Mic drop.

Davina33 · 2020-12-05T21:35:28+00:00

So true. My three younger brothers were treated like little kings who didn't pick up after themselves. I was the eldest child and only girl. So I had to take care of them, learn to cook and perform household duties. I was robbed of my childhood because my parents made my brothers my responsibility while they were busing drinking and doing drugs. It's got to stop and I'm glad there are so many parents, well especially mothers teaching their some basic life skills. Women have to work full time as well and it's not on.

spicyspa · 2020-12-05T22:57:23+00:00

Season 4 of The Crown contains a case study of male coddling by Margaret Thatcher who had fraternal twins a boy and a girl. I don't know how accurate her relationship was with her children, but the fawning she did in the show towards her son was just repulsive. The son seemed like a colossal idiot. The daughter had to wait on everybody hand and foot. Even Margaret Thatcher would wait on the people in her cabinet and feed them dinner. Accurate or not it is believable given the women of that generation.

BananaSlugGhost · 2020-12-05T21:27:11+00:00

I will no longer participate in the man refurbishment program

AbundantOverflow · 2020-12-05T21:29:19+00:00

The saying that parents raise their daughters and coddle their sons is true.

I am often amazed at how few soft skills boys are taught.

Women are often told that they need to be a complete package: educated and independent but also fun and fuckable.

Men are often indirectly taught to lie, manipulate, and skirt their way to whatever they want. This is why so many of them are resentful of FDS women with standards. Their parents taught them that they are entitled to whatever they want without having to earn it, display empathy, or reciprocate. And this is how we end up with men who are professionally or financially successful and have zero interpersonal skills. Their definition of being a “catch” or complete package does not include things like kindness, respect for women, or emotional intelligence.

FlashyKardashy · 2020-12-05T23:29:44+00:00

Mothers coddling their sons is the primary reason for the pandemic of man children. However men as a class are feeling the affects too which will only increase. The failure of boys to grow into men breeds the incel culture and also the MGTOW culture. Every incel is a coddled entitled child and every mgtow man is a scrote whose marriage broke down due to his incompetence. You mix in that women work as much as men and men no longer have a strong role in society there is less and less that women need a man for. Also on a basic instinctive level women are not attracted to entitled overgrown children. Obviously pickmes will go out with these men out of sheer desperation but fds type thinking is spreading and these men will find it harder and harder to find someone to mooch off. You see this in the way that many women are choosing donor sperm to be a single mum. The pandemic of boys is only going to get worse before it gets better. Many mothers are going to learn a hard lesson when they have to look after their son well into adulthood due to his in capability to manage a ltr. Thanks mom.

Mcccy · 2020-12-05T23:12:46+00:00

Gotta love how 12 year old girls must be responsible, serious, quiet but smart, know chores and basic cooking, cleaning and be good at school, meanwhile the same parents think their son the 8th wonder cause he got one B+ this year. The bar for guys is in hell's 9th layer.

Erinelda · 2020-12-05T21:12:38+00:00

My sister says that she loved her girl but she feels a "special connection" to her son. He is going to be a future scrote for sure. I fully warned her about favoring him and letting him think he is amazing just for existing with a penis.

We fell out because she is going 80/20, in full Pickme mode and she called me "negative" for calling it out. This was even before FDS, I just have common sense. They work the same job, she parents, cooks, cleans, pays all sorts of crap ..and he takes the garbage out and asked her for a PS5 like a child.
I am just negative? Sure, Jan lol.

daisyinflux · 2020-12-05T20:11:31+00:00

And often setting expectations about how girls should behave that contradict each other and make it impossible to ever be right, good, and worthwhile. And we are offered crumbs for all our efforts while they are highly rewarded for...being men.

rf-elaine · 2020-12-05T20:55:59+00:00

This makes me want to be a lesbian so hard. Women are so beautiful, inside and out, but I just never feel that spark.

Like last summer, I walked out of my kitchen onto my back deck with a coffee. The hot guy next door was doing shirtless yoga in his backyard and I tripped down the last step.

SpaceC4se · 2020-12-05T20:35:57+00:00

This is good, but the hard truth is because everyone knows deep down that life is harder for women.

InternationalHope8 · 2020-12-05T21:11:36+00:00

Yup, imagine parents controlling a teenaged boy the way they control their teenaged girls. There’d be holes in the wall and broken objects everywhere.

missisabelarcher · 2020-12-05T21:58:58+00:00

I hate gendered expectations in parenting like "Boys are easier" and crap like that. It isn't easy to parent children, period. Babies can be hard. Toddlers can be jerks. Kids can be difficult. And parents have to raise them with little genuine social support.

The only reason little boys may seem easier is that people expect them to be rambunctious, hyper and active (which would describe MANY kids, not just boys) and look at that behavior somewhat indulgently-- and expect girls to be sweet, well-mannered and more compliant, and discipline accordingly. It's not because girls are innately those things, but because we weigh children down with gendered expectations FROM THE VERY BEGINNING OF THEIR LIVES. And those expectations shape how we interact with kids, who soak up everything and start to grow into those expectations.

When my son was born I very consciously dressed him in gender neutral colors a lot of the time, and I cannot tell you how many people seemed weird about holding and playing with him until they knew what gender he was. They didn't know if they were going to toss him around and play-roughhouse with him and call him stuff like little bruiser, or coo at him and tell him how adorable and cute he was.

I think a lot about how to raise my son, because my ex (his father) was spoiled like a golden child emperor. He was coddled, and his parents did everything for him. (When he found his paper route too hard in middle school, his dad did it for him and even gave him the money he "earned." To this day, his mom pays his cell phone bill at nearly $100 a month and does his taxes -- and my ex is in his late thirties by the way.)

As a result, my ex has no resilience and a massive sense of entitlement, and is pretty much a covert narcissist with both a chip on his shoulder and yet doesn't want to work hard for things he believes he deserves. He's a user basically, and people to him are just instruments to get him what he wants. He doesn't have much empathy for them if they can't do something for him.

I really don't want my son to grow up like this, but in a co-parenting situation it makes me seem like the "less fun" parent because I make him do chores, finish his schoolwork, etc. I do also try to raise him with a degree of emotional intelligence and empathy. But it's hard because he has little friends and a dad who act like jerks and tease my son for not acting that way. It sucks.

BetterToBeLonely · 2020-12-06T02:47:04+00:00

I don't find my boys easier than my girls at all. My girls are kind and have natural empathy. My boys on the other hand, need to be reminded of such a thing over and over and over. Although my younger one is a tiny bit better than my older one. I think because he is more social over all and is more motivated to follow cultural norms. I will be mortified if my sons end up being awful men. I'm not sure what all I can do though. Their LV father makes it difficult. He sets a bad example on many occasions.

AppointmentOver1657 · 2020-12-05T22:11:20+00:00

Women are raised with misogyny and men are raised with entitlement

Shoddy_Glam · 2020-12-06T00:55:26+00:00

No. Stop. I refuse to allow this structure to perpetuate through my son. I will not allow another woman endure what I have endured because of my actions.

I truly feel I have raised my son to be the a good package. I don’t know what the whole package even is, myself. However, I made damn sure that he had male and female role models that had characteristics that his piece of crap father was lacking and that he respected those traits.

I’ve also tried to instill in him to respect all of these people in his life who have helped raise him and teach him how to become a man. ALL of them, because, I allowed no one in his life (or his sisters) who wanted to teach them to be anything but their best selves. Part of being their very best selves is treat others and most especially their future partners as graciously and as well as they want to be treated.

He knows the woman he picks and the woman who picks him back, is the woman who stands right by his side. He knows that he is to show her love, kindness and respect at ALL times because love is always and grumpy moods are only temporary. He absolutely knows he’s obligated to take care of her just as much as she needs him to, for as long as she needs him to and she’ll take care of him right back. She is the Yin to his Yang. She comes before me, she comes before his sister, she will be the woman in his life and if he chooses her and she chooses him, we will love her also.

I realize that nature versus nurture will overcome, I want to say ”at some point”, but he’s 19 and some point is probably already here. However, I think I have a pretty unbiased eye when it comes to taking a critical look at my kids. He seems to be doing well.

Some of my family have had negative things to say because I have made relationships such a serious issue at such a young age. My reply is if not at a young age, then when? When it’s too late? It has to be serious before relationships start.

Maybe if my parents had made me realize relationships were serious at a younger age I wouldn’t have ended up in the situations that I ended up in.

(and yes... he does his own laundry, cooks us dinner, he’s going to college now but he also has learned how to work on his car from his uncle, learned basic carpentry and plumbing from his grandfather, learned how to clean house and cook from me and learned how to sew from his grandmother - I think he’s even learning to knit and surprising me with it. No he’s not gay. I’m sorry if that offended anyone but my cousins are rednecks and I often have to say that as a defense.)

Villanelloh · 2020-12-05T22:30:43+00:00

My ex is still coddled by his mother. He thinks women exist to serve him.

MummyCroc · 2020-12-06T06:18:23+00:00

I wanted to have daughters and ended up having 2 boys. I took it as my sign that I have to make any future daughter in laws life (if I have one) easier in the future.

I do not find raising boys to be easy. With my oldest, I have to teach him to be less rambunctious and more respectful of other people's belongings. The younger one is more chill and is learning from his older brother's example, so I put a lot of effort in having the older kid model positive behaviour for him.

Since both are still toddlers, I'm far from seeing the results of their upbringing. But so far, my oldest shows signs of being a responsible person. I hope i can keep them both on the right track so they can be great people everyone enjoys being around.

FabledAngryVillager · 2020-12-05T19:55:55+00:00

So fucking true

soundslikeautumn · 2020-12-05T22:59:02+00:00

Hit! The! Nail! On! The! Head!!!!!!!

2020-12-05T22:00:44+00:00

Ugh, I love my step family but this is true. Before my dad met his wife it was my mom, my dad, my sister and me. Then obviously my parents split up and a few years later he met his now wife. But she has 2 boys and 1 girl. The boys always got away with so much but the girl did not. They aren't far in age either. Its just sexism that gets passed down generation to generation that you don't realize until you self reflect on your own internalized misogyny.

Jolieftw · 2020-12-06T02:14:16+00:00

English is not my first language, I understand most of it... But that sentence I don't understand somehow.

cinderella_rising · 2020-12-05T20:29:20+00:00

This would be hilarious if it weren’t absolutely true so often!!!

Ok-sunshineflowers · 2020-12-06T06:05:43+00:00

THis made me laugh. PArents are like "wait issa boy?! meh we will do half and the wife got the rest"

Revolutionary_Gas161 · 2020-12-06T07:27:10+00:00

Real story: I had a friend back high school and was dating this guy who always wanted to act like an alpha male (by making insulting comments on women). When his mother came to visit him(we were international student), they slept in the SAME BED. At that time, he was almost 18. My friend just could not accept it and argued with him. He felt like he had done nothing wrong and said my friend was just too needy and ridiculous. I have also seen mother slept naked with her teenager (13,14) son.

EarthKveik · 2020-12-06T20:48:46+00:00

And if they spend any stretch of time on their own, you bet their health will suffer. There's a reason so many LVM look like a shitshow so young.

2020-12-05T20:34:46+00:00

i mean... it's true.

LundLand · 2020-12-05T20:48:42+00:00

Preach

tamingthemind · 2020-12-05T23:35:52+00:00

This is everything

Yoru123xx · 2020-12-06T01:55:07+00:00

Haven’t heard something more true wow

juliagh00 · 2020-12-06T12:35:32+00:00

True

2020-12-06T10:46:12+00:00

I had the exact opposite experience. My mom cuddled me and just wanted me to do what I wanted and be happy. I grew up with very poor life skills overall due to that and it's something that really takes a toll on your life as an adult - but were I to be a man and no one would comment on that! Being a woman, seems like you'll always lose. Men can be useless in their teenage/young adult years and no one bats an eye. A girl on her 20s who doesn't know how to cook? Blasphemous! I ended up learning everything at college.

I was supposed to have a brother but my mother miscarried and was so traumatized she didn't try again. I oftentimes wonder what life would have been had he survived. My father, on the other hand, was very strict with me while my mom came behind his back and acted the exact opposite, undoing all his rules. It would be funny if it weren't so tragic!

Still, I feel very fortunate to have had such a loving mother. All the other women in the family tried their hardest to try and "educate" me the traditional way, which was why my mother never got along with them and kind of pushed them away so I had very little contact with my dad's side of the family until I was in college. Don't regret it one bit. She's still my favorite person in the world despite her huge flaws, but I'd say I don't really see her as a mother, more like a sister, because of this. I sometimes wish she'd had more of parenting persona but then realize she did her best and it's inspired me to, if or when I have children, raise them equally.

spicyspa · 2020-12-05T22:51:29+00:00

Oh damn.

me-a-troglodytam · 2020-12-06T02:03:37+00:00

One of my boyfriends was great and raised perfectly, but we eventually broke up because he had to move abroad.

My recent ex was pretty good, but not as good as or better than the good one, so it didn’t really go far

Title	Mic drop.
Author	AbundantOverflow
Upvotes	5734
Comments	101
Date	December 5, 2020 7:50 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/k7edfl/mic_drop/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/mic-drop.328602 https://theredarchive.com/post/328602

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