She Waited 6 Weeks

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-10-26T11:39:29+00:00

> she waited all of 6 fucking weeks

She only waited 6 weeks to tell you about it. She's been seeing him for much longer. Women don't make plans to divorce without having a Plan B in place.

The same area of the brain that processes romantic love is also stimulated during cocaine use. It's going to take you a while to detox yourself from the sudden loss of dopamine. You can mitigate the cold turkey aspect similar to how methodone works -- replace the addiction with something else that allows you to wean yourself from the original addiction. It's one of many reasons you hear men tell other men to "hit the gym", listen to loud music or get a runner's high to trigger dopamine. You're effectively creating a new habit -- rewiring your brain -- which on average takes 66 days to become "sticky".

> now I've been relegated to a babysitter

It's not babysitting when its your children.

bobbyb503 · 2021-10-26T09:50:15+00:00

Don't drink. Workout like a mofo, get buff. Lots more advantages. It gets better, trust me. Time is a magic healer, it wont hurt as bad.

Hit the gym and sweat out all that pain and frustration.

Hang in there.

Striking-Trainer8148 · 2021-10-26T11:49:09+00:00

Flip this mentality.

She was married to you almost 9 years and she’s Facebook official with someone after 6 weeks.

How incredibly insecure does she need to be to not realize she needs time to mentally heal before jumping into another relationship. Do you think that rebound will last? HELL NO. She’s just wasting her time and the time of this guy who will ultimately feel like you do one day.

Don’t pity yourself for losing her because she was fairly obviously trash. I don’t pity myself when the garbage truck comes on Wednesday. Only difference is that your trash took itself out and is now on someone else’s lawn.

Pity her and the disaster her life is about to become. You think your kids won’t remember this? That time their mom ruined their family and became the town bicycle because she’s a self centered asshole? They’ll remember. The only thing you should worry about is putting the blinders on so you don’t see her bullshjt in the peripheral and just move forward for you and yours . Your kids will remember who was who and what was what.

pegleg_legal · 2021-10-26T11:13:38+00:00

Like a light switch. Sorry man, this sucks.

RoddyChooch · 2021-10-26T13:10:03+00:00

This hate is some of the fuel that will launch the next better version of yourself into the fucking stratosphere.

Meditate and face every feeling every goddamn time they come. Right now they come like a fucking typhoon and intrude any sense of normal life. But don’t turn away from the emotions. Turn INTO them. Feel them.

Because all they are are temporary. Although they come frequently, they only last so long.

And talk to a therapist asap. They will encourage you to reach out and create a network of support. Friends and family.

One and a half years ago I was where you are. My ex already has a 3 month old baby with someone else. I drank a lot for about a month until I found this sub and the support and strategies in it. They help. They help to pass the time because we all know beyond the strategies and support, time is the healer.

mrk177 · 2021-10-26T10:58:22+00:00

Don’t numb your self with liquor it just makes it harder when you are sober which leads to more drinking. What you are going through sucks and you don’t deserve it, but guess who doesn’t deserve this shit above all else is your kids. Be the strong solid parent and when they get older they will remember that and love you for it. Be there for those kids, focus on improving yourself and do your best not to give that black hole any or your time and attention that you don’t need to. Stay strong brother you can do this and you will be stronger as a result.

Rustic_Father · 2021-10-26T12:21:00+00:00

I get it...you are angry, she hurt you. but focus on your kids, be a good father and example. Think about it if your kids got into a fight with their friends and they just started yelling "I HATE THEM I WANT THEM TO DIE"....you probably would tell them to calm down and distract them with something more productive.

Do that for yourself. As others have recommended; work out. focus on YOU. Be the best man you can be and move on. she obviously isn't worth your time. there will be someone else, and someone better.

stay strong brother.

patently_pleasant · 2021-10-26T14:17:57+00:00

Brother, take a step away from the ledge. We have all been there. My ex wife had an affair during the marriage, dated the guy from the moment we separated, and was Facebook official the same week the divorce processed two months after the separation. It is a betrayal in the worst way. What your feeling is very human and we have all been in your shoes. I feel so bad knowing somebody is in that same dark place that I was in because it was the worst stretch of my life.

With that said, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. You have such an amazing motivation and support in front of you. Your kids need you. Divorce is so hard on children. Twenty years from now when they are adults you want to be able to sit down with your kids and tell them how much you love them and how you did your very best. This is your chance! Seize the moment. Rise from the ashes and be the best father you can be. Put as much energy as you can into positive things in your life like your job and your children. She doesn’t deserve one more ounce of your strength.

Enjoy the babysitting. Give your children a hug. They need it so badly. I wish you the best of luck!

No_Committee8461 · 2021-10-26T18:19:58+00:00

Right there with you, my stbx left me and 6 weeks later is with a trusted friend, 2 of them actually (yup it's batshit). She kissed them in front of me to break the news. Doesn't get much more spiteful than that. The anger is unreal, I understand. I walked around the house and just threw shit, cried on the ground, screamed at the top of my lungs. But then the next day when I woke up, my outlook had suddenly changed. Suddenly I didn't care about her. I still get jealous, angry, and depressed, but I no longer want to be with her, and I know in time their relationship will crumble, but it doesn't matter anyway she's dead to me.

I'm working on myself, crying it out, and working some more for my son. On the other hand, she's sitting around jobless, laying around all day with her new lovers gaining weight and not taking care of her mental health. Time will make things right. Work on yourself, don't hurt yourself with things like alcohol. Work on yourself, cry it out, scream into a pillow, scream into the void, then work on yourself some more. I'm right there with you cheering you and everyone else in our situation on.

highspeed1972 · 2021-10-26T13:41:56+00:00

Get over it. Move on and enjoy your life. It's not happening to you.

oldskoolflavor · 2021-10-26T15:15:06+00:00

She only waited those 6 weeks to come out of the closet. In reality, she's been fkn this guy for much much longer without you knowing. That dude must be a retard hoping a married woman who was unfaithful will suddenly be loyal to him.

dpch · 2021-10-26T12:50:38+00:00

Bro, some people are just pure trash. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You must endure it, there’s nothing more that can be done at the moment. Also, don’t give her the satisfaction of watching you get back on the booze. Once you’ve endured and turned to see the path you walked you’ll see she wasn’t worth it. Never was.

sicrm · 2021-10-26T13:53:35+00:00

I only stopped to be a better father and now I've been relegated to a babysitter

and now your child will need you more than ever.

build a support system and if you have the time/means pick a place you either haven’t been to in a while or always to go to and go for a few days to clear your head.

you have the rest of your life ahead of you. write out how you want it to go work on a plan to make it happen.

bacon-wrapped-steak · 2021-10-26T14:32:16+00:00

Light switch effect strikes again. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, brother. It doesn't get much easier from here on out. Be thankful you have your children though. My ex stole mine and is keeping them from their father, in direct violation of a court order.

scairborn · 2021-10-26T14:35:55+00:00

Delete Facebook. It will help your mental health immensely. If you HAVE to keep it for other family connection purposes, delete it from your phone.

BlessedAFx777 · 2021-10-26T14:48:56+00:00

Don’t drink, that self destruction, you don’t need that, instead go to the gym. I too used to turn to the drink, it only made my life worse and I didn’t even realize.

BlessedAFx777 · 2021-10-26T14:53:53+00:00

Look breh, the BEST thing you can do is keep your ass in the gym and get some pussy. Success is the best revenge, if she knows you’re livid, she’ll love it. Stay strong.

letak2018 · 2021-10-26T17:08:19+00:00

What this chick does is none of your business. Snap out of it, make yourself better in every way.

tossanotheroneback · 2021-10-26T19:57:37+00:00

Well, that's how they roll. She was never yours, it was just your turn. Now someone else gets their turn. She may have waited six weeks to change her facebook status but this was in motion waaay before then. Take your lumps and count your blessings that you weren't invested longer with her. Carry this life lesson forward. Hard to believe now, i know, but you have a fantastic life ahead of you. Chin up!

BearSquatz · 2021-10-26T20:54:29+00:00

My STBXW hit me with the separation talk not too long ago. I am not going to lie. My world imploded that day. I had a few weeks of self loathing. After the shock wore off, I started to do things for myself and my kids. I started doing things away from the house as we are still under the same roof. I handed her the legal separation papers which she still has not signed. I make it a point to go out every Saturday and she knows I do this. She wont speak to me a for a few days. She started the ball rolling and I have been working on myself. It pisses her off that I am moving on. Dont confront her, dont try to win her back. It sucks and it hurts like a MOFO. The best advice is to take care of your self, DONT DRINK, Pick a hobby that you like, join meetup groups or take a class on something that you want to learn. Dont rush into another relationship. Meet people and don't compare them to your STBX

Background_Pilot_158 · 2021-10-27T02:58:15+00:00

Been there, it took her all of less than a week to move on after 5 years of marriage and barely 2 weeks to post a photo.. 1. Don’t start drinking 2. Use the that anger you have constructively to get your crap in order. 3. You’re the parent (not a babysitter) if she’s moved in that quickly it’s pretty clear her priority isn’t the kid(s). 4. Take care of yourself and reach out to family and friends as a support system. 5. You CAN do this. Wish you the best of luck and things will get better and easier with time.

gnackered · 2021-10-26T13:25:44+00:00

I am sorry to hear this. I would recommend that you delete all social media. The juice is not worth the squeeze.

gthyr666 · 2021-10-26T11:09:45+00:00

drinking is for the weak, lol. Are you weak?

Wewinky · 2021-10-26T16:12:11+00:00

It's a him problem not a you problem now. Time to heal and continue working on being a better father and person.

fartfactory2021 · 2021-10-26T16:40:31+00:00

It is official: this guy wins. She will never live that down. Of course, if he starts drinking again then his victory is counteracted by a loss.

Grey_Bear_40 · 2021-10-26T18:06:43+00:00

If it makes you feel better, my ex told me I wasn't ambitious enough and 1 week after leaving me, started dating a dude who still lives with his dad. None of this will make any sense.

MGTOWManofMystery · 2021-10-26T18:59:29+00:00

Don't let her have that power over you. You are free now! The world is your oyster! Furthermore, understand women's nature so you can comprehend what they can and can't be to you in the future. For one thing, we know from data that most women have several orbiters-in-waiting before they end relationships. We also know women start most divorces. Go forward and self-actualize and don't let yourself get sucker-punched by women again.

Calm_Tomato · 2021-10-26T19:13:47+00:00

Don’t drink. You are worth more than you think. It’s fantastic you stopped because of your kids. That shows what kind of a man you are. Focus on yourself and your kids. Don’t let her actions consume you. We are here for you!

henrysmyagent · 2021-10-26T19:52:36+00:00

I hear your frustration. I hear your pain. Where you are right now is where I was 13 years ago.

You are not a babysitter. You are a FATHER. Being a good father is extremely important for your children's well-being rught now. Your kids need at least ONE parent focused on their well being instead of flying off on their own selfish Voyage of Self Discovery.

Be strong. What your ex-wife does frkm now on has no bearing on you personally. Take steps everyday to improve your life. Major ones like a new and better job, or even baby steps like rearanging your living space.

Good luck friend!

vinnizrej · 2021-10-26T20:53:11+00:00

I understand your visceral reaction. It’s understandable. You should consider seeing a therapist to work through this specific life event. The bottom line is you need to come around to the fact that she did not cause this. You both are the reason your marriage is over. You weren’t happy in the marriage (whether you were cognizant of that or not). She’s taking steps to be happy. You need to follow her lead on that, but without her. And why are you Facebook friends with her? Delete her.

inept4dept · 2021-10-26T22:54:37+00:00

bad news, she didn't wait for six weeks.

good news, you know the truth now. focus on you.

Caeolian · 2021-10-27T00:10:25+00:00

You still have kids. Why should they suffer because of what this woman did? Continue to grow and be better for them if not for yourself.

hockeyguy013 · 2021-10-27T01:13:02+00:00

Dude Pump the brakes immediately and get yourself together. You cannot control what she does only what you do. Now get a grip and do not give any fucks to what she is doing.

Work on your shit and stay off the fucking socials. they are poison.

Listen to some Les Brown on YouTube, Listen often. Rinse and repeat, Good God man, lets do this. Stand tall Brother

bslichy · 2021-10-27T02:17:47+00:00

That speaks to her character, not you. It sucks. And hurts. It gets better. Try to not stoop to her level. Oh, my ex was remarried about 90 days later…. Lol

tanotsurewhattodo12 · 2021-10-27T06:45:04+00:00

First.. sorry for the pain you are going through bro. Many of us do.

Most important is for you to be there for your kids, and for you. I can only say that you have to find a way to understand there is nothing you can do about whatever she is doing, but you CAN do something about you. Do NOT turn to the drink man. That's no good for you or your kids. Your kids need a responsible parent and though I am not sure if she is or is not, YOU be that parent. Be there for them.

Working out is a great thing.. stay at it.

Pick up a hobby.. wood working, martial arts, hell playing video games. Something to occupy your mind a little more and especially when you start down that funk of anger. Do NOT let the anger control you bro. You OWN that shit.. nothing controls you, especially not anger stemming from your ex. Choose to be better than that. For you. For you kids.

sithrowaway2 · 2021-10-27T17:49:46+00:00

I would like to share a very subtle suggestion that really helped me. If you insist on keeping social media you should unfollow your ex and her new boyfriend if he's on your list. This way the only time you are going to see what she's up to is when you are looking for it. Its subtle but being blind sided by this stuff while mindlessly scrolling makes it hurt more.

And as the posters here have already said its been more than 6 weeks. It sucks but focus on you. I promise it gets better. While you suffer through this you are healing. She jumped straight into the next thing and is avoiding what you are feeling. You will come out of this thing on the other side a new man while she will be who she was. You may be bitter and jealous right now but channel that energy into positivity.

Sending love from someone whos been through it.

thenarcostate · 2021-10-28T12:29:51+00:00

Reddit is the only social media I use.

Title	She Waited 6 Weeks
Author	thenarcostate
Upvotes	54
Comments	83
Date	October 26, 2021 9:43 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/qg2t4u/she_waited_6_weeks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/she-waited-6-weeks.1081755 https://theredarchive.com/post/1081755

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