“Under the patriarchal rules they ascribe to, providing financial support should come with the promise of control.”

Kimpractical · 2021-10-30T21:18:02+00:00

I believe this and it’s crazy to me. I don’t have children but if I did, there would be no amount of money that would keep me away from them

husheveryone · 2021-10-30T18:26:03+00:00

Yes, and when they get called out for not requesting 50/50 or EOWE custody like a normal parent in 2021 would, they then claim the family court system discriminates against men.🙄 Even though study after study has shown that men get custody 70% of the time they bother to ask for it. “If he wanted to, he would” also applies to abandoning their own kids.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2021-10-30T18:43:57+00:00

Damn, sis just nailed my NV father to the wall. Money equalled control and access over my mother and sisters and it was the only form of connection he cared for because it was the only one that gave him power.

Don't get involved with these types and don't even consider children with them.

Jaelismyhomegirl · 2021-10-31T02:31:31+00:00

This is true. I have a friend whose ex-husband tried to propose an alimony agreement stating that he only had to pay alimony until he got remarried.
On what world did he think that was going to work? His lawyer should have smacked that agreement out of his hand.

MsWriteNow07 · 2021-10-30T20:21:27+00:00

Brilliant deduction. And I feel “control” here is a bit of a euphemism. There’s a reason that men who are still able to extract or feel they can extract sexual favors and return for supporting their own child don’t complain about child support. Many of them pay extra. But a man who no longer has access to his ex’s body in return for supporting his own child feels cheated and is angry.

excusemeILY · 2021-10-30T19:09:36+00:00

She is explained it so thoroughly, I’m speechless

Painfulmenstruation · 2021-10-30T17:49:59+00:00

That’s so true. It’s always about control with LVM.

Determinedblonde · 2021-10-30T20:12:57+00:00

So they want to control their exes? What don’t they think about their kids?

DieMadwithScrotacity · 2021-10-31T01:43:20+00:00

Men will literally torpedo their own lives and sink to lowest depths of hell, just to avoid paying child support. They will quit jobs, work under the table, leave the country, live off grid, and move into their parent's or new girlfriend's house, just to avoid supporting their own children. They will impoverish THEMSELVES, rather than pay a dime to a woman they no longer have sexual access to. That level of resentment and anger over loss of control should be considered absolutely delusional and psychopathic.

But they get away with it. And everyone wants to cry for them about how hard done by they are and how their eVuL eX has ruined their life because they have to pay to support the children they created. It's sickening how often women are bullied into accepting low or no child support, usually while also being pressured to sing her ex's praises to their children with a big smile on her face. If mothers acted the way fathers do about their parenting obligations, I swear all our kids would be feral.

Some-Air9442 · 2021-10-30T18:15:28+00:00

This is exactly right. And when men don’t feel like they should pay child support or fulfill responsibilities, guess who pays? The rest of us.

Male promiscuity is taxpayer subsidized and subsidized by cheap/free female labor.

When will we say no?

arnezuara · 2021-10-30T18:17:52+00:00

Exactly this.

So many men abandon their parental responsibilities without leaving their families, too.

iwanttobesobernow · 2021-10-30T20:57:01+00:00

Consider it a blessing when they do abandon them.

50/50 standard is a huge scam that reenforces patriarchal supremacy under the guise of “equality”. It’s actually an extension of the legal history of viewing children as property.

Not only do abusive and low value men weaponize custody as a means of torturing women, but also 50/50 shouldn’t be standard in court until it’s standard in reality.

Men that actually perform 50% of childcare are unicorns, so the courts are really just forcing the child to be away from the parent that wants them. Then men outsource the childcare to school/daycare or worse a new pickMe gf eager to play house with someone else’s kid. It’s fucked up.

I’m all for men having access to their kids if they want to and can be good parents. But courts need to put more effort into maintaining how the kid was cared for pre-separation.

Most importantly, protect your womb. I’m going through this with a lvx right now. He thinks he’s entitled to the baby that lived inside me for 9 months and was cared for primarily by me for his entire life. I haven’t been separated from my son for more than a few hours in his entire life. It’s going to be traumatic for both of us to be separated, but the dad just says I’m “codependent” (with our baby!?).

My son isn’t even 1.5 years and this man already left and probably never had any intention of being a family. He used me for a surrogate, after convincing me he was decent up until the baby was born. Everything about pregnancy and childbirth change you fundamentally, and he felt entitled to all of that labor.

I’d much rather he just not pay child support than rip this baby from me just to put him in daycare.

MsXxSelfDestructxX · 2021-10-30T21:23:12+00:00

My lvm brother would always complain and get upset that his ex wife put child support on him stating he would rather not have a "middle man" of child support and just give her the cash money directly to 'support' his kids. I don't think he quite grasps that his ex wife wants nothing to do with him and absolutely no contact but he still has an obligation to support the kids he helped MAKE. Meanwhile my pick-me narcissistic mom is always front row to give my brother ways to avert the Child Support Dept from garnishing his pay by taking him to the bank asap to withdraw the cash or lending him $$$. And my parents always wonder why I have such a sour attitude about the kind of crap behaviors they exposed me to growing up.

edit: words, lots of typos

Golden_Lavender · 2021-10-30T19:29:02+00:00

I watched a tiktok about how men speak through power and this is basically a reflection of that.

Edit to add link too video: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8mo2BjP/

divine_intrvtn · 2021-10-30T22:57:49+00:00

My children’s sperm donor said he’d rather leave to Mexico than to financially support his kids after I left him. He had this idea that I’d spend the money to be with other men, so he held out to exert some control. He abandoned my 3 littles, and went to play house and had 2 other children with 2 young girls. Still had the audacity to tell me to respect his wish to not have another man around. He’s incarcerated now, but he’s only gave my eldest $100 bucks for a theme park pass since I left him 4 years ago and that’s because she asked him.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-10-31T10:18:38+00:00

wow! this theory can also translate to men who boil over the fact that the woman os a higher earner than they are. it's that loss of control that they experience. financial coercion over someone gives them a high. take that possibility away and you see them trying to lie to someone else.

Z3z6 · 2021-10-30T21:05:24+00:00

Damnnnnn. That nail just got squarely hammered on the head and driven home.

BasketLow8411 · 2021-10-31T04:43:11+00:00

🤯this makes so much sense. Why hadn’t I thought of this before??

katiekat0214 · 2021-10-31T01:22:58+00:00

My wanna-be rather stupid online chat stalker is this to a tee. His one talent is changing nicknames so I've dubbed him The Idiot With 10,000 Names. Basically, he wants to get married soooo bad, thinks I'm super hot (nah, I'm 53 and plain/average). He knows I have mad wife skills from being married twice for 25 years, and he inevitably has a kid or two.

And yet, nothing about him appeals to me: I have my own money, my own house, my own life. Been there, done that with marriage, no thanks to a third time. No thanks to living with someone else. Only living apart together, separate finances. Absolutely no extra cooking, cleaning, raising someone else's child when I have no kids very much by choice, so I damn sure don't want anyone else's. Add to that he's every single thing I dislike in a person and especially in a man: traditional, close-minded, black and white thinker, rather dim, conservative, conventional, not all that educated, hobosexual, religious, etc.

And then, invariably, the screeching and screaming begins. He gets all butthurt every single time I assert my wants and needs, and that particular boundary: not going to link myself legally to any man again. I only *look* nice and sweet.

We have the legal option of divorce (and/or annulment) but marriage is serious business. It opens up a woman to some serious abuse in every regard, especially once kids come along. Once kids do come, you're linked with that man for life. Every single decision involving the kid and money means contact with the ex. No regrets, only joy at not having kids, but having two marriages, both for love, the second one very happy for 17 years. Control of one's own life is just everything.

TellCerseeItWasMe · 2021-10-31T02:20:47+00:00

Speechless

fallen-summer · 2021-10-31T02:10:14+00:00

Preach

“Under the patriarchal rules they ascribe to, providing financial support should come with the promise of control.”

Comments

"Golddiggers" represent anxieties about the powerless male. If women have money/and or resources, she can leave🤷.

Title	“Under the patriarchal rules they ascribe to, providing financial support should come with the promise of control.”
Author	catgirlmoonqueen
Upvotes	1555
Comments	61
Date	October 30, 2021 5:46 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qj6ljm/under_the_patriarchal_rules_they_ascribe_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/under-the-patriarchal-rules-they-ascribe-to.1080928 https://theredarchive.com/post/1080928