Don't kneecap your sentences.

ThicThighzSavesLivez · 2020-02-20T16:14:52+00:00

Agreed 1000% on this. I stopped using these word softeners awhile back, realizing I was using them to soften the “blow” for the other person. Another example of pickmeisha behavior. There’s nothing wrong with stating your needs and wants explicitly and clearly. And don’t be surprised if suddenly people around you start giving you the side eye for being so direct and “harsh”. It’s harsher when you’re the one doing the suffering. Another reminder to take no shit.

SarcasmSlide · 2020-02-20T16:21:58+00:00

Language has power. Wield it accordingly.

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2020-02-20T17:02:01+00:00

Women are socialized to talk like this. It is very hard to stop when you have been doing it all your life. I will try my best to be more conscious of this...

jmaydizzle · 2020-02-20T18:05:19+00:00

YES THIS. this is absolutely VITAL and I’m constantly tweaking emails to get rid of all this guff before pressing send.

I’m a junior lawyer with a massive imposter syndrome, and that combined with being a woman has meant I often don’t feel like I am entitled to be straight with people (a LARGE part of my job) but I realised that if I wanted anyone to take me seriously and trust my advice, I needed to start trusting myself and taking the shitty qualifiers out of my emails, meeting etc etc

I now do this with men and I am GLAD. You would never catch a man doing this.

Asbelowsoaboveme · 2020-02-20T17:48:47+00:00

And “no” is a complete sentence! Never forget.

sallymboo_ · 2020-02-20T17:18:43+00:00

This is solid advice for your professional life as well! I write out an email and then go back and remove all those “softening” words.

writerwrotewritten · 2020-02-21T00:34:37+00:00

"I think" and "I feel like" can go, too.

~~"I think~~ the problem is the entire framework."

~~"I feel like~~ I'm doing the apologizing but nothing is improving."

This is 2020. It's perfectly fine to make statements instead of suggestions.

TwirlingSquirrel · 2020-02-20T17:05:53+00:00

So much this. I have been guilty of saying just and maybe way too much in life. Am beginning to write and speak more directly!

30137509 · 2020-02-20T18:04:35+00:00

Gawd I never thought about this but I am SO guilty of this!!!

With my ex I would always word things so as not to blame him too much and also "admit my part", even when it was about something like he is cheating, I would preface by "I know it doesn't excuse my actions" gawd...

chixculub22 · 2020-02-20T21:23:29+00:00

I read this years ago, it changed my life! Now I automatically shorten my sentences and get straight to the point with people. And it seems to earn their respect.

AntiCircles · 2020-02-20T17:19:18+00:00

This is what we call "pro-gamer" moves

leftclicksq2 · 2020-02-20T19:53:51+00:00

[deleted]

--wellDAM-- · 2020-02-20T19:25:57+00:00

I purposely NEVER move out of a mans way, even if it’s more convenient for me to move. It’s the fact of the matter: he can go around, on behalf of all men who expect me to scuttle away, and I don’t care who likes it.

I treat men like men treat women and lesser men. The problems it causes are huge: nobody knows how to treat me. I look a man in the eyes, I don’t get talked over, and I don’t let them interrupt.

I ignore bad advice and call out bullshit exactly like men do and because I’m a woman, and not ugly, it’s causes social mayhem.

Handmaidens talk immense shit, I’ve been fired for reporting harassment and assault, and get called dyke and stuff behind my back. (I am, so there’s that.)

But I stay inside of my integrity and am what you call strong willed. There are other strong women and we occasionally find one another and its a good feeling.

I always use the Monte Python meme “I move for no man.” But it’s true! Men collectively live so fucking entitled at all times that you can see exactly how angry even normal strangers get at a coffee shop or the gym when I take up my space without shame.

I stepped off the stair mill, one of three, where I was in the middle of a workout, my phone and water still there, to do 30 seconds of band work for my knees. I saw this guy hop on and start going, and I finished my band work, stepped up to him and tapped his calf. I said “you mind if I finish my workout?” And he got all mad and barked something about asking nicely and stomped off. Me and the guy next to my machine kinda shrugged.

How oblivious and entitled must you be??

morynne · 2020-02-20T19:43:08+00:00

Also stop apologizing for being an inconvenience! It just devalues you!

Kompottkopf · 2020-02-20T17:01:55+00:00

Thank you! This is very important advice and absolutely on-spot!

mantaraymagic · 2020-02-21T00:51:11+00:00

The not moving out of the way thing... I play this game on a daily basis where I'll lock eyes with a man and see how long it takes him to move around me vs. the other way around.

When I typically move around someone, I have the courtesy to turn my body to avoid hitting them.

But when I play this game, the man never turns their body and I almost (or fully) collide with their shoulder because they couldn't be bothered to move. Each and every time.

EmergencyShit · 2020-02-20T19:49:33+00:00

[deleted]

binahbabe · 2020-02-20T18:53:10+00:00

Story of my life

jetpatch · 2020-02-20T20:12:40+00:00

It's been pointed out on other subs that it's quite common for transmen to actually start their posts with "Err," or "Umm," because their female socialisation is still stopping then from just coming out with what they have to say, even online.

anthooon6815 · 2020-02-20T21:11:52+00:00

This is exactly what I’m struggling with at the moment! I’ve come a long way already tho, only a few months ago I wouldn’t even be saying either of those statements, I would simply put up with the bullshit. Just a few weeks ago I threw a guy out of my apartment for pushing my well-defined boundaries THAT I HAD BEEN CRYSTAL CLEAR ABOUT, which I would have never been able to do before discovering this sub and working on myself!

Knackered_Hubcaps · 2020-02-20T17:41:35+00:00

Yes! Wise words.

_anon_throwaway_ · 2020-02-20T20:28:30+00:00

Take some good intensive writing classes and it'll help you notice them because they get big red circles!

2020-02-20T22:19:49+00:00

I never thought about this before, and I realize I do use these modifiers at times. Interesting. Time to start being proactive about my word choice.

rosapalmera · 2020-02-20T22:38:51+00:00

And I would also add “and stuff”.

buffysummerrs · 2020-02-21T01:46:13+00:00

My favorite line is “Yeah, I should say so.”

Not sure if it’s a kneecap but I notice it annoys a lot of guys.

BabyBaphomet_ · 2020-02-21T01:13:41+00:00

I say "just" constantly. I hate it.

hello-earthlings · 2020-02-20T21:46:03+00:00

Holy shit... I am the QUEEN of kneecapping! Didn't know there was a term for it until right now. Actually shook.

ChocolateBiscuit96 · 2020-02-20T22:41:36+00:00

I never use modifiers with men, I tell them exactly how I feel. I’m not hiding my feelings/intentions/thoughts from no grown ass man. Either you can take my blunt honesty, or you can leave it. But my boyfriend is a little sensitive so I gotta watch what I say sometimes 😅

Blackgirlwanders · 2020-02-21T00:08:53+00:00

Agreeeeeed.

StillAwakeofCourse · 2020-02-21T00:55:01+00:00

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BookwormJane · 2020-02-21T01:45:41+00:00

And we as women don't need to smile all the time or say sorry for everything we do.

ProudestCupcake · 2020-02-21T02:59:55+00:00

This is soooo accurate for me. I always feel the need to weaken my own points and the validity of my own emotions, especially as a hardcore introvert who has dealt with a lot of self-image issues. Just another bit of pickmeisha behaviour I've been trying to undo with the help of this sub!

BrooklynBabe33 · 2020-02-21T03:01:13+00:00

I get “ you are so tough” all the time. Tough shit yeah

PieOfMine · 2020-02-21T03:53:42+00:00

Stop saying ‘sorry’. Just don’t!!

ivy176 · 2020-02-21T09:51:44+00:00

True

Title	Don't kneecap your sentences.
Author	StillAwakeofCourse
Upvotes	1943
Comments	79
Date	February 20, 2020 4:08 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f6v8jq/dont_kneecap_your_sentences/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dont-kneecap-your-sentences.681938 https://theredarchive.com/post/681938

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