What are your dealbreakers?

velocity2ds · 2019-12-16T16:37:00+00:00

uses any bigoted slurs
big drinker (I like guys who don’t drink to get fucked up)
politically conservative
thirst follows on ig
no emotional intelligence
no care for social issues

jas_jas_ · 2019-12-16T13:25:37+00:00

All of what you mentioned except I don't care about them having a car.

On top of that:

Men who emotionally vomit all over me

pinkyberries · 2019-12-16T15:14:07+00:00

Use Snapchat

Lol i know right. So alarming.

He's either a child or a cheater/fuckboy.

Ms_Tilly · 2019-12-16T13:02:38+00:00

I'm not even after anything serious with men and never want to live with one again, but they can't even get past my simple dealbreakers like "must text back (or call) in a timely manner" and "must put in effort to get effort and not get dumped". Also, if your dick doesn't work, you still have to be affectionate and attentive and get ME off. I'm too young and HOT to be celibate in a relationship.

ins0mnikat · 2019-12-16T17:36:14+00:00

Reading all these dealbreaker lists make me so sad. This is all stuff that women will do without hesitation and yet some men get flabbergasted when you even ask them to wash their balls.

-sweetwater- · 2019-12-16T14:16:51+00:00

Aside from the obvious no fuckboys, no secretly married or poly, no liars:

no heavy drinkers or drug users
no self pity or self destructive tendencies
no couch creature lifestyle
not socially inept
he must make within $20k of my salary
no mommas boys

h8lyf · 2019-12-16T13:29:09+00:00

virgin -republican -hasn’t been in a long term relationship before -not affectionate -clingy -the jealous type -wants to get into the entertainment business (if he’s not even trying and won’t get a normal job in the mean time) -hasn’t had a close female friend or a sister -drinks too often -hunts or fishes -fetishizes my race and culture

Edit: forgot to include - not taking accountability for his actions - doesn’t learn from past experiences and has it out for girls because of it

remquarqk · 2019-12-16T15:10:33+00:00

-unintelligent (academically and emotionally, both are important for me)

-doesn't understand my sense of humor/bad or nonexistent sense of humor (usually indicates lower emotional intelligence)

-internet addictions or video game addictions (especially the shooter games)

-doesn't have goals for living a stable financial life

-cares too much about luxury, nonfunctional items

-doesn't like traveling

-can't go with the flow (I like planning to some extent, but if we're on vacation I don't want the guy to get OCD about every moment and not be able to improvise together)

-doesn't take an interest in any of my interests

-doesn't like museums because they are "boring"

-cannot talk about visual art, music, or movies beyond "I like that"

-doesn't read fiction (sci-fi is fine, but sci-fi only is also a red flag because it shows they do not like reading about normal characters with normal emotions)

-not aware of their body and can't adjust their diet and exercise routine when they gain a few pounds (gaining a little weight is not a deal-breaker for me, because on holidays sometimes that happens---but if you don't take steps to become aware and adjust for it, that shows you're a bit delusional or avoidant about what you look like)

-makes fun of stereotypical female interests

-gets defensive when feminism is brought up in discussion

-gets defensive in any political discussion---cannot have a balanced debate and resorts to ad hominems, etc

edit: adding -deeply religious (I've been an atheist since I was 6 or 7 and have never wavered, someone deeply religious would just be incompatible with me)

s_slayer · 2019-12-16T18:18:32+00:00

Smelly men who have halitosis, body odor, greasy hair, etc. I mean once you’re in a relationship it’s fine if you stink once in awhile, but early on you can’t manage to smell good? Dealbreaker. Men who are in their 40s and still hanging out at bars. Financially reckless. Lots of debt. Kids under 12 (dated a 45 yr old with a 3 yr old. Never again. The ex ruled his life). A meddling ex-wife. Lack of ambition/poor ideas for the future. If you are saving up to buy a hot dog stand, that’s a no from me, dawg. Substance issues of course. Boring. Boring men are the worst. Men who love routine and and lack spontaneity and a sense of adventure. Lazy men. Liars. Porn users and anyone who follows IG girls and the like. Sorry if that eliminates 90% of men, I’m not lowering my standards. Broke men. Life is short and you can’t do anything fun with these guys because you’d have to be paying for everything all the time. I’m not into Netflix and cheap pizzas every time. I like to travel and go to nice restaurants and all that.

Celestine87 · 2019-12-16T13:29:10+00:00

-writes hi

-doesn't play video games - I play, and I want a gamer, a strategic mind, who is able to beat me in a game or at least be equal to me.

-sexist

-grossed out by female body hair and periods

-wants children (but ofc he will just do the kodak moments thanks)

-is a devout Christian or muslim, I escaped religion and don't want more of it in my household

-hates or strongly dislikes dogs

-is in any way repelled by feminism

-is proud to say he doesn't own any books

-doesn't read online dating profiles

- any kind of infidelity, including porn, waifus and fantasies.

EDIT

- strange fascination with Asia, particularly Japan, is NEVER a good sign. Never.

khle1234 · 2019-12-16T18:29:17+00:00

rude to my parents / friends
discourages me to follow my aspirations
tells me to critique on my own body
tells me what to not wear
doesn’t control how much they drink
doesn’t try to understand my culture and values
thinks that woman should stay in the kitchen
not open minded (from food to conversation topics)

idiosyncraticg1 · 2019-12-16T15:16:29+00:00

Context: young 20s

Aside from the obvious (liars, players, racist, sexist, hates feminism, etc):

-much older men

-guys who downplay my career when I probably make more than him (this could actually be very subtle and you don’t realize it’s happening unless you’re looking for it)

-guys who only talk about their careers

-someone who doesn’t like exploring and just wants to sit at home or Netflix and chill

-doesn’t have bachelor degree

-doesn’t pay on dates

-doesn’t take care of appearance

-GUYS WHO ARE RUDE TO WAITERS AND OTHER STAFF

-those who like or have dated girls who are more than 4 years younger than them

-passive aggressiveness

-plays games and pretends to be uninterested!! This was one thing in college but I’m too old for that shit now

-DOESNT KNOW HOW TO COOK BASIC STUFF. Again, I’m done with college dudes

-has kids. I wouldnt mind dating a man with kids in a few years but not now.

husheveryone · 2019-12-16T13:14:17+00:00

Edit: context for me is 43 introverted AF widow/mom who only casually dates 35+ dads who will never meet my kids & vice versa

2nd Edit: No Mr. Passive Aggressive BS. I fucking hate passive aggressive behaviors in any human being, in any capacity. Period.

No separated or recently-divorced dads
No man who smokes or does drugs
No lovebombing
No dads who fail to take all of their custodial time
No one culturally illiterate
No man who has never been tested

iasminag · 2019-12-16T12:51:54+00:00

I don’t date men who:

play video games
don’t have respect
don’t like animals
hate children (mostly in a ‘can’t stand them’ sense)
don’t tale care of themselves
don’t give me attention and affection

levelupcleverup · 2019-12-16T22:05:07+00:00

I’ll only date a man who:

-Has a bachelor’s degree (at minimum) -Has a professional career -Believes in God/is religious -Is traditional, and wants marriage and children -Is respectful (doesn’t swear excessively, doesn’t discuss sensitive topics without preexisting emotional intimacy already in place) -Is chivalrous, holds doors, holds my hand, pays for dates -Shares my views on sexuality and sexual involvement -Has a healthy relationship with OR perspective on their family of origin -Is self-aware, treats themselves and others with respect, and is a good communicator

hoIds_up_spork · 2019-12-16T15:50:59+00:00

poor
bigoted
has kids
no degree
married/separated/divorced
virgin/no relationship experience
recently broke up
watches porn/follows "titty streamers"/follows IG models/loves hentai
has bigger tits than i do (and im a 28H)
small dick
won't go down on me
short
calls women he doesn't like karens, cnts, btches
idolizes elon musk
plays video games
works in finance or investment banking
is a cop/military/any job where he carries a weapon
more than 1 year younger or 5 years older
favourite movie is fight club/favourite director is tarantino
makes fun of female dominated interests/genres/etc
has a female bff/is still friends with his ex gf or ex fwb
has a beard (stubble is ok)
heavy drug use (including weed/alcohol) and any hard drug use
has social anxiety, depression, or another major untreated mental illness

nruthh · 2019-12-16T20:57:02+00:00

I have a lot of deal breakers. I can't even list them all here, so I'll preface this by saying the obvious things like negging, ignoring boundaries of ANY KIND/being pushy, and any classic narc red flag is an immediate termination. Also, yellow flags require two to be a deal breaker, all else are basically a no from jump.

So, I won't seriously date men who:

Hate or actively dislike kids. Not wanting kids is something different, but a grown adult who hates kids is not a person that is emotionally mature or trustworthy.
Are mama's boys. Been there, done that.
Have roommates
Don't own a car
Make less than six figures
Don't have at least a bachelor's \yellow**
Silver spoon upbringing \yellow**
Racist
Conservatives (U.S.)
Lack basic emotional intelligence
Can't talk about a wide variety of topics \yellow**
Don't give credit where credit is due; i.e., they must genuinely express gratitude or praise regarding their friends publicly and with regularity
Don't have a sister or close female friend
Don't take care of themselves physically. (\Yellow flag: been really fat in the recent past*)*
Heavy drinking or drug use
Can't cook
Treat foreplay like a chore, or like an appetizer before the main event.
Use porn regularly, watch violent porn, and/or get so defensive about their porn intake that they can't have a rational discussion about it
Aren't open to correction
Say "sorry" very rarely \yellow**
Never cry or cry too much \yellow**
Buy into TRA nonsense or would call gender critical or radfems TERFs

...There's more, I'm sure, but off the top of my head, those are deal breakers alone or if combined with just one other one.

HeroForHire369 · 2019-12-16T14:08:30+00:00

I will NOT date men who:

- Watch porn and hentai

- Do not have a decent career. Must be a good career for a provider role. Example: lawyer, doctor, architect, designer, engineer, programmer, accountant etc. NO teachers. NO dead end jobs. NO models/actors/DJ/personal trainers

- Do not have at least a bachelor's

- Follow Instagram models/influencers, thots on Switch

- Are too short for me (he must be at least 5'7); Are overweight; Are bald; Are unatrattactive. Must be at least a 6/10

- Are single dads

- Do not have at least similar hobbies to mine. My hobbies include traveling in West European and East Asian capitals where I love visiting museums, exploring temples/churches/typical places etc., dining out, some anime and videogames (innocuous one like Pokemon and Final Fantasy. NO LOLICON SHIT.), art and design, fashion, taking care of plants and animals. NO picky eaters

- Are culturally illiterate

- Are hooligans like (if he likes sport it is ok, but not in a obsessed way)

- Do not have any social media like Facebook or Linkedin, shady about information. If after becoming official they do not post a picture with me clearly saying she is my GF, it's over

- Do not offer. If he splits 50/50 I will never see him again and block him

- Are not tidy and groomed. No dirty men.

- Do not have his own place to live. No men who still live with family or roommates.

- Have mental illness; Have a criminal past; Have STDs; Do not want to use condoms

- Are alcoholic. A few drink sometimes is ok but no hangovers/partying. No drugs.

- Are too jealous OR the opposite; Are too cool and aloof

- Are from a dangerous family, are strongly religious

- Do not believe in marriage and engagment ring, do not give decent gifts

- Travel / traveled to SEA alone (big risk of sexual tourism)

- Want a SAHM but at the same time expect her to keep working full time even after having kids.

- Want to live in the countryside or in a dangerous country. I am a city girl and I will keep living in big cities in Europe, East Asia or NA.

- Want more than 2 kids

- Hate animals

pinkyberries · 2019-12-16T15:24:20+00:00

Same, honestly.

I will never date a man who:

Drinks a lot or does any kind of drugs (yes, even weed. i refuse to date potheads)
Very active on social media and not for the right purposes
Compares me to other women or comments on other women's booty pics/bikini pics
Has a female 'best friend' or 80% (or more) of his friends are female. Red flag.
Does not have a degree in a 'boring' subject (aka not a doctor/lawyer/accountant/architect or any other good 'boring' job)
Wants to be an artist/poet/singer. You want to draw? do it in your free time, i'm trying to settle down sweetie. He will most likely not settle down until he's 40 because he cannot afford marriage or kids
Dresses badly because his mom would buy his clothes until he was 19
Hates his mom/way too close to his mom
Tells me how to dress or says "Don't wear anything with a cleavage"
Doesn't like kids or animals

PalanixYT · 2019-12-16T21:17:40+00:00

do you mean masturbation in general or masturbation to porn?

jalapenopancakes · 2019-12-16T16:46:32+00:00

-Excessive video games - I personally appreciate some games and I see the point. Many are like art. The problem is that many men depend on them for escapism.

Porn use
Doesn’t read or consume media for learning’s sake
Unemployed
Underemployed
Doesn’t travel
Liberal “feminist” - pro prostitution, pro trans, pro BDSM ,pro porn, pro women’s subjugation basically
Can’t cook
Can’t do laundry
Doesn’t clean
Doesn’t work out
Doesn’t like sports (hockey is HUGE to me, and I need a man who appreciates it)
Excessive drinking
Excessive pot use
Untreated mental illness
Super pro Trump
Ethically non monogamous
Religious social conservative
Socialist (ask me why lmao)

perhapsbutnottoday · 2019-12-16T14:35:02+00:00

has children below the age of 10
never travelled outside of his country -short -gut/ beer belly. For what? You have one hormone that keeps you active, I have 2 fighting for dominance every 14 days -his shoes, nails and smell are ugly and dirty, long and dirty, ripe and dirty in that order
mama’s boy
hates his mama
never met his dad
works in the same circles or industry. And ditto to all the previous posters!

soxychamp · 2019-12-16T14:44:47+00:00

asks for separate checks on the first few dates
has man boobs or a pudge, not fit
posts too much on Facebook or social media unironically
the party, clubbing type
negs me during the early dating stage
no sense of style (nothing against it, but I’m a stylish person so he has to be able to appreciate my effort and also keep up)
poor hygiene: BO, unkempt hair or clothes
bad teeth
too old
too much facial hair (nothing against it, I have a youthful style and neotenous face I don’t want to look like I’m dating an uncle)
no Bachelors degree
low confidence or shy
works or has worked in MLM
poor sense of respect or empathy towards women’s issues and rights (for example if he thinks prostitution is a empowering line of work, or he “wished he got catcalled or harassed”). This will be an indicator of how he sees women he dates. That said, he doesn’t even have to be a feminist cos no man can adequately be a feminist. He just has to understand that women have it worse in this world, and for the love of God won’t make it even worse
hates on popular things just because (like superhero movies or pop music). These people have a superiority complex.
no Jordan Peterson bullshit.
uses OLD

_robynn_ · 2019-12-16T14:19:26+00:00

drink
Smoke
Anti-feminism
Not like Taylor Swift for her personality (I don’t care if they don’t like her music)
Use slurs
Sexist, racist, homophobic, ableist
Like trump in any way/shape/form
Not affectionate
Does not have a hobby
Doesn’t have less than a B in most classes
Doesn’t read
Listen to problematic musicians

nosilladnasemaj · 2019-12-16T18:50:30+00:00

Mostly all of the above except I don't mind video games. As long as we're not talking addiction level shit. I play with my kids sometimes. To me it's no different than playing board games or good all fashioned crazy eights. Whatever makes you happy.

Also anybody who has kids he doesn't take care of. Every other Saturday does not a dad make. I don't care why. Ur not actively involved in your own offsprings life u can't be involved in mine.

venomoth91 · 2019-12-16T18:58:21+00:00

I will not date men who:

-Get jealous easily because I have platonic male friends

-Are basic bros (their only interests are football and Bud Lite)

-Are more than 2-3 inches shorter than me (I’m 5’9”)

-Get upset if I wear heels

-Don’t work out or eat healthy

-Don’t want to live in a big city (I grew up in a small town and I hated it)

-Are content just working a boring 9-5 job (I’m an artist and entrepreneur, so I prefer creative guys who are similar to me)

-Have no fashion sense

-Don’t use social media or thinks it’s stupid/shallow that I use IG and YouTube for my career

-Criticize me and give unsolicited advice (my last ex did this a lot)

-Get angry over little things (my last ex also did this a lot)

-Aren’t 110% excited about being in a relationship with me

-Won’t go to clubs and music festivals with me

-Doesn’t want me dressing sexy in public or on Instagram

Shit, my list is super long.

ms_monquis · 2019-12-16T22:00:30+00:00

is married

Seems ridiculous to say, but I’ve lost track of how many people who have tried to argue with me about it. But they’re separated! But it’s been over for years! But she knows all about it! But they’ve got whole separate lives! But he’s going to file soon!

Corollary: divorced is fine, but if it’s fresh enough that “ex” comes up more than, oh, once on a first date/convo, you ain’t ready, bub.

littlecuterose · 2019-12-16T14:37:44+00:00

-men who are promiscuous/have a high n count

-are lazy and can’t clean (basically looking for mommy 2.0)

-want a family (I can’t stand kids more specifically babies)

-have addictions of any kind

-are fat

-have bad hygiene

-doesn’t have any real ambitions

-is a weeaboo or a brony

-is a republican/conservative

-is overly liberal

-is in general a shitty person (condescending/narcissistic/demanding, etc.)

Celestine87 · 2019-12-16T16:20:27+00:00

I will not date men who

Lie * Currently use porn/have otherwise bought sex/go to strip clubs * Have cheated on their exes * Smoke or chew tobacco * Have excess facial hair/bad oral hygrine/ are too muscular or fat * Are not vegan / don't like animals * Expect me to cook or breed , I can fix things around the house and change oil so don't go there * Don't recycle * Are religious * Have bad taste in movies * Are bad spellers * Are children of divorce /hate their parents * Are angry drivers/rude to service workers * Have served in the military * Are in a band * Spend hours a week in the gym * Aren't immaculately clean in body and home * Boss me around in or out of bed or vice versa *

Into social media beyond FB , into tech, anime, gaming, team sports are also turnoffs

You can be poor and live in a cabin or beach shack sleeping on the floor with no electricity and smoke weed and take hallucinogens as long as you're not homeless and pay your bills and can travel a bit, no goals is okay too , IDC. Have a brain and ethics, opinions, good family relationship and taste in entertainment and we are good

SingleDadSoundcloud · 2019-12-17T02:29:36+00:00

Tbh yall nailed it with the lists. The only thing u can think to add is when we have the inevitable conversation about our exes, if he isn't honest fully or denies any part was possibly his fault and demonizes his exes.

Example: not long into dating mentioned he cheated twice in past relationships. Down the line, story changed to only once and "wasn't even full on sex."

Always talked awful shit about these women. I admit I have been in toxic relationships. But there had to be some reason you stayed or liked them. He was almost obsessed with talking shit about them, till the end of our relationship, even sometimes saying behaviors I did were like specific ones. Like named them. "You're being like so-and-so right now." We dated two years. Big red flag.

Refuse to date a man who can't accept he's made mistakes and admit to them, or demonizes exes.

Disclaimer: promise I'm a woman, this username is just hilarious to me 🤪

CuriousCatNYC777 · 2019-12-16T14:22:50+00:00

• Trump supporter

• Watches porn

• Plays video games

• Atheist / Agnostic

• Has kids with different women

• Broke

• Unintelligent

• Has never traveled outside of the USA

• Short

• Ugly

• Face Tattoos

• Sloppy, Unkept Dresser

• Does or has done any kind of drug

• Has any criminal history

• Follows Instagram Thots

• Is a professional Actor

• Poor Hygiene

• Not physically fit

There are many more...

ShadowoftheGrimoire · 2019-12-16T17:19:32+00:00

I refuse to date men who:

=Don’t have a full time job for longer than 6 months

=Leave their jobs at the drop of a hat

=Have never lived on their own/ Have always lived with their parents

=Are Asian/Indian—-

this might be controversial as it gets into the race category, but I find those two groups tend to have expectations that they don’t have to contribute anything of worth to the relationship yet expect the woman to worship them. Not really an instant no, I guess, but I’m much more likely to refuse these types.

=Are only children or are the sons of single mothers—

another controversial one I know, but I’ve had bad experience with these types. I’ve found that the mother usually overcompensates for the absence of a father and coddles the male child for their whole life—so much so that they never learn to manage for themselves. This one is not a hard and fast rule but is something I take into account

= Do not have a Bachelors degree in a societally relevant field— meaning a field in which you can actually readily find jobs (preferable an advanced degree of some sort)

= Who don’t understand the value of money

=Demanding a shared bank account

=Demanding access to my money/paycheck

=Hurts animals

= Doesn’t like cats

= Is excessively religious/ fanatical or is an atheist

= Lazy

There are more but these are the big ones.

kajabee · 2019-12-16T17:24:06+00:00

Oh yes, I agree. Such a turnoff.

2019-12-16T20:48:19+00:00

Use Snapchat

Is that because of porn? Or cheating?

sadpourtoujours · 2019-12-16T22:01:45+00:00

Some of these things come to surface slowly. what’s the approach if you come across one? Give him an ultimatum?

Saitschik · 2019-12-16T22:07:13+00:00

porn
negging/teasing
sexist or in general disgusting "dark humor"
shitty haircut
vulgar
obsessed with sport
gymbro
soyboy
redpill/pickup
no common sense
thirsty on Instagram
lack of empathy
not interested in art, literature and politics
sexually depraved/ "kinky"
lack of hygiene
looks down on women in one way or the other
lack of depth
not spontaneous/adventurous
disrespectful
ignorant
fat/chubby
violent/aggressive
criminal history even very low-key
believes in scales to measure humans
unable to get over his ex
uses dating/women/sex to validate his (fragile) ego. That's a big one for me
dates when not ready
always only looking for his own benefit
boring
bad breath
has shitty friends

HolyIsTheLord · 2019-12-16T23:37:21+00:00

My list is too long to write!

The "Deep" Stuff: 1. Must share my Christian faith 2. Must be highly intelligent and emotionally intelligent. 3. Must be kind hearted to animals and a truly compassionate man all around. 4. Must be capable of deep thought and conversation. 5. Must be a true gentleman. 6. Must be a "benevolent alpha". No toxic masculinity, but must possess the qualities of being a natural leader, protective, and a good provider.

The Shallow Stuff: 1. Must be tall/er than me. 2. Must be at least a 7/10. 3. Must be financially stable with his own (nice) home and car. 4. Must have a minimal education of a bachelor's degree. 5. Must be in good health and physical shape. 6. Must not have a child they're expecting me to raise. 7. Must not own aggressive pets. 8. Must enjoy the finer things in life just as much as the simple things. 9. Must keep his physical appearance and home clean and orderly.

Final Requirement: Must accept my WGTOW lifestyle.

I fit the bill on all of the above (including being tall), so I don't feel ashamed by my requirements.

theorientalqueen · 2020-01-03T09:14:07+00:00

You don’t want your man to watch porn? Well, my boyfriend learnt all his best tricks from watching porn.

claiiire7 · 2019-12-16T16:26:46+00:00

Why not Snapchat or anime?

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twoXfeminist · 2019-12-16T19:43:42+00:00

Hates his mom/has hatred for women in his life.
Has a Reddit account, ew.
Is overweight or balding.
Doesn't workout.
Doesn't cook.
Is anywhere near center or right of the political compass.
Watches porn.
Want to do weird shit in bed, anal, butt stuff.
No care for social issues or feminism, outside of the joke of liberal feminism.
No career goals.
Are heavy drinkers or drug users (including pot).
Is set on having biological children (bye!).
Wants to get married and make his wife take his last name.
Is addicted to video games (some are fine, others like League or DOTA 2 are a red flag).
Has shitty music taste.
Is terrible with money.
Hates dogs or cats.
Has social media or wouldn't consider getting rid of it.

secreteyes0 · 2019-12-16T18:23:52+00:00

Many of these conditions are reasonable, but certainly these are personalized. Nothing wrong with anime, video games as long as it isn’t excessive or addictive. But hey, different flavors for different folks.

jalapenopancakes · 2019-12-16T17:01:21+00:00

[removed]

twoXfeminist · 2019-12-16T17:42:03+00:00

[removed]

grand_tiremaster · 2019-12-17T04:15:07+00:00

An anime or comic mega fan (no I don’t want to go to comic con with you or hear you talk about marvel/DC crap), if their main hobby is video game playing, if they are unfamiliar with handy work and labor, vegan/vegetarian, poor hygiene, doesn’t like farm animals, doesn’t like to go outside, will fetishize my nationality/culture, has a track record of dating only asian women, doesn’t like travelling, if they wanna live in a trailer park, no cars or means of transportation is a dealbreaker, no job is a dealbreaker, not working towards any career, impulsive spender. Politics wise— I like other independents like myself, worshipping politicians from either party is a turn-off. But I dated liberals in my past and it was pretty bad.. overly religious is a dealbreaker.

Physical dealbreakers- too big of a penis, same height as me or shorter, and skinny. Thicc 6ft men all the way.

steileen · 2019-12-17T05:18:29+00:00

For context, I’m in my mid-20s and live in a major city.

I do not date date someone who refuses to process their own emotions and I tend to avoid people that aren’t in some form of therapy; conservatives; men who call themselves feminists; men that cannot take care of themselves (can’t cook a basic meal, do own laundry, or clean his apartment? Nope); a guy who doesn’t have any (non-conventionally attractive) female friends; anyone who is bad with consent

The last one is extremely important for me. I’ve had men abruptly try to kiss me or grab my body without asking on a first date and it’s the biggest red flag. I’ve never had a second date with any of those guys.

Not a dealbreaker but things that I consider are: careers, social media use, and drugs/alcohol use. I wouldn’t want to seriously date a musician but I’ve casually dated a few. I don’t care if someone I’m casually seeing drinks heavily but I wouldn’t consider them suitable for long term.

throwawaynevermindit · 2019-12-17T00:04:46+00:00

- More than 8-9 years older

- More than around 5 years younger (may expand a little as I age but I'm 30 and 24 year olds are borderline children to me in terms of development and life experience)

- Not reasonably generous with money/time/etc BUT ALSO:

- Tries to use money as a form of control either by cultivating my dependence on his money for necessities or even just for lifestyle staples that would be psychologically hard to adjust to leaving behind on short notice

- Not attractive

- Can't make me cum

- Out of control erectile dysfunction relative to age (I think I'll be more forgiving here when I'm 60 but I am not spending my 30s pumping a guy's dick for 15 minutes only to realize I'm too bored to continue once he's finally erect)

- No self-control

- Not talented/competent at job or hobbies

- Boring/not adventurous. And my bar for "adventure" is high... ex. sports without potential for serious injury don't hold my attention

- Unrepentant sex buyer or even just defender of the sex industry (these guys usually have a fucked up idea of consent)

- Any other sexual consent-related red flags, e.g. talks about women having "buyer's remorse", violent or degrading "kinks"/fantasies, etc.

- Tries to leverage misogynistic social tropes to discredit women, demonstrates imperfect respect for women around him from his mom to his friends to women he's previously slept with to ESPECIALLY any woman that had babies for him

- Brings no novel insights to the table for me to consider

- Complacent/not continuously self-improving

- Doesn't have a decent job, not supporting himself

- Not empathetic, not willing to try and help protect those who need it

Title	What are your dealbreakers?
Author	50sweet25ice
Upvotes	128
Comments	132
Date	December 16, 2019 12:39 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eben4k/what_are_your_dealbreakers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-are-your-dealbreakers.686842 https://theredarchive.com/post/686842

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