If you are confused about his intentions, read this. These are the words of men, describing how they behave when they love and respect their woman. Don't accept any excuses, ever!

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-10-02T17:09:47+00:00

The screen shots are from "Why Men Marry Bitches" by Sherry Argov.

ceramicunicorn · 2021-10-02T18:39:55+00:00

But my question is...do any more than a small minority of men even want to feel like that? Blame it on illusion of choice (porn or swipe apps) or the marginalization of people via largely unchecked capitalism that has men scrambling for any scraps of power they can get....but men I meet don’t seem to be interested in this level of vulnerability. It means relinquishing power and control. The companionship and helpmate and breeding aspects of it sure, but not this level of surrender. Are you ladies meeting men who do? Or maybe it happens to them, against their best efforts to not truly love?

katiekat0214 · 2021-10-02T19:36:52+00:00

All of this with my late second husband. He always referred to me as "my wife" or "my bride", even a decade plus after we had married. We centered each other, and our relationship was stable, secure, confident, very down to earth. There is NOTHING like it. Your right person makes you feel heard, seen, validated, understood... and you also have your own life and interests, too, that aren't a threat. He will fit into your life, and also expand it, and you will do the same to his.

FURYOFCAPSLOCK · 2021-10-02T18:31:03+00:00

Exactly zero of my boyfriends has ever loved me

ButterfliesHurricane · 2021-10-02T17:49:30+00:00

Amen to that….! We should refer back to this when we start seeing a misalignment between words and actions. If words are positive but actions don’t follow then he is simply just not that into you.

sandzak_bih · 2021-10-02T20:17:36+00:00

I have a little story on this. I come from a culture where your parents do have a lot to say on who you marry. So I have a cousin who married outside of our culture and from the first moment he told his parents that he respects them but that he loves her, he won't tolerate anyone (including them) talking bad about her and that he is going to marry her regardless of what they say (he is a HVM, he really treats her like a princess, provides for her and so on) - this really showed me that if he wants to he will. Now another story: My LV-Ex on the other hand literally used me (i was stupid and naiv back then) and told me he can't marry me cause of his parents 😅 He was LV in every aspect but what I want to say is: A guy who really loves you and is a good guy will do everything to be with you and will treat you right.

Sage_Planter · 2021-10-02T18:17:08+00:00

"He's thinking for two, not one" is extremely important.

At a certain point in a couple's journey, the relationship becomes an entity of its own. I've found this is usually around the 6-12 month mark. You can do what's best for you, what's best for your partner, or what's best for the relationship (that third entity). An easy example of this is where to get an apartment. Do you get a place closer to the woman's office, closer to the man's office, or do you find the best solution for the relationship?

Many men never transition from prioritizing "what's best for me" to prioritizing "what's best for the relationship." They're focused on their own wants, needs, and preferences. Oftentimes, what's best for the relationship or the other person isn't even considered. Women, on the other hand, tend to jump through hoops to prioritize both the relationship and the man. Don't do that. If he ain't putting you first, you don't put him first.

Thereismorethanthis · 2021-10-02T20:43:07+00:00

To be honest, this describes my husband perfectly

Constant-Wanderer · 2021-10-02T18:46:09+00:00

Can confirm. Can also confirm that some men know how to fake it, so that “never stop vetting” thing is a really important habit.

If you’re not good at vetting, you’re vulnerable to love-bombing, and the narcissistic tendency to flatter and revere you for your ability to exalt them.

Never accept anything less than wholehearted.

munissa · 2021-10-02T18:04:41+00:00

Yes. To all of it. Thank you for sharing!

jjlew922 · 2021-10-02T18:40:51+00:00

This is great! But I do think it’s just the bare minimum….it’s just the tip of the iceberg to show you he’s serious about you.

A man who wants to see you, build a future is a good sign of his commitment but is he truly worthy of your time and your commitment? I’ve been with men who show these green flags but I saw I ultimately served a purpose for them that they were unable to equally match me in emotional investment. I supported them with their careers or personal relationships, encouraged them but I never got quite the same support, encouragement and ultimately love back. They were good guys but emotionally stunted. Over time I felt exhausted and stifled. We just weren’t matched in maturity and frequency. I felt more drained than uplifted. Showing his commitment by being there and trying is great but it’s not your job to help him raise to what you desire and know you deserve.

We all have different needs and emotional and spiritual maturity is a big one for me. Ultimately, I cut off these relationships because they just weren’t worthy of my commitment, even though they showed they were committed to me. Never settle ladies!!!

teaferret · 2021-10-02T23:50:59+00:00

This is exactly why my husband knows my holiday schedule better than I do!

eru378 · 2021-10-03T02:49:20+00:00

This is brilliant. I think we all know, deep down, that these behaviours are what a good-quality, worthwhile man will do when he's serious about a woman. I've rarely had a boyfriend treat me in these ways (and when they did it was only in a superficial, piecemeal sense) and I knew it. I absolutely knew in my heart that these men were not serious about having an adult relationship with me and probably were not even emotionally capable of doing so. They enjoyed taking what they could from me - what I gave to them! - but would not make any real space for me in their life.

One aspect of this I want to highlight is kind of the flipside: this self-interest that men practice is what women need to practice more. We need to be just as selective and protective over who we let into our lives, who we make major life changes for, who we spend our time and energy on. Obviously it's not a one-to-one comparison - we aren't the ones setting up dates, for example - but it's things like not responding to the casual "Feel free to stop by" invitation described above. Why exert yourself for that kind of low effort? Exactly what FDS guidelines say.

musicalistic · 2021-10-02T17:35:44+00:00

Reading these reminds me of my friend that dates an HVM. He definitely let her be the center of his world (positively) because he cares about her and her son so much (my friend is a single mom). He works two jobs that make him should sleep in the office sometimes but he always communicate everything with her, and on his free time he always ask her to go on dates, ask her son to play with him and always buy them gifts. So, everything written on that excerpt is true.

asianinindia · 2021-10-03T01:51:06+00:00

Great so none of the guys I've dated have ever loved me. At least I was right about it.

BrightIdeaGenerator · 2021-10-02T19:00:01+00:00

What's this from?

2021-10-02T19:52:58+00:00

These are the only type of men who deserve relationships, and/or even sex. The rest are irrelevant.

randomgirl34861 · 2021-10-03T05:25:00+00:00

I’m staying with my grandparents this weekend, and just a few hours ago I heard them calling each other “old lady” and “old man” 🥺 My great grandparents on my grandpa’s side used to do it too before they passed and it melted my heart. I can still here her voice saying Where are you, old man?! 😩🥲 They were married over 75 years and my grandparents are coming up on their 50th. You don’t get to call your wife “old lady” unless you actually grew old together and she calls you “old man” in return.

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-10-02T21:57:36+00:00

Wow I love all of this!

karabnp · 2021-10-02T21:32:03+00:00

Well, THIS is a revelation to read!! In all truth, ^{^} the above is the exception and not the rule. Sadly, I don’t know of very many men and relationships that exemplify that.😕 A few, yet, not many, and not nearly enough!!

Datonecatladyukno · 2021-10-02T21:49:30+00:00

“He’ll refer to you as his woman”. Um no.

Edit- the rest is good, but being called someone’s woman is so damn annoying and not respectful

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