Ladies, what are your experiences with a covert narcissistic ex after breakup?

Junior-Lion7893 · 2022-02-05T09:14:28+00:00

His friends hit me up “accidentally”, so I had to delete and block all their asses.

He “accidentally” butt dialed me a year ago after our three year breakup. Bro, how do you accidentally video call someone from WhatsApp? Lol He’s blocked and deleted. Apparently, he went through my old school channel. I made the mistake of not blocking him there as well, because I didn’t think he’d contact me through those channels. Also, blocked and deleted on there as well.

Healingirl · 2022-02-05T09:21:15+00:00

He resented my guts but never contacted me again so far 1y post breakup

Platipus6 · 2022-02-05T10:32:10+00:00

Ignored my wishes for no contact, of course, even saying "I know you said never to contact you again BUT" lol

Attempted several hoover techniques. Said he was "just about ready to apologize", then went on a long-winded word salad that I barely remember. He waited for me to respond then he sent part 2, which was also not an apology, just more reminiscing and wishes for our relationship to resume (holding the apology hostage, he wanted the relationship back before he'd apologize, good luck bro)

He pretended he "just had some questions" and I would have to reply before he'd get on with it.

More reminiscing, and throwing in some juicy gossip about someone I don't care about. It's the "don't be a bitch" technique. I can't blow up and tell him not to talk to me about that person because then it's all "wow you don't care about that person? I'm faux shocked!"

He tried the "olive branch" which is "no matter how long you hate me for, I'll always be here for you when you're ready to reconcile". Basically talking more crap as if I'm the one preventing our relationship being repaired. His whole façade was "such a good guy".

Made some empty promises, the same kind he'd been dangling the whole relationship. I said I look forward to the apology and some kind of proof that you're going to do any of what you're saying.

He went silent for 28 days so I gave up gathering hoover techniques and told him any further contact would be considered harassment. So he immediately replied with another "don't be a bitch" by saying other person I don't care about is safe and doesn't have covid. Like omg get new material, you're boring. Hasn't contacted after that. Gmail needs to fix it's block ability.

Mcccy · 2022-02-05T13:56:19+00:00

He tried to get my dad's business shut down cause I rejected his call on our "anniversary" (2 years after we broke up)

How do I know? He dressed the health inspectors in the same outfit he dressed at our first date and send flowers at my house asking if I liked our "anniversary gift".

I wish I was kidding. I couldn't sleep for weeks cause I never told him my new address. Don't mess with narcs cause they are absolutely batshit crazy especially if they are rich or in positions of power.

GeorgiaPeach_94 · 2022-02-05T09:35:25+00:00

It's been several years. Over time, I contacted him once absolutely business like because I needed something important returned. He took this as an opportunity to send long mails trying to pitifully engage me again. Totally ignored. Along with the item, he mailed a long whiny letter to try and paint himself as the poor innocent guy and lure me into engaging again. Tossed straight in the trash.

I never forgive someone who disrespected me and mistreated me like he did. He showed me that he's a garbage human being so I shut him out forever. Ain't nobody got time for that.

arabbel · 2022-02-05T11:31:10+00:00

Dated this guy for all of a week. He spent three months pretending to be my friend - as in had “hey we are just friends right?” talk - the day before begging me to make out with him (at one point on his knees) for four hours while I was very drunk. Gah I hate my former pickme self sometimes. I caved, but told him I wasn’t comfortable making out sans relationship. So we “started” one.

Except he wanted to keep it secret. At one point I offered to bring him lunch at work but he didn’t want other people to see me so he said no. He revealed while he was attracted to my outspoken ways, he felt he needed to be with a more traditional, submissive, demure woman for appearances. I am divorced and had only slept with my ex husband before, and I pointed out that by objective measures I was more traditionally “innocent” than several of the women he listed as examples of expected fits, but they didn’t matter. I’m opinionated and vocal, and that’s not what he felt he should be with on paper.

I also told him about how badly my ex abused me in some detail.

He dumped unexpectedly me after a week (a day after we decided we were seriously going to pursue this) after I’d driven over an hour in traffic to have lunch with him. After this I asked for space but he obsessively begged me to stay friends for quite a while.

A month or so after this, he apparently had lunch with my ex?? And then proceeded to tell me my ex was a “good guy” and lecture me why me and friends should get to know said ex. I went off on him over that and he stormed off.

A month after that, I started dating a new guy. Suddenly I wasn’t getting invited to about half the events planned by the young friends group at church.

It turns out he told everyone I randomly started yelling at him one day because he had spoken to my ex, he was a very sensitive person and couldn’t handle being yelled at like that, and thus wouldn’t go to any event I was invited to.

On top of that, I had been trying to join the worship team for months. I have a good voice, but kept getting told by him that the team was just too full. Except he started adding other people on all the time.

Eventually I told a friend on church staff about all of it after he dated and dumped her a week later, she told the lead pastor, lead pastor talked to me, and he told narc boy that he needed to let me on the team and that he was on thin ice for employment because he apparently had a known history of similar behaviour.

Since then he’s dated a few other girls and been awful to all of them, always playing the pious wounded victim each time.

Solid-Liquid · 2022-02-05T12:30:26+00:00

Back in November 2021, he asked to hang out and said he wasn’t getting any younger, he wanted a stable relationship, and he was ready to settle down. He is tired of being single.

I just told him I’m not interested and good luck finding someone else.

It’s funny cuz when I deleted him off all my SM, he called me petty and jealous and told me to grow up cuz it had happened while he was on a date.

cml678701 · 2022-02-05T13:13:05+00:00

Mine spent years trying to get back into my life. I gave him a chance a couple times when I was younger, because I thought he sucked as a boyfriend, but was okay as a friend. However, when I learned about narcissism, I realized he was just using me as supply when he was desperate, and have not talked to him in years.

AmeliaEmiliaEmma · 2022-02-05T13:27:54+00:00

Slander, bullying when seeing me in public, fake revenge porn, giving my info to strangers to call for a free fuck. Then reaching out years later to “just talk” from multiple fake accounts. Each and every attempt was ignored and blocked/deleted.

turtleshame · 2022-02-05T14:31:50+00:00

His pattern was to contact his exes every so often - it was an issue when we were together 🤡🤡🤡 - so when we broke up, I blocked him everywhere. He’d need help to look me up, and he was never very technically inclined anyway, I set up the computers in our home & what not - he would have to get help to find my new information.

What he did do instead, because abusers don’t just groom victims, they groom alibis and cover - was get mutual “friends” to suddenly start bringing him up when, coincidentally, it would have been beneficial to him if I contacted him - like after he married a 23 year old.

I blocked all those mf’ers too, and my life is better for it.

I have one friend who has him on fb & doesn’t tell me anything about him unless it’s my safety related, but since my narcissist decided to move 3k miles away, I haven’t had to hear an update about him for years. The last update was that the 23 year old divorced him & a hurricane gave his condo a barrel roll. And for some reason his estranged sister keeps trying to contact me.

Like no thank-you. Block.

lolmemberberries · 2022-02-05T14:39:48+00:00

Tried baiting me to get a negative reaction out of me in attempt to make me look like the problem.
Moved onto a new relationship VERY fast. He moved in with the person within weeks, but took years to get married.
Did not respect my wishes of no contact and I had to block him on every platform that I knew he had an account, in addition to blocking his phone number.
Tried to reach out years later from an account I didn't know he had. I later found out it was a month after he filed for divorce from his now ex-wife.
Would frequently recycle exes. The woman he moved onto and married after we broke up was someone he had previously dated.
People in his life would periodically attempt to reach out to me after I blocked him.

UniquePreparation4 · 2022-02-05T15:50:48+00:00

One has tried to worm his way back into my life. Even going so far as reaching out when I was vulnerable— our shared dog I kept passed away, and using that to re-establish a relationship. When I said no, if you need someone to talk to, talk to your girlfriend, he said “she’s actually in the room with me now, I’ll tell her you said hi.” Which made it even worse. When I dumped him he told me I was the one who got away. As if.

The more recent one 100% resents me. I took a peek at his social media after two years the other day, and he’s completely let himself go. I mean he looks homeless. I finally realized one of the reasons he was always so resentful was because I would never had let him turn into a couch creature like his new girlfriend has.

As for me? I moved cities and found my dream job. I got therapy and antidepressants and found a man who’s the nicest person I’ve ever met. I’m literally just embarrassed by these duds now.

Zeniite · 2022-02-05T10:16:29+00:00

4 months after breaking up, he emailed me about how he had a pair of my shoes and how he’d “circle back” to them at the end of the email. He went on and on about how he felt I was upset about things when he wasn’t and he felt like he was walking on eggshells and then would maliciously “step on the eggshells” and how he came to see the light about how poor his diet was, so he bought cookware and started cooking. Doing a quick search on Facebook, I saw that he had made multiple public posts related to cooking and I know it was so I would see them since we’re not friends on there. The email was overall confusing and aggravating, but ultimately he wanted to return the shoes over coffee because after dating around, he never found someone who gave him the same feeling as I did. I replied with one line, “Thanks. You can return the shoes to this address: (insert address here).”

LeaveMeAlone__308 · 2022-02-05T15:01:57+00:00

My ex during college was a narcissist, he never let me break up with him, he would harass me and my friends until I gave in. I moved out of the country after finishing my masters, almost as a way to get away from this guy. A year later he reaches out from a new number and says he's visiting my country as a tourist so can I let him crash at my place and show him around. 🤡 Anytime I get a text from an unknown number I worry it's him. I have moved again since (to yet another country) I stopped using social media and cut contact with all common friends so I hope he doesn't have an idea.

VeronicaCummingstone · 2022-02-05T12:24:33+00:00

10+ years after we had split up he still tries to use court case after court case to cause disruption within our lives yet he never has any intention of seeing our child.

Despite this being terrible this has all been logged formally and we are now in the position where he is going to have to face legal action against him for his continual disruption but also lack of involvement within his child’s life as it is a clear case of his use of coercive control.

fdsonlynoscrubs · 2022-02-05T16:22:13+00:00

They’ll sniff around and make your life hell until they move on to their next prey, but look up “grey rock” and just do that and they will go away after awhile. Good luck ♥️

luzsalta · 2022-02-05T13:04:00+00:00

I got a really good one for this! I was 19F and he was 23M, we were togheter for three years and we had the shittest relationship ever. December 2019 I broke up with him and blocked him in every posible way. My therapist said I didn’t need to reach him for a “mature final conversation” that my ex was so insistent about. It was narcissist bullshit to catch me again and use manipulative words to make me feel guilty about breaking up with a such nice and broken guy. After that, in February, he sent me a video, and listen: he recorded himself during TWO MONTHS and cried the whole time about how much he missed our relationship. Now he was sure he did thing wrong and wanted to apology, but at the same time he couldn’t believe that I broke up with him after he gifted me a trip to Bariloche (South Argentina). Like wtf I’m not staying with you just because a fucking trip that you used as an apologize for the bunch of mistakes you did before. In the same box he sent me with this video there were a couple of letters too. After one month ( I didn’t answer the whole box thing) he used a friend phone to send me the largest paragraph in the world just to make me feel guilty about not responding him and about forgetting all the gift and trips we made (dude whaaaat). Six month later, in my sister’s birthday, he sent chocolates for her and a letter saying he missed my family (but when we were together he used to insult them everyday). I messaged him telling I didn’t want him to send ANYTHING to my house and he used that moment to send me another sorry paragraph that I just responded with an “ok bye”. Several months later, my best friend told me he was reveling my intimate secrets and traumas to all the people he met just to make me look like the crazy one.

I’m glad I finished this relationship because now I’m free. And also I was glad I didn’t love him at the end of the relationship.

redrighthand01 · 2022-02-05T12:02:44+00:00

He came crawling back 4 years later. First high school boyfriend. He hadnt changed, no matter how many chances I gave him. The discard was brutal. They’re never worth a second chance.

kaitybubbly · 2022-02-05T16:23:53+00:00

Throughout those months after the relationship ending I hadn't blocked him on anything (pre-FDS me) and had attempted to maintain a civil friendship. (narrator: this did not work) He was an asshole to me on my birthday, bailed on our plans and by that point I was fed up. I blocked his phone number, Facebook, Whatsapp, Instagram, everywhere I could think of but had somehow forgotten to get rid of his Snapchat. Then while I was travelling in the Netherlands I saw his private snap story and laughed.

He posted a private snapchat story that only I could see about 6 months after the breakup, saying he wished he could turn back time/had a time machine to go back and do it all differently. I had just laughed and showed it to my mom because this man knew where I lived. He knew what behaviour I needed him to change and he did jack shit those months we were apart. He was expecting me to see this snap story and come back to him when he put in zero effort. I blocked him on there too after that and its been relief not hearing a word from him ever since.

sheistarr · 2022-02-05T17:06:24+00:00

I was married to mine. I moved into a rental place when he was out of town so he wouldn’t know where I went. In the separation agreement my lawyer suggested a no contact clause. When he was served the divorce papers, he must have signed them without reading. He emailed me and I forwarded it to my lawyer who took care of it. Never heard from him again. It’s been blissful being free of his abuse and finding my happiness again.

East-Willingness513 · 2022-02-05T09:56:51+00:00

Yes to everything you listed.

rokucityscroll · 2022-02-05T14:08:10+00:00

Not my experience, but my mothers experience with my father, her first and only husband.

Basically it’s been a complete nightmare for her and all of us. Per the terms of the divorce, he only has to give her TEN PERCENT of his income for both child support and alimony, and even though he makes well over $100,000 a year, he calls her and his children all the time to whine and cry about how much money it is and how my mom is an evil wench for stealing it all. In the state we live in most women get at least 50% even if they have a career, which my mom never had due to her doing 100% of the housework and child raising and homeschooling. He also has munchausens and pretended to have CANCER and ALZHEIMER’S last year to get my mom to move back in with him and take care of him, and my mom being the person she is, almost agreed because she truly thought he was dying and that she was going to have to handle everything. I could probably write a 600 page book just listing all the ways he’s tried to fuck her over after the divorce. When she left him after at least 5 years of begging him to go to couples therapy, he said she blindsided him and that he was “totally shocked” when he was served with divorce papers. He calls her all the time to bother her and try to get sympathy for his made up health problems (it is painfully obvious that there is nothing wrong with him). Here’s the kicker, he has a girlfriend now and he’s STILL doing this shit!!!

Now he won’t let her refinance the home we’ve lived in for 15 years and my mother is being forced to sell it. We have no idea where we’re going to live. Mind you, his minor child lives there (my sister). He’s potentially going to make his MINOR CHILD homeless out of spite for my mother. He is pure evil.

whatsonthetvthen · 2022-02-05T11:51:11+00:00

Imo my ex husband was one of these. Still 7 years later he makes comments about how things could have been different. In the throes of separation he bombarded me constantly with anger and threats and guilt tips (mostly) and love-bombing (minimally). He crossed every boundary I gave him or made me feel like shit about it. He put zero effort into our relationship and just expected me to put up with all his crap (addiction, mental health issues, and refusing any and all help being the main ones) and never put any effort into me or cultivating our relationship. 🤷🏼‍♀️

SwimmingAd9458 · 2022-02-05T10:39:33+00:00

Kept texting me constantly after breakup, because he still wanted to suck every ounce of verbal intimacy out of me. He acted like he hadn't dumped me ever although he had and sometimes he even had the guts to brag about his new dates. Eventually I had to block him.

lilarose8 · 2022-02-05T12:16:05+00:00

We’ve been divorced for 7 years and he still tries to find excuses to talk to me about our young adult kids to “coparent”. I have him blocked on everything but he still makes new numbers and emails every now and then. Once in the early days he even messaged me through a trivia game app we used to play. I saw him recently at a sporting event for my son and he came walking right up to me while I was chatting with another mom and said hey do I know you? thinking he was being funny. Then he made a gross comment, he said he liked my outfit, and also what’s under it. I don’t have to see him often but whenever I do it makes me cringe and I sometimes have bad dreams after that we’re still together and wake up feeling nauseous.

Sweet-Difficulty4150 · 2022-02-05T12:25:31+00:00

I got creepy notes and emails proposing threesomes for some time. I moved out and he put the notes inside boxes and several of my things so I’d encounter them later, after I’d unpacked and settled in my new house.

He also tried to take all my friends out on dates.

jackrusselterror1 · 2022-02-05T18:20:39+00:00

The break up itself was bad. I tried to leave eight times before it stuck (each time I tried to CoMmUnIcAtE, he’d block the door and argue and beg for hours. Eight hours was the longest. Eventually he’d wear me down and I’d agree to stay, thinking I’d sneak out the next day when he went to work, then he’d love bomb me or talk about how he’d change and I’d feel too guilty to run off). The day prior to the break up he forced himself on me, physically assaulted me, and someone in our building heard and called the cops.

Throughout most of the relationship he was just pathetic and whiny, nearly all his abuse could be under the Mr Sensitive abuser type. Before this incident, he was escalating from that mostly harmless type to obviously abusive: he went from begging for me to show him I loved him to driving the car erratically while screaming at me, he went from keeping me up at night to cuddle or beg for sex to physically holding me down to force me, he went from crying over losing at a video game to verbal tirades and breaking my headphones then blaming me for being in the apartment and breaking his focus.

Anyway, he talked his way out of charges, landlord who lived in the same building took me aside and told me if I needed to leave he’d let me off the lease and give a good reference. We went back into the apartment, it was eerily calm, I knew I had to get out and he probably thought I was too scared to leave, I sent off an email to work explaining that I was in the process of leaving an abusive man and needed a few days off, I sent a few emails to my BFF explaining what just happened and telling her to call me daily, if I go missing it’s my ex, she organized a bunch of people to help me out. The next day he went to work, the landlord wrote me off my lease and gave me my portion of the deposit, my friends rushed in and helped me pack all my shit with a UHaul, I took photos of how I left the apartment, left my keys with the landlord, I rented a storage unit for everything that wouldn’t fit in their garages, i couch surfed until I could get into a domestic violence shelter. Complete no contact, deleted social media entirely, changed almost all my passwords and my Pin, changed my cell phone number.

I said almost all my passwords. He was able to get into my Google account that I mostly used to back up my documents and created a shared document through Google Docs to beg me back. By the time I noticed the documents existence, it turned into death threats and insults, then went back to calmly talking about his day, then condescending, then desperation, then denial. It was 80 something pages. I made a new account, saved screenshots of his tirade to add to my pile of evidence in case I ever go missing or turn up murdered (not kidding, I have a binder).

He didn’t try to turn up at my job (we had security which is probably why), didn’t even know my friends so didn’t bother them, and my parents and I don’t speak. I moved states. He hasn’t bothered me in nearly three years, but I’m sure if he could find me or get access he would.

snacksntats · 2022-02-05T09:45:14+00:00

He still finds any any every way to try and drop into my life and start shit. Is blocked on everything, but 2.5 years on creates alt accounts and and stalks socials, tries to contact my partner and my family. Tries to rattle me. Just cannot let go.

bebestl · 2022-02-05T14:32:29+00:00

I dumped this man after 6 months of dating. I was Pre-FDS during this time.

I had surgery and he said he would visit me at my home.

He did not show up. So I dumped him over the phone.

Two weeks later he reached out via text to reconcile. I was not interested.

I maintained my decision and told him that there was nothing else to talk about. He continued to press me.

I said if you continue to message me, I am going to block you. And of course, I ended up blocking him.

A year later, he reaches out, over email! He writes this weird apology email, claiming that he felt guilty over the way he treated me and blamed his behavior on a cocaine addiction! He wrote the email with an abrupt ending which I believe was an attempt to prompt me to respond to his email. (Hoover attempt). I saw the email for what it was and deleted it.

He was my first relationship after my divorce. So I forgive myself for being vulnerable to a guy like that. I also suspect he had porn-sickness and also was low value in other ways. Lesson learned!

Skater_Babe_917 · 2022-02-05T13:19:24+00:00

Mine basically forced me to break up with him by doing exactly what he knew would hurt me. I don’t know if it was some kind of test and he thought he had me so hooked that I would never leave or what.

I had blocked him and about 4 months later (that I saw) he then proceeded to stalk me where I work. Didn’t get out to say anything to me just sat and watched from the parking lot to torture me. I let him know through a mutual friend that if he didn’t leave me alone that I would get a restraining order and I hadn’t seen him around since. That doesn’t mean that he does have his flying monkeys spying on me like he always threatened or find ways to stalk me through a third party. The only reason I would believe that he stopped stalking me (to my knowledge) is because he is under investigations.

I feel like it’s only a matter of time before he tries to get in my life again…🙄🙄

Primary_Wrongdoer931 · 2022-02-05T13:51:30+00:00

I dated a narcissist back in college and about a year post college. He had a girlfriend when we met but as a insecure and naive pick me, I was smitten by his behavior. He did guilt trip about many things once we started dated, looking back the red flags were endless.

After college his daddy got him a job in a new city. After I graduated, I moved there to be with him, per his request. He broke up with me for his bosses daughter after about 7 months of me being there. I was lucky I had an incredibly stable and well paying job, seeing as I had made zero support system. There was 6 month period when I remained a pick-me. Then had an awakening of sort and completely leveled up. I got very good at my job, watched videos on how to properly do make up and take care of your skin, joined sports leagues and made a few HVW friendships. He began trying to contact me on various platforms, text, Facebook, Instagram, email… I blocked him on all of them. He used a new number, tried different emails and even used Skype, which I never checked and had 8 messages from him when I did. Blocked those too. After about four years he got the point (or I had blocked him on everything).

Ladies, remember if it seems like a red flag, it is a red flag, and dump him. As OP says, let’s not fall for their bullshit any longer.

PeanutButterPigeon85 · 2022-02-05T17:24:55+00:00

Yes, he tried to reach out multiple times. Him: "I know I said I'd give you space, but there's more I need to say..." This was followed by a long, whiny, self-pitying, condescending email saying woe is him, this is so hard, how dare I just make a unilateral decision to break up with him, that's not allowed, he's just waiting for me to come to my senses, etc. And then in a later message, that he realizes that [insert list of selfish and manipulative things that he did] were bad, sowweee, he'll never get over this break-up never ever, etc., etc.

This is from the guy who cheated on me, tried to pressure me into an engagement before I felt ready, was chronically unemployed and blamed me for it, blamed me for his weight gain, lied to me about important parts of his life, you name it.

I never responded to any of his notes, and luckily he stopped.

TorchTheHaystack · 2022-02-05T13:43:36+00:00

He's still making new social media profiles a couple times a year to try and contact me.. It's been 16 years. No contact. 🙄

Kerrypurple · 2022-02-05T13:25:13+00:00

So the man I was married to for 8 years dumped me 3 months after I had our second child because he was having an emotional affair with a woman and she'd told him she wouldn't let it get physical until I was out of the picture. He could have just been open and honest about dumping me so he could be available to be with her but instead he told everyone it was because I'd had a 3 year long affair, had tricked him into conceiving our baby and was abusive to our older child.

The divorce took about a year and a half to finalize because he was fighting for custody of our older daughter and because abuse was being alleged a guardian ad litem had to get involved. He kept telling everyone, including the guardian, that he only wanted the older kid and that he wanted me to keep the baby. Of course everyone's reaction was, "if she's so abusive, why would you want her to have the baby?" He could not see the contradictions in what he was saying. Our older daughter was 5 at the time. He kept trying to give her false memories, "don't you remember when Mommy did this to you or that to you?" My daughter flat out told the guardian, "Daddy wants me to say bad stuff about Mommy" which let the guardian know she was being coached.

About 11 months into all this craziness, the woman he'd left me for decided she'd had enough and left him. He then started calling me up, begging me to come back to him and trying to convince me that we should try to stay together for "the sake of the children". I told him I might have been able to forgive the affair but I'd never be able to forgive him for all the lies he'd told about me and asked him if he really believed that I'd had an affair or if he'd made that stuff up. At one point he said yes, that he thought he'd driven me to it. At another point he said he'd just made it up because he thought it would help him get custody. I still do not know if he knows he was lying or if he convinced himself he was telling the truth. Throughout our relationship I'd seen him convince himself of things so that might be what happened. I know that during these 3 years I was supposedly cheating on him he never acted like a suspicious husband but I found out that during that time he'd told a friend of his that he'd walked in on me with another man. This was years before so it makes me wonder if there was another woman in the picture then and he was laying the groundwork for leaving me.

Anyway, he spent about 6 weeks calling me begging me to come back before finally giving up. I kept telling him I could never forgive him for the lies, especially the one about how our daughter was conceived because he had actually been the one to talk me into having another baby just to dump me immediately afterwards. If anyone was tricked, it was me. He just couldn't understand why I was still so upset about that and just rationalized it as, "well, I was trying to get custody, you said stuff about me too". But everything I'd said was true. He didn't seem to understand that there was a difference there.

Anyway, after he gave up on getting me back he immediately got involved with another woman and was engaged to her within a month. She was the first of about 7 girlfriends over the next 4 years before he got involved with his second wife, who he was with for 4 years. In the 8 years between our divorce and his second divorce he was always finding ways to antagonize me, constantly accusing me of not letting our daughter call him (she didn't want to call him, I had to force her to) threatening to call child protective services on me, my mother, and my brother, actually calling them on my second husband, accusing him of tying the girls to their beds at night (that made for a fun visit from the police on a Saturday morning). Then his second wife left him and suddenly he had someone else to focus all that negative energy on. Since then, he's gone out of his way to be friendly and civil with me.

Our oldest daughter decided when she was 14 that she wanted nothing further to do with him. She's 19 now and she tries her best to avoid him but he will still call her to complain about whatever woman he's with or about his second ex-wife so she reports back to me the things he says. He hasn't changed a bit. Every girlfriend is "the one" and he becomes engaged to them within 3 months of meeting them (needs to lock them down before they see his true colors). He's always talking about wanting to have more kids even though he can't afford the 3 he has and he's 49 years old and has to walk with a cane because he has MS so he wouldn't be able to keep up with a toddler, which just means the mother would be doing all the caretaking. He's also apparently exclusively dating black women (he's white). His profile pic is one of him with his biracial son who is very cute so that's what draws them in apparently. The woman he's dating now is from Africa and has 3 kids he hasn't met yet. They're "engaged" of course, one month into the relationship. He was talking to our younger daughter, now 15, saying "your sister this, your sister that". She thought he was talking about her actual sister. Turns out he was talking about the girlfriend's daughter that he's never met. She goes, "Dad, you can't call her my sister when I've never even met her". He didn't understand why this would matter to her but could tell it annoyed her so kept doing it over and over, just to annoy her. The funny thing is this is the kid he actually has a good relationship with even though he wanted nothing to do with her when she was a baby but he's starting to drive her away because of the way he's acting with these women.

The one plus side to all this is my daughters are seeing how a narcissist behaves and they know what to avoid.

theneverlandz · 2022-02-05T10:57:39+00:00

After the breakup, he would try to rub to my face about how he is so much happier without me... like how he goes to the gym and lose an amount of weight, and how he received so much compliments of his post break up glo up. Yes I am happy that you are happy. But I do not understand why he feels the need to tell me all these

Mrsbaz · 2022-02-05T14:29:29+00:00

He tried to get me to go to a My Chemical Romance concert with him 🤢 Like full out begged me to promise him I would even after we broke up. I texted him later that I wouldn't go because we were over and I was in a new relationship.

He goes; WELL I AM TOO! A few months later he got a girl pregnant, god bless her, I pray for her that she sees his ways before it's too late

T00del000 · 2022-02-05T16:23:01+00:00

Ooh I've been waiting on this one.

Back in HS I dated an LVex and we broke up basically because he had a "hard time saying no" when it came to his girl friends (which he had a LOT of for some reason).

After I broke up with him, he would call my friends to beg them to get me to talk to him, and my friends would relay the messages saying "He's really heartbroken 🥺 you should at least clear the air with him". So to get him off my back I basically told him I'm never getting back together with him, but we're cool.

This dude was EVERYWHERE. He was in the halls he knew I would be in, he was always in my classes even though we had no classes together, and I didn't eat lunch in the cafeteria to escape him so I would be in my favorite teacher's classroom on her break, and he eventually found me and terrorized me there. When he would do this he would talk to everyone in my class except me (which I didn't care I wanted him far away from me). He, and another girl I used to be friends with, would spread rumors about me to other kids in HS that made them stop being friends with me. So I only had like three friends. Oh, he also had a girlfriend around this time so he would bring her into the halls I was in and make out with her in front of me.

One thing I'll never forgive him for, I LOVED Drama Club. I LOVED Theatre. He HATED it, when we were together he would always make fun of me for being in Drama Club and complained that I was putting too much time into it. So when we broke up I assumed it would be the one place I wouldn't see him. Dead fucking wrong. When we would rehearse for the play, he would pull me aside and complain to me that I ruined his life and I broke my own heart leaving him and everything he did to me was MY fault. It was hell. He would also bring his girlfriend to Drama Club (she wasn't supposed to be there either) and flaunt their fake ass relationship in front of me (mind you I was never jealous, because when he wasn't with her he was terrorizing me, I wanted him away from me).

Even after we graduated, he would try to come to my house and talk to me, but my dad would chase him out with a bat.

This is just scratching the surface of what he's done. I was already traumatized from the relationship alone and I won't even get into that, but what he was doing after put me through YEARS of depression and therapy. And this was my FIRST relationship.

Now that he's out of my life completely I can FINALLY breathe. I feel so much lighter and I'm so picky on who I spend my time with. I'd much rather be alone and work on myself than be in another relationship like that where I felt like I was going crazy.

Stay safe out there ladies, it's tough.

Competitive-Donut589 · 2022-02-05T17:20:07+00:00

I suspect my ex to be a covert narcissist. He made 3 attempts in total to be in contact with me. I have ignored 2 of the 3 and thankfully he hasn’t contacted me again. The first time he did and when I responded, he never texted back so I blocked him. It’s been 1.5 years since breakup. However, his best-friend did bother me so much right after breakup, calling me to say he wants to date me etc etc and that my ex and him are not on talking terms because they had some fight. His best friend thought I would stoop so low and date him just to get revenge on ex. When they patched up things later on, his best friend says tells ex he pranked me by asking me for a date as he always wanted to prank me because I never fell for his stupid pranks. So my ex sent a breadcrumb text saying “Hey How are you? Heard from(best friend) he pranked you. I am sorry😂”. Blocked him forever and for good right there and then. And thats the last of it till date.

swaylyn · 2022-02-05T20:21:02+00:00

Gave me 2 blissful weeks of peace before he texted me with a pathetically false sense of entitlement rudely expecting me to answer. Was furious when I didn’t reply and refused to pay me the money he owed.

That made me mad, and I sent him a text and eradicated his existence in my phone. I’d rather him take his vindictive vengeance out on me by keeping that money which I always suspected he would do anyway bc he’s spineless yet filled with anger bc he’s spineless) than by doing something truly harmful to me.

I worked really hard to safely exit and relocate known locations I used to frequent. I was successful.

Always the rare chance we could run into each other but I 99.9% doubt that’ll happen. We live in different worlds.

Elena1684 · 2022-02-05T15:35:14+00:00

Mine left me and I went no contact after 4 months of begging. He hated this because he truly believed I’d still be there for him and I was until I wasn’t. He tried baiting me through the kids while simultaneously honoring my boundaries to maintain his image. I filed for divorce the day after I found out about his girlfriend.

Even after that he’d send stupid things like toilet paper, hand sanitizer and my favorite drink. I happily took his gifts and continued to ignore him. All my messages were from my attorney.

My kids let it slip that they have seen him driving by and he does ask them questions about me.

TLDR: he left, I cut him off and filed for divorce. He hates me because his divorce fantasy didn’t come true and because I didn’t fall apart. He has honored my boundaries but did bait me for a while through the kids.

Hateorade_ · 2022-02-05T21:38:02+00:00

It was pretty fucking hilarious. I broke up with ex about a year and a half ago after he ghosted me for 10 days. Once I broke up with him through text, he called and face-timed me (idiot) and he basically compared me and his previous girlfriend and how with me, there was trust and love and how with his other girlfriend she would be sus whenever he would do nice things for her (interesting, what did HE do to her?). Since I was in a bad place after the breakup, I decided to text him a day after to work on his communication (bad move #1) and asked if we could be friends (bad move #2) and he agreed. However, through therapy and talking to my amazing friends, I realized that that is not what I want and that I finally realize my worth. This past May, he called me once and I didn't answer. A few weeks later, he called me THREE TIMES and I didn't answer until he texted me basically saying that he wanted to "touch base" with me and see how I was doing. I was really sus so I was pretty firm and vague with my texts, and I asked him why now and why he wanted to catch up and he mentioned that he wanted to catch up as friends. When I asked him what a friend meant to him, he Google searched "friend", screenshotted the result, and sent it to me. That's what got me lmao--afterward, he got bitter, said he didn't want to hang out with me anymore, and said I was overthinking. I said the last word, basically saying do not invalidate me and treat me like shit and to never contact me again. He has been blocked since then on EVERY single platform.

Since then, he has not tried to contact me ever again and has not contacted me through his friends since I unfriended all of them. His family doesn't contact me either because I unfollowed them too (no disrespect, I loved and respected them, but I needed to establish those boundaries for me to heal).

Also, even his mom knew he was a POS. He ghosted me during the time when his mother was having a minor condition and when I had asked him how she was doing, he was gone. His mom told him that he didn't execute this whole thing correctly in the sense that instead of him ghosting, he should have communicated with me. But he couldn't even do that either. Also, in the past when I would contact her for her birthday and Mother's day, she would say jokingly, "If *insert name of ex* does something wrong, call me". Mother's know. He had a really crappy relationship with her and it showed in the way I was being treated. Block and delete is always the answer.

the-cool-hedgehog · 2022-02-05T23:14:58+00:00

Mine had lost interest in me after three years of being together and wanted to look for a new supply, but was very careful of holding up the narrative that he is the good guy, so he just amped up the emotional abuse so that I would be the one to leave him (there was no official reason for him to dump me). After I broke it off, sent me a drunken message one night, apparently hoping for makeup sex, removed the message next morning. Then drunkenly hit up on my BEST FRIEND one night, implying she's "easy to get" (I still can't digest this level of low). Nevertheless, had found himself a new naive girl soon and within a year after our breakup was married to her and knocked her up very soon, we haven't been in contact for years.

Purple-Try8602 · 2022-02-05T10:47:27+00:00

There’s no point in blocking them. They make fake accounts. Live / enjoy the heck out of your life. They’re watching and sulking .

CaliPenelope1968 · 2022-02-05T17:43:28+00:00

Ghosting
Getting in good graces with the kids by explaining what a timid victim he is

idiosyncraticg1 · 2022-02-05T21:42:32+00:00

Didn’t respect wishes of no contact so I had to block him everywhere and clearly told his family bad things about me after I had already blocked him because they all randomly blocked me. This was a year after the break up and about 4 months after I had blocked him everywhere.

zorua · 2022-02-05T23:03:52+00:00

He moved in with a girl he knew for less than 4 months. He was messaging her whilst telling me he still wanted to marry me and move in with me. She left her bf for him.

I went NC, havent heard a thing and its been glorious.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-02-06T08:18:07+00:00

created multiple accounts because was blocked on his main account. stalked me for 5 years. I changed my phone number and my email address. I went awol on social media.

I would receive "happy birthday" messages that included stuff he knew about me - they all sounded like terrorising attempts. they made everything about him, and he took a sick pleasure in knowing he ruined my birthday several times by reading his shitty messages from different numbers and different emails. he is a sick sick person, I think beyond narcissism.

tries reaching out to me every once in a while. he never understood that no means no.

a year after - hoovering. 2 years after - hoovering....

like a parasite.

PicoPicoMio · 2022-02-06T08:27:56+00:00

I’m currently in the midst of a divorce, so for practical reasons we’re at minimal contact. When we separated the first time he love bombed me and disregarded my no-contact request, he hoovered me back in. A few months before the second separation he had begun icing me out by not calling or texting me during the day (he would voraciously text his work friends instead) so by the time I left him, he was quiet and didn’t bother checking in on me. He had chewed me up and spit me out, so thankfully once the divorce is finalized I’ll never hear from him again.

Optimal_Grapefruit_5 · 2022-02-06T15:21:17+00:00

Kept contacting me and my mother for two years, just making sure everything was spaced out enough there were no grounds to report him but he could still feel in control.

Thing is even after breaking up I didn't harbour ill will, I just wanted nothing to do with him anymore. I was fine with separate lives. Then he started acting like he wanted to make sure I hated him. Some people would rather be hated than forgotten.

Title	Ladies, what are your experiences with a covert narcissistic ex after breakup?
Author	Throwawaylikehay
Upvotes	174
Comments	63
Date	February 5, 2022 8:44 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/sl2ecn/ladies_what_are_your_experiences_with_a_covert/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/ladies-what-are-your-experiences-with-a-covert.1099659 https://theredarchive.com/post/1099659

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