Does anyone else have zero interest in dating post-divorce?

relationshiptossoutt · 2022-01-27T15:45:43+00:00

I have only been divorced 6 days now, but same. I can’t imagine wanting to do any of this shit, ever again. I can confidently say I will never get married again. I may date casually. My ideal situation would be to find a FWB type situation, but I’m in no rush for that either.

For now, I am looking forward to my solitude, peace, and quiet. I can’t wait to try out some new hobbies I’ve been eyeing, rediscover old hobbies. During this divorce process, some old friends have come out of the woodwork, and some new ones have made themselves available. I’m looking forward to fostering those friendships.

It’s still very early for me, but my ex was a tremendous black cloud of bullshit and depression for a long fucking time. I don’t want to put myself in the position to deal with that again. Single it is.

thiefzer0 · 2022-01-27T15:48:58+00:00

You can hang out with women again, just don't get emotionally vested. Just keep the attitude "if it ends, it ends, whatever." I'm fine being single, I'm fine having a girlfriend. I like my current girlfriend but if she were to dump me tomorrow, I wouldn't care. She is also divorced and we both agree that we will never get married again.

ABBucsfan · 2022-01-27T15:01:13+00:00

I'm more curious why someone goes through hell and decides they'd like to jump right back in and do it again.

syro23 · 2022-01-27T17:12:42+00:00

I find women, nowadays in particular, have little to no value to add to my life.

AlexFromOgish · 2022-01-27T15:15:33+00:00

Give yourself permission to be right where you are in life. Divorce is a major crisis for most and the emotional recovery has no set script and no set timeline. Is there any thing else you used to enjoy and now are ho-hum about? Are you getting any kind of therapy to help you through things? We have reasons to not start divorce proceedings yet but I’ve been separated since spring. I was way too depressed to be interested in dating for a long time and I have zero interest in seeking a committed relationship now, but with therapy and talking to my primary care doc About sleep and nutrition I am getting my juju back. Only thing stopping me from jumping into the casual dating scene is ethics. My wife and I still haven’t had the conversation to release that part of our vows. If you are not feeling like dating now that’s normal. It’s only a problem if you start feeling stuck

ordinaryalchemy · 2022-01-27T16:13:50+00:00

It's the idea of putting that much effort and time into a relationship and ending back here again. No motivation or energy for that.

henrysmyagent · 2022-01-27T20:18:34+00:00

No woman is as beautiful as FREEDOM.

WartimeDad · 2022-01-27T15:23:24+00:00

Nah I got over that phase, and now I’m in the next one. Which is apparently just dating all of the beautiful women like it’s my job. Apps have made it so easy compared to prior to my marriage and I’m capitalizing on that to the fullest

That being said, take your time man. Play games. Enjoy what you enjoy. That’s for sure the first step.

Orlando1701 · 2022-01-27T16:13:59+00:00

The problem I’ve run into is when I tell women I’m open to a serious relationship but that I have no interest in ever getting married again. Our society still has this message that you need to get married to be happy/complete/loved.

pilotbrown16 · 2022-01-27T16:15:14+00:00

I feel the same way going through the start of mine now and we both have said we are going to date for a long time and def not get remarried.

I want some one in mid 30-40s, no kids , not looking to have kids, have no kids and ok with me having a strong relationship with my soon to be ex for my kids sake is going to make the pool less than like .001%

And not looking to get married for a long ass time or at all. I'm more interested in just a long term relationship after this if at all at this point.

25_years · 2022-01-27T16:44:49+00:00

Every man does their own thing. I don't expect other men to agree with or understand my decisions. But after a shitty divorce, it became much more logical to just rent women by the hour.

If you want to get mathematical about it, compute the total amount of money you spend on a wife (or GF) and divide by the number of satisfactory sexual encounters. Whatever the number happens to be, it can always be better when you rent by the hour.

I have more choices than I know what to do with. Whatever stupid sexual fantasies were lurking around in my brain, I've flushed them all out. The most honest relationships I've ever had with women were with escorts; more honest than relationships with my mother or wife. I absolutely hate the dating "game" and all of its strategy and uncertainty. I love the certainty and straightforward idea of transactional sex.

I enjoy sex when I want. I don't have drama when I don't. It leaves me in control. I have some "plates" (hate the expression, but for a lack of a better term), we sometimes go out to a nice restaurant and have a wonderful romantic evening -- when I want -- and when it's over, it's over. I can pull the plug at any time. No drama. No cold stares. No ignoring me while she plays on her phone. If she does that shit, I walk. Fuck that.

I'm old and fat. I suppose I was good looking 25 years ago. But I don't want to be in bed with some old hag, all squishy with sagging boobs and tattoos. I like girls half my age. I know that elicits "Ewww" from some woke women, but truly no fucks given from me.

When my girl shows up, she's happy to see me. And when she leaves at the end of the evening (or the next morning), we're both happy. No surprises, no drama, no hurt feelings, no whatever.

It's not a perfect world, but what's the point in chasing perfection? I enjoy what I can, when I can. Marriage will never interfere with that again. I have an angry ex-wife who expects to be paid for NOT having sex with me. In what world does THAT make sense?

monster_dutson · 2022-01-27T15:25:48+00:00

That's actually something I'm looking forward too. I did very little dating before marriage and that is something I want to correct for my own growth.

mysteriouslypuzzled · 2022-01-27T16:52:37+00:00

Zero interest. I might get a girlfriend at some point. Perhaps cohabitate. But I treasure my place being my own. Having things the way I want them. It's blissfully peaceful. You automatically lose that by cohabitating with someone.

canival9885 · 2022-01-27T20:58:32+00:00

This guy right here. In the middle of the divorce process as we speak. And between thinking about my move to my new place, co-parenting, I can’t fathom going on dates right now. I’ve been with the same women for 18 years and can’t remember the last date I was on a date before her. I hear it’s an entire different animal with all the dating apps now. A bunch of my recently divorced buddies met girls on these apps so they said that the old going to clubs/bars scene isn’t as prevalent anymore as it was when it was back in the early 2000’s. But yes, dating is the least of my priorities when my divorce is finalized.

thiefzer0 · 2022-01-27T16:12:47+00:00

I don't know. I don't want to ever marry again but I crave closeness and intimacy. Right now I'm sort of seeing this woman who is going through a similar situation as myself. I see her maybe once a week and it's just great conversation, laughter (which heals!), and sex. We're setting boundaries with each other since I'm straight out of a marriage and in the middle of a nasty divorce process/custody battle.

If you can find something like that I'd say it can be worth it. We met on Bumble, had to weed out dozens of other women and it's a real pain in the ass and a drain on ones energy but I'd say it was worth it.

Main thing is be clear if you're not over your ex 100% and be honest with yourself. I'm still fighting those feelings and many others, especially because I'm dealing with major guilt over the part I played in this mess. I believed my wife was my soulmate and I abused her trust and did things I'm not proud of. But I'm working through it and she (the woman in currently seeing) understands and respects that.

Just be careful dude, if you're anything like me, the rollercoaster emotions are a lot to deal with. Dating can bring a lot of that back to the surface. I don't blame you one bit for losing all interest but we also as men have needs and don't be afraid or ashamed to take care of those needs. A lot of women these days are surprisingly ok with that.

Good luck!!

southass · 2022-01-27T16:15:44+00:00

No really, I dont think i will put myself thru that again.

jalopkoala · 2022-01-27T16:51:27+00:00

While I hate many things about online dating, one thing I do like is that you can explicitly state your intentions (don’t lead with them, but include them in your bio).

I Star I’m divorced, have a kid, not looking for a partner, just casual, etc.

I’ve been dating the same woman three years now who is very much on board. Doesn’t want to be a step mom. Never wants to live with me. We see each other when we see each other, the sex is great, we did truly care for one another.

I have a friend who is going through a divorce right now who is already vetting new men for partner material. I’m like WTF, just has sex for a few years and have fun.

giraffe-zackeffron · 2022-01-27T23:56:04+00:00

I’m about to go through divorce number two. After my first divorce, I jumped back into the dating pool immediately. My mantra was best way to get over someone is to get under someone. I ran through as many women as I could. Then I got married again. We’re still married. Haven’t officially begun proceedings yet but the writing is on the wall. It’s over. I am looking forward to spending life alone and have no desire in any woman now. Maybe that will change once it’s final but I just can’t imagine ever wasting time trying to impress another woman.

kaktuxmx · 2022-01-28T06:14:26+00:00

I'm on the samw boat... But my ex from college, hit me up onfeiday and we are on the same city today ... So ... I will go out, but my mind has nothing else planned. I don't have nothing, just to have a good night, helped me to not think about my divorce much.

Protomize · 2022-01-27T15:15:11+00:00

Same. Marriages have a 50% divorce rate. Regular relationships probably have a 90%+ failure rate due to it being so easy to end with no divorce process necessary. Waste of resources to pursue another relationship. Much wiser to dedicate those resources to myself and learn new skills, increase income, workout, invest and have fun and educational memories with my daughter as she grows up. I've turned away women that have approached me. This is how much I believe the juice simply isn't worth the squeeze anymore.

fewdo · 2022-01-27T18:45:43+00:00

I couldn't look at women without getting bitter for almost 6 months. I'd look at someone, think "oh she's cute," and then realize that I just had the best part of the whole relationship. To my mind, it would never get better than that first look at her body. And it would definitely end in getting divorce raped.

Now, I'm working on realizing that the 3.5 billion women in the world don't all have the flaws my ex has. My platonic female friends certainly don't. I realized that about the third time I told one "I hate all women ... well the ones I don't know."

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2022-01-27T15:42:16+00:00

Take your time. Most people need at least a year to emotionally recover after divorce is final. When was your divorce final?

derelictherds · 2022-01-27T17:21:08+00:00

IMO attitudes towards dating will vary based on marriage/divorce experience. I wasn't interested in dating until 18 months or so after divorce and still struggle with commitment. No interest whatsoever in getting married again.

DeletedLastAccount · 2022-01-27T18:53:26+00:00

I've been divorced for over 5 years. Haven't had a date since.

Being a full time dad without the ex really in the picture doesn't leave much time. Not that I would want to in any case.

I find most people mind numbingly boring, and I'm still in love with the ex. Not a great catch.

Not sure I'm missing much to be honest.

canival9885 · 2022-01-27T21:18:13+00:00

And I swear on my life I WILL NEVER get married again!!!

MNCPA · 2022-01-27T23:11:17+00:00

Why would anyone report this post?

C20H25N3O-C21H30O2 · 2022-01-27T23:24:48+00:00

Absolutely, I totally feel the same way. I'm sick of the mindless conversations about subjects that I am completely disinterested in. I just feel that it's just not worth it.

SwamiSweatSocks · 2022-01-28T02:00:27+00:00

I found myself a bit numb dating after my divorce. I kind of screwed up, because the first woman I dated would have been the right one but I found myself in the wrong headspace for dealing with her. I enjoy the attention though so I keep dating and found the current one a little over four years out from the divorce. I don't know what to say other then the first year isn't the best for dating and honestly until the ink is dry on the divorce being final I don't know if I'd date before that had I done it knowing what I know now.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-01-28T02:43:25+00:00

Any hit which city that is or state? Where I am there are no attractive women AT ALL.

pegleg_legal · 2022-01-28T02:53:44+00:00

I got my heart broken again, so - now, really no. Maybe things will change in a few years.

jpking010 · 2022-01-28T03:08:59+00:00

Somewhat... Was talking to a date at my house. She said I should knock down a wall and make the kitchen bigger. I should re-finish the hardwood floors. I should just renovate the place and make it modern. (It's a nice home and I paid cash for it... currently cash flowing improvements monthly with a $500/month income stream)

(My ex was a wealth destroyer)

Me... started having flashbacks from when I was married and felt like some kind of panic attack... Completely lost interest in the lady...

Mugz5603 · 2022-01-28T04:24:07+00:00

Dating nowadays seems to be a shxt storm period! If I ever get divorced I’d embark on a life of van life and hi class escorts. No way I’d get tied up in the life of another human again!

Ok_Cut_3238 · 2022-01-28T15:25:58+00:00

When I feel the need to date, I just spend 5 min on the FDS Reddit. Then I’m back to normal.

cleats4u · 2022-01-28T15:57:52+00:00

The longer you don't date. The bigger your bank account will get. There is no one to impress, entertain or look for approval from. Your anxiety and stress levels will plummet leading to less health problems down the road.

Title	Does anyone else have zero interest in dating post-divorce?
Author	heading2pdx
Upvotes	65
Comments	93
Date	January 27, 2022 2:55 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/se08f5/does_anyone_else_have_zero_interest_in_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/does-anyone-else-have-zero-interest-in-dating-post.1097271 https://theredarchive.com/post/1097271

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