What to do…

azwildcat74 · 2022-08-01T18:32:32+00:00

She was willing to cheat on you and fuck with another guy because you didn't do Crossfit enough. She told you she won't love you and she proved it. What else do you need to know? Life is too short to not be in a reciprocal relationship.

Patriot0811 · 2022-08-01T17:38:23+00:00

You divorce her and accept nothing less than 50/50. Get a good lawyer and don’t give her anymore than is required. She has no respect for you.

tanen55 · 2022-08-01T18:34:54+00:00

You need to cut your losses and move on. You may "love" her but that's not a good enough reason to be in a relationship with someone you'll never be able to trust or doesn't love you back.

There is no such thing as a "soul mate" or "the one". go out and find someone else. She's for the streets.

turbor · 2022-08-01T17:40:16+00:00

Most of us experienced some version of your story. Those that stuck it out generally prolonged the inevitable and the same thing happened again a year or two later. It’s a tough thing to face, but sometimes the best thing to do if you know the ship is going down, is to bail. Prolonging it can build more resentment. Admittedly, that’s what you may ultimately need to pull the trigger and know it’s the right decision. Here’s my best advice, either way: Don’t fall on your sword financially. Don’t you dare start at 40/60 in her favor. You’ll be paying her child support and alimony, plus splitting the assets with her. Wait until she talks to an attorney. It’ll be a dog fight. Be ready. I’m sorry.

ijustdontcare74 · 2022-08-01T17:43:45+00:00

If she’s done it once, she’ll do it again. She bailed on you when you didn’t obey her, so if you happen to transgress in any way…she’s perhaps going to jump on another cock? That is no way to live your life. Divorce this 304 and move on.

Own-Cabinet-8616 · 2022-08-01T18:44:52+00:00

Accept nothing less than 50/50.

Gattsama · 2022-08-01T20:00:44+00:00

First, truly sorry you are going through this. Do not do the pick me dance or take her back. She had multiple opportunities to act with love and choose her new man over you and the family.

What most often happens in these situations is they are all excited about the new relationship. But at some point learn the grass isn't greener, there's less money, the AP (affair partner) doesn't really want them, etc. Then they coke back to you for the security and back up option. But understand the only reason they come back is because things aren't looking good with the AP. If they were she would be gone.

She was never yours, it was only your turn. Sounds like she never was committed to you, but just agreeable to the relationship. Genuine attraction can not be negotiated, no matter what you do, she will never be the woman you want, need or deserve.

You can do whatever spilt you want, but the law is 50/50. Given you have 3 kids any deal you reach that gives you access to them while avoiding lawyers is likely a good deal. But read up on the laws of your state for spousal support and child support.

Here's the thing. You should fight to get the most advantageous deal possible, IF you then choose to give more money in support it's under your control. But a court ordered settlement gives you no options.

So yes support your kids, but fight for the lowest child support payments possible / required by the law. Same with alimony. You can then choose to supplement after that as you choose.

Good luck and stay safe. I sent you a DM

Front-Lion-5098 · 2022-08-01T17:45:00+00:00

Sorry man - yes, she is saying mistake, because her AP probably said he is not leaving his wife for her - so now sh is lost. OF course, take her back and then down the road she will find someone else and you are back to square one - all of this over crossfit????!?!? WTF

stent00 · 2022-08-01T18:38:44+00:00

Rule one never allow your wife to have male friends... Period. And mate guard her. If she falls out of line then she's done like dinner.

Hoosierdaddy1964 · 2022-08-01T19:39:29+00:00

Eject! Eject! Eject!

saygrace2 · 2022-08-01T19:58:22+00:00

Are you really in love with her or are you terrified of being alone? That’s a real question that I had to take a deep dive and reflect on

Classic_Dill · 2022-08-01T20:12:07+00:00

My friend....you're still in the bubble, i can tell. You're making every excuse under the sun for her awful, disrespectful behavior, she basically cucked you behind your back. This comes from experience, She is a toxin to you and you shouldn't let her back in, she will abuse you even worse this time. FYI, if they shared naked pics? there's a good chance they had sex, no one role plays forever. She isn't your friend, lover, wife or anything else. She will eat you alive, please just work on yourself and please read :No More Mr.Nice Guy" you need it bad. No reverse gear my friend, tell her she made her bed, now tuck yourself in for the long haul, because she isn't welcomed in your life anymore. Let her be a mom and but don't allow casual conversations.

Sorry my friend,but cold turkey is how you need to treat this.

MoronLoserF · 2022-08-02T02:40:28+00:00

Wow you still stayed with her when she was talking to some other dude. Mistake number one you didn’t set her straight. You should have raised hell and threaten with everything at the start of this. Second if she is gone, then let her be gone. She will physically cheat on you I guarantee that if you stay with her. She already wanted to separate. So get a lawyer and go through mediation. If she wanted you bro she would cry and fight for you.

I am sorry to tell you but you haven’t been respected as a man. She doesn’t value you. And when you grow old you will be miserable with that women. The only way to fix it is to separate. Clear your mind.

I say this because she already wanted to separate. If she tried to stay and fight for this to work then it would be a different story. No remorse in her for her actions. Be done with that cunt and find a new women that will respect you, be honest to you, value you, and love you. End of the day we all have to die. So don’t make your self suffer.

drummer8881 · 2022-08-01T19:56:06+00:00

I would slap myself. Get out. She fucked up. Take your ball and go home

georeddit2018 · 2022-08-01T20:22:06+00:00

The other dude dumped her. And she is telling you she can't give you love. She seems to want to have her cake and have it. I don't think anyone deserve to be treated like second option. Just know that if the other guy show up again. She will gladly run back to him and dump you again.

You need to do whats best for you.

jalopkoala · 2022-08-01T20:37:25+00:00

Most of us will always have a big or little part of us that still love our exes. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. But don’t fall for it.

CrazySanta7 · 2022-08-01T21:42:22+00:00

Relationships/marriages are temporary now days. As they say 'she is not yours, it was only your time with her'. She is texting naked pictures to another dude (and probably went further)? You've got to set some boundries for yourself. You will never trust this woman again. It's tine to start your new chapter. Watch 'the marriage wheel' by coach greg adams on youtube. Pretty eye opening and just part of the reason i will never get married again. Good luck man.

WartimeDad · 2022-08-01T20:07:05+00:00

Fuck her. Don’t give her a penny more than the law requires and never deal with the shitty woman again.

Character_Hippo90 · 2022-08-01T20:16:42+00:00

Love doesn’t equal substance when it’s not reciprocated. Collect your feelings and push hard the 60/40 split, otherwise you’ll be watching Cross Fit with cross eyes.

georeddit2018 · 2022-08-01T20:26:50+00:00

Try to think about this. Why do you want to be with someone who have clearly stated and showed that they don't love or respect you. Why?

Gonzo458 · 2022-08-01T21:50:30+00:00

No reason not to trust her til she gives you one, bud. And she did, in fact, give you one.

syro23 · 2022-08-02T00:36:29+00:00

Sounds like my ex. Almost to a T. It’s tough that you are still in love with her. It’s gonna make doing what is best for you that much harder. It’s also tough because kids are involved. But if you want to be happy and fulfilled and you don’t want to be a little bitch, leave her. She clearly doesn’t respect you, she isn’t attracted to you and she will 100% cheat on you again. Leave with your head held high and she at least might miss you and wish she hadn’t been so stupid in messing around with another guy. Will she blame you for it? Yeah, but she probably already blames you for her cheating. At least if you leave and do it the right way she will long for you and miss you which is better than her being annoyed and sick of you.

2022-08-02T01:31:29+00:00

Fight for at least 50/50. Considering you had to shower her with love for her to be interested is red flag #1. If it was meant to be, it would have been effortless. Can't save something that was never anything to begin with. Lesson learned.

pegleg_legal · 2022-08-02T01:36:36+00:00

What I would do: Leverage any guilt she may have to get a good settlement and GTFO before she wakes up and gets greedy.

samk002001 · 2022-08-02T01:53:59+00:00

Moving on and sign the paper! You can’t convince or beg someone to love you! She knows she will lose her finances security that you’re providing, and that’s properly why she’s coming back

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-08-02T11:23:50+00:00

> 1 reason to stay is that I’m still in love with her

Get over your Oneitis. She's not one-in-a-million, she's one-of-a-million. Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. Negotiated desire only leads to obligated compliance, which results in resentment by both parties.

hombredelgato · 2022-08-02T18:56:26+00:00

"She’s been texting me this week about how she’s made a mistake and is willing to work on it, but ultimately she can’t give me what I’ve been wanting for 15 years which is love…"

If she's saying this now it's because her exit plan just hit a brick wall.

What does "willing to work on it " mean to her?

playerknowmore · 2022-08-01T19:04:04+00:00

I'm amazed at her graciousness; she's willing to work on it. She needs to understand this was not mistake. There were a hundred lines crossed for her to get to this place. Worse, you had to sit there pointing each one out. She needs to understand that you don't feel safe with her. She needs to know that you know there only two reasons for her coming back. The other guy didn't want her or couldn't afford her.

Don't let this marriage get past ten years. That's a milestone in a lot of places. Even if you want to reconcile the marriage needs reset. Your financial future is at stake. If you do reconcile keep her in girlfriend stage five years, and reevaluate.

Bipolar_investor · 2022-08-01T17:37:12+00:00

If she admits to messing up, and wants you back, I'd give it a try for the sake of the kids. But you know better.

lone_rutabaga · 2022-08-01T23:40:32+00:00

I have a wife that had an emotional affair. She said she never stopped loving me and I forgave her. We had been together around 10 years and had no kids.

That was around 10 years ago. I regret not leaving almost every day. Our marriage sucked then but we were in denial. It sucks worse now but now we have kids to consider.

I can’t say you should definitely leave. I can think of some ways things could have gone better had we done things right 10 years ago.

The easy thing is to cut your losses. If you do don’t settle for less than half. If you don’t get her ass into marriage counseling instead of letting things fester.

If you need to talk privately shoot me a pm.

slab3 · 2022-08-02T02:27:37+00:00

bro na leave

HNIC83 · 2022-08-02T03:44:04+00:00

Let her go, bro. Love blinds logic.

akihonj · 2022-08-02T06:23:03+00:00

What would I do

Let it go, you said it yourself she doesn't love you, at least not the way you love her, if that's true then it means you're going to spend your life chasing something that truthfully doesn't want you.

So why is she coming back, could be any number of reasons

She met up with that guy and he heard she has three kids and doesn't want that in his life

She met up with him and figured he's actually a gym rat and she wants somebody who hits the gym but doesn't live in the gym

She figured out life is cold and harsh without somebody to pay the bills.

All of this means you are and always will be second best, a safe haven for her, you know where she stands, if she loved you and wanted you she wouldn't have made the effort with this other guy.

Title	What to do…
Author	Adventurous-Crew1025
Upvotes	17
Comments	84
Date	August 1, 2022 5:27 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/wdn5u7/what_to_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-to-do.1209214 https://theredarchive.com/post/1209214

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