Almost burnt out

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2021-01-11T13:06:50+00:00

Ah this is so lovely. Thank you for doing that. It’s amazing how much something which may seem so innocuous, can be so life changing for someone else - I really think you’ve impacted this girls life for the better in ways you may not even realise.

I remember a comment from a young guy, when I was working as a check out chick, I made a self deprecating comment about myself (thanks to my mom, I’ve always been that way), and he said “you should never talk about yourself like that. Be nice to yourself.” I’ll never forget that.

igotchugirl · 2021-01-11T15:46:45+00:00

This is so important. I remember one time a male hairdresser was tugging my hair so hard while straightening it that I was in tears. I was crying and he didn’t even notice. And afterwards, I didn’t even have the courage to say I hated the haircut and that he hadn’t listened to what I wanted. It is so important to teach girls to speak up when they are hurt or disrespected.

themadbreads · 2021-01-11T17:28:05+00:00

I’m also a hair stylist and low key clients like that shake me up so hard.

One of the hardest was a sweet bubbly 16 year old with very lovely curls asking me to cut off all the tangles. During my consultation she told me her dad is Jamaican and her mom is Korean, her clueless dad didn’t know how to maintain curly hair and her mom tried her best but only had experience with pin straight east asian hair types. Usually the parent with the curly hair type takes on the responsibility of the child’s curly hair, but the dad had no interest, and the mom spoke very little English.

I spent hours on this girl. I explained that hair should make her feel beautiful and happy, that caring for your body is an important part of loving yourself. I taught her what works for her hair type and what to avoid, and she seemed really excited.

A month later she came back in and when I stepped into the lobby she ran up and hugged me. Her mom was with her and told me how she felt so bad about not being able to care for her daughters hair.

That one got me good. I ended up crying in the back room.

yolosunshine · 2021-01-11T15:44:17+00:00

Told my ex’s 12 year old kid that rudeness does not apply in cases where you feel unsafe. To always listen to your gut, get safe, and then apologize if there was no need.

Ex told me later I had no right to give ‘parenting’ advice like that.

I told him to shove it because he’d never know the level of caution his supposedly beloved daughter has and must live with.

StevieBuckingham79 · 2021-01-11T11:09:03+00:00

Thank you for advocating for her. Planting a seed. You just changed a girls life.

Imaginsanion · 2021-01-11T17:03:21+00:00

[deleted]

honeymilkandgold · 2021-01-11T11:00:41+00:00

Wow that is so beautiful. I appreciate your compassion and empathy. More people should have this perspective. I'm sure she will remember that.

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-01-11T11:46:40+00:00

I wish you were my hairdresser when I was a child

jamillia6 · 2021-01-11T17:14:15+00:00

I had a male coworker in his 50s tell me once “If something’s important to you, it should be important to your boyfriend too” and that will stick with me forever. My boyfriend and I were trying to plan a trip and he was kind of dragging his feet and I remember telling this coworker about it and I said, “Well, it’s not really a big deal” and he said “No, it is a big deal! This is about your feelings and wanting to do something special with him! It should be important to him as well.” I’m so grateful for you David!

Sunanas · 2021-01-11T15:10:30+00:00

... Am I the only one who's worried the kid is being neglected and/or abused? The matted hair, mom saying it's alright to basically yank her hair - this does not sit well with me.

ProfessionalPee · 2021-01-11T15:43:46+00:00

As somebody who was once that girl? You probably had a lasting impact on her. It only takes one right person to help somebody realize that what's done to them isn't right. I know that associating pain with brushing my hair made me avoid it at all costs, hopefully she feels a bit better about things and it'll help her try and take care of herself in the future. It takes time to unlearn the programming that "brushing = pain," but having just one person brush your hair correctly (my aunt for me) helps drastically speed that up.

metaphoricalrose · 2021-01-11T16:12:26+00:00

That is so important! I really appreciate what you did for her. When I was in 5th grade, I hadn't brushed my hair for months (my parents didn't make me) so I had layers of thick matted hair. My mom was too embarrassed to take me to a hairdresser, so she shaved the bottom layer completely off. I wish I had you do my hair back then lol :)

Blacktontonguetoffee · 2021-01-11T16:51:26+00:00

Honestly this is some of the reason I got out of the beauty industry myself. Good conscience I couldn’t keep making 12 year olds look 25

pastadedientes · 2021-01-11T16:11:46+00:00

Making the world a little better for women 💕 of course she will remember it.

Levelupmama · 2021-01-11T18:43:23+00:00

I’m black and my kid has waist length hair. She said it hurt as I was brushing. I almost wanted to tell her to deal and I recall how toxic that is. When I was a kid we’d be popped with the comb for touching OUR hair and called tender headed. I don’t want her growing up thinking grooming is a chore and is painful. I even remember my dad telling me beauty is pain when he would perm my hair. I told her sorry and am working hard to correct some of the stuff I know now wasn’t right.

fdsonlynoscrubs · 2021-01-11T16:40:35+00:00

Hi! I was also a little girl with long knotty hair that hurt so much to brush. I never knew how to brush it. My mom didn’t know how to brush it (she used a soft brush that did NOT detangle). My sister did a good job brushing it for me every once in a while, starting with the ends and using water so it wouldn’t hurt so bad, but more often than not it just stayed knotty. Until I turned like 12 or 13, got a shorter haircut, and figured it out on my own. Thank you for your work helping the little girl <3

estu0 · 2021-01-11T16:52:06+00:00

Not only should beauty not be pain, but you taught that girl a very important lesson about consent and bodily autonomy

libralia · 2021-01-11T17:22:39+00:00

❤️👑 I hope she carries this into other areas of her life beyond beauty.

You are a beautiful soul!

ameadowinthemist · 2021-01-11T18:46:09+00:00

I’m a stylist, too. Dealing with kids is the worst. Not always because of the kid, but because there is always a middle man (the parent) getting involved in the service.

Rather than change careers, would you ever consider working somewhere more high end? Once you’re charging $100 a haircut, you’re not going to be detangling little kid hair anymore.

itsbettawithchedda · 2021-01-11T22:36:09+00:00

I have long curly hair. My grandma would always tell all of us kids, when she would brush our hair, "suffer for beauty" it isn't until right now, I realized how wrong that statement is. How that statement was just always something she said and its so ingrained to my memory. Most of her kids, my mom included, always got whacked with the hairbrush if they whined getting their hair brushed. Why should we have to suffer at all for anything, let alone societies definition of beauty.

heythereitsemily · 2021-01-11T19:44:48+00:00

I love that you asked even though she has long hair. I have waist length, very thick hair. When a hairdresser is about to brush out my tangles, I’ve had several of them joke “oh you’re not tender headed with all that hair.” Like actually, I only use a wide tooth comb at home because I’m very delicate with my hair.
This bothers me for 2 reasons. 1. They look at me and assume that I don’t have any feelings. Like I’ve been conditioned to pain because of my hair. 2. Because I don’t feel pain, you can be rough with me. You can yank on my hair and damage it because what does it matter? I can’t feel it.

How many other situations does that apply to? They look at me and assume how I feel and then treat me how they want based on that.

Pahapan · 2021-01-11T19:53:28+00:00

Thank you for telling her this. It's a message she certainly isn't being taught by her own mother, sadly.

I was neglected growing up. My siblings and I were "homeschooled" but my parents were separated and our mother, who worked really long hours, had us on weekdays. So we were essentially left to our own devices. It's really weird looking back because I have no idea what my mom was thinking. Did she really expect children to look after their own hygiene? I didn't bathe regularly, I didn't brush my teeth, and I certainly didn't brush my hair. She forced us girls to have long hair even though we all hated it. I'd never had a haircut in my life and my hair was perpetually matted and dirty. When my mom would finally break down and brush it she was extremely rough and would chastise me the entire time, telling me it wouldn't get this bad if I'd just brush it myself.

Parents who don't take care of their children should be ashamed of themselves.

Velveteen_Woman · 2021-01-11T20:00:32+00:00

I love this so much. My mom's answer to me crying that it hurt to brush my hair was to cut it all off. I never thought about how that message stuck with me.

Phoesilvle · 2021-01-11T13:26:17+00:00

Thank you for sharing this with the girl and with us. That is so wholesome .

I love how you are planting this idea in young heads helping them grow into wonderfull confident persons.

Van_Wolfing · 2021-01-11T17:30:50+00:00

This is so nice of you. I know if I had been that 9 yr old then my life had definitely been changed.

My experience with hair has always been horrible. The teachers in kindergarten always used to hurt me because they were so rough whilst brushing my hair. I had a very tender scalp back then and I almost always cried when my hair was brushed by someone else that my parents.

This would have made the world of a difference for me.

RojavaLover · 2021-01-11T17:33:54+00:00

I was that little girl who was scared to speak out once upon a time. Thanks for looking out for her <3

Arcaii · 2021-01-11T22:40:40+00:00

My grandmother and mom literally told me all throughout my life "beauty must suffer."

I never questioned then WHY does beauty has to "suffer" and what sick society thinks that's okay and thinks it's worth it? Just so some people can have something nice to glance at and then forget about instantly? Like what shit is that.

Shoddy_Glam · 2021-01-11T14:24:24+00:00

This made me smile.

PinkPetalCdistbeauty · 2021-01-11T14:56:43+00:00

❤️

Original1one · 2021-01-11T17:41:15+00:00

why did this make me tear up?

capresesalad1985 · 2021-01-11T17:51:55+00:00

Awwww that’s very sweet. Glad the mom wasn’t a crazy helicopter parent like “watch it your hurting my daughter!!”

greenshadownymph · 2021-01-11T20:04:56+00:00

Both my sister and I cut off all our hair once we were at the age where brushing it is our responsibility. Our governor shut down hair salon's due to COVID, and I really want to chop it all off.

ForeverHoney · 2021-01-11T22:47:06+00:00

You are a kind and beautiful soul. I wish more people can have your empathy

Thejasminedragon1215 · 2021-01-12T03:16:50+00:00

Youre the type of hero we need in this world. This warms my bitter ice cold heart :')

TheSuspiciousChard · 2021-01-11T19:16:53+00:00

Not only should beauty not be pain but it should not be a requirement at all. For men beauty is clearly not a requirement (then again neither is hygiene, manners, or empathy!!!)

Fuck all the unrealistic and unfair standards and expectations placed on women from out photoshopped bodies and mutilated parts of our bodies plastered EVERYWHERE to the expectation that we clean everyone’s mess to the expectations that we should accept porn snd cheating. Fuck it all. Men need to step up, I’d rather stay single or date a woman. Fuck men. (Just not literally. Especially since they can’t even find the clit). Sorry I went in a rant on your wholesome post lmao 😂

whokilledhydra · 2021-01-11T17:09:31+00:00

🥺🥺🥺

Title	Almost burnt out
Author	Imaginsanion
Upvotes	2004
Comments	65
Date	January 11, 2021 8:20 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kuyjqg/almost_burnt_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/almost-burnt-out.729182 https://theredarchive.com/post/729182

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