Do you believe in the saying "The past is the past" when it comes to partner count?

sublimemongrel · 2018-09-07T04:58:52+00:00

When you throw in your last comment “I mean high as in triple figures” that throws it off a bit. I generally don’t care about a dudes N count within reason. I don’t think when people say they don’t care they are thinking of extreme circumstances like that.

Like when I say I don’t really care I’m not thinking of a former porn stars sexual history for example.

wtknight · 2018-09-07T11:08:44+00:00

No. While I don't believe that every person who has a high N is ever going to be unfaithful in some way, I do think that having a high N in the past is an indicator of one's personality even in the present.

crumblesnatch · 2018-09-07T04:39:48+00:00

I don't think partner count is a reliable metric of anything except at the extremes. Virgins and people with 300+ partners probably have stories. Most people are not either of those.

Tyler_Gatsby · 2018-09-07T12:53:51+00:00

And by high I'm talking triple figures.

Sounds like you'd be compatible with most women just fine then. As it's been stated, probably very few people have triple digit N counts.

I still think it's kinda funny how many guys obsess over this topic in the pill-o-spheres. Make her cum until she can't cum any more, and is a shaking, hyperventilating hot mess under you- and it won't matter who came before you. You'll be the winner winner of her chicken dinner, and that's all that really matters today.

pighammerduck · 2018-09-07T12:57:13+00:00

I just don't see the point in getting myself worked up over other dudes. She isnt losing sleep over it so why should I? Do I want her to chapter and verse her sexual history with me? No because what do I gain from that conversation?

reluctantly_red · 2018-09-07T10:40:11+00:00

N count is meaningless. A woman with two prior lovers who she fucked over is far worse than a woman with two hundred prior lovers who she treated decently.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-09-07T05:46:08+00:00

Well the past is not the past in that if my H and I broke up he would CONTINUE racking up numbers or at least keep trying if single. I'll still never understand how n count relates to relationship behavior unless it was obtained by cheating on partners

I was single for about two years from 20-23ish, there was a 9 month bf in there. During that period I dated around and was promiscuous as always when Single. I hooked up with my ex fiance and was 100% faithful and monogamous for 8 years, like I always am when taken. I was single for exactly one year between him and my h and went right back to my single behavior. I've been with my h 15 years, 100% faithful and monogamous. What does my past predict? It predicts I do as I please when single and am 100% monogamous and faithful when taken. I'm not saying it's like that for everyone, but I just don't see how untaken behavior predicts taken behavior

flamingoinghome · 2018-09-07T08:24:24+00:00

I wouldn't worry too much about finding a woman with a triple-digit "number"; that's really, really, rare and suggests sex addiction or some other underlying issue. Some of you guys have this ridiculous idea that women are racking up dozens of sexual partners--even if they wanted to, most women have jobs and lives and such that get in the way of this fuckfest.

I don't care within reason--I consider anything between about 0 and 50 to be "within reason" and something I could deal with in a partner, although close to 50 would raise an eyebrow and 0 would make me ask a question or two.

Wallstreet3 · 2018-09-07T17:54:22+00:00

Absolutely not.

It is indicative of behaviors and mental health issues. I have never met a woman with a N-Count over 10 that didn't have mental health issues such as BPD, Daddy issues or relationship poisoning expectations.

Ditto for men.

If you treat sex as a casual commodity to be exchanged, commitment is no differently treated. Ditto for the inverse. I have never met a woman, dude, couple or married couple that proved this wrong

prettydrunk23 · 2018-09-07T04:32:05+00:00

Triple figures is rare - like even sex workers might not reach triple figures.

I think some dudes are projecting when they try and imagine womens' n-counts. If they could easily sleep with a ton of people they would so therefore women who can will or some shit.

Aaren_Augustine · 2018-09-07T04:47:22+00:00

Do you can believe a worker that can't keep a job can be a benefit to your company? I don't get why your 'resume' doesn't factor in with relationships when it clearly does for jobs.

I don't think its just n count. Its the whole picture that needs to be looked at.

Salty-Bastard · 2018-09-07T04:59:41+00:00

I've heard that more times than I can count. 90% of the time it was bullshit.

Lewd_Crude · 2018-09-08T11:18:33+00:00

It's not even a debate. Partner count is an important metric. Studies have consistently shown for decades that higher n count women are less happy and more likely to divorce. This isn't moralizing. That's just fact.

Willow-girl · 2018-09-07T12:31:11+00:00

Mainly because of envy

Hey, at least you're honest!

Merger-Arbitrage · 2018-09-07T05:15:14+00:00

Triple figures is a "less than 1% achievement" for men and women. The CDC doesn't even have anything past a "50+" partner count option for their NSFG surveys because of that reason (even 50+ partners is a <1% "achievement").

I have no idea why you'd envy someone who's had a shitshow of a "love life" .. but you do you.

Time to repost the good old "does partner count matter" comment I made ages ago:

. .

Why avoid women with high partner counts for LTRs/marriage (>7 or >10 which is ~double to ~triple median)?

(This could be directed at men at least in some part as these personality trait / behavior / outcome associations seem to or should hold across genders).

By the numbers, they are more likely make poorer marriage partners than lower partner count women, assuming you believe that the past repeats itself.

Significantly higher chance of having STIs, much less likely to have stable marriages, less likely to be happy and more likely to be depressed. Source = NSFG 1995 Data.

NSFG data from the 2000s will show divorce/separation rates are higher for higher partner count men and women (total and pre-marital partner counts).

By negative personality traits associated with a desire to engage in promiscuous behavior (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociosexual_orientation)

"Certain personality traits are also more prevalent in highly promiscuous (socieosexually "unrestricted") individuals:.. they are: less agreeable,[8] lower on honesty-humility,[9] more impulsive,[11] more likely to have an avoidant attachment style,[12] less likely to have a secure attachment style,[13] and score higher on the Dark Triad traits (i.e. narcissism, Machiavellianism, psychopathy).[14][15]" Contrast this with higher chances of associations with neutral or more subjectively positive traits: higher on openness to experience,[7] more extraverted,[8] more erotophilic,[10].

There was also one study which showed that men who were more into casual sex were perceived as phony or arrogant in in-person interactions.

By implicit past behavior which doesn't make her look like a high-quality LTR/marriage prospect:

1) Uninterested in / does not value a serious relationship, so has multiple casual ones (questionable change of interest to LTRs, fickle, poor bonding ability and doesn't know it)

2) Was seeking casual sex for/due to codependence/validation/attention/favors (low self-esteem, low-value and/or compensating for something that's lacking)

3) Engaged in casual sex while under the influence (impulsive, hedonistic, lack of self control)

4) Interested in a serious relationship, but unable to keep high-value men (low value herself; finds relationship, gets dumped, rinse & repeat)

5) Interested in a serious relationship, but got used for casual sex repeatedly, didn't learn her lesson (not very smart ; tried to use sex as a bargaining chip for a relationship)

6) Interested in a serious relationship, but bounced through partners because she had no clue what she was looking for and didn't vet partners enough before getting sexual and/or commiting (maybe she still hasn't figured it out = higher odds of future break up)

What remains unclear is timeframe of causality: are personality traits the primary driver of high partner counts and the above past behavior, which make someone unsuitable for marriage or or whether having multiple relationships generates environments where relationship skills or attitudes and values about the permanency of marriage are somehow altered.

Links to research about personality trait relationships with promiscuity:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886907001584

http://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/sbp/sbp/2003/00000031/00000004/art00005

https://books.google.com/books/about/Female_Sexual_Behavior.html?id=MBsfOAAACAAJ

http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/09540129408258653

http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167295213008

http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1997-95006-038

http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407506064204

http://linkinghub.elsevier.com/retrieve/pii/S1090513803000850

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/200008914_Personality_and_Nonverbal_Social_Behavior_An_Ethological_Perspective_of_Relationship_Initiation

http://atavisionary.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Premarital-Sex-Premarital-Cohabitation-and-the-Risk-of-Subsequent-Marital-Dissolution-Among-Women-teechman.pdf

LSTW1234 · 2018-09-07T05:47:19+00:00

Your experiences make you who you are.

That being said, I think it's not the best way to judge someone. A lot of the time, people will lie when asked partner count.

Also, you could meet a girl who has only had one LTR, but that LTR was with someone hotter than you, and who turned her onto all sorts of perverted things. How would you take that?

In all seriousness, I think it's probably best to go for someone with similar levels of experience with relationships, because you are more likely to see things eye-to-eye. What do you think?

red_matrix · 2018-09-07T18:22:06+00:00

The problem with the high n count is she's wired herself jump from guy to guy. The brain is plastic, it changes with repeated behaviors - it's why you don't think much when you drive. A woman with triple digit n count will see a blowjob as a non-event. She's trained herself unconsciously that men are disposable, she will never have a stable relationship without tremendous effort. I doubt she could pair bond.

cxj · 2018-09-07T19:48:35+00:00

Depends on circumstances. One type of girl I frequently encounter is the “former high school slut” who gets a boyfriend in college and stays monogamous after that. Frequently her sluttiness was heavily related to lack of supervision and poor parenting in general .

I’m more worried about the “low key semi slut n count 17” than the open slut

[deleted] · 2018-09-07T23:02:45+00:00

I don't agree, the past is never "just" the past. People get turned down for a hell of a lot less, even if that thing happened 40 years ago. It always matters. And apparently, denying actual science is accepted here, so no point in mentioning some of the previously discussed studies.

always_sad12 · 2018-09-07T07:47:19+00:00

For women; if it’s under ten, yeah the past is the past. If it’s twenty though you have to sort of ask what the heck

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2018-09-07T12:26:03+00:00

The past does matter. If she's boned 40 dudes then she would still be with one of them if they would have commited. She settling for you at that point. The relationship has nothing to do with you and everything to do with you filing a roll for her. The more cocks she's had stuffed into her the less any one cock means.

She's still awesome and fun to fuck, she's been with 40+ guys, she fucks like a champ. She's just worthless for a ltr or marriage. Assuming a man is dumb enough to volunteer for that these days.

SkookumTree · 2018-09-07T12:58:34+00:00

No. The past is always, always prologue when it comes to N.

You can tell a lot from a woman about

--her N

--her willingness or reluctance to discuss her N

--the types of men who comprise that N

--the contexts in which the N was acquired

--to a lesser extent, the period of time over which the N was acquired

Ladies: Who you let into your vaginas says a lot about you.

iLLprincipLeS · 2018-09-07T11:05:19+00:00

The past is not the past. The more partners she had, the more mentally damaged she is.

Million-Suns · 2018-09-07T17:05:08+00:00

Do you believe in the saying "The past is the past" when it comes to partner count?

Yes. Because the past always affects the present.

VoidInvincible · 2018-09-07T23:07:30+00:00

No.

[deleted] · 2018-09-08T02:08:22+00:00

You can tell a bit about certain parts of a person by their count - sex drive, openness, social skills (in men at least), etc. I don't think it's a good indicator of how well they'll behave in a monogamous relationship though.

LoseMoneyAllWeek · 2018-09-08T07:57:43+00:00

Let me ask my bank if they care about my credit score

i_have_a_semicolon · 2018-09-08T14:29:27+00:00

Why the hell won't people agree on what a high N count is? I've seen it touted as anything over 10 then hear otherwise. Can't y'all agree on a number

[deleted] · 2018-09-07T13:35:58+00:00

A woman's past is every man's business if she wants to have an LTR/marriage with him. Otherwise, keep that thing casual and keep yur secrets, baby. But if you want commitment, you better be sure that a man will ask about your N count and will be disappointed if he finds out that you lied.

EDIT:

If past doesn't matter how women wants us to believe then those women should be honest about their N counts and tell the truth. But they rarely do. Basically it is once again a situation where they want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to say it doesn't matter but also want to hide.

It's like people who advocate government spying with such arguments "well if you have nothing to hide bla bla bla". Well then, show me your bank accounts and passwords please and we will see if you have nothing to hide. Same with women hiding their notch count and claiming it doesn't matter. It's either one or the other. You can not have both!

throwbacktuesday98 · 2018-09-07T15:19:53+00:00

I don't know why people make a big deal about partner count. It has no impact on your relationship.

CainPrice · 2018-09-07T16:01:00+00:00

Generally, if I meet a girl who's in her 30s who has 5 partners, and another one who's in her 30s and has 60 partners, the bigger issue isn't that girl #2 has had too much sex. It's that she's had not enough relationships.

While I was being a great boyfriend and dating women for real, she was having hook-ups. While I was bringing homemade meatloaf to my girlfriends at work during lunch, she was meeting guys from Tinder on her lunch break and giving them blowjobs in their cars.

If I try to date girl #2, she's not going to know what the fuck to do with me being so gosh darn nice to her. She'll implode and destroy the relationship in a month or two.

nomansweb · 2018-09-07T09:09:45+00:00

Nope (but seriously, triple digits is very rare).

I've known a lot of promiscuous women in my life and there hasn't been one I wanted to date even before I knew she was promiscuous. They just always have issues that cause the promiscuity. Now, don't get me wrong, some of them are/were my friends, even good friends, and some of them only have mild issues and can thrive in poly relationships or with a super Chad, but all else being equal they're a bad bet for a regular, monogamous man.

The issues don't go away over time, at best you might find they're less worse than the flaws of your other romantic options (a promiscuous woman with "mild" insecurities/bad judgment might be less worse than a frigid, bitchy low N single mom with control issues).

P.S. If you're a woman reading this and can't relate to this just replace "promiscuous woman" with "male virgin over 25" and you'll probably get it...

Whodunnit88 · 2018-09-07T15:07:56+00:00

With n count of 5, I would reject someone with count of 10+ myself. I just can’t see myself with someone who’s had 20 something partners in the past. We just have different values and that level of promiscuity is a deal breaker for me. I do believe that having double, or even TRIPLE digit partners can actually damage women, and men, to some degree.

Edit: lolwut a downvote?

SerpentCypher · 2018-09-07T12:04:39+00:00

Sexual past matters, the women on these boards that claim it doesn't aren't being honest. Type of sex clearly matters, most women wouldn't date a guy if they found out he had sex with children while he was a young adult, or if he used to get sodomised by groups of men on the weekends.

Nobody Would deny that the type of sex matters and is a reflection of your personality, values and interests, yet they scoff at saying amount of sex/sexual partners matters too.

It does though, and most women know it. It's why they bristle and lie when they are asked their N count. The more promiscuous they are, the more likely they are to lie or refuse to answer the question. Some women on here have said they don't care and in the next breath say asking their N count would be breakup worthy. If amount of sexual partners didn't matter, male virgins wouldn't lie. Promiscuous women wouldn't try to hide the fact that they are promiscuous. Yet they do.

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hammerhaunts · 2018-09-07T04:47:17+00:00

Nodoxxintoxin · 2018-09-07T06:32:42+00:00

Triple figures. Seriously? Yeah, well if you aren‘t up to double digits I would say it’s fair to think you are not compatible

MMDT · 2018-09-07T07:16:33+00:00

Isn't it just a statistical fact that higher N-counts lead to less successful marriages? That goes for myself too I realise the amount of women I've already slept with will make it hard for me to ever be happy with marriage.

[deleted] · 2018-09-07T08:42:46+00:00

Yes.

goatismycopilot · 2018-09-07T09:49:31+00:00

I would not date a man who had triple digits.

officerkondo · 2018-09-07T14:47:40+00:00

No. The past is never "the past". Who you are today is the sum of the past.

A good clue that everyone believes this is whenever someone says of themselves, "the past is the past/I'm not that person anymore", it is never about something good they did.

CatchPhraze · 2018-09-07T14:54:24+00:00

Most sex workers don't even top out at that sense a large portion of business is repeat business.

I don't think I've ever met a person IRL whom has a count over 20-30. I have a count of 3, I'b be as willing to date someone with half my number as twice my number. I'd be hesitant about a virgin and like you said someone with what has to be a high risk sex addiction.

Christian_Kong · 2018-09-07T16:33:19+00:00

I think theoretically can be true, even with a fairly large sized % of the time being true.With that said there is a risk where the past is an indicator of the present/future and a risk I would prefer not to take.

I will put it this way. You are not going to know anyones N count, ever, as long as they don't want you to know. People here say the question of why a N count is so low/high is situational. You will never know if someone is going to be truthful about their situation either, so that concept is just too risky for me.

I have seen some super slutty people get into(what seems from the outside) perfectly normal relationships, but I have seen more(3:1-4:1 or so ratio) slutty people fuck over their partners than not.

It would be more of an issue if people (in my case, women) were all that varied/special but most are not. Since otherwise all things are somewhat similar, I don't know why I would waste my time trying to date a partner that I would consider at a higher risk of cheating/easily moving on/etc.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2018-09-07T20:06:53+00:00

Mainly because of envy and incompatible values

which is why it is irrelevant. no one's ego should be caressed. you were not even present in her past, why does it matter? she's the women you fell for and her n count will change that all of a sudden?

grow up.

[deleted] · 2018-09-07T20:56:22+00:00

I don't believe in that saying either. I'm a woman and I do not like men who have been around the block.

blackedoutfast · 2018-09-07T21:03:08+00:00

i say things like "the past is the past" but just so they will be more likely to be honest about their past. i don't really mean it, i'm judgy as hell about a woman's past and n-count.

Noxin__Nixon · 2018-09-08T15:00:04+00:00

In my experience woman under 25 with 0-3 prior partners were the most likely to cheat by a large degree.

Normal amount of partners for me is about 5-30 depending on age. I don't care if the number was 50+ if the girl was around my age (late 30s for instance).

But then personally I like girls with a lot of experience so as long as she still looks good enough prior partners is irrelevant to me.

ConnorGracie · 2018-09-08T23:03:59+00:00

No, it matters.

rassiamelo · 2018-09-09T04:54:31+00:00

No. The only time the past is the past is if there has been a significant and lasting change.

dynamite_gasoline · 2018-09-10T11:12:27+00:00

Perhaps rigorous statistical analysis will bring you closer to the truth than the imprecise feelings of others.

Bruchibre · 2018-09-13T03:44:54+00:00

"The past is the past" - this is bullshit. I don't take it. If you are a slut you are a slut. If you suddenly decide to become exclusive with you are still a slut. "I'm not like that anymore", yeah right.

High n-count for a girl to me is around 20.

Gravel_Roads · 2018-09-07T09:53:34+00:00

Considering I WAS a sex worker and I DO have an N-count in the triple digits, I'd have to say "I don't give a shit". I'm in a loving supportive relationship with a partner who feels the same, so I guess it's just a matter of different strokes for different folks.

N-count means nothing. You can marry a virgin and if she's a shitty person she'll still find a way to screw you over. You can marry an ex-escort and be in a loving, devoted relationship for life. And vice versa. Some people suck, some don't. Whether or not they've had sex with more people than you is irrelevant, that's like judging people based on how many times they'll ride a roller coaster. The only thing you can really tell is that they can, will and do ride roller coasters sometimes.

Texastentialism · 2018-09-07T04:50:50+00:00

Yes. I don't care what other people do but personally it's not a big factor for me when vetting a person.

Cho_Assmilk · 2018-09-07T08:24:48+00:00

It really depends on how many cocks were in her bareback

sublimemongrel · 2018-09-07T05:05:15+00:00

Most women have triple figure partner counts. Hence why most women will reject men without a past of their own and also because those men are unattractive. Good luck finding a woman without a past, you may find a woman who lies though. Ignorance is bliss as they say.

Also men these days are turned on by women having slept around. They feel as if since they're number 151 and she stays with him that makes him better than all the rest. Like he's the superior male, an egotistical but natural emotion.

Title	Do you believe in the saying "The past is the past" when it comes to partner count?
Author	Whodunnit88
Upvotes	10
Comments	294
Date	September 7, 2018 4:28 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/9dqtpy/do_you_believe_in_the_saying_the_past_is_the_past/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-believe-in-the-saying-the-past-is-the-past.260900 https://theredarchive.com/post/260900

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