50/50 relationships will never be equal

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That just seems like a disaster waiting to happen. If you'd rather not have children, but would accept having them if he "proves" to be a worthy partner. Then obviously to him it sounds like he just has to act right until he gets his way and then you're trapped and he can easily reneg on his promises. Cuz what are you gonna do if he stops putting effort into raising his kid? Not like you can also say fuck it and neglect the health and safety of an already living child.

Please don't ever have children if you'd rather not, don't change such a major thing about your life for the sake of a man, no matter how HV he seems. It's not something you can ever undo. If you have children you have to be sure that you do want to have this kid and will be satisfied if you end up having to raise the kid on your own.

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You have a great head on your shoulders. I don’t mean to argue endlessly. I don’t know how your relationship is with your parents or siblings or your vision of family. I don’t know whether you adore children or feel neutral about them. You’ve thought about how to ameliorate the effects on the mother.

But there are also the theoretical children to consider. Having a child is bringing someone into existence without their say-so. This comes with both material and emotional obligations.

It’s why a worthy partner is so important so some of this mental load can get delegated to him. But a child’s existence ensures a non-reciprocal relationship, taking energy away, for 18 years and some relationship for a lifetime. Their wonderful uniqueness, their smiles, their love, etc. is what makes up for this. If you’re into it. Please be all the way in.

[–]ScrotonimoStiltonFDS Apprentice 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]WatzooFDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

This is true. Children only have room - as much as stepparents don’t want to hear this- for two parents in many cases, and the parents are gods to them (maybe messed up Greek gods, but still). Divorce or a split - even in the best circumstances - is shattering for kids. And it also doesn’t change the fact that you’re tethered to the child’s other parent forever. We do it a disservice by calling it the same thing we call a childfree split. It is not a severing of the relationship, unfortunately, and the changes to your permanent tie to this man hit your children like a sledgehammer for years after. When you’re the mother and you love your children, that’s indescribably hard to watch.

Every women should read “Wifework” by Susan Maushart and “Second Chances” by Judith Wallerstein before they marry or have children. They should just be required reading in high school sex Ed, tbh.

Fwiw, I think motherhood is beyond amazing and highly recommend it, but our culture is set up to exploit you for it until your last drop of humanity is devoured. Be aware of what you’re signing up for and have your tribe in place first. But also know that your ability to manage it will be far smaller than you’d think.

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Yeah, as if the joys of motherhood, all motherly sacrifices aside, somehow are greater than the joys of fatherhood. These scrotes are even implying that it’s a lot greater.

Hell to the no. Not only do women have to pay for it with their bodies, health, careers, finances, time, social lives and the increased likelihood their partners will be less attracted and/or cheat, men get all the respect at work and increased wages for being a parent while mothers get less compared to before, fathers give the children HIS last name even though SHE birthed them and there is a high chance he makes no contributions/sacrifices for his own kids that he wouldn’t already be doing just for himself.

In the end, as much as any mother loves her kids, motherhood takes more from a woman than it gives. The net result is that the joys of fatherhood drastically outweigh the joys of motherhood.

Maybe they think the joys of motherhood outweigh the joys of fatherhood because women are actually capable of love compared to men?

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My 2nd baby was 8.9 lbs and came so quickly after they burst my water I didnt have time to get any pain meds!

I definetly yelled at them for making me wait for the doctor to rush back into the room!

And the 10.5 lb baby, I was in labor for over 36 hours...she did not want to come out. Unfortunetly, I made the mistake of having an epidural. I had no idea how big she was. And I think if I hadn't, I could have done a better job of pushing. She got stuck and couldnt breath for 2 min. I had a nurse pushing on my stomach and the doctor yanked her out tearing the nerves in her right shoulder (brachial plexus).

She now only have 75 percent range of motion after 2 surgeries and PT/OT. Was never able to find a doctor to sue the hospital either. The whole situation depressed the hell out of me. And then before her 1st birthday, the fuckin dad cheated on me. Man...

Anyway, I'm surprised I didnt tear from her honestly.

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I just do it because I figured the divorce (I'm not being legally married) or cheating is going to happen sooner or later, so I rather make things easier for myself when I have to take care of the kids or have to deal with custody battles. I also will make sure he signs an agreement that the kids wouldn't be alone with his girlfriend etc when he is not around. I don't care if she's a good person. I don't want my kids to be traumatized if the abuse about to happen from a woman or I lose them by death. I know for sure I'll be single for life if the divorce happens.

People change when they become a higher level 95% of time. I just know I'm still the same old me as I grow and there are certain habits I don't grow out of.

Of course. Look at all the well-known men/women when they become rich and famous.

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