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Danbut15
[–]charlotte823240FDS Newbie234 points235 points236 points 5 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
I just don't understand. Aren't the directions included? Meal kits are not hard to make. Can he not read? The level of incompetence is astounding.
[–]Works_For_Treats103 points104 points105 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Real men don't use instructions /s
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie74 points75 points76 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Yeah.. the only way this is possible is if he tried to “hurry it up” by setting it to a higher temperature than it called for.. if you’re not an experienced cook, why improvise? The goddamn audacity smh
[–]myousernameRuthless Strategist31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
Lmao this comment gave me PTSD flashbacks 😂😂
When I make ribs without a BBQ, I usually cook them in the oven for ~4-6 hours on 225 to get them nice and soft, then put on the sauce and jack up the heat to max for a few minutes to get a nice crispy skin.
For some reason my narc ex just had a problem with that. When I tried explaining that you need to cook it low and slow to break down the connective tissue, he just. didn't. believe. me. He assumed, "if it takes 6 hours to cook at 225, then if you double the heat it will cook twice as fast!" He wouldn't shut up about it, kept arguing with me, and acting all impatient. He seemed to think I was just making him wait for no reason just to fuck with him???
Anyways. 2 hours into the cooking process. It smells amazing obviously, he's getting hungry and wants to eat it right now. And I guess he wanted to "prove me wrong" so when I wasn't looking he turns the heat up to 550 (yup, literally the hottest my oven goes). Eventually I smell burning and panic and go look at the oven. The moment I open the oven door, smoke pours out like crazy and once it clears the damn thing is CHARRED BLACK.
I was so mad at him but of course he denied any wrongdoing. Because narcs gonna narc.
The worst part was this guy WAS AN ENGINEER. You'd think he would have some basic understanding that heating materials at different temperatures would create different outcomes. I could not believe that someone so educated could be so stupid.
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Wow. RIP your spare ribs, but what an idiot.. this sounds like some shit my BPD ex would pull. I used bake a lot (for fun— not for him lol) and he would of course decide to argue with me about shit he didn’t understand whenever the mood struck him. One time he was insisting that we could change the ratio of flour in a recipe without changing the consistency of the resulting pastry, and I tried to explain why that was a ridiculous idea. He got angry and rhetorically asked why I thought I knew more than him. So I told him, that aside from my years of experience, I also had a degree in chemistry. He waved it off and told me that it was only “biochemistry”, so I asked him what exactly he thought that meant and he stormed off and didn’t speak to me the rest of the day. Lmao
Men are truly the logical sex /s
[–]myousernameRuthless Strategist17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Misogynistic contrarians are the worst. A woman could say literally any fact and he wouldn't believe her, because she's a woman. In fact he would then make it his life's mission to either prove her wrong or destroy her in the process.
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup. He made it his mission in life to prove he was better than me for some reason, and at first I thought he was like that with everyone, but no, the hate was specifically reserved for the women in his life even though it was only the men that had actually ever hurt him.
[–]Davina33FDS Disciple2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Blimey! How stupid can he be? The mind boggles.
[–]sstenaFDS Apprentice18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If he wanted to do it well, he would. He probably forgot the meal was cooking and went to play videogames or jack it to porn because taking care of his mom-- I mean, wife, is at the bottom of his priority list right next to scrubbing the toilet.
[–]romantickittyFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For real. I get not making the tastiest meals on your first few attempts but how do you fail to make something edible?
[–]softensonicFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Especially as a general rule when you're new to cooking, there's nothing wrong with turning the heat a little lower and cooking it slower. How is this hard?
[–]90lbeesFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Of course he can read. These types of men, they are not idiots. They’re quite smart actually. Act useless and incompetent, then reap praise for basically existing and guarantee a mommy to do all hard work.
[–]charlotte823240FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, I wasn't being serious. Honestly, doesn't matter whether he acts incompetent or actually is. The reason for people's bad behavior matters very little in life. Bad behavior + good intentions is how people guilt us into accepting the bad behavior.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago* (9 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]PossibleCookFDS Apprentice111 points112 points113 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
He 100% messed it up on purpose. Probably so she won’t have any expectations of him.
[–]babyquesoFDS Newbie61 points62 points63 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I once heard, “if someone ever asks you to do something for them, do it really bad so you never have to do it again.”
It was either my ex boyfriend after being asked to help with laundry for the first time, or Paris Hilton, idk.
[–]-badmadAMFDS Apprentice35 points36 points37 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
If someone tries to pull that bullshit with you (males like to do this a lot btw) ridicule the hell out of them for being such incapable dimwits that they can't even do such an easy task or are unable to learn or follow simple directions. You should question their qualifications and intelligence somehow. They pull that shit, they lose all right to have anything to say or decide.
Edit to add: The shit of doing something bad on purpose is something you can pull in situations where it is appropriate, like a co-worker asking you for a coffee and you feel it is a power- move but can't do anything... not in a relationship or with family if people ask for totally reasonable stuff or need support.
[–]oddcharmFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
You put my thoughts into the perfect words! If you’re a grown adult and unable to make anything other than HOT DOGS and potato salad, I will roast tf out of you before ending things. You have to be living in some type of alternate reality to think that shit is acceptable
[–]Salty-TomorrowFDS Newbie42 points43 points44 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes!! We deserve more than “trying” from the people we decide to call PARTNERS. Was it Yoda who said “there is no try, there is only do or do not”?
Ladies, pick a man who DOES.
[–]Solaresa107 points108 points109 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How? How???? Men are literally praised for cooking pasta badly when the instructions are on the packet and one singular Google away if he isn't sure. Those meal prep kits have recipes including cooking time and everything on them. It should not be possible to fuck up this badly, and I am convinced that it's learned helplessness to ensure he never has to cook again.
But no, all we get is "wow, so proud of him for trying?". Sis, is he a toddler?
[–]AnodynicFDS Newbie82 points83 points84 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Part of a normal long term partnership is taking care of each other. Feeding each other, getting groceries, etc. It isn't the end of the world to be a bad cook, but it is inexcusable to lower the nutrition and force someone to eat repetitive or burned food due to unwillingness to learn. You don't have to be a master chef to know how to make basic meals in the house, and it should be a basic thing for all humans to know how to eat a regular meal. If you don't know what to cook, order out, ask for a recipe, ask someone to help you learn a nice recipe, watch a youtube video and try it out, at least make effort. If your partner can't make a simple meal kit that comes with detailed instructions and photos, it's because he does not care.
This to me sounds like the very common LVM tactic of "pretend to be incompetent so that she doesn't make me do chores."
I really appreciate him being willing to try cooking things
Girl where is your self respect? Where are your standards? This is just sad. My partner is a pretty decent cook but is often tired to do so, if I even hint at a yawn he's already in the kitchen telling me to snuggle up and he'll bring me food. I just don't get how you can get accustomed to such poor partnership especially when you are a good partner yourself. It's like the moment you do it the moment you realize he's NOT doing it and is what generally weeds out the poor ones from the start. Why make excuses long enough to grow complacent with such an oxygen waster?
[–]luna_prismaticFDS Newbie35 points36 points37 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This. And quite frankly, if he gave a damn about her health at all, but knew for whatever reason he had a black thumb for cooking, the literal least thing he could do is pay for decent takeout or go to a local deli, somewhere where there’s access to ready-made food
[–]romantickittyFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If he can't "cook" he should still be able to make salads or throw things into the oven. The bare minimum.
[–]stankyhoseFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Or buy a variety of different made up salads instead of just potato salad? I've had a broken wrist (my right hand, I am right handed) for 6 months now and really miss cooking. When my housemates or boyfriend aren't able to make meals for me I can still muster up some basic things; soup, quiche, tuna mayo, packaged salads, pizza, sandwiches, wraps, eggs, etc. etc. things that require literally little to no effort and that anyone should be able to make... Her husband hates her.
[–]stankyhoseFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
100% He can't be a fully functional adult and be this incompetent in the kitchen. My boyfriend can't cook, his parents were academics and worked (still work) really hard, so cooking was never an interest to them, they could cook basic meals but they never passed the skills on to their children.
He could cook really basic things, but he started learning to cook when we started dating. He googles it, watches videos, looks up recipes and does it all himself. Apart from a macaroni cheese disaster (which was actually probably my fault as I requested not to have dairy milk and he was following a dairy recipe and I said it would be fine to have oat milk and cheese lol...) his meals turn out well. We don't eat meat but I can guarantee if we did, even then there would be no catastrophes like the one OP's husband created.
Men are not incompetent.
[–]jargon_explosionFDS Newbie59 points60 points61 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am a horrible cook and the meal kits are extremely easy. You can even pick by difficulty if you really struggle. If you can't even cook something with the ingredients and amounts laid down in front of you, and the recipes only 5-6 steps long, that's just embarrassing.
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple56 points57 points58 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Who paid for the meal kits? Three guesses and the first two don’t count
[–]MadamLeFayFDS Apprentice55 points56 points57 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I doubt he'd extend the same charity if she fed him peanut butter sandwiches and destroyed cooked meals from now on.
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would rather have a peanut butter sandwich than a cold hot dog
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
....while he was sick.
[–]CassieGreen85FDS Disciple50 points51 points52 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
mEn ArE ThE LoGiCaL aNd CrItiCaL tHiNkInG SeX
Can't even follow some simple fucking instructions to cook an easy meal as a grown-ass adult.
[–]chateauduchatFDS Newbie33 points34 points35 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
That’s why I tell men I don’t cook. 😒 either he better be one or I’m out
[–]MagnfiqueMaleficentFDS Apprentice23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If a man ever asks, “Do you cook?” its a red flag. He’s looking to benefit from your labor without contributing to the chore that is cooking. He’s not actually interested in your hobbies or interests.
[–]luvmyvulvaxoxoFDS Disciple4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Came here to say this. You know how I don’t get stuck being treated like a bang maid? I don’t engage in any traditionally female activities. I don’t cook. I don’t clean.
I’ll cook for my mom but as far as men I’ve dated go, they always do all the cooking. I even send my bf recipes I want him to make for me.
[–]CarpedictumFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I just learned this - the new bf loves cooking for me.
[–]luvmyvulvaxoxoFDS Disciple1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Right? I haven’t cooked for a man in so long. The one guy I cooked for kept me in a situation ship and I said no more. I know FDS says you shouldn’t complement men a ton because they already have huge egos.
But if you compliment a mans cooking (when he actually did a good job) they will cook for you for forever! In the beginning I always say “let’s make this together” and they always take over and do all the work.
I haven’t seen my bf in a month and every time we talk he talks about how excited he is to see me and cook for me. He was listing everything he wanted to make me!
[–]CarpedictumFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yesssssss. Girl, same. A couple of small compliments and suddenly they’re a gourmet chef.
Also mostly same on the last guy. I cooked every day, lots of little stuff like that. I was the gf, but he started hedging about getting the apartment together we’d agreed to. Boy, bye.
Major upgrade.
[–]luvmyvulvaxoxoFDS Disciple0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes on the gourmet chef! My bf doesn't even cook for himself LOL he only cooks for me. And he actually is a REALLY good cook.
I'll never date another man who doesn't know how to cook and doesn't want to cook for me (especially since I'm over 21).
[–]afrodeasyakFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I was waiting for the part where she dumps him...
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You’ll be waiting a long, long time
[–]ethnicallyabiguousFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
He’s destroying meals on purpose. If you can read you can cook a meal. Tasty even has videos you can watch. He would rather eat hot dogs and potato salad for a week then let her think she can count on him for these tasks. Like “uggh! Now I have to cook a couple nights out of the week!” It amazes me how far LVM go in their manipulation tactics. I was cooking scrambled eggs at 4.
[–]bananna_nutFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This is just sad, she was sick for a week and they just ate wieners and potato salad? Really? He couldn't even make her some eggs or some soup? It just goes to show how little effort and initiative some LVM put into things. Even the meal kits was something she organized. He doesn't care about her at all.
[–]romantickittyFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He bought the potato salad. He could have bought soup just as easily. That is how little he cared about her when she was sick.
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple37 points38 points39 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Mah paaaaartner
[–]sassylittlespoon16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m so over the “at least he tried” stuff.
[–]FodderFigureIllushunFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He's clearly doing everything poorly so no responsibility falls on him.
[–]ChonkyCatzPlzFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I can't cook = i can't follow basic instructions = i can't read
Why are men?
[–]moxymoxaloneFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
JFC dude, boil some pasta, throw a can of marinara and some parm on it and call it good! My special needs son can do it; why can’t you?!
[–]Ms_TillyRuthless Strategist7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bless his heart 🙄
[–]rayne_chiFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How embarrassing! Cooking/feeding yourself is such a basic function. Even my 12 year old can do better than that.
[–]Half_HaltFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No, this is malicious compliance. Doesn't Lundy Bancroft dissect this in Why Does He Do That? Unless you're producing cuisine on par with The Inn at Little Washington or French Laundry, cooking is simply a matter of reading & following directions. Men can cook. 2000 years ago Roman soldiers carried corn meal with them to make polenta, ffs. There were no women with Christopher Columbus, yet somehow they ate. Inability to cook is a totally manufactured helplessness of the modern man.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oooof I just had surgery and my 17 year old son has cooked from scratch every day as he refuses to let me in the kitchen for 6 weeks!!! This hopefully gives everyone perspective. My son is a HVM.
[–]KateJ1982FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What happened next folks? Did he: (a) Apologize profusely, order her favorite meal delivered, air out the house, clean up the mess, and begin carefully reading the instructions and planning tomorrow's meals. (b) Heat up a hot dog for himself and plant himself on the couch, leaving the mess for her to clean up.
Choose wisely!
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnodynicFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I disagree with you. Burning food isn't a dislike, it's inability to eat the food. It is especially important to treat sick people with even more care with their food as their taste buds are often compromised and or they may be quite nauseous and sensitive to organoleptic changes. The OP didn't complain once, by the way, she infact was positive with him multiple times (I appreciate him, at least he tried..) even though he didn't do a single competent task.
Not everyone is a great cook, but most people are willing to recognize their setbacks and at least try to improve or forge alternatives. If heating up some campbells chicken noodle in a bowl from the microwave is the best you can cook, it's better than just bringing a sad package of hotdogs and potato salad. My mom doesn't like cooking and eats prepared food almost every day of the week but if one of us was sick she'd heat tomato soup and make grilled cheese, bring some plain cereals, make hotdogs (bun and condiments), make quesadillas, heat soups, heat up frozen foods, etc. It was almost entirely assemble and/or heat but you know what it was excellent and above and beyond. There is no excuse to buy exactly 2 "ready to eat" things and fail on the assembly and heating. It's literally eating from a bucket with the spoon, the potato salad, and probably eating from a sad hotdog package.
You're saying you're sure it didn't happen but why do you not believe her, even if she was using hyperbole, it's still ridiculous. You're right that there are so many foods between hot dogs and a proper homemade meal (although I consider hot dogs easily incorporable into this category with effort) which is all the more why it is so ridiculous and LV of her partner to not even be capable of fixing her a bowl of cereals. How is his lack of cooking/heating up/assembling food on her? When you are sick do people not properly take care of you? You can literally buy precooked salad chicken, chicken broth, and thin thin noodles, put them together in a pot on the stove and bam, a proper homemade meal, especially with toast or crackers on the side...that requires 0 cooking knowledge, 0 effort, impossible to burn due to the high water content and literally only is heating and assembly (putting the crackers on the side).
Overall I am worried about your downplaying of the situation, I hope you are being taken care of properly when you are sick. Please take care of yourself and if you are with someone and sick and they don't know how to make you a meal, tell them the chicken noodle soup "recipe" i just said. Or a grilled cheese/tomato soup (heated up from can). Or canned soup (lentils with veggies are great). Or pancakes from a mix. Or boxed mac n cheese (follow box instructions). Or a regular sandwich (wheat/cheese/ham/mayo/mustard/greens). Or a bagel (cream cheese optional, they can hand you the philadelphia with a butter knife). Or a hotdog on a toasted bun (some butter in the pan) topped with shredded cheese, cooked bacon, onions (you can buy small canned already caramelized onions in all stores, all it needs is heating even in the microwave), condiments.. There are just so many foods that are so simple to make it's hardly considered cooking... There is no excuse for an adult not to know how to do these things or not to be able to learn once told. I think I just gave you like 10+ different meals and options here in one comment that could leave you eating something new every day of the week.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnodynicFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That is very true and it is sad to me too, especially with all of her forced optimism in the post even while clearly disappointed. I remember when I was younger being really sick and my aunt who was watching me did not even get me a glass of water and I had to crawl, it was upsetting. I can see her being mentally exhausted and as she said physically limited after surgery, so the expectation for him is that he'd bring her the food. Her buying a meal delivery kit is attempt enough. I just feel bad for her too, but it is admittedly almost infathomable to kick your main support (the partner you live with and maybe are dependant on) out while you're recovering from surgery. :( He couldn't even get her some soup. It is sad.
[–]Phoenix__Rising2018Ruthless Strategist6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She's not "acting helpless", she's literally helpless/partially helpless. You clearly have never dealt with any sort of chronic pain or chronic illness issue where you have times that you cannot even cook for yourself or really move.
She definitely should have picked a better partner though, and coddled his little bitch ass less.
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple-3 points-2 points-1 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Have an upvote, I don’t disagree. This OP has some major martyrdom going on. Imagine eating a tub of potato salad for a week 😂
[–]Phoenix__Rising2018Ruthless Strategist11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Have you ever dealt with chronic illness and pain? I got stuck eating frozen pizzas and frozen pot pies because I couldn't go to the store or do anything for a week. And with obviously chronic illness you can't order healthy food delivered to your house twice a day for a week due to the cost. If the loser pig won't even help you you're pretty much fucked.
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No I haven’t and you’re right, I was being insensitive. I don’t know details of this OPs situation, I don’t know where this post was taken from so I don’t know how chronic her pain and illness are. I would say this “partner” of hers was worse than useless to her in her recovery from surgery, she’d have done better alone. He just added stress to her life.
[+]missliberiaFDS Newbie-8 points-7 points-6 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I hate a bitch who just can’t do shit! I mean, google is on everyone’s phone. What in theeeee fuck?! Just useless.
[–]-badmadAMFDS Apprentice12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
a bitch scrote 😆
[–]missliberiaFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lmao! I try... still can’t get the terminology down but ugh they infuriate me 🤣🤣
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[–]AnodynicFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Phoenix__Rising2018Ruthless Strategist6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple-3 points-2 points-1 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Phoenix__Rising2018Ruthless Strategist11 points12 points13 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]missliberiaFDS Newbie-8 points-7 points-6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]-badmadAMFDS Apprentice12 points13 points14 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]missliberiaFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link