Tried to reconcile last night

Enough_Youth_4564 · 2025-02-24T03:18:14+00:00

Heh yeah mine didn’t want to reconcile … went through 14 months of hard court war, multiple lawyers and more than $250k in lawyer fees down the drain… all for her to end up with less what I begged her to take.

Their world is telling them they will win everything, why would they reconcile?

Square-Choice-3672 · 2025-02-23T05:22:37+00:00

Yeah bro there’s no point I’ve realised… 12 months separated and it just gets worse…. Her and her friends/family have been in her ear and she is a saint and can’t do any wrong. Meanwhile of course you are the devil and it’s all your fault. I actually smile now and think… I would have a drink with that devil and help to egg her on lol

probebeta · 2025-02-22T06:33:03+00:00

Basically that's another way of saying "I'm not happy". We all know that playbook.

_Vatican_Cameos · 2025-02-21T23:36:43+00:00

At least you only wasted a night on that. I wasted two months

First-Sail8421 · 2025-02-21T23:25:36+00:00

Mine brought up things that happened _before we even got married_ in her interrogatory responses. To which we said, how is this possibly relevant? If you thought that was a problem, you shouldn't have gotten married! But it shows how far they claw back. Mine clawed back over 15 years for that and other things she remembered from the first year of our marriage.

JigsawZball · 2025-02-21T23:25:14+00:00

Heard that also in the thick of the last time I confronted my ex husband with his mistress. He laid out a laundry list of all the horrible things I had done through all 14 years of us being together. I was stunned by exactly how horrible a wife and person I was in his eyes. That’s when I knew in my heart there was absolutely nothing left to fight for. Nothing. Almost 8 years later and I’m way better off now. Wishing the same for you.

Mammoth-Push-2612 · 2025-02-21T21:16:01+00:00

I have tried to reconcile numerous times. She thinks I am a loser and weak and considers herself superior.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2025-02-21T19:37:06+00:00

Time to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.

Particular_Act7478 · 2025-02-21T18:49:59+00:00

You tried. Move on. No one deserves that. 10 minutes into, you should have walked away. If the person is throwing shade, and accepting zero responsibility… run 🏃 do not internalize their words. Get a counselor to process and go start living your best life!!

No-Marsupial1823 · 2025-02-21T18:08:53+00:00

Don’t ever do that or allow that again. Walk away from the marriage with your pride. Trust me

Zealousideal_Try_864 · 2025-02-21T18:02:33+00:00

CrazySanta7 · 2025-02-21T17:01:12+00:00

Stop doing this stuff. Reconciliation is a JOKE. It makes you look weak, and she loses further respect for you. She made her mind up months or years ago. She has been talking or hooking up with other dudes (or about to). I'm not trying to kick you down, but this is the reality of begging for 'one last chance'. Dust yourself off and realize it is over. Work on you and become independent again. Good luck bro

Objective-Fan-5464 · 2025-02-21T16:58:40+00:00

She has been keeping a track of all your faults while you have been overlooking hers.

Glad you got it figured out now.

huggsnkisses · 2025-02-21T15:33:38+00:00

Why do women make such great archeologists?

˙ʇsɐd ǝɥʇ dn ƃıp oʇ ʎʇılıqɐ uǝǝʞ ǝɥʇ ǝʌɐɥ ʎǝɥʇ ǝsnɐɔǝ𐐒

ThrowMeAwayPlz_69 · 2025-02-21T15:31:03+00:00

Have you tried counseling? I ask because if the answer is yes, reconciliation is likely worthless. If she won’t change after professional help, she’s not going to on her own.

Heyokalol · 2025-02-21T15:21:36+00:00

Hope you learned your lesson.

Ptsdveterannavy · 2025-02-21T15:15:00+00:00

After six years of me giving her no contact with 4 of those being divorced years, I came to her and she jumped back unto me like a lion with a fresh kill. Immediately, stating, "i promise to show you more appreciation", saying her sex drive wasn't that high during our marriage(withholding sex=control), only after 3mos did the mask come off. My oldest (21yr) told her she lost all respect for her... What?(Obviously I've been talked harsh about) what our oldest doesn't understand, is after all these years of bashing me, how do she go to wanting to reconcile so quickly? Lol, I worked on myself over the non contact years, especially the sexually urges, no woman will ever use sex to control me every again. Yet, she's still hanging on and going on about we can make it work. At least she wants that, both have to want it and do the work and we are. Wish me luck but as I told her, my guard is up and I will remain cautious.

theDoctorism · 2025-02-21T14:51:43+00:00

Happened to me as well last night. A laundry list of everything I could have done better and what I got wrong.

Rugger2row · 2025-02-21T14:32:02+00:00

That's pretty much how it goes. But hidden in there are clues to what you probably need to do to actually reconcile.

When I had that conversation my main thought was....this woman is completely insane. When a woman is in that frame of mind, she is just looking to punish you.

Many of us have been there.

tyyyy110 · 2025-02-21T14:10:43+00:00

Remember the woman you marry is never the woman you divorce!

In all cases reconciliation with a unapologetic/victim mindset narcissist is futile.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2025-02-21T14:10:40+00:00

The odds of reconciliation are 1 in 10,000 or so. When a female loses all attraction for her mate (a process that occurs over years) it can never be turned back on. It is not a conscious decision by them, it is a build up of a loss of respect and resentment due to feminine behaviors you have displayed that once past a certain point tell her it is unsafe to remain with you. To them it is a sensation of drowning to remain by your side. You reaching out to reconcile feels like you pulling them under the water with you to die.

You may be that 1 in 10,000 that guilts/shames them to stay for the kids or economic reasons but you will not have a loving partner. In short, when a woman asks for a divorce you grant her the divorce, wish her well, and move on with your life.

If you look back at your relationship and recall the time that she stopped giving you oral on the regular, that is when she began to lose attraction for you. From there you have a short window (12 months or so) to cut the feminine behavior and correct things. If not she will then pull away and detach. That was the real end of your marriage all that time ago, not now.

Don't take it personally. She is a scared animal that you are trying to corner and she will lash out and do/say anything to escape. Wish her well and let her go.

Learn from the experience. Reflect on the feminine behaviours you displayed that turned her off. It will sting because you will see your mistakes clearly in time and wish you had a way to go back and make different choices. From there it is time to tear down the rearview mirror, rebuild, grow as a man, and move on to an awesome life you create for yourself.

Dark_Tint · 2025-02-21T14:00:49+00:00

Ah yes, the blaming you for everything you did wrong and how everything is your fault, I’ve been there. No one is perfect and everyone makes bad decisions or mistakes at times. My favorite is when you’re blamed for everything while they did absolutely nothing wrong. And if by some miracle they admit they did something wrong, they will quickly shift the blame onto you or someone else and still not take responsibility for any of it.

Several-Eagle4141 · 2025-02-21T13:41:20+00:00

They are the best archaeologists. Always digging up old shit

metzgie1 · 2025-02-21T13:32:26+00:00

Sucks man. A little advice- take some of what she says to heart tho. My ex is a lying cheating whore, but knew me for years. I’d have done myself a disservice if I didn’t work on some of what she said, or at least reflected upon it. In fact, I went to therapy and worked on all that shit.

Ecstatic_Bite_866 · 2025-02-21T13:16:44+00:00

Sorry to hear that. I don’t really know your story but the chances of reconciliation are always very low. But at least you gave it a try so be proud of it that you tried till last, but I would suggest don’t do it again! As the more you do the more distant they will become and things could get bitter.

Left-Ad-6691 · 2025-02-21T13:16:34+00:00

You live and you learn.

Brief_Recognition509 · 2025-02-21T13:00:27+00:00

Been there. Still there (for now). I'll encourage you to own what you can, but don't let it get inside your head. Regulated people can move past those hurts. Especially when they've been apologized to and change has occurred. Manipulators use those past hurts to keep us 'in line'.

Title	Tried to reconcile last night
Author	ExaminationKlutzy194
Upvotes	62
Comments	44
Date	February 21, 2025 12:54 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1iuq7lb/tried_to_reconcile_last_night/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/tried-to-reconcile-last-night.1544501 https://theredarchive.com/post/1544501

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