Instant grat and Delayed grat activities, how they can change your life.

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March 18, 2015

It's 5:30AM, just woke up to another notification asking to elaborate on this. I consider this dichotomy the foundation to my TRP journey, been focusing on it for a few months and already seeing major results. It is pretty simple so skip if you think you’re already pushing yourself to your hardest on a daily basis.

In a nutshell, you want to reprogram your brain, to reinstill the idea that in order to get a reward, your brain must work first. This provides you with a natural biological force of willpower/discipline and a natural biological happiness of well-regulated dopamine fixes.

Porn is the epitome of this, you're taking something that is extremely complex in nature (getting a girl naked, visual sexual stimulation), something that your ancestry and evolutionary genes consider high risk/work high reward and shoving a burst of that reward to the brain without it having to do a thing. That fucks your brain up literally (in terms of dopamine receptors/connections), your brain gets used to this heightened level of stimulation and so you want more instant grat activities. The worst part, you want need more extreme versions of them to sustain the level of dopamine spikes you keep experiencing. The double whammy: your brain is more deterred to the idea of working at connecting to a girl to eventually get her into bed in the physical world. Sex is now redefined as your lonely tight grip’s feeling on your dick as opposed to a warm body interacting with you touching you everywhere. NoFap take it too far no doubt but that's how I experienced it first hand.

The more you avoid instant grat activities and gradually implement more delayed grat, the more your brain WANTS to do hard shit because it knows the reward is always at the end and it feels like constant applause for hours and days as opposed to fireworks for a few minutes. I WANT to go to the gym to feel so fucking beast at the end, to study so I can ace exams and feel like a genius, to meditate so I can be the rock staring into a girl’s fragile soul…my dopamine receptors get re-programmed every day to "do more tough shit, get more happiness".

Instant grat activities: 1) All social media: instant, brain-dead meaningless validation where you don’t interact with another human. I leave out 30 mins a day to reply to notifications but rarely browse. Anything worth watching/reading will be shown to you when your friends/dates talk about it. 2) Gaming: Cold turkey, don’t give your brain its dopamine fix of accomplishment in a fake yet realistic as fuck environment. 3) Watching TV shows and online videos: Cut any passive non-stimulating material that you can text while watching and not miss a thing. (Example: Friends, BBT, Modern Family) I make exceptions for fast-paced stimulating shows like Sherlock, House of Cards, How to Get Away with Murder every weekend or so. It’s not delayed grat but it’s a reasonable guilty pleasure. 4) Porn: already discussed, I personally still fantasize from time to time but I never touch my dick, I imagine real-life scenarios with real-life girls where interaction and touch is the main factor. 5) Complaining or validation-seeking: you’ll feel the urge to suck energy from people when you’re sad or tired or bored or whatever, to text them and get “support”. None of that, constant positivity and emotional resilience. Have your ego laugh it off and come back for more. 6) Drugs/alcohol obviously: Recreational but controlled. Any kind of binging or loss in control, stop immediately. Always ask yourself: Does this next activity hurt? If yes, does it give me benefit later? If yes, jump into it without another thought. The more you delay something, the more your brain fears it. Walk out the door and approach the first girl you see and it’s cake. Make excuse over excuse and you start thinking approaching is a daunting task because you’ve avoided it so many times. Same deal with procrastination.

Delayed grat activities: 1) Lifting. 2) Working on your career, keeping it a priority, and having at least one side project running. 3) Eating healthy: you’d be surprised how easy this is. Pack greens and superfoods in a daily smoothie for all your vitamins and minerals and be aware of your macros in your meals. Remove anything too sugary, too salty, too un-homey. Fast-food is unthinkable of course. 4) Cold showers: many benefits, mainly metabolism and testosterone boosting. 5) Sleeping on the floor: harder to go to sleep but (anecdotally, no real scientific backup) deeper sleep and better posture. 6) Meditation: Can’t recommend this enough, it was the last part in my equation of gaming girls, you just radiate calmness, your moves get smoother, your brain is clearer, and you’re more focused on the now and less outcome-dependent. 7) Reading, sudoku, and language lessons on the subway or in gaps of free time. Reading is especially delayed-grat as it’s much less stimulating than all the action in videos that we’re so used to right now. Your brain is so used to constant stimulation that having to imagine the words itself can be pretty boring at first but magical as you do it more. 8) Socializing is delayed-grat to me as my introvert self would always rather do passive shit alone. I try to engage strangers in conversation and socialize as much as I can.

You’d be amazed how much delayed grat you can introduce to your life. The more you add them, the more they'll take the time of instant grat and you'll find the day just ended and you've only done productive things all day. This may seem like a very harsh life if you’re too spoiled but you get used to appreciating the finer rewards of life and I see people even more dedicated than I am. The quote “Happiness is a byproduct of achievement” holds true, so fucking true. Every reward is more enjoyable after hard work.

Post Information
Title Instant grat and Delayed grat activities, how they can change your life.
Author BPtoRP
Upvotes 786
Comments 183
Date 18 March 2015 09:40 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit TheRedPill
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Red Pill terms found in post:
testosteronenaturalnofapliftthe red pill

[–][deleted] 132 points132 points | Copy

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[–]Dingle_my_berries104 points105 points  (5 children) | Copy

From the Game of Thrones book:

'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?'

'That is the only time a man can be brave,'

[–]suloco6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

I fully respect and support the rule of not citing fiction here, but damn, is GoT redpill as fuck or what? Guess the author just has a good insight in human nature.

[–]1Halfjor5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

The books are totally RP. I'm pretty sure GRRM wrote the young Sam Tarley (textbook beta if you haven't read/watched) as a reflection of himself as a young man. There's a ton of RP truths, not in sexual strategy and the lot, but the way everything plays out. No feel good bullshit and fairy tales. Good guys don't win.

GRRM is in his late 60's now so I think his worldview is pretty developed and RP.

[–]SlappaDaBayssMon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm pretty convinced my prior familiarity with those books played a part in me keeping an open mind when I first stumbled my way in here. He does an excellent job of casting all of his characters in three dimensions, the good guys are kinda bad, the bad guys are kinda good - everybody is driven by their own human desires (who'd a thunk it?).

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points | Copy

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[–]BPtoRP[S] 28 points29 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's one of my main motivations to do anything, fearing it'll get harder and harder if I delay it, particularly approaches. Just jump into it and calibrate from the inside. Daunting tasks are the same, just start and within a day tops you'll have a clear enough plan for the next few days' work.

[–]Tadg_Strudwick7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

I have had the same issue but with worse stuff to deal with. You need to realize you already are failing. By putting it off you are done for and its only getting worse. No matter what just do it. NOW! not in an hour or after coffee or anything. Just fucking do it. You will be happy you started and did something no matter how poorly it will go at the start or how difficult it maybe.

[–]The_Choedan_Kal3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

If not now, then when? The only time you can act, the only time that even exists, is this present moment.

[–]shmurshmursh7 points8 points  (8 children) | Copy

I've lived in Taiwan for a year now and can barely speak simple phrases. It's embarrassing. After so much prprocrastination, it's hard to find that motivation to begin studying on my own.

[–]systemshock869 10 points10 points [recovered] | Copy

I've got a classic car to work on that's sat for 3+ years. Motorcycle needs work. Started motor transplant on jet ski, never finished. All in a trashed garage. It's so hard to get myself going on all this. Add divorce and career uncertainty.. recipe for depression.

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet28 points29 points  (1 child) | Copy

Pick one small task and finish.

Then pick another small one, and finish it.

Don't look at your massive, incomplete projects and despair. Instead, break them up into small, achievable goals. That way, you have a bunch of little victories instead of one great big failure.

That's how you eat a whale. One bite at a time.

[–]losectrl1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. I have a major objective this year, but it involves 3 things that need to happen to achieve it. So these are now 3 projects in Wunderlist, with many sub tasks. I've been getting through them, and ticking them off is motivating.

[–]Jasmudda9 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy

Start by cleaning up that garage. Don't worry about the projects you have to keep moving and stepping over. Just work on getting it cleaned up/organized so when that urge to start wrenching again hits, you can actually do some work instead of walking out and getting overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that needs to be dealt with

[–]Danedina4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm in a similar state with my apartment. I need bookshelves and some cabinets. I'm going to move on it this Saturday or else 10 approaches on Saturday night.

[–]ContinentalRP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There's a whole site dedicated to cleaning up your shit etc. The emergency cleaning is a great place to start with really unfucking your shit.

[–]cmiovino20 points21 points  (3 children) | Copy

This is mainly why I quit watching porn.

Realized it was too easy to get sit down at a computer, click to whatever type I wanted to experience, and boom, done. Too easy. It feels great right clicking around, getting into it, and then zero real lasting satisfaction afterwards.

However, experiencing it with a real girl, despite the extra effort, is well worth it in the end.

[–]kaidust3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

haha the effort is really worth it. Especially the afterglow after sex with a real women vs NO afterglow after masturbation

[–]foyamoon-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why can't you have both? Watching porn and going after girls.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (22 children) | Copy

I believe I was one of the people that wanted you to elaborate on this. And thanks for that.

It really comes down to habits. Having a solid foundation of habits (e.g. meditating, waking up no snooze, studying, reading, gymming) is VITAL for a TRP male. It is what creates discipline.

EDIT: If you have the time, I'd like you to elaborate more on meditation. It's something that I've attempted to get into multiple times but I never saw the benefits of sitting alone, focusing on my breath, for ten minutes everyday. I realize that I am outcome-dependent (I expect to achieve something, and that's to be more present in the moment), but at the same time, it's one of those habits that you can't track progress in. As a goal-oriented person, I can't see the value in doing something unless it brings me something back in return.

I'll give it another try. Where should I start?

[–]BPtoRP[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tyler has a good introductory video and for tracking progress I use Insight Timer, which has a few guided meditation tracks as well but I've never tried them.

[–]BadPaddingException11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

I think I need meditation.

My mind is completely bloated with useless bullshit these days. I keep browsing mindlessly reddit/4chan/ROK/my youtube channels so I can always have some content to read or listen to. I go to sleep with podcasts, wake up to it. And I feel like my mind is crumbling with this. My attention span is getting worse and worse.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one, with smartphones being all around. And yet very few people talk about it. I feel like I'm becoming stupider and fighting against it is like fighting an addiction.

I've done nofap, I think I need to practice meditation for real. Do you know a good place to start for someone like me trying to clear my mind up?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tara Brach has a lot of guided mediations for free online. Something to consider with meditation is that you're not doing it for any end so much as to strengthen the parts of your brain that deal with emotion and reaction and focus. So instead of reacting instantly in anger or giving in to the "boredom" that causes you to need instant grat, the higher more practiced mind becomes wired to react before the emotional ego driven monkey mind. If you want more of the science behind it this book delves into many of the scientific studies of Buddhist monks and long time practicers of meditation and how it shows up on brain scans.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

When I meditate I tend to not worry about my posture, and sort of just let my thoughts "pass through" me.

I also focus on my breathing and try to feel like a part of my environment, focusing in on reality.

I took gather info, but some of the info I gather is incredibly helpful, like the info on this sub.

I wonder what I'd be like if I didn't research this stuff.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, I feel the same way.

I'll give this another shot.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

The benefit for me is, it quiets your mind from the endless flow of chatter. Many successful people will vouch for it, going back a few gnerations, but today I think it's even more important, as we are constantly being pinged with social media, our smart phones, and new technologies. I believe these devices are leaving us with shorter attention span, certain mental illnesses, and an inability to connect socially. I feel enlightened every day as I feel I am not bogged down with a lot of this internal chatter. So, I'm more confident, and also I can focus much better on any given task.

I do not believe multitasking is a human trait. Well, we're able to multitask things like breathing, walking and talking, but when it comes to our focus, it's not in our nature to focus on multiple things. Because we carry these smart phones, people are under the illusion that we can focus on multiple tasks, but when someone is talking to me and checking their phone, I can see them slip and lose track of though, causing them to repeat themselves.

You might want to check out this video it's Anderson Cooper from 60 minutes.

You don't really track your progress in meditation, but you do commit to it. If you start meditating and still desire a way to track it, you probably aren't getting it and wait until you're really ready to practice it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks for your insightful reply.

Regarding social media and the modern generation, YES, I feel the exact same way. That's why I wanted to do meditation in the first place -- but I feel like my expectations are a bit skewed in the same way a fat guy entering the gym expects to get a six pack in the first month. I'm simply not getting any instant gratification from meditating, which is what makes it a difficult thing to practice (I feel that starting a new habit, you must involve a reward at the end -- something I learnt from "The Power of Habits").

Multitasking is also something I do. I used to praise it as a positive trait but it's only recently did I realize that I'm half-assing multiple things instead of full-assing one thing.

I intend to meditate as a means to improve my focus. However, I'm not really sure what to start. It's not fulfilling -- and a big part of starting new habit is having a "reward" at the end that fulfills you, that triggers you to want more, that completes the habit circuit. Such as the burn you feel after a gym session, or a grade A from a quiz you studied for.

I acknowledge that I'm making excuses, but I've attempted to meditate multiple times, for a few weeks, and it's always like it's going nowhere because I expect my focus to improve and it doesn't.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I never understood the point and had NO CLUE what I was doing so I sat there and would think constantly. After a few weeks I learned just how to catch thoughts as they came. Probably 6 months before I had very few thoughts throughout a 20 minute meditation, most of them come when you first sit down. I sounded like you, but after consistently practicing for about 20 minutes, I could sit there long after my timer goes off and I have the "I got this" mentality. Try to notice how much you have to redo things when multitasking. Even reading with listening to music is too much for me. I can recommend a ton of good books to you (if you're poor I can give you a site to download from in ebook format until you get on your feet). It's great that you've been practicing I can tell you are really trying. It could be other things going on in your world. Do you have problems living without your phone? Can you completely power down your phone for hours throughout the day or does that bother you? Do you sleep with your phone anywhere near you? I power mine off around 10pm everynight and leave it in my living room. Way too many people over value their phone as part of their identity. Online dating profiles usually make that evident.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah. I know what you're talking about. There are times when I am COMPLETELY FOCUSED, and perhaps it's just part of being human, but I'd like to tap into that zone by command.

What I've found worked for me:

  1. Waking up no snooze. Best way to start off the day -- it's almost like kicking your subconcious and telling it that you have a life worth living.
  2. Setting a timer when studying (i.e. 45 minutes). I'll get as much shit as I can done during this period. No distractions. I can rest afterwards.
  3. Turning phone off.
  4. Listening to no-lyrics but hyped-up music. Or just singing/humming. It helps me drastically for some reason.

Turning my phone off does bother me a bit, but it's getting better. I now turn my phone on Airplane mode and I couldn't care less if my girlfriend sent me 10 texts or people tried calling me urgently. Some things I just have to let go.

I will do nofap and meditation for the rest of March. will report back with results.

[–]soupermain6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Use the headspace app as an entree level tool and then start delving deeper into things like Transcendental meditation and more hardcore mindfulness meditation.

[–]140Watts2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The Headspace app is a great way to start for beginners.

[–]aptway2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

There's a great app called Headspace that you can use as an introduction to meditation. First 10 sessions are free, then you can pay a modest fee to continue with it.

[–]mathis53321 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

If you have the time and chance, try a several day retreat (such as 10-day Vipassana). Vipassana, in particular, is free and gives you a chance to experience in an isolated area. It's pretty tough, but after that you can decide for yourself how you want to continue (e.g. how often you meditate, whether you continue the same technique).

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

That is a good suggestion, I spoke to some older women who said it was the hardest thing they've ever done (older women do go through some shit).

The only qualm I have with it is that it doesn't teach you to self-regulate, instead it places you in an environment where distraction is not an option. When you have the option, but choose to abstain, each time you do so will strengthen your willpower.

[–]blob62 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I have done a number of vipassana courses over the years, and I have to disrespectfully disagree. In my experience, the largest distraction you can encounter is your own mind's absolute need to focus on something other than the present moment.

10 days of absolute silence is enough to prove to myself that I am my own biggest distraction, and blaming that on an external source is your own cognitive dissonance trying to belittle the power of your own mind.

The courses do exactly what they are intended to do: show you how powerful your mind is, give you a method of harnessing that power so that you are in control of your focus, emotions, and reactions, and finally, give you a place to practice creating good quality habits with respect to meditation.

At the expense of sounding evangelical, I cannot advocate this practice enough. Pm if you have any questions

[–]SurpriseMeAgain0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I had an awesome experience at the center on Vancouver Island. It was one of the most difficult/rewarding experiences.

Also, Goenka is a funny dude.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start with 3 minutes. Just work every day on getting to the 3 minute mark. Then go to 5. Etc.

[–]elderscrollsrichard1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go to /r/30daysit and in the sidebar you have Mindfulness in plain English.pdf It is a great resource, and it's very well explained.

Also, I recommend downloading an app called Headspace, it has a free 10 day course that should give a good idea of how meditation works.

The .pdf is if you want to read about the reasoning behind it.

[–]yumyumgivemesome0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I'm now inspired to make meditation a frequent practice as well. I remember reading an interesting comment on reddit a couple years ago about meditation. It went something like:

Everyone should meditate for 20 minutes every day. If you don't have time for that, then you need an hour.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I read something like that too. Still don't get the point, but I'll do it for the rest of March just for the discipline.

[–]yumyumgivemesome1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My takeaway was that if your life is seemingly too busy that you cannot take just 20 minutes for your own personal meditation time, then you're in such a bad situation psychologically that you probably need 1 hour of meditation time ASAP.

[–]Endorsed Contributorbalalasaurus13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Was about to instantly gratify myself - spend some time browsing reddit - when I saw your post and decided instead to complete an assignment that I had to do for one of my courses. Cheers.

[–]TRP Vanguard: "Dark Triad Expert"IllimitableMan16 points17 points  (5 children) | Copy

[–]sobaditssogood2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

How far along is 'Monk Mode 2' on the road to release?

[–]TRP Vanguard: "Dark Triad Expert"IllimitableMan5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

It's pretty close, I stopped progress on it to work on something else though.

[–]bustanutmeow1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Have you got any books at all? E-book or hard copy?

[–]TRP Vanguard: "Dark Triad Expert"IllimitableMan2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Have you got any books at all? E-book or hard copy?

Not yet. When I do, I'll put a post up on the blog notifying everyone, and readers subscribed via e-mail will receive an e-mail letting them know of the book release. If you follow the blog, it will be impossible for you to miss the release.

[–]bustanutmeow0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bugger, I just find it easier to read a book then i do with blogs. How would you suggest i consume the content of your blog?

[–]prodigyx55 points56 points  (18 children) | Copy

4) Cold showers: many benefits, mainly metabolism and testosterone boosting

Stop spreading this broscience myth.

Hot temperatures reduce testosterone in male rats. That is the only data out there. Cold showers don't "Boost" anything.

[–]Scroph8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here's the way I see it : cold showers are considered a "delayed gratitude activity" because after getting used to the cold temperature of the water, you feel warmer after you get out of the shower. I know this from experience, a few seconds after the water splashes against my skin, it will start to emanate heat, the mirror in the bathroom gets foggy despite not having spilled a single drop of hot water.

However, I don't overdo it by staying under the cold temperature water for too long*, I usually alternate sessions of scrubbing/rinsing and finish up with a total of around 60 to 90 seconds where I just stand under the running water.

When showering with hot water, you feel warm during the act but you will feel cold afterwards. I haven't taken one of those in a while but I remember I used to always procrastinate towards the end, wasting time and water as a result.

I don't know if cold showers have any physical benefits, I think if anything the benefits are mostly psychological, though I could be mistaken.

Edit : I forgot to mention that this is all subjective, your mileage may vary.

[–][deleted] 25 points25 points | Copy

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[–]foldpak1110 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sleep without a pillow is what he should've said.

[–]Kunichi-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I really think that it works. Go google Futon.

[–]Venomroach5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

They feel wonderful though.

[–]twolanterns3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

What works for you works for you, that doesn't make the factual part about testosterone more true. Testosterone is not the only chemical that makes you feel good, so to speak.

[–]Venomroach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oh of course. It would be nice is there was added benefit but if not, oh well.

[–]TurnDownForWhat19 points20 points  (3 children) | Copy

The reason cold showers has been tossed around in here is because it's mentally something we dread. Will a cold shower hurt us? No. Are they a bitch to go through with? Yes. That's the underlying theme of the post. Hell I'd love to sit around and spank it to Internet porn all day. It's easy. But I'm losing the thrill of the hunt. The tactics and skill involved aren't present. Cold showers require mental toughness in its most basic form. Get in there. Wash your pee hole and leave. It's a bitch but it's something you do to develop a pattern in life of doing the hard things. Joy wouldn't feel so good if it wasn't for pain.

[–]The_Choedan_Kal4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've been doing cold showers for so long I really don't even dread it anymore. I'm thankful for the days that I do apprehend it though, it shows that there's still some little bitch left inside to slay.

[–]DingoManDingo1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I looked it up and couldn't find anything solid either. If anyone has evidence I'd love to see it.

[–]epixs0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

why not just take exogenous test, boom problem solved!

[–]lightfire4090 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It probably gives a temporary boost since its painful. Similar to holding a "power pose" for a few minutes.

[–]5hogun-3 points-2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I put on 12lbs of muscle during a 3 month cold shower cycle.

[–]foldpak111-5 points-4 points  (1 child) | Copy

What happens when we get a bruise or scrape? Ice it. Cold reduces inflammation. Less inflammation, less cortisol. Less cortisol, more testosterone. You don't need science for something that is common sense.

[–]Sea_of_Fish 8 points8 points [recovered] | Copy

Once had a mentor in university who broke down all actions into two categories: satisfaction (instant), and gratification (long term).

Delving into semantics here, but anything that gives you instant pleasure with no long term benefit will never be 'gratifying'. Eating wantonly vs eating clean is a prime example.

As the Rolling Stones once said, "I can't get no satisfaction". Maybe they were on to something.

[–]JihadDerp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think the better word for long term is "fulfilling." Anything instant is "satisfying" or "gratifying", makes you complacent. Hard work is fulfilling for a long time. Easy fixes satisfy temporarily.

[–]BadPaddingException4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

Thanks for this reminder.

Although I know it, it's hard to apply it consistently. Sometimes I stay months with a strong discipline, but times like recently I really have a hard time waking up/motivating myself to go to the gym, or even applying nofap (which I applied successfully for 2 years at some point in my life). Being consistent at it is definitely the key, and sometimes it's hard. Your post is a good reminder to never let your guards down.

[–][deleted] 4 points4 points | Copy

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[–]BPtoRP[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Right there, discipline is much more reliable than motivation.

[–]Sesa_Refum5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I was on a 6-week NoInternet streak and broke just now and came to look at redpill.

This is the first post I see.

now turning back off my WiFi, I'm going to take a cold shower, put in some work and reevaluate my strength of will.

Remember boys; in choosing to become a valuable, masculine and self-actualized man, you've chosen to play your life on hard mode. You can rest when you're dead.

[–]pxmped0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What have you decided to fill your time with if you can share?

[–]metallica1110 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy

I think the most difficult part of instilling delayed gratification activities is that some of them are arduous with little or no gratification for years until you hit your goals. Obviously, the more arduous and difficult the path, the greater the reward.

I have personally recognized two "failure points" in this path to success. the first one is where 90% of people fail - you get get all motivated and make progress for maybe a few days but depend on that initial motivation to get you through. When the pain of gratification from initial motivation or initial progress is more than the initial positive motivation (which is transient in my opinion - think of motivational quotes), you just give up.

The second failure is where the remaining a majority of the remaining 10% of people fail - and it is where goals are either re-defined (in good or bad ways) or the goal stops altogether. This failure point happens when there is little reward for persuing a goal for months and months (or even years), sometimes due to the nature of the goal itself (paying off debt for example).

This is why it is important to reward yourself in some way, and tie that reward to the fact that you are still going towards your goal, to get that positive re-enforcement, otherwise even the most gritty of people will become stressed/depressed etc. It's not healthy.

Here is a good example: I had around 40,000 dollars in student loan and car deb 3 years ago and had a child that was unplanned. I went from my monthly budget being 2,500 a month after fixed expenses to around 1500 a month after fixed expenses (which is not much for me with the high cost of living in my area). I wanted my old lifestyle of financial freedom back, but put a plan together to pay off my debt in 2 years instead of 6, tripling my payments. If I succeeded, my income after fixed expenses would jump to 3,000 a month. and I wanted that early, not 6 years from then. so for the past 2 years I have been running off 1,000 a month on average. no big vacations, have curbed eating out. made lots of bean soups and grunted through them every week. No big purchases. Barely went out drinking etc. Did not buy couch (sit on floor in living room the past 2 years). I love food, I love comfort. Alot of times it sucked. Previously, I would occasionally go get a nice steak. Or go get king crab legs, make them myself, with a nice bottle of wine, plop on my couch and watch a movie and enjoy myself. I loved those me moments. Now I walk past the crab legs, bust out my chicken soup, sit on the floor (I sold my couch), and watch videos on youtube on my old computer with 3 buck chuck since my DVD player broke and I dont' want to buy a new one. But 3 months from now, the debt will be fully paid off and my income after fixed expenses will jump from around 1,000 a month to 3,000 a month. I will book trips again to see friends I have not seen, buy those crab legs, buy a new couch. It's really gratifying. Now I can save for a house, get better things for my son, see old friends.

[–]Scroph1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The last paragraph reminded me of Ken Ilgunas, he did some hardcore frugal living (secretly lived in his van on campus) to avoid having to take student loans. He wrote an excellent book about it, it's called "Walden on Wheels", but prior to publishing it, he maintained a blog where he wrote about his adventure as it unfolded. It was a very inspiring read, it might help you get through the remaining three months of your journey.

[–]BPtoRP[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Immense respect first of all, love how you're taking care of yourself first and foremost before worrying about matters concerning others. You hit the nail on the head concerning the 2 major pitfalls, I've fallen in both of them many times before stabilizing a bit.

[–]through_a_ways0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think the most difficult part of instilling delayed gratification activities is that some of them are arduous with little or no gratification for years until you hit your goals.

Most people's problems come from the fact that they can't even wait days for a reward, let alone years. Don't use the big stuff as an excuse when we can't even do the small stuff.

[–]FUTBALAR 12 points12 points [recovered] | Copy

I think about this a lot, especially when I am on the subway seeing everyone attached to their phones, stimulating their lizard brains with candy crush. It's fucking sad. When I didn't have a smartphone, I used to think that having one would make me a lot happier and satisfied. I was wrong, it made me more miserable than ever.

Do yourself a favor, next time you see someone on their phone, just look at their face. Notice their facial expression and ask yourself: "Do they look happy or even satisfied?"

The average attention span of a human being is less than that of a gold fish. Source. This wasn't the case a decade ago. Now, it's impossible to hold a conversation with someone without them glancing at their phone at least few dozen times. You can literally see their thoughts drift away into oblivion.

It's even sad that now a days, people consider watching Netflix as a hobby. Girls don't shy away from expressing their undying love for Netflix. I once had a girl proudly tell me that she spent he entire long weekend watching her favorite TV show. Just think about it for a second: "What is a TV show? Why do we watch TV shows?" You're basically watching a portrayed life while wasting your own. Think about how ridiculous that sounds?

There were dark times in my past, where I cared more about Rachel and Ross (from Friends) than my own family members. I remember crying when the show ended. The level of my emotional investment was unreal.

When was the last time, where you were bored and did.... nothing? You didn't go on the internet, you didn't browse, you didn't do anything. You just stared at the wall for an hour (natural meditation). Boredom leads to self-reflection. That's not going to happen if you keep doing useless shit. People are programmed to treat boredom like a disease. They feel the need to kill it will lethal doses of useless entertainment. It's socially acceptable to spend hours watching a tv show than do nothing.

Edit: Words

[–]through_a_ways2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've mentioned this dichotomy before, so it's good to see others realizing it as well (hopefully it was independent of any of my posts)

Many "instant gratification" activities can potentially be "delayed gratification" in nature, depending on the details.

Example: Video games. Playing an adventure-style game which is slow moving, non-linear, has puzzle elements, and has few "rewards" (Metroid Prime, for example) is very different from playing Call of Duty, where you're mindlessly reacting, and getting validation messages every other time you press a button.

Anyway, I think this dichotomy is part of an even larger general principle: hormesis.

Delayed gratification = stress + reward (the stress is the work, the reward is the gratification)

Instant gratification = reward (just gratification)

A recurring theme in biology is that too little stress is itself a type of stress.

Too little dirtiness = allergies
Too little physical activity = obesity
Too little hunger = obesity, also lack of efficiency of digestive enzymes
Too little UV light = low vitD, among others
Too little mental work = dullness, brain fog

All of the above mentioned things are stresses. Too much of them will tax you, and even kill you. Too little of them lead to the problems above.

Instant gratification completely takes out the stress of work, whatever type of work that may be. Thus, it is a stress through a lack of stress.

[–]TRPatriot1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Appreciate this post. The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg may help some of us put this wisdom into action.

[–]Endorsed ContributorPopeman791 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is awesome. Thanks OP

[–]johnmal851 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is probably the best post on TRP that I've seen. It transcends so far beyond taking the pill, and into territory that is true wisdom, that I must say kudos.

I'm battling with the dichotomy of instant versus delayed gratification right now.

[–]The9thMan991 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

6) Meditation: Can’t recommend this enough, it was the last part in my equation of gaming girls, you just radiate calmness, your moves get smoother, your brain is clearer, and you’re more focused on the now and less outcome-dependent.

Where would you recommend starting to a person who has never tried meditation before? I'm curious but I don't know what I am supposed to do or expect.

[–]TRP Vanguard: "Dark Triad Expert"IllimitableMan0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Sit down, upright posture, close your eyes, count your breathes, kill any thoughts that come into your head, concentrate on the breathing. Try it for around 20 minutes, see how you feel afterwards.

[–]d4rkj4y0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

See if you focus on killing the thought, you will perpetuate that thought and that will only lead to more anxiety.

[–]TRP Vanguard: "Dark Triad Expert"IllimitableMan0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's not reflective of my experience.

[–]kaidust0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I personally started mediation through this program called Headspace. It guides you through every step of the process. Give it a try!

[–]Bentonkb1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My most intense period of delayed gratification was in graduate school. The stress was dreadful, I was working as hard as I could but didn't even know if I was sinking or swimming. People, smart people, we're dropping like flies. At one point I started having stress dreams like never before. Most people have the dream where you are late for school or forgot a test. I had dreams where I walked into a ToysR'Us with an axe and killed everybody. Then I would wake up thinking I lost my mind.

Quitting was the obvious choice. The only reason why I didn't is because I had taken my wife all the way to the other side of the country on the promise that I would make it work out. She trusted me enough to leave her family behind because I told her that I could take care of us on my own.

It took three years before I could see the light at the end of the tunnel and another two years to finish. In the end I finished in very good standing and set us on the path to a comfortable life with lots of opportunities, but it was hard to see that outcome at the beginning.

A couple of weeks ago my boss was talking about setting up a very expensive and tricky experiment that could put our organization on a short list of first tier laboratories in our field. He turned to me and asked, "are you sure you can do make it work?" I told him all I need is time and money. I got this.

[–]Kunichi2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Can you elaborate more about ground sleeping?

[–]KenuR5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wouldn't recommend. I had to sleep on the floor for three weeks one time and ended up getting really sick and had a nasty cough that wouldn't go away for a month. If you really want to experiment just get a hard mattress.

[–]BPtoRP[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I did it first to fix my posture and force me to sleep on my back, to stop sleeping on my stomach, also thought it might help fix my lumbar lordosis. I lay a yoga mat on the hard wood and a blanket over it, that's it.

Posture did improve a bit but the major difference I noticed was the deeper sleep. I sleep 4-5 hours and wake up sometime around 5 completely awake right out of bed. It is much harder to go to sleep though so you need to be tired down and sleepy going to bed. Every week or so I have a night where I can't sleep and just use the bed instead. Your mileage may vary though, I'm guessing it might do more damage if you're very old or you have back problems.

It's also pretty standard in Japanese tradition apparently so you can read more about it there.

[–]ametalshard0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I used to do it plenty and really miss it. You have to force yourself to sleep on your back and straight though.

[–]Kunichi0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That is so interesting. Apparently its called Futon. Going to try it out.

[–]tym00274 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you think about it in terms of evolution it's quite possible that we see more naked women and see more sex while watching porn than some of our older ancestors saw in their entire lifetime.

I have no science to back up any sort of claim. But that huge difference in what stimulates us probably has to in some sort of way affect you. Probably. Maybe.

[–]beginner_4 points5 points  (13 children) | Copy

Why is gaming instant gratification? If you have no clue and go online vs others you get anything but gratification because you will get demolished regardless of the game. Meaning before gratification you actually need skill. But I do agree it's a mostly useless skill except for better reaction.

[–]TRP VanguardCyralea7 points8 points  (8 children) | Copy

Giving up video games is the topic that most commonly rears the male hamster. It's so easy to become addicted to them. It's much easier to spend a few hours playing Call of Duty than to spend those hours learning a programming language. Eventually your brain wires itself for that instant stimuli, and you have trouble focusing yourself on any worthwhile task.

Weaning yourself from video games is one of the most beneficial things you can do. A lot of you can easily count off games you've invested 100+ hours into. How many of you can tell me personal projects that you've spent that much time with?

[–]hiphoprising2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

If instead of just video games we made board games forbidden too, would that change your opinion? It's based on the same principles.

I think the argument here should be don't waste your time playing games. Don't single video games out.

[–]TRP VanguardCyralea-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you were spending hours playing board games, by yourself, then yes, it would be no different. There's clearly a difference though in practice.

You're correct though, games in general are a waste of time for someone pursuing success.

[–]hiphoprising0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Then we get into a subjective argument as to "what games give you applicable skills?"

[–]d4rkj4y-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Depends buddy, I find when I have a period where I do well in chess my mind is extremely stimulated and that can relate to other areas in my life.

[–]Gackt0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

100+ hours? I remember expending almost 10.000 (ten thousand) hourse in one particular online game I used to play.

[–]TRP VanguardCyralea0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

10,000 hours is the number required to be considered a master at any given task. The book Outliers touches on this, all of the exceptional people in history typically had 10,000 hours at least in their chosen mastery.

Imagine what you could have accomplished instead of a sick K/D ratio.

[–]Gackt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I've hard about that :(

And I remember a lot of people were better than me o.O

[–]Gackt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I've hard about that :(

And I remember a lot of people were better than me o.O

[–]human_bean_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There's no risk, but a steady stream of strong rewarding experiences. You die? You just respawn at a different location. You defeat someone? You just "killed" a real living "enemy". Your brains reward system is unable to see the quotation marks around the words, and floods your brain with chemicals accordingly.

It is completely opposite of how it works in real life: you lose and you lose and if you work very hard and get lucky you may score a big win a few times. The failures are real, terrifying and can be even crippling.

[–]ANakedBear0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The type of game is also a huge factor in this.

[–]Kunichi0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No, you are not right. Every 1+ to your abilities is the instant gratification. And the feeling of beating someone down is instant gratification. Almost all games are based around that.

[–]BPtoRP[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Very extensive topic, but like I said, that perceived realism is the real killer here. You're getting your dopamine fix of accomplishment from an allegedly "delayed grat" activity as in you play hard in order to get rewarded but it doesn't benefit you in any way in real life, it's not a natural healthy dose of dopamine, you just get sucked in this other world, emotionally invest in it and then consider its rewards enough so you don't work as much in real life. Play all you want man but don't consider it an improvement to your life.

[–]begeiner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am at a party and sitting alone on rooftop bored and not interested to interact with people i cant feel a thing and it is because of my habit of PMO ing. I get what you are saying. From now on i am working on late grat. Thanks ..the party wasnt so fruitless afterall !

[–]shafe616 5 points5 points [recovered] | Copy

| NoFap take it too far no doubt but that's how I experienced it first hand.

I disagree, If you want to have the best optimal performance out of your body do NoFap. Better yet, also do NoSurf. Your right its all about brain optimization and rewiring. Like you said, your moods emotions everything is connected to brain chemicals, so if you're going to put yourself through all of this dont half ass it. Go into it 100%

[–]stilllearningsed2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

Nofap is a fucking cult, don't spread that shit around here.

If excessive masturbation is your issue check out /r/pornfree

[–]shafe616 2 points2 points [recovered] | Copy

Do you mean the cult of science? Because there is scientific evidence of benefits from abstaining from masterbation and porn. Doesnt matter what subreddit you belong to, the point I was making was that abstaining from masterbating and porn is beneficial and I used the word NoFap because that subreddit discusses the benefits from both porn and masterbation abstanance.

[–]stilllearningsed1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

No, I mean cult, as in they attribute near super-human results to the simple act of stopping masturbating entirely.

I'd love to see some of your 'scientific evidence' because everything I've seen has largely shown that the over-stimulation of porn can be a psychological arousal problem and that excessive masturbation can contribute to low-Test. This is why I linked /r/pornfree

However, I've never seen anyone link to scientific backing of NoFap's favorite concept that not masturbating at all ADDS Test.

There is a big difference between moderation avoiding an drain on a resource and abstinence somehow generating more of the resource than your body is actually capable of. There is a reason wet dreams happen, because sexually-capable men need this kind of release at regular intervals on a physiological level.

[–]shafe616 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Studies have shown that abstaining from masterbation has an increase on test on weekly intervals / cycles. Your test rises throughout the week, peaks, then drops and starts rising again. So yeah you can masterbate once a week according to that study to reap the benefits of higher test. But its not just about the testosterone, its the motivation ("retaining the life source") from not jizzing that most people enjoy from nofap. If you have the extreme mental willpower needed to not pleasure yourself you feel unstoppable (yes that currently can be called pseudoscience). However, abstatining from masterbation, porn and sex for 90 days is scientifically proven to rewire your brain to a healthy before-porn males brain. There are college studies and TED talks on it. This method was derived from addiction studies of drug addicts. Basically the male brain wasn't developed to handle all the stimulation its gets easily today. Yes physiologically, sperm needs to be replaced to remain healthy, but the feel good chemicals released during orgasm from fapping create unhealthy habits and sexual connections with pleasuring oneself. Basic human evolution, very strong emotional bonds (oxytocin?) is created through orgasm. Id say to try the 90 day nofap challenge then reevaluate your thoughts. But I see where your coming from and how you think nofap is extreme (for addicts) and not necessary, but I shoot for the top, if there is a fraction of positivity for better results doing something one way, im going that way.

[–]stilllearningsed0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I don't see a single link to a citation.

[–]prodigyx1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Or you could do things in moderation like a normal, well adjusted human being. The people who benefit from NoFap are the ones that have bad issues to begin with.

[–]through_a_ways-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Better yet, also do NoSurf.

I think mindlessly browsing the internet is a type of instant gratification.

However, if you are browsing it constructively, it is not.

I could be spreading myself thin randomly clicking anything on reddit that looks remotely interesting, OR I could be trying to understand something by researching it and taking notes.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

The cold shower thing is mentioned often but without evidence.

[–]pxmped0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It is most definitely stimulating, will make you more alert. Also, take a cold shower and go step out on a brisk or windy day. I don't need anything beyond anecdote for the fact you are more resistant to temperature differences for a period of time.

Alas, still no evidence :P

[–]thepillwastaken0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I do and have done all delayed grat activities for over 15 years. I will say this, it is vitally important to do these things, but eliminating all instant grat is not always a great idea. Nothing wrong with rewarding yourself after a long day of exercise, eating clean..killing it at work..etc with some instant grat time.

[–]BPtoRP[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed 100% but you gotta get there first before considering trickling in instant grat again.

[–]CryptoManbeard0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

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[–]changetip0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

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[–]ReadingHard0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Also known as the Marshmallow test.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sleeping on the ground fucks your back up.

[–]MetacognitiveMan0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

P.D. Mangan posted about something similar to this a few days ago. He calls it "Mental Hormesis."

[–]SilentAlpha0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A great thing to mix into this process is learning new skills, trades, etc. Learning how to fix things, build things and/or operate things. Gives you a big leg up not only on a potential professional level but also in life in general.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


What is this?

[–]Stythe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is something I've realized unconsciously for a long time. I worked really hard to deal with personal issues and found this pattern, though I couldn't identify it until recently and your post clicked it into place. You've hit the nail on the head and I'd like to say that THIS is the type of advice that should be given anywhere. Thank you.

[–]ProjectShamrock0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

As a parent, I see this as a huge problem with life in general for people growing up today. When I was a kid the "latchkey kid" thing was pretty common so most of my friends who got home alone when they were growing up ended up being addicted to TV and video games. To make matters worse, they often had to eat TV dinners, and didn't have someone to help them with homework or anything. Now, throw the internet on top of all of that as well as the ubiquity of devices to connect to it in many ways, and it's very difficult to not be constantly "plugged in".

The solution that I'm working on with my kids that may also be useful for folks around here is to do things that force you to be unplugged. You mention exercise, and that one is huge for everyone. While the topic here goes to lifting, I've got my kids riding bikes a lot. Who doesn't love that? Right now since they're small, I just run along with them. It's not an organized workout but it is exercise and is a great way to spend time.

Another hobby we'll be starting to do more of is camping. Camping is probably the best way to detox from modern distractions and instant gratification that I can think of. Obviously, staying in a camper doesn't have quite the same effect, so I bought a big tent, sleeping bags, etc. and we're going to start going (probably next month) to various state parks on the weekends when possible. I don't see enough people on this sub suggesting it but I find it clears my head like nothing else.

That being said, I'm a proponent of moderation. I believe there are benefits to being aware of pop culture, and playing video games can offer some problem solving and hand-eye coordination improvements. That's why we limit how long the kids can play to basically an hour on each weekend day.

As for TV, it's generally just used seldomly if there's some show that they like (Star Wars Rebels airs new episodes once a week, so they watched that one) and we all watched Cosmos together when that was on because I felt it was a great entry level way of presenting complex scientific principles. Where I see the most danger with TV is with things like Netflix. The ability to binge-watch TV is too strong for most people.

Getting a cheeseburger is delicious, so I don't totally ban fast food, but if we eat burgers once a month that's plenty from my perspective. Also, no places that are huge chains or have drive-through places. Once you get past eating fast food for convenience and switch to making unhealthy food that tastes good an occasional treat, the risk is that you become too much of a "foodie" and that becomes your hobby. Cooking can be a great hobby no matter if you're male or female, but eating at restaurants is a stupid hobby. I used to do it a lot and while I could easily afford it, it was just a huge waste of time, especially if you write long Yelp reviews like I used to do.

To change the topic a bit, I also see instant gratification as a problem in the workplace. It's rarely acceptable in the business world for things to have a lengthy schedule with them anymore. If you apply the joke, "fast, accurate, cheap, pick any two" these days you have to be fast and cheap. If you are in a position of leadership, you will struggle with your colleagues if you take a more calm, rational approach. Eventually though, people will learn to trust and rely on your judgment because they know you think before you act and estimates you give them for time are realistic. They're normally used to people having emotional responses and giving them unrealistic deadlines that frustrate them and cause friction. By being calm, rational, and thoughtful you will eventually start winning converts to your way of thinking.

[–]BPtoRP[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I've always contemplated how I'd raise my kids on TRP ideals and I'd just like to say you're doing a balanced great job at it. Have you introduced them to any gender differences or anything serious? Guessing they're too young for that.

[–]ProjectShamrock0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I've always contemplated how I'd raise my kids on TRP ideals and I'd just like to say you're doing a balanced great job at it.

I appreciate it. It's tough raising children and our modern society makes some parts easier and others harder. I could go into a lot of detail but basically I model my behavior as a father off of what I view as being sort of an "old fashioned" patriarch type. My dad and stepdad weren't like that, but one of my grandfathers was, so I look to his example a lot and apply principles I've learned here and other places that seem to work well.

Have you introduced them to any gender differences or anything serious?

I have boys and girls, my oldest is 7, so I haven't really talked to them about anything deep other than as needed. Right now their main way of learning about such things are by example. Unfortunately, we've had to discuss death quite a bit due to several family members dying untimely deaths over the past few years. They lost both of their grandfathers one year after another in violent ways, unfortunately.

It's funny, because I do teach them different things here and there. For example, my five year old son was telling me about a girl at his preschool that he likes, but that he doesn't know what he should do because he also likes another girl. I told him that they can both be his girlfriend, there's no reason for him to limit himself to one, and it was like a light bulb went off in his head.

I won't tell the same thing to my daughter though, I basically try to guide her to be friends with girls more, and I relate stories that hopefully will help her see that she's too young at seven to be worried about boys. I would be lying if I didn't have reservations about how my daughter should grow up. RP makes sense for me and for my sons, and I think there's some form of it that would make sense for my daughter to be happy as an adult one day, but I have trouble with the idea of training her to be passive toward some other dude when she grows up. I'd almost rather she find a beta bux guy who has decent genetics and is under her control because her personality is strong like mine. I haven't figured this part out yet.

Overall from my perspective, I can't say that what I learn here will necessarily make up a huge part of what I teach my children until they are old enough to start having relationships. Until then I'm hoping that I act as their RP example and raising them to be ok with asking me questions. If I give them a foundation that I didn't have, there should be more opportunity to have a better life at an earlier age.

Also, another question that is a struggle is on the topic of marriage. I would absolutely recommend marriage to my daughter, but not to my sons.

[–]BPtoRP[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah raising sons isn't much of a question, what's more interesting is what kind of guy you'd want your daughter to find. Like you said, the best way to calibrate her standard is to set the example yourself, to show her that high value men like you do exist in abundance and she should better herself to nail him down to commitment. /r/redpillwomen can help with that I guess.

I would've thought an RP guy would want his daughter to find another RP guy who's willing to commit to her. She'd never be happy bossing a beta around, RP basics...anyway, wish you all the best man!

[–]ProjectShamrock-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would've thought an RP guy would want his daughter to find another RP guy who's willing to commit to her. She'd never be happy bossing a beta around, RP basics

It all makes sense in theory but a lot of what makes TRP successful is that it requires men to not be committed and make the woman earn his time. I don't see anything wrong with that as any relationship consists of two people who should have a choice to continue it. However, since this is "my little girl" and she still is quite literally a little girl it's kind of difficult to make a realistic estimate of what I would want for her. I mean for example, dread game is a tool that is beneficial to men, and maybe it gives women a sense of accomplishment to know that they "won the competition" but it's hard to say that I want my daughter to ever have dread applied to her. Also, she is extremely intelligent (all parents say this, but she's gifted and talented at school) so I also think she would be better off being a career type when she grows up instead of growing up to be a "first mate" or anything like that.

[–]exbp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Interesting study that shows huge benefits for those who can master delayed gratification: Stanford marshmallow experiment

[–]ruboski0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I needed this.

Yesterday I was trying to study and I kept on going back to video games. I was trying to google some information about this and you've provided exactly what I needed. Thank you!

[–]NiceTryDisaster0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Won't delaying gratification on a daily basis for an extended period of time cause depression?

[–]nuesuh0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I attest to deeper sleep on the "floor". I sleep on a top mattress now.

[–]cxwong0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy


Thanks for the great post - this is definitely a set of values that strongly resonates with me and that I hold myself to.

One thing I'd be interested in posing to you and the rest of the floor is that when I started holding myself to these values so vehemently I started to suffer socially.

I found it hard to empathise with others, had less to talk about with non-RP people as I shared so little with them as a whole. It also made me, internally, extremely judgemental of people who do allow themselves to succumb to instant grat activities. I've had to reintroduce some instant grat activities (such as watching TV) into my life just to "ground" myself again.

This has impacted my ability to socialise in the workplace (and forge positive work relationships) and also has made it harder for me to run game.

I concede that this is probably a result of a personal disposition toward taking things too seriously and subpar natural aptitude for socialising, and that I should not be thinking too much about what other people do (who gives a fuck, right?) and also working on improving social skills. Both are already in the self-improvement plan, but would be interested to see if any other people have noticed similar types of outcomes and how they've dealt with them.

[–]BPtoRP[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've experienced this and can relate 100%, perhaps on a milder level. I never explicitly said it, but yes deep down I felt for a long time that a lot of people around me were bitches to pleasure. And a few people realised that, I've noticed it particularly with my roommate, we have a pretty down to earth relationship and she kept saying she felt I was judging her all the time. We talked less and less, I wanted to keep focusing on whatever I'm doing instead of talking to her extensively. A few weeks ago I offered to be her study buddy to motivate her and she said I was "too intimidating". I'd say I'm coming to peace with it recently though.

I might be completely off track but I think the crux here is actually your view of yourself as opposed to your view of others. You still consider yourself one of them, that you're just doing things differently. Embrace the fact that you're not like them, that they don't "get it". Remember how a major pillar of "alpha" is irrational confidence? I remember a friend of mine was visiting me once, he had just finished medical school so I threw a party for him. We met a friend of mine there who kept complaining about his entry level PR job for 10 mins. You'd think the medical student would give the PR guy a deathstare but he was engaging him, solving his problems, no condescension whatsoever. He got used to the idea that other people aren't his "normal", that they're just different.

A dirty little secret though is that you actually aren't that special, and there's a recent post that had "you don't matter" in its title but I'm on my phone. Cheers man, keep pushing and stay vigilant

[–]SuperMeatBoi0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Drugs/alcohol obviously: Recreational but controlled.

Couldn't the "recreational but controlled" part be said for a lot of the instant gratification items? If person "A" plays video games the same amount as person "B" does drugs, and both are in moderation, what's the problem?

[–]BPtoRP[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

True, but I t's about your tendency to addiction. I don't get a single thought of temptation after alcohol or weed, very easy to control but I can get hooked to a game for hours if I play just a couple rounds. So that's the balance I chose for me, your mileage may vary.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Its unbelievable how important for human being is to not waste his time, at all, ever again!

[–]no_username_needed0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Is there some sort of compendium of information on beating motivation problems? Trying to "hype myself up" is not a valid substitute. Repeadly screaming in my head "just fucking DO IT" has yet to work.

[–]AntixD0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Pack greens and superfoods in a daily smoothie

what greens and superfoods,any method on this

as for the sleeping on the floor,that might do more damage than good

[–]Vietnom0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

And here it is again. The number one way to be TRP? "Hit the gym!"

[–]theHangedGod-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Man, you have no idea how badly I needed to see this post.

I went home over spring break, worked for my dad and hung out with my family for seven days. I ate like a king too, a fat one.

I've been in college for the first year and TRP started with that. This break brought me back to my BP mentality I had in high school. Worst part is, as soon as I got back to college, I hung out with an old high school buddy. He introduced me to Runescape. I hadn't played since like 8th grade, but he bought me a membership so I'd play with him and it sucked me in. I think I've spent 20 hours on it in the last 3 days. I skipped studies to play and skipped my morning work outs to study.

I'm breaking this thing in the next couple days. Thanks for the great post.

[–]pxmped1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Break it now. Break it yesterday. When your buddy tries to guilt trip you tell him to drop it. Make your own decisions and stick to them.

[–]Trisha_Hill-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Is there a program or something to follow or a book about this that i can start reading/doing? Im winter slacking and i thunk i just realised it dam

[–]BPtoRP[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

There's another comment saying The Power Of Habit by Charles Duhigg talks about this and helps in applying it but I haven't read it myself.

You don't need too much theory man, just gradually enhance your schedule, introduce new hobbies like language learning, it can be pretty interesting.

[–]HS-Thompson0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have read it. It is indeed an excellent overview of this topic and a relatively short and enjoyable read.

[–]Trisha_Hill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well i started with noFap and noPron since i read your post today hahaha and tomorrow i have made time for the gym! Boosted testosteron lets do it!

[–][deleted] -3 points-3 points | Copy

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[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

That's an excuse. It may be more difficult for you, but it's far from impossible.

[–][deleted] -4 points-4 points | Copy

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[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not gonna discuss my mental issues with you because it's irrelevant, and I'm not interested in the feminine debate of who has it worse. You know damn well you're making excuses. Many people with bigger issues than either of us have accomplished great things because they didn't define themselves by their flaws, or make excuses about their failures.

You and you alone are responsible for your actions. It'd be one thing if you were a hardcore schizophrenic, shit is damn near impossible with that. But ADHD is manageable with time and effort.

[–]ANakedBear0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have it as well and you just need to let it work for you. Video games are my crutch, but I can get tasks done by letting myself get distracted from my gaming and move back to work. When working, remind your self that you can game just after you are done.

[–]_the_shape_-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Very solid post. Often times, if greatness is the desired destination, then it is absolutely essential to be ruthless with oneself in order to get there.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (18 children) | Copy

Great post, except for:

Remove anything too sugary, too salty, too un-homey. Fast-food is unthinkable of course.

This shit again...


Cold showers: many benefits, mainly metabolism and testosterone boosting.

Calling BS on that.

[–]kevkos0 points1 point  (17 children) | Copy

Agreed but why do you not like advising against fast food?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (16 children) | Copy

Why do you think fast food should be avoided?

[–]kevkos0 points1 point  (15 children) | Copy

Most is too carby and has too much sodium, plus the quality of the meat they use is sub-par. I'm talking about the usual suspects McD's, Taco Bell, BK, etc.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (14 children) | Copy

I'm talking about the usual suspects McD's, Taco Bell, BK, etc.

And that right there is the crux of my point: sweeping generalizations that people make never apply to everything out there.

NEVER EAT SUGAR (because fruit is bad to eat, right?) DON'T EAT FRUCTOSE (again, fruit) NEVER EAT FAST FOOD (because places like Chipotle, Five Guys, Moe's, Boston Market, Arby's, even McDonald's, serves complete trash)

Also, the whole "sodium is bad" thing is on it's way out.

[–]kevkos0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy

You're putting words in my mouth. Yes, there are ways to make McDonald's, etc. healthier, i.e. throw out the bun, get the small fries, don't get a coke...but the point is it is not healthy on its own, even with the healthy hacks.

I never said anything about Chipotle or the other places. I said "the usual suspects".

Overdoing sodium is certainly unhealthy. Just google the ingredients in a big're overloading yourself with sodium. Yes a little extra salt is fine but we're talking obscene amounts.

Again you are putting words in my mouth. Stop it and let's have a reasonable debate.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy

I'm not though - now you're just moving the goal posts. And you are making a one true Scotsman claim.

"Overdoing sodium is certainly unhealthy". This recommendation is being removed from dietary guidelines.

[–]kevkos0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy

Which dietary guidelines? The USRDA? You know those are a joke right?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

1) It's USDA

2) Why do you think they're a joke?

[–]kevkos0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

You said recommendation. That's USRDA.

The food pyramid was bought and paid for by industries like sugar and corn. This is widely known. And the science shows that eating all that pasta and carbohydrate they recommend shoots up your blood sugar, makes your body produce more insulin, and...wa-la, you're fat.

[–]denart4-3 points-2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Gaming is not instant grat if you have to grind 10 hours for a reward. It is very much like lifting. You built yourself stronger for more weight.

[–]darkstout8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Every RPG gives you instant gratification in the beginning. Imagine if you had to grind 10 hours to reach level one.

Grinding itself offers low-level dopamine hits with each monster you kill and each random piece of loot you find.

And in the end, what do you have? A virtual avatar with no use in the real world. With lifting at least you become more healthy and more attractive.

Delete your avatar now and start working on the real you.

[–]BPtoRP[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Very extensive topic, but like I said, that perceived realism is the real killer here. You're getting your dopamine fix of accomplishment from an allegedly "delayed grat" activity as in you play hard in order to get rewarded but it doesn't benefit you in any way in real life, it's not a natural healthy dose of dopamine, you just get sucked in this other world, emotionally invest in it and then consider its rewards enough so you don't work as much in real life. Play all you want man but don't consider it an improvement to your life.

[–]denart4-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

It depends on where your values are. In terms of realism you could argue that your brain might be in a vat anyways if you get philosophical.

If you want to get laid working out is probably the best option. If you want to have a fullfilling life then both could work.

[–]teakettle3-4 points-3 points  (0 children) | Copy

i need to play games though.

[–]Anon_Dutch-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you for this excellent post. A worthwhile topic, expertly discussed.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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