How do i get past the anger ......

Sec2ElectricBoogaloo · 2023-02-22T20:38:18+00:00

Do you think she has any feelings about you doing something similar? Listen man I’m no stranger to rage, but it’s a poison that’s only hurting us. It’s no easy thing to let go. I don’t know what your relationship is to your ex, but she is your ex. What she does can’t affect you anymore unless you let it. Take some deep breaths, workout the rage (highly recommended a punching bag), or go outside and do something to take your mind off it. This too shall pass.

syphon229 · 2023-02-22T21:55:24+00:00

She doesn't give a fuck about you. Don't waste another second of your life on her.

Perplexed_pat · 2023-02-22T23:59:23+00:00

Hey man, it sucks. You’re gonna have to grieve and rage is part of it. No advice will stick at this point. But, we’re here for you and will listen to the rage.

I came to look at it like a game. If I’m hurting, she’s winning. If I’m winning she’s hurting, because she sees what she threw away wasn’t trash at all. It gets better.

I had 80% parenting time when we divorced, I focused on the kids and my career. Since then, 2018, I’ve become a better father and my salary has doubled. I never got to embrace my love of music, travel, and motorcycles, but now I can because no one is discouraging me. I went to Mexico 4 times last year for work, took the kids to California for Christmas, and I’m headed to AZ next month to visit a friend. My ex and all of her bullshit was holding me back from the things I love most. You get to do you now!

A piece of advice and it’s on the darker side, DO NOT JUMP INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP!!! I did, she was great in many ways, but my hurt was deep and it didn’t work out. Got married and everything. She moved in just months after my divorce was final, we married in 2020, separated last year, and now getting a divorce. Bro, my tolerance is so low for bullshit that I don’t think there is a woman out there who’s heart I wouldn’t break. I can’t live my life unless it’s mostly drama free. Anyone standing in the way, I push aside.

Good luck, it’s not easy. You’ll see your way through it.

KnownDistance · 2023-02-23T02:51:28+00:00

First off, everybody has felt what you're feeling. Dismissing it at as "Just your turn" is a little too easy to offer up at this point, because your wounds are still fresh. It takes time, in other words.

The good news is that it passes... I get what you're feeling, believe me, it's nothing short of a betrayal. In Dante's "Inferno", one guy is getting a tour of Hell from another who was born and died before the coming of Jesus, and wasn't allowed to go to Heaven; he wasn't ever a Christian, so... that's what they believed back then, go figure. Long story short, Hell is divided into levels, and the deepest one is for the sin of "Treachery" or "Betrayal", depending on who interpreted the original writing.

And it's the ultimate gut-check, because someone you chose to be close to up-ended your life for their own gain. The older I get, the more that registers with me, and the more fitting it seems. Every divorce is different, but you feel like you got raw-dogged, plain and simple. It's very common to feel like that

So- the simple fact is that being betrayed like you did makes for some damned powerful emotions, the kind that only the truly fortunate will never have to experience. And damned few people are born with the wisdom and strength to not let something like that destroy them. Which is why I tell you with as much conviction as some guy on the internet can muster that, in addition to giving it time, it'll only do you a hell of a lot of good to talk to someone about what you're going through. Psychiatrist, psychologist, group therapy, individual counseling, leaning on friends and family, writing it down... all of it. Get it out of you.

Keep talking... on here (where there's plenty of great guys willing to share their experience and wisdom), other forums, or anywhere that feels like it helps. We aren't put into this existence to be stressed, hurt, worked over, betrayed, or just generally made to suffer; life's a gift, and it's meant to be enjoyed. So do what you gotta to get back to enjoying it.

And then you'll be fine... you'll be different, and the hurt will always be there, but you'll also wiser and stronger. And that's a definite gain. Just get it out of you.

Global_warning_ · 2023-02-23T01:02:29+00:00

Am I the only one that wish my ex was banging someone so she would leave me TF alone?

Seriously man you need to talk to someone. It is not healthy to be all up in her business.

Alatornio · 2023-02-22T22:53:04+00:00

Dont let her occupy space in your head. I know it sucks but the best thing is to ignore it.

Some might try to purposely get under your skin. Dont give them that satisfaction.

Best is to ignore. Go do something else whenever you have these thoughts.

These_Row6066 · 2023-02-22T23:53:30+00:00

Fuck her

SJSHARKMIKE · 2023-02-23T00:54:06+00:00

I'm going through the same thi had an ex that would give me rim jobs. Then she decides to date Somebody that hangs out with all my friends. And she expected me to be cool with it. I wouldn't be tripping if we didn't have kids together. I really wanna f*** that guy up but I know I won't do nothing. Need to get myself back in the gym get ready for summer.

TakeBackWhat · 2023-02-22T21:52:32+00:00

Do you also rage about the thought of her doing those things with someone else before you met her? If not, then you should be able to separate from it now.

It's not your turn anymore

NohoTwoPointOh · 2023-02-23T00:43:18+00:00

Depends. What are you truly angry about? Find that and you heal.

jimsmythee · 2023-02-22T21:42:46+00:00

you have to look at the flip side! Imagine all of the annoying things she did to you, now she's going to do to someone else. But since they're "new to her", they'll get tired of it much sooner.

My exwife (amongst her laundry list of personal and psychological problems) used to just scream out my name if she needed something. It was her expectation that I was to just drop what I was doing and come running for whatever she needed.

Sometimes I would yell back to her, "I'm in the bathroom!" And she would yell back, "Well, hurry up!" And then 45 seconds later, she would call out for me again. And I would yell back, "I'm still in the bathroom!"

It got to the point where I would have to tell her, "I'm going to the bathroom. Don't call our for me!" Later on, I just stopped acknowledging her. She was convinced I was going deaf.

Later on she got remarried and did the same annoying things to him, that she used to do to me. And I laughed. And I laughed so hard when she got dumped again and again.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-02-22T22:49:06+00:00

It's fine to be angry. You invested yourself in her, and you lost that long term investment. But realize that anger isn't really directed at her. You're angry with yourself for being blind to the game that you've been a part of for so long. You're angry you didn't figure it out sooner. The loss of investment causes a sense of nihilism, and anger is your way to keep that at bay.

Significant_Idea_663 · 2023-02-23T03:17:56+00:00

I was in rage for 45 days non stop ) but you know what? It is over and if i waste any more sec of energy on an energy vampire I will have to answer to ME! She bullshitted lied And did me dirty 1000x over. 1 AM DoNE

storm838 · 2023-02-23T12:32:31+00:00

She will have other penis enter her body and your penis will enter another vagina at some point, hopefully soon. I know that hurt to read and I’m sorry but this is the truth, it’s nature. You had your turn, now it’s someone else’s.

Move along bother

I remarried quickly after and my now wife is in a completely different league and I’ve never been so happy in my life. This will be you.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2023-02-22T20:51:44+00:00

start getting into red pill philosophy..."She's not yours, it's just your turn".

Once you understand Red Pill philosophy, you realize she was never yours to begin with. She was nothing special. You just had your turn. Be happy and move on. Get a vasectomy and do not have more kids. And look into MGTOW (Focusing on your health, career, and hobbies).

checkoutdeeznuts2 · 2023-02-23T00:15:36+00:00

Read The Rationale Male. Then ypu will understand that yep..it was just your turn.

polarshred · 2023-02-23T01:38:11+00:00

Read the book "The Stoic Challenge" by William B. Irvine

sparky1976 · 2023-02-23T02:32:20+00:00

Listen to codependent no more . This is about you who cares about her. Go workout, walk, drink water stay in shape , then find a skinny young girl and flaunt her around. Your ex can be the whore she is.

hikeruntravellive · 2023-02-23T09:52:27+00:00

I also get frustrated and upset. For very different reasons. I couldn’t care less if she’s with someone else. I’m just so upset that my ex was willing to break up a nice family and harm my children over nothing. I don’t have a magical answer. Everyone’s different. I got into running and that’s been helpful. If you find yourself being ragefull too many days in a row then seek therapy. Best investment you can make is in yourself. Live the remaining part of your life as happy as possible.

No_Analyst_5235 · 2023-02-23T10:51:22+00:00

I get where you are coming from but it’s from a bad place . First people aren’t your possessions . Second you invalidate your worth by your happiness being dependent on how she feels .

Change the way you are thinking

LonelyNC123 · 2023-02-23T11:00:53+00:00

Time, counseling and alot of work on yourself.

Holding onto anger is like drinking poison hoping it will harm the person against which your anger is directed. It took me AGES to learn this.

Hang in there friend, it does get better.

Girl_Dad42 · 2023-02-23T11:32:52+00:00

It goes away after time. The first time is the toughest because it’s pretty much the proverbial “final nail in the coffin.” Hopefully you have a therapist. It helped me a lot to sort through everything and put it in perspective.

csgosilver1 · 2023-02-23T14:19:59+00:00

I'm going to say embrace your anger a bit, conatructively. Men get conditioned to supress our feelings from the world just typically ignoring our positive emotions when we are joyful, confident, excited etc and a lot of times when we are hurting, angery, sad, etc we are just told to suck it up and get over it.

We are discouraged from enjoying our sucesses while also neglected and chasitsed when we are licking our wounds emotionally, and this can and often does lead many men to a strong sense of resentment for those who feel have hurt us, disreapected us or ignored us.

I just want to tell you that without even knowing you personally or exactly what your anger is directed towards that I can identify with you soley from feeling anger that I didn't know how to move on from and if nothing else I can assure you what your feeling is not an uncommon sentiment, I know personally I've been there and I know other men who have been as well.

My best recommendation I can offer you brother is to try to not let it consume you, Im can't and no one else here on or on planet earth can tell you how you should or are supposed to feel and your entitled too be honest about what your feeling. With that said with the how society is structered living in anger as justified as it probably is, is ultimately not to going garner you much in the way of future positive outcomes if you don't harness that anger and use it as a fuel to charge positive changes in your life, let your anger be the fire for you to get into the gym and kill it, in the proper setting where you can let it loose channel that anger into something fierce, let it loose on the speed bag, let it loose on a run and let your anger evovle into the rage that you let loose through the medium of your running stride, let your anger harness your competitve spirit in a game of basketball.

Don't bottle it up, don't try to escale it by drinking to the bottom of every bottle, your emotions are yours and they can allow you to do incredible things and accomplish impressive, but they can only do that when you properlly aknlowedge them and understand how you can use them as a form of energy to envoke positive change, if you fail to grasph them firmly then your emotions can grab you and cause you to make irrational and dangerous choices that only set you further back.

OwnerAndMaster · 2023-02-23T00:44:32+00:00

The woman is never yours

It's just your turn

Claiming ownership was your only mistake

Never buy if you can have the milk free

BiginvestorU · 2023-02-23T01:27:18+00:00

The thought of her gobbling another knob bothers you yet you’re getting divorced… there are bigger issues at hand.

TakeBackWhat · 2023-02-23T07:12:11+00:00

Hey friend. Quick, honest answer below. But first, you and I are both gonna make it. Trust me. Trust the voices in this sub.

Answer: She’s about to* try her hardest to ROB you of everything: your cash, your reputation, and your relationship with your children if you share any. *

Like a real robbery, like Times Square in 1986. Like a stagecoach in the movie The Hateful Eight. Like a Los Angeles carjacking in 1993.

I eventually lost the ability to care at all who’s she kissing, screwing, flirting with, etc; BECAUSE I’M STILL FOCUSED ON THIS ROBBERY IN PROGRESS!*

*about to = has already begun, probably premeditated

*and sometimes your freedom and life itself, for many of us

*Only exception would be “new romance fog”, but I’ve never seen this in real life. In real life, guess what, “ROBBERY IN PROGRESS, CODE 211, OVER!”

(seriously, you’ll stop caring. Least of your worries.)

SireSweet · 2023-02-23T07:49:38+00:00

Me:

I went to the gym much more. The hurt and anger power many of my workouts. Also loud music. A hot shower afterward and I felt better.

Focused on myself and bettering my finances.

It comes to the point where you stop caring in the same way. The hurt fades- it doesn’t disappear, but it no longer takes control of you as it did.

Now years later, I hope she finds someone that makes her truly happy. I have no I’ll will, hatred or anger towards her. We’re all humans trying to do the best we can in a shitty situation. Would I get back with her? Hell naw.

mowakil · 2023-02-23T10:59:04+00:00

divorce is a difficult and emotional experience, and it's normal to feel angry and resentful after it. Here are some tips that may help you get over anger after divorce:
Allow yourself to feel your emotions: It's important to acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to experience them. This can help you process your emotions and move forward.
Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Exercise, eat healthy, and engage in activities that make you happy.
Reach out to family, friends, or a therapist who can provide emotional support and guidance through this difficult time.
Try to focus on the positive aspects of your life and let go of negative thoughts that may be fueling your anger.
Holding onto resentment only prolongs your pain and prevents you from moving on. Try to forgive yourself and your ex-partner, and let go of the past.

Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on the present and the future. Set new goals and make plans for your future.
Remember, healing takes time and it's important to be patient with yourself. With time, you can learn to let go of your anger and move forward toward a happier and more fulfilling life.

All the best

danahja · 2023-02-23T14:01:08+00:00

meditate daily and learn how suffering is optional.

samk002001 · 2023-02-23T17:16:43+00:00

Time! I was once like you when I found out the ex-wife infidelity, and I was sad and devastated. Remember, she’s not yours, it’s just your turn. We’re all human and we do things, and that’s what she chose to do. Practice yoga helps, too

scootfaster · 2023-02-23T20:29:03+00:00

Getting laid made me forget about all of that.

RichardCleveland · 2023-02-24T15:14:52+00:00

Weird question but how bad does this bother you after "re-leaving" yourself? I have found in past relationships that when I got worked up all these emotions skyrocketed. Even in regards to suspicions of cheating. I had some clarity and my emotions went back to "oh fucking well". Which taught me my anger and hurt was based just around sex.

Lightthesaboner · 2023-02-24T22:14:07+00:00

Gotta self reflect and not numb the pain and work on your short comings bro. There’s no victims in divorce don’t fall for that. Your anger is a shortcoming that may have led to why your marriage didn’t work out. When my wife and I split I had an ah ha moment and decided to become my best self and work on all my own issues and not worry another my wife or anyone else on this earths issues. Work on your shortcomings bro it won’t be easy but don’t give into bs like drinking, smoking, sleeping around any bs that holds you back. Invest in yourself, hit the weights hard, strive to be the best you possible and find peace. The only way is DISCIPLINE. Nobody on this forum or in real life can do it for you. You have to want it and want better, enough is enough become a new you. Do an about face and do everything different than before trust me you’ll find peace and happiness alone. It’s the best way to live life trust me you’ll attract everything in life when your positive and don’t trip off what what anyone else does including your ex wife. Don’t be a sucker being bitter be better for real and yea it takes work everyday. You got this tho if you don’t sell yourself short

rubix_fucked · 2023-02-25T15:09:28+00:00

She is a spent commodity. Time will prove this to you.

Whomever your current replacement is they in turn will be discarded and replaced by another. It goes on and on until she gets too old to get the men she wants. Aging out of the sex market comes around a lot sooner than many think.

"Just the split second thought of that sends me into a rage, writing this i am raging because its making me think of it and anxiety is over the top." This is exactly what she wants.

The less you care the more she will. The less you care the more she will try to stir your jealousy and anger. Whatever you think you had with her was never real. Every man she targets gets the same treatment. They also get tossed aside in the same fashion.

Recognize that your anger and anxiety are exactly the chains she would like to bind you with. The last thing she wants you to do is to move on and leave her behind.

Title	How do i get past the anger ......
Author	outofleftmarriage
Upvotes	24
Comments	48
Date	February 22, 2023 8:25 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/119be46/how_do_i_get_past_the_anger/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-i-get-past-the-anger.1153726 https://theredarchive.com/post/1153726

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