my standards.

reluctantly_red · 2018-11-24T02:29:23+00:00

Honestly, not much really. Online dating has actually been around for awhile (Myspace anyone?)

I would say the biggest change has been expectations. And the number of middle aged women desperate to get married even tho half are divorced.

Five_Decades · 2018-11-24T04:01:51+00:00

Smartphones and online dating sites.

Women are much less approachable irl now.

Gnometard · 2018-11-24T18:46:09+00:00

The women are all fat and have children. They've obviously had no problem fucking other dudes but now they want "something real" and by that they mean someone to take care of their kids.

And the man is an asshole if he's looking for someone more available for fun (dates, adventures, spontaneity) than ANY single parent could responsibly be

1Badmunki · 2018-11-24T05:05:51+00:00

by 30, in most parts of hte US, the best options were snatched up already. either in a LTR for years that will result in marriage, or they are already married. meaning that everyone who is single at 30+ has baggage. thus, your screening choices COMPLETELY change.

don't want a man who has kids? well guess what? most men over 30 who had LTRs or marraiges before have kids.
don't want a woman who has a high ncount? well guess what? by 30, she's had a few partners. cuz she's still single. you don't just stop sleeping around and dating cuz you hit the dirty thirty.
you don't want someone who wants sex on the first date? too bad. by 30, male or female, people have sex lives and they're proud of it. they aren't gonna spend days and weeks without sampling the goods.
don't want a fatty? a lot of people let themselves go by 30 or so, and you become way more lax in your physical standards. if you're 30 and have the body of a 21 year old, you're a solid 9. period.
money matters a lot more. a lot more. because by 30, you're likely pretty established in your career. so male or female, you dont' want someone who is single, likely living on their own, and CAN'T sustain themselves. you want to be a catch, not a lifeboat.
Finally, if she wants kids, just know, after 30, she will not wait around. assume marriage must be on the table within 12 months or she'll likely bounce.

anyone who is over 30 and never cared about any of these things likely are fun dates :D :D

that's just a few examples.

manwithmeasuringline · 2018-11-24T06:00:36+00:00

I honestly gave up on dating years ago. Most millennial women are spoiled, and in my honest opinion are absolutely delusional and unrealistic in their expectations, to the point that I see it as a complete waste of my time. I do not make any effort to find anyone anymore and have accepted that I will be alone and am at peace with it.

blackedoutfast · 2018-11-24T08:02:24+00:00

it suddenly gets much easier if you're a successful dude who has his shit together. hot girls in their mid 20s seem really into you.

and women your age are all batshit insane. they're really starting to show their age and look significantly less attractive than all those girls in their 20s. but the expectations of chicks in their 30s just keep going up. they all think they're going to find some sexy cool billionaire. but they can't ever find that guy so eventually they have some kind of emotional breakdown and suddenly get serious with whatever random beta they happen to be dating and get married in a very short span of time.

note for the guys who aren't successful and/or don't have their shit together in a RP SMV way - life gets wayyy shittier as those guys get older. those guys really struggle with women and seem desperate af (which makes things worse). and most of their male friends are either married with kids or not wanting to hang out with them anymore. mediocre/loser males in their 30s are extremely lonely and depressed. like they get drunk and cry in bars and shit.

NotMeUsee · 2018-11-24T04:27:03+00:00

I don't do it anymore.

lifeisasongyouknow · 2018-11-24T14:09:04+00:00

Dating for women over 30 has gotten a lot better I feel. It used to be this big deal (still is for some but it's a shrinking number). It was an ever bigger deal if you hadn't been married before or didnt have kids. There MUST be something wrong with you.

I think society is getting more used to the idea of a single woman making it on her own and that not everyone wants kids or the traditional family set up.

I think it's true for men too it's just more pronounced for women.

[deleted] · 2018-11-25T23:25:41+00:00

Nothing. I haven''t dated since I was 19. Also that was my only date.

TriadFamilyTimes · 2018-11-27T13:22:06+00:00

Women are way more informed about relationship dynamics and how a healthy relationship should work than they were 10 years ago. It's nice cause instead of having to teach every girl I date how to have an argument without being mean to each other I just get to break up with any woman who hasn't already learned that.

Ladyofblades · 2018-11-24T05:10:31+00:00

Lots more choice and good looking and fairly successful people are more reachable; I think some men may have an inkling of how stiff the competition is these days. Less commitment and less effort in trying to get to know each other. It’s just as much a rat race as work.

cxj · 2018-11-24T02:51:44+00:00

The quality people are almost certainly literally married. Not like together for a while, usually married.

People waste less time because there’s less of their own time to waste, and they both know what they want anyways.

Single moms have boyfriends they have no intent of marrying for various reasons. Sometimes they live with them sometimes not .

Willow-girl · 2018-11-24T05:56:16+00:00

The last time I was single and dated complete strangers was when I was 33. In the years since, after two relationships ended, I got involved with men I already knew. I think this tends to be the case as people get older -- they pair up with someone already in their social circle. Have seen it happen with friends and relatives as well.

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Pastelitomaracucho · 2018-11-24T09:11:39+00:00

I have never been hit on by women so much in my life and I'm much more in control of my love life

relationshipdownvote · 2018-11-25T17:02:48+00:00

If none of your ancestors didn’t feel an innate need to care and nurture their young, you wouldn’t be around, birth control is irrelevant to that need encoded into your very being.

killallthenarcs · 2018-11-24T05:59:49+00:00

In my personal life? I don't wanna date. It all seems so tiresome.

In the world in general? Facebook, definitely facebook, people stay in contact more and have a more extensive social circle.

Title	Redditors over 30: What's the biggest change you've seen when it comes to dating?
Author	Whodunnit88
Upvotes	30
Comments	243
Date	November 24, 2018 1:27 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/9zu5iz/redditors_over_30_whats_the_biggest_change_youve/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/redditors-over-30-whats-the-biggest-change-youve.258910 https://theredarchive.com/post/258910

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