Husband of 12 years hits wife, she posts to relationship advice, read the male replies below. JESUS.

Merunit · 2020-03-18T17:20:47+00:00

Reddit is okay with domestic violence...so as long as it’s against a woman.

PurpleProboscis · 2020-03-18T16:45:42+00:00

"If I perceive your verbal abuse as physical, I deserve to hit you."

I paraphrased, but that's one of the most toxic things I've ever heard!

traditsh · 2020-03-18T16:01:10+00:00

Well, apparently I'm a glutton for punishment because I couldn't help myself but plant my flag in that comment section.

What the actual fuck? How does being mouthy necessitate a physical escalation? If she gets beat to death by this abuser, they'll pile on victim blaming.

Also, they're running with this "brilliant mouth" bullshit. Tell me those words don't sound like justification from the abuser's mouth. She's accepted that she deserved it because he's told her. And these jerks are running with it.

mydeepestinnerworks · 2020-03-18T15:08:50+00:00

Lmao if your girlfriend is a bitch, you leave her, not hit her. Men are animals I swear to god.

Edit: Public apology to animals. Men are monsters.

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-03-18T15:38:39+00:00

So what makes it acceptable to respond to verbal attacks with physical violence? They can never seem to answer that question and say women are more emotional. Fuck them.

MagicAte_8 · 2020-03-18T17:57:00+00:00

Ahh yes, she was too bitchy so he had to hit her.

And if her 5 year old daughter acts too sexy he'll have to rape her.

MALE LOGIC

CSardothien_1 · 2020-03-18T15:38:03+00:00

Literally all those comments are prime examples of what is stated in ‘why does he do that.’ He HAD to react because of what she said right? No way he could control his own emotions because men are LoGiCaL!

DundiesAllStar · 2020-03-18T15:34:15+00:00

If she stops ‘using her brilliant mouth’ he will find another ‘reason’ to hit her. Home is untidy, dinner not cooked, she looked at him funny, she ignored him, she flirted, he was stressed, he was drunk, he’s depressed. There’s always ‘a reason’ to treat someone badly when you WANT to treat them badly.

blackopium777 · 2020-03-18T15:46:31+00:00

If the husband said something hurtful and she slapped him they would cry about how males are victims to DV just as much as women and how thats abuse and all that shit. This is why I dont care about male problems at all. They twist everything to be the victim all the time.

traditsh · 2020-03-18T17:23:07+00:00

I present to you: the cycle of advice subreddits and their logic:

Communicate! but if you communicate, you deserve domestic abuse!

modernmedusaa · 2020-03-18T17:34:58+00:00

The fact that they were married for 12 years is a prime example of why I will never get married. You never know when they will go off like that.

Edit: I also went and commented. The number of abuse apologists on reddit is appalling

madjax91 · 2020-03-18T15:22:43+00:00

What a bunch of worthless creatures in the comments.

eatchickpeas · 2020-03-18T19:44:00+00:00

men: 'if you talk shit you deserve to get hit'

also men: 'its just words, calling someone you dont know sugartits is actually a compliment'

Maisiebr · 2020-03-18T15:53:29+00:00

They are talking about how she abused him. If the roles were reversed and she hit him after him "talking shit"... They would still blame her for hitting, thus abusing him. These men deserve to rot alone.

cherthemusical · 2020-03-18T16:25:11+00:00

You just KNOW if the genders were reversed these men would have nothing but sympathy. Only men are victims in their eyes.

SmirfySurf · 2020-03-18T17:36:57+00:00

Link to post before male commenters get her killed:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fko1ni/he_hit_me/

eobardsthong · 2020-03-18T18:18:44+00:00

I was just on instantregret and there was a gif of a woman getting her hair yanked and she began hitting the guy in response. Nearly all the comments were calling her an abuser... or him gay. The state of men is pathetic. They are not self aware in the slightest.

SextMex · 2020-03-18T15:15:57+00:00

You stop this from ever happening again by LEAVING. Period.

buddingQueenie · 2020-03-18T16:17:05+00:00

What happened to the whining that women are more emotional? I don't see them supporting that theory in the comments.

She hurt his feewings so CLEARLY he had to react, like the unemotional sex that they claim they are. Right?

Fucking hypocritical monsters, the lot of them.

DauphineOfViennois · 2020-03-18T19:30:06+00:00

The hitter is usually the worse verbal abuser, as well. It's common to get sucked down to their level in the struggle to defend yourself verbally. Then when you finally get in a good one, that's when he escalates to hitting. You actually can't trust a woman's perception of her role in this dynamic because unlike the person who set out to deliberately tear her apart, she has a tender conscience about speaking harshly to someone. And as a woman, if you find yourself in this situation you should definitely doubt your own tendency in that regard. Read Lundy Bancroft for the psychology of men who set up these conflicts. I agree "brilliant mouth" is definitely the words of the abuser.

2020-03-18T16:31:31+00:00

That's some scary shit. I kind of wish I hadn't read all that.

Eat_Pant_b0ss · 2020-03-18T20:17:52+00:00

Commented, "Fact #1: Abusers do not abuse because of anything YOU did, they abuse because they are abusers. A healthy man would never even think to put his hands on you regardless of your words. He didn't abuse you because he got angry, he got angry because he is an abuser. You should be able to say whatever you want and still never get smacked. Verbal abuse is a real thing but it is never a justification for him to ramp it up to physical abuse. This is why everyone in this thread asking you to examine your behavior is either extremely misguided or completely stupid beyond repair. Your behavior has nothing to do with anything. Even if you were saying some awful things, it does NOT MATTER. He didn't hit you because of what you said, he hit you because he wanted to control you. Block out anyone who says you are "both in the wrong" or "well what did you say to him before it happened? Maybe you provoked it?" or anything similar. There is one person in the wrong. Him.

Fact #2: He did not lose control because you pushed him too far. He made a conscious choice to hurt you. He has crossed that line and he will cross it again.

Fact #3: Communication/couples therapy will not help this. Abuse is wrong and he KNOWS it's wrong. Abuse is not due to dynamics, it's due to him being someone who is willing to hurt you to get his way. Couples therapy doesnt stop abuse, in fact it usually validates the abuser's preconception that his behavior is, at least in part, caused by you in the relationship. Aka, that you are to blame or are responsible. This is false. Do not go to therapy with him. Dump him and go to therapy by yourself.

Fact #4: You sound like you have been told you're the abusive partner because of your "hurtful" words. Whether they were hurtful or not is irrelevant. Abusive men will almost always claim that THEY in fact have been abused by you, and reacted with violence as a defense mechanism. This is false. The overwhelming majority of men who claim to be abused by their female partners are actually the abusers themselves (sorry MRA fuckwads, its statistically true). You are not the bad guy. Let me repeat: IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT YOU SAID. WORDS ARE NOT VIOLENCE AND DO NOT JUSTIFY A VIOLENT REACTION.

Source: "Why Does He Do That?" By Lundy Barcroft, a man who ran a rehab program for abusive men for 15 years."

Can't wait to get the 200 "MEN CAN CAN GET BEAT UP BY THEIR WIVES TOO THEYRE TOTALLY TWLLING THE TRUTH AND THERES TOTALLY JUST AS MANY MEN BEING DOMESTICALLY ABUSED AS WOMEN, ABUSE GOES BOTH WAYS!!!!!" comments because of Fact #4. Inbox waiting

honeybeeroll · 2020-03-18T17:28:10+00:00

I just finally started reading why does he do that within the last month or so, and altho the book is 20 years old and bancroft talks about the positive progress in the last 15 years that he's seen, these kinds of attitudes still persist, that a man could have a reason to hit his gf/wife. It's so depressing that another 20 years later and that belief is still so alive and well. Bancroft notes that assault of a stranger is more severely prosecuted than assault of a woman in a domestic violence situation, and I wouldn't be surprised if that statistic was still true.

As an aside, why did she come to reddit with this D:, call a domestic abuse hotline instead of going right to the lions den!! This is incel and abuser haven! It makes me so mad we can't report and get banned those subs and these assholes commenting...reddit doesn't give a shit or think it has any responsibility in how its a breeding ground for violence

thepastamancer · 2020-03-18T20:41:28+00:00

My ex was genuinely verbally abusive to me and I never once considered hitting him for it because I know that it would be wrong. Why exactly cant the "rational gender" figure this out I wonder? 🤔

PinkberryCupcake · 2020-03-18T19:52:45+00:00

Good post for libfems, 50/50 chicks, pickmes to see.

These are the men who you consider "victims" of mean ladies who "won't let them show emotions" or "pressure them into being breadwinners" and what they actually think of you.

pissed_af · 2020-03-18T16:09:01+00:00

Wow men are trash

InayahDaneen · 2020-03-18T16:02:12+00:00

He will only hit her again after this. She needs to divorce him ASAP otherwise this vicious cycle will continue and he will become more violent.

concioustly · 2020-03-18T18:42:22+00:00

THIS MAKES ME SO MAD. I left an abusive marriage, it took a lot of thinking and pushing to make that decision. ITS BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE THIS. They make you second guess and rethink if you were at fault, when it’s the fault of the abuser ALWAYS. I don’t care if you get in their face even, they still have no reason to hit you NONE. GTFO if you think bitchiness is the reason for someone to get hit. I will stay bitchy forever, I dare a man to hit me because of it.

Sewud · 2020-03-18T18:24:40+00:00

Wtf? To me reading that text I was thinking that the woman is overplaying what she did wrong. A woman often defends her abuser and faults herself because women have low self-esteem and high humility. Moreover, she doesn't want people to tell her to leave him, so she tried to make it look her fault as much as possible.

And yet men, the absolute creatures with zero empathy, jump to exactly the opposite conclusion, concluding that she downplayed what she did wrong and is unfairly blaming everything on him. Is this because that's what they would do? Did they not read the part where she says she doesn't want people to suggest she leaves him?

I'm so sick of this "men can't be the perpetrators of domestic violence" and "abuse goes both ways". Her "bitchiness" could have been almost nothing. Why do they jump to the conclusion that she was "abusing him verbally" and she "needs to stop"? I bet she never said anything mean, but she just had a rude tone.

Novemberinthechair · 2020-03-18T22:12:46+00:00

Those men are absolute, fucking garage.

lvioletsnow · 2020-03-18T19:40:41+00:00

[deleted]

Meredeen · 2020-03-19T02:51:52+00:00

I reported all those comments that justified physical abuse, glad to see the mods there take action against that at least.

tauruspiscescancer · 2020-03-19T03:24:21+00:00

These are the same type of people that jump to scream “EQUALITY” when it comes to a woman getting hit.

miz_nyc · 2020-03-18T15:31:07+00:00

I wonder how many of those commenters are men or women

zombieggs · 2020-03-19T01:49:24+00:00

Nothing warrants hitting someone except in the case of self defense

2020-03-19T04:14:00+00:00

I also didn’t see it becoming a frequent habit, but at some point I had to stay in bed a whole week because my LVM ex-husband beat the crap out of me three days in a row.

juliet-elia · 2020-03-19T08:03:52+00:00

Once they realize they can get away with hitting you by just apologizing, they will repeat it until the day you die. Dump his ugly ass and stop asking incels on reddit how to react to it.

2020-03-18T23:28:14+00:00

Myn are a Goddamned disease.

BoobDoodles · 2020-03-19T04:16:09+00:00

Victim blaming at its finest.

ComfortableHead3 · 2020-03-19T21:12:10+00:00

Hitting leads to choking leads to murder. There's a clear chain of progression and choking is the last act before death.

https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/the-unseen-victims-of-traumatic-brain-injury-from-domestic-violence

https://youtu.be/ltBKIwy9t3k

sadpourtoujours · 2020-03-19T05:43:30+00:00

Psychopath level empathy, I fucking swear.

Asopaso07 · 2020-03-19T00:34:51+00:00

If a man so much as put his hands on me, even tapped me, I would make sure to get someone to knock his teeth out and feed it to him.

rinabean · 2020-03-19T10:29:01+00:00

Okay let's say she IS emotionally abusive and she IS downplaying just how horrible she's being

None of that excuses him from hitting her, it would never excuse anyone hitting anyone.

I do feel for the guy, I really do. Emotional abuse is completely soul destroying and I had many times I did want defend myself, even physically

However, I don't believe in physical violence, I don't believe in violence to give myself a level playing field, I don't believe in emotionally abusing someone back

It's highly recommended for abused people to never hit back, it's more dangerous for them at the end of the day

However, I wouldn't want to be with anyone that believes in violence as an answer.

Although, we have to consider if she REALLY is bitchy or her partner has made her think she is.

When I was abused, I was convinced I was stupid, I was horrible, I was lazy, I was ditzy. I believed I was an awful person and I'd easily write something similar when in reality, me being a "bitch" was me standing up for myself.

At the end of the day, we don't truly know the entire situation, he escalated it by hitting her. She doesn't deserve to be hit and they should not be in a relationship together

And really, I'm not surprised men told her she deserved it, so many guys I know are almost excited to hit a woman and would find any "reason" too.

Meredeen · 2020-03-20T16:06:45+00:00

Oh no, OP deleted their account. Hope they didn't get harassed

Title	Husband of 12 years hits wife, she posts to relationship advice, read the male replies below. JESUS.
Author	loxicom
Upvotes	360
Comments	88
Date	March 18, 2020 3:05 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fkqxik/husband_of_12_years_hits_wife_she_posts_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/husband-of-12-years-hits-wife-she-posts-to.679986 https://theredarchive.com/post/679986

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MALE LOGIC