Summary: Marrying a woman who isn't attracted to you is a losing proposition. If she starts spinning yarn about "You don't make me horny but I'm in love with your personality", FUCKING RUN IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.
Original post here.
Our story begins on AskMen where a guy posts his experience of being trashed by a woman he loved after 10 years of marriage because... yep, you guessed it. She didn't feel the tingles anymore. After 10 years of marriage, she was willing to torch her family because she didn't feel the tingles.
There was probably a 6'5" steel-jawed Chad lurking in the corner too, but OP never goes into that so it's speculation on my part. Anyway, here's his post:
I wanted to post this on a throwaway but I guess I can't due to subreddit rules. So whatever. I feel like this is important enough to just post on my main account.
This might sound overly pessimistic, but here it goes. I learned that physical appearance IS actually very important. A lot of people say "it's what's on the inside that counts" but that's not always enough. Leagues are a thing I guess.
My wife just left me because she "was never attracted" to me and "wanted to want" her husband. She told me that she didn't think it mattered that she wasn't attracted to me because birth control had given her such a low sex drive that it seemed irrelevant I guess? After stopping the pill, her libido increased. She wanted to be intimate with me but "in a different body" ... but at least she admitted my face looked "okay."
We had fairly few problems in our relationship. It should have maybe been a red flag to me that my libido was higher than hers for a lot of it, but I was willing to live with it. She was my best friend and I loved her dearly. I wanted and planned to spend the rest of my life with her.
I'm not the best looking guy, I'm a little overweight by appearance standards (but I technically have a BMI in the "normal" range now) and I'm balding. My facial features aren't remarkable. But I feel like I didn't deserve this.
I feel like our personalities were so compatible, and after over half a decade together- it's just such a huge self-esteem blow for appearance to be the deal breaker. Good for her for trying not to be shallow I guess, but: people are shallow, and fighting that shallowness isn't good for anyone. I'll never try to date someone I'm not completely 100% attracted to in the future- it is cruel. That's what I learned.
Poor guy. By all accounts he sounds like what women tell us is their ideal partner. Sweet, sensitive, kind, etc. But here's the thing nobody tells you - on a primal level, all that stuff makes women want to barf. Even if she holds her nose and marries a beta for his provider status, eventually the facade will crack and her animal side will erupt out. That's when you get the clandestine cheating and in this case, outright divorce.
What women actually want is dominance, stoicism, peak physical stature, and ambition in their men. But that's not politically correct to say, is it?
Also, for bonus points, there's a woman in the comment section basically saying the same thing as me:
I am leaving my husband of 10 years for pretty much the same reason. We have other issues too but nothing major. I just can't love him the way he loves me.
I feel awful for putting him through this but I can't sacrifice my own happiness anymore.
Yes. From the beginning. I dated him because he was a nice, safe choice. Different from the guys I usually dated.
Don't get me wrong, early in the relationship an attraction grew and we had a great sex life for the first couple years but it was always unbalanced and eventually the attraction died completely. Stayed because we have children and I thought it was the right the to do... but I can't put my life on hold anymore and we're not showing them an example of a healthy relationship.
See, folks? She just isn't haaaaaaaapy. Sufficient justification for bulldozing a marriage and children, right? This is seriously how women think.
Go lift. Like, right now, log off and go exercise. Otherwise it's a vicious cycle and you'll end up like these poor fools.
TL;DR: Women can pretend to be attracted to beta males for the safety and security... but it never lasts.