What made you realize you needed FDS?

kindthoughtsandwords · 2020-07-31T10:55:14+00:00

When I realised that I had to beg my boyfriend to be /nice/ to me on special days like my birthday and our anniversary. Last birthday he was sick (as he is half the time) and didn't make any effort to treat me. I had to look after him. And then get accused of cheating because I smiled at my phone when my stepdad messaged me happy birthday.

Last anniversary he was tired from working. Didn't plan anything. Then said I hurt his feelings when I said that I was sad it didn't mean anything to him. And spent the whole night sulking instead of enjoying the homemade dinner I made us. Promised me he'd take me out the coming weekend. Never did.

Now that I have FDS, I'll never accept that lack of effort ever again.

sexualfoodpantry · 2020-07-31T11:47:05+00:00

My realization was retrospective.

While the sub is quite new, the ideas aren't. So when I found the sub I was like, "oh shit, my grandmother was right all along". -_-

Hahane · 2020-07-31T11:53:58+00:00

I wanted to know why the same pattern repeats over and over again. I'm a thinker and very curious about human psyché and it brought me here. Also I felt like I need a reason to break up with my bf, but somehow I couldn't because "he pulled a tick from my leg that time and he makes me laugh sometimes", and I should help him to overcome his depression and not let him down, overlooking the kingdom of red flags.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-07-31T12:16:35+00:00

Joining this subreddit has eliminated my feeling gaslit. I was tired of being told by society that I'm a gold digger, and have few (if no) friends who are equally as ruthless when men cross boundaries or try to take advantage of dating situations and opportunities.

christmasforoutlaws · 2020-07-31T12:25:18+00:00

It was a culmination of things. Just about every romantic encounter I've had with men has been awful and all my relationships have been abusive. Every single one of my partners has cheated on me and I didn't know why. I was (and still am, let's be real) extremely resentful about it because I didn't know what I was doing wrong. I was doing literally everything for these men. Taking care of the house, cooking, cleaning top to bottom, sex on demand any way they wanted it, makeup, feminine clothing, buying them things to show I cared, endless counseling and advice, you name it, I did it.

The final straw was last fall. I was trying to be friends with a guy from my past, but I couldn't get past this feeling that there was something he wasn't telling me. One night I found out what it was. He had a girlfriend and hadn't told me about her. They'd been going out for almost 2 months and his excuse was "I was going to tell you, I just didn't know how." This dude was trying to triangulate her and I. He wanted this other girl to give him all the physical perks of having a girlfriend and have me be the virtual side chick. I flipped out on him and told him to never contact me again. I guess the reason why it hurt so badly is because I (stupidly) thought he was different.

FDSxMuffinVSrat · 2020-07-31T13:40:10+00:00

Well it's more like I had these views and everyone around me doubts what I say about relationships not being worth it.

A lot of them are, but I'm not willing to wade through the trash of men to find a decent guy, I value my time more than that now.

FDS is the only place that says things like fuck second chances, don't try to change him, don't bother communicating because he already knows, and most men are trash so it's ok not to date them.

Everyone else just pushes relationships on me and it's like fuck no leave me alone and listen to my words.

to_learn_to_fly · 2020-07-31T14:13:06+00:00

As a young girl I imagined the world of dating and relationships very much like FDS paints it. I imagined respectful boys who chase the girl they fell in love with, treat her with respect and tenderness, wait with sex until she's ready etc. So I believe we all have this innate intuition, but most of us repress it as we grow up, conditioned by the patriarchal society.

When I entered the dating scene, I was shocked to find out that the bar was in hell. I waited patiently, believing in what I wanted and that it's worth waiting for my loyal, respectful, emotionally intelligent prince, with whom I'll create a healthy relationship. When I was a 20-something, the pickme culture finally managed to gaslight me into giving up my standards. I lost faith in my idea of a partner and a very dark time of my life started, when I dated and entered into relationships not only with LVM, but also with downright abusive NVM. I lost time, self-confidence, money; my physical health and mental wellbeing deteriorated.

I discovered FDS not long after I hit my 30s, single again. I read about it on a libfem message board, where it was criticised by pickmes. I googled it and I loved what I found! All bits of the puzzle fell into place, haha. It was so awesome to discover that I'm not crazy to have standards. That I don't need to feel guilty whenever I reject a guy for reasons that are valid for me. And, most importantly, that I don't have to settle because of some "wall" made up by the society.

PsychologicalBeat2 · 2020-07-31T13:12:04+00:00

[deleted]

bengthread · 2020-07-31T12:13:59+00:00

When thinking about him made me cry between classes, or at night.

HottPinkSlug · 2020-07-31T13:19:11+00:00

Last Valentine's was a long weekend. I decided last minute to go away by myself to Miami since I didn't have any plans. Even though I really enjoyed myself (shopping, massages, $100 lunches), that whole time, I wondered if he would text me.
For Valentine's Day. Not take me out, or give me a gift, send me flowers. Not even a phone call.
I would have had been happy with a TEXT. This was a man I got back together with because he dangled marriage in my face a few months earlier. I couldn't believe how low I had become.

Meccha_me_2 · 2020-07-31T14:31:12+00:00

Because I have a lot going for me, but have a bad habit of chasing.

I’ve done it multiple times in the last couple of years: I’d meet a guy at a party or group outing and ask for his number. Then I’d get all excited and text him, trying to coax him to ask me out.

Needless to say it never ended well. Now I look back and realize those guys were never interested in me and were probably making fun of me behind my back.

Part of the problem was I had a lot of feminist friends who thought that women should act more like men and just “go for it.”

Those friends also believed for some reason that guys would never say no to a date with a “cute girl” which I’ve found is untrue if you’re not their ideal type. They also touted the belief that guys are “shy” and “never know what they want.” After a while, I became tired of hanging out with women who were setting me up for failure.

Then I found FDS and I stopped chasing. My dating life has already been worlds better simply because I’m only giving time to people who show interest in me.

painmakesyoustronger · 2020-07-31T14:15:20+00:00

I had unexpectedly bumped into my ex in public. He told me I looked great and asked to see me that weekend. I said no.

After seeing him, I was overcome by memories that made me feel bitter, angry and ashamed.

I googled a phrase that felt fitting at the time. Something to the effect of men being trash, and I saw a woman had posted that exact sentiment on some sub called FemaleDatingSite.

Dating was not a priority in my life (I had been on a seven month break), so I was skeptical. But after a glance at the posts and discovering it was women only, AND that joining required a strict vetting process, it was love at first sight.

daisy_0720 · 2020-07-31T15:29:36+00:00

When it finally, FINALLY got through my head that if he's not investing financially, he's not investing emotionally. I thought of myself as an independent feminist, but time and again these men that were happy to split the bill 50-50 ended up pulling the slow fade.

Never again am I going to be talked into 'going Dutch' by a man. Put your money where your mouth is or don't waste my time.

CharTheCatMom · 2020-07-31T15:11:36+00:00

I already had the FDS mentality before I knew it even existed, but was gaslit into believing I was "asking for too much."

Once I started looking for likeminded folks, I found FDS and finally was validated. No turning back now! 💪😏

shemplives · 2020-07-31T14:48:56+00:00

I had a LVM stay with me (we had been dating for ~3 months prior) for 2 weeks to quarantine. I did all of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry. He raided my liquor cabinet repeatedly (alcoholic). He would leave his wet towels on the floor after every shower, and eat on my couch which left a massive pile of crumbs and spilled sauce everywhere. He was lame AF in bed unless he was drunk, but even then, on the selfish side. He 'borrowed' money from me, which he still hasn't started paying back. After quarantine was over, we went to the mountains for a weekend of hiking. I paid for the hotel, 1/2 the gas, and 3/4 of the dinners. He got so loser wasted the first night I had to drag his ass out of bed to actually go for our 10k hike the next morning, he was cranky AF but later thanked me for making him go. He was still technically living with his ex wife too, because he refused to move out of the house that he was so proudly paying for, of course she was a lazy mooch. FML. I happened to stumble upon this subrettit a couple months ago and even though I knew the dude was a disaster, this sub definitely helped me to stand up for myself and refuse that low level shit behavior. I can earnestly say, never again will I put up with that foolishness. Block at the first sign of dip-shittery.

Gambit12345 · 2020-07-31T15:05:55+00:00

I was browsing one day when I saw this subreddit in the related subreddits. I was intrigued by the title and once I started reading the handbook I felt validated! Things started making sense when I thought back to my dating history. There wasn’t one incident in particular but a ton that had happened over years that made me realize I wasn’t crazy so I’ll mention some examples. I wasn’t crazy for being mad about not receiving anything on my bday other than a chocolate cake he made me (I don’t like chocolate cake) when I had planned a 30th bday surprise with his friends. I didn’t deserve being abandoned in a city subway as he threw a hissy fit about missing the train. I wasn’t wrong for expecting my bf to protect me in some way when a random man spit on me in public and called me a bitch, or asking him to pick me up when the train was on fire and I was stuck at school, with horrible WiFi, but he couldn’t be arsed cuz he didn’t wanna lose his parking spot. I wasn’t crazy for being disappointed that he never took me on dates until I made it an issue, or let me do all emotional labor, reminding him of trivial things, doing all the legwork when it came to finding apartments, splitting every single grocery 50/50 even if it were $30. It wasn’t normal for a man to say he wants everything done 50/50 but then I wound up rsvp-ing to a restaurant for my bday and anniversary if I wanted it to happen and he knows I’m independent and get shit done. To me it isnt normal that he burdens me with small menial tasks like having to accompany him to go grab a damn pizza 3 min away, yet I can’t ask him to pick up a package for me because it’s in my name not his and he doesn’t want to be asked about that. I think that whole “treat him like a king” be his ride or die mentality is really harmful and damaging because it creates leeway for them and puts the onus on you. Like we need to prove ourselves first meanwhile they don’t have intentions of doing those things that would make us feel loved, or they “don’t know how”. That if we’re unhappy it’s because of our own “unrealistic” expectations, or he just isn’t in the right place aka has to finish school first. I actually believed that and stuck by him. I remember telling myself if I want this to work (was very pickmeisha) I have to abandon all my expectations and just accept what I get because I loved him (was in honeymoon stage) and it was natural for me to go above and beyond. I was happy...for a while, until I realized I was giving, giving, giving, but he didn’t even know the first thing about me. He didn’t treat me like a queen even when he finally graduated and got a job and promoted, only gave me empty words. Despite everything I’d done, if I brought up my needs I was dismissed or he’d say he heard me and make no changes. I became resentful, I had been untrue to myself because I believed all I had to do was treat him exceptionally to finally get what I wanted out of a relationship. But as I’ve mentioned, none of the things above are unrealistic. That’s just my experience, and fds has been vital in undoing the harmful ideas that have been perpetuated through social media and helping me see I’m not crazy for having standards

CalceatedContessa · 2020-07-31T14:46:13+00:00

I was in a situationship for 1.5 years (I know, I know). Looking back, there were many red flags I ignored. But I thought he was “soOooO nice” - he always paid the tab, opened car doors and chairs, carried my bags for me - very chivalrous things. It was like half dating a person because I could never be emotionally vulnerable with him. About 6 months into it, I asked him if this was going anywhere and he said “Of course, you’re beautiful, well educated, so bubbly, etc”. I waited.....a whole year, and ultimately months go by & I brought it up again with him and I cried (like Kim Kardashian ugly cry). It was so embarrassing - I still cringe about him seeing me cry, but in a way I’m glad I got it over with. I use to think men had to outwardly be misogynistic and an outright asshole, but I’d argue this is worst. I found out he had been intermittently dating another woman during this time, and when I looked her up I found HER MUGSHOT. Honestly that was really the last straw for me. I couldn’t believe he could be with someone like that, I felt so disgusted. This really shows men have no type and will stick their dick in everything and anything.

The biggest 🚩? He dated his ex for 7 years and never got married.

Edit: After that I went online and just wanted to find something to help me process it and I found FDS!

CulinaryCookieKat · 2020-07-31T15:44:54+00:00

I stumbled across this place by accident because I used to be a pickmeisha. I was looking up dating strategies, but none of the advice really made sense to me until I found FDS. This place made everything crystal clear, and now I will never be manipulated by LVM ever again. Thank you so much ladies! 🥰

heliodrome · 2020-07-31T15:26:06+00:00

For me it was the gaslighting. The last two men I dated were gaslighting me, one was my last serious boyfriend, who I realized was a narcissist. And the other was a guy I had gone of a few dates on before the pandemic.

He didn’t want to see me really, probably not long term, but made it look and sound like I was the one not wanting to see him. It was such bs that I just told my girlfriends that this is the last time I’m dating; and I think I was looking up gaslighting on Reddit and then I found this sub.

I can’t tell you how relieved I was when I read the stories here and the handbook. It was like a weight fell of my shoulders. I had always up until that point taken responsibility for the bulk of the relationship I was in and that I no longer had to do it, it was the happiest day of my life.

I have not found anyone since then (this was about beginning of April), but I could really care less. I thank you all for being here and contributing.

I’ve also been saving a lot of money and really focusing on my career (my career was always questioned by my LVMs (I work in construction, so I deal with a lot of male hierarchy that I’ve figured out, and I’m fine with, but LVMs couldn’t wrap their heads around the fact that I’m working with men and we are not all sleeping with each other), and it’s been a blessing.

chateauduchat · 2020-07-31T16:05:39+00:00

I was in an extremely escalating abusive relationship with a narcissist. He was emotionally violent for a long time, but then he started destroying property, eventually squaring his fist up to my jaw. I was in a trauma bond. I turned to FDS because I was desperate to get out and find the strength to leave. I knew deep down, I truly did not deserve this sort of treatment. I was realizing I was manipulated and brainwashed to the core. I honestly feel like it was almost a matter of life and death.

I never want to go through anything like that again. If I have to be single all my life, so be it. But FDS has given me the tools to protect myself, boost my self-esteem, realize my self worth, practice loving myself, and vetting men when/if I choose to get back into dating.

apple_cores · 2020-07-31T19:52:26+00:00

FDS was a suggested sub after I joined dating and datingover30 after my last relationship with a LVM ended this year, and after I had slept with a guy I liked, who is a player but still back and forth with his ex.

So When I first browsed thru this thread I was like damn these girls really hate men lol. But I joined anyway and kept reading posts and was just stunned (in a good eye opening neat). It was like reading things I knew but didn’t know. I knew men should chase women, should pay, but let me be fair/cool and pay 🥴. I thought if I was honest with a man, showed him my feelings/affection, willingness, sexuality, etc, it would be enough. I was so wrong. You can look thru my comment history but I did so much for men in life and got L’s handed to me left and right. My eyes were opened after this sub. No more being nice and generous, no more chasing, no more wondering if he really likes me or is just with me because of what I do for them. They saw my kindness and vulnerability and took advantage. I’ve had enough.

sanguine_duality · 2020-07-31T15:03:55+00:00

After another bad relationship I went out with a LVM and a NVM. The first one played with my feelings because “he is not ready for a relationship”. The last one ended up spying me in the bathroom to intimidate me and calling me 3 months later. (He dumped me on a rage and was mad that I didn’t beg). I’ve been celibate since then.

jjlew922 · 2020-07-31T16:33:16+00:00

I joined Reddit for FDS after leaving a confusing and covert abusive relationship with a guy I now realize was Red Pill. This community is amazing and supportive and really opened my eyes to the bigger patriarchy in our world 💯🙌❤️

empresselevation · 2020-07-31T18:16:32+00:00

When I realized I was in a situationship and was being led on. He would call me "his girl" in private but "good friend" in public. Said that he would never date a non-Christian and then continued to treat me like I was his gf and would future fake. He said we could get married if we were both single at 30. LOL. The last straw was when I had left some restaurant leftovers at his place and asked him to drop them off the next day. Instead of bringing them to me, he decided it was a "good idea" to leave them halfway IN A MUTHAEFFIN BUSH. No joke. He texted me later asking if I had received my food and bragged that he's done a "lot more ratchet things in the past." Never letting anyone of this low caliber in my life ever again.

Finding FDS saved my life.

Thenightsaresolong_ · 2020-07-31T19:01:36+00:00

It was just the same repeating cycle, over and over.

I’d meet a guy, he’d say he was into me and wanted to date, we’d have sex really quickly (because I still bought into libfem ideology and felt like having a ton of sex all the time was “liberation”) and then he’d start acting annoyed to have me around like, the next day. This happened so many times it made my head spin. I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. I talked to my therapist, my friends, asked the Internet, to find out if I was being too clingy or needy. I adjusted my behavior to be more “cool” and permissive to a man’s bullshit. I tried being demanding and verbalizing exactly what I wanted up front. Nothing worked.

The final straw I think was when I went on a couple of dates with an acquaintance. He slept over on the first date. I really liked this guy and wanted to keep him around, but he always had excuses as to why we couldn’t spend time together. After about a month it fizzled out and he said he didn’t see us as any more than friends (but he still slept with me again two months later when we were drunk). Recently he has admitted to me that he’s had a history of purposefully deceiving women and future faking to get them to sleep with him. To him, he thinks I see it as us being “incompatible” except for sexually. Now I know better, though.

Anyway, I started to think that JUST MAYBE sleeping with men indiscriminately was not the way to get them to stick around? That maybe I had been lied to, and was complicit in the lie? That liberal feminism had been co-opted by men and NLOG pick me’s to keep women in competition with each other and giving men what they want?

I did a reddit search for ‘dating advice for women’ and it brought me here, and I have never left since. This advice is solid gold. I now have a wonderful boyfriend who meets all of my emotional needs and goes out of his way to make me happy. It’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in, and while everything is in a weird state of limbo right now because of current events, I have no doubts about the future and where we’ll fit into each other’s lives in the next few years.

GraveyardH2020 · 2020-07-31T14:15:05+00:00

When I realized I couldn’t keep letting my emotionally abusive ex break up with me again and again. I needed a way out of the relationship. FDS was a huge part of that.

virtualreality_3 · 2020-07-31T22:40:48+00:00

I realized that as long as you make it convenient for a man, he will not end things even if he does not see you as long term or wife material. It's a trap, they will simply say this to some girl dumb enough to fall for it that they are lukewarm about while trying to pull all the stops to impress a girl he actually likes.

2020-08-01T02:39:53+00:00

When I had left my abusive ex and I realized I had nothing going on for me. Shitty job, no goals, no fire under me to improve myself or my life. It took a while to remember that I’m the main character of my own damn life. I discovered FDS mid 2019. It’s two years since the breakup and I’m studying for the GRE, different job, growing my hair, have clear skin, closer to my younger brother and mentoring him. I’m still recovering from how bad that relationship was- my finances are a wreck. But I finally am focused on my future (and my family) when for years, I could only think about “our future.”

eveninghope · 2020-08-01T00:04:44+00:00

I (33f) was dating a (not super close) friend (31M) I had known for over a decade, but we only started dating two years ago. I shouldn't have to teach an adult male to use his grown up words or that "I'm sorry but you.." is not an actual apology. Like, I get that he had some issues with his parents but they weren't anything out of the ordinary. We all have issues with our parents. I encouraged him to go to therapy, which he never did so there was just no growth. Any time I would express some frustration he took it personally and made some snarky comment like "I guess I'm just a bad guy then." I finally ended it a week ago so it's still fresh. There were so many pink flags during the relationship and I would even tell him that if we hadn't known each other for so long I wouldn't put up with that behavior.

The straw that broke it for me was when he was so mad that I couldn't go away for Memorial Day weekend bc I had a MAJOR deadline May 31, so he ghosted me for a week. A "friend" of TEN FUCKING YEARS ghosted me bc I couldn't drop everything for him. The absolute audacity.

Ladies, just because you know someone as a friend DOES NOT MEAN they'd make a good partner. It's better to be down a shitty friend then up a shitty boyfriend.

buttercup_010 · 2020-07-31T18:37:41+00:00

It was getting breadcrumbed by a couple guys that I liked, and months of online dating that felt like a waste. I’d read Why Men Love Bitches many years ago, but somehow forgot everything. This snapped me right back into place, and although I still struggle with some of the residual underlying beliefs that allowed me to let myself be treated like that lingering around, I am leaps and bounds ahead of where I was. Like this is the first time in a long time that I’ve felt truly comfortable and unbothered being single. I would still like to meet someone, but I don’t feel like something is missing anymore.

poetfrog · 2020-08-01T05:50:17+00:00

When all my relationships fell into pattern of disappointment and emptiness. Not feeling like myself anymore. And I couldn’t quite understand why dating was so hard for me when it seemed like friends were doing fine.

Stumbling into this sub during quarantine has been really helpful.

Also shout out to my therapist for being so supportive when I told her about this sub 🥰

Vopli_ · 2020-07-31T14:07:17+00:00

When I saw that EVERY post on the Internet about sex (always about females) says that we SHOULD like anal sex and porny things including swallowing semen. They NEVER try to convince men about doing things that they obviously don't like or they are uncomfortable with. Also men in my surroundings always trying to convince me that anal is the best thing in the world. WTF. NO!! OF COURSE NO!! Because I'm a woman I don't need to be the way men want me to be. Oh god no.

pencilbride2B · 2020-10-14T11:10:49+00:00

I realised my self-esteem was in the dumps, and I made a particularly bad decision to date down. He ended up being unstable and emotionally cheated on me. I also had a bunch of bad experiences with men in my life, and FDS made me realize that so many women have these shared experiences, and rather than blaming ourselves, like how we tend to do, maybe its time to put the blame on these losers who treat us like shit.

kageytn · 2020-07-31T16:59:48+00:00

I have a pattern of dating emotionally unavailable, manipulative men. This last time around, I ignored red flags because I thought I was being too picky. He’s an alcoholic. I’m back in therapy. I’m just so tired.

twiddledeebum · 2020-07-31T17:29:15+00:00

A bunch of short and terrible relationships. It’s been amazing I’m a huge “lurker” at this point but it’s helped so much. I ordered a couple self help books related to self esteem and emotional intuition. I was seeing this guy for about a month. Nothing serious obviously and when I had a closing statements convo with him and brought up how he never acknowledged how he thought I was attractive or anything he responds with “I told you I liked your sweater that one time” I was like oh hell no but there was still a part of me that longed for it to work. I was questioning what I did for him not to like me in the way I wanted him to. That’s when I realized it was the guys I was pouring my compassion and talents and energy into were straight trash and I wasn’t going to let myself feel that hurt and disappointment again. People were telling me I had to “teach a man how to love me” and “train them” I was disgusted this was what other women who I looked up to thought was normal. To have to teach and train a human being like a fucking animal to treat you with respect. Like nah I’m set with my cats and free time for art and exploration and all the things that make me happy. I’m so happy I found you beautiful people that encourage growth and self love 💕

ayeo10 · 2020-07-31T18:28:40+00:00

I was in a situationship for 5 months. We talked everyday and I felt like he was different, was I WRONG. The day I confessed my feelings was when I realized he never really cared. He told me the last time he caught feelings for someone was when he was 20 (he’s 25). Ya’ll he gave me tips on how not to catch feelings but still wanted us to be more than friends. He did everything right at the beginning. He literally wanted me to move in with him and talked about our future kids but it was all bs. I was going through it when I stumbled across this community and honestly it has helped me so so much ✨ Never settle for less ladies

Naturacat784 · 2020-07-31T21:53:36+00:00

A guy I was dating invited me and my friends to his party. He ignored me the whole night (yet was expecting me to hang around and sleep over). I justified it in my head by thinking he was just trying to be a good host.

One of my friends who was there with me (my friend’s bf) was completely blown away by the audacity of that man to ignore me while me and my friend were by far the most attractive woman there and constantly had random men coming up to us. My friend’s bf was shocked that I wasn’t more upset.

Something within me snapped and I realized, for the first time, that I was constantly dating beneath me and accepting shitty treatment.

I snuck into his bedroom, grabbed my overnight bag, and my friends and I left his party without saying goodbye.

When he texted me later, I told him he was too boring for me and it was best we stopped seeing each other 😂

I think my inner pickmeisha died that night. And ever since then, I’ve stopped arguing with men or begging for better treatment. I simply block them at the first sign of disrespect. I’ve been dating a very nice man for several months but will be dumping him within a year if he does not propose.

Summerlycoris · 2020-07-31T21:54:02+00:00

Never been on a date, but i have an experience.

It was new years eve. I'd asked my old friend from high school if he wanted to hang out, like we'd done in the past on new years to watch anime and other bullshit. He got back to me, late, so that i had to run home.

The person id been talking too while out joked how i had been convinced down from 'we can meet up around 7:30pm' to 'I'll head home now to pick you up, and pick up your friends.', and said it was more like i was meeting my boyfriend, than a friend. I laughed it off, and told him that I've known this friend since high school. What I didn't say is that we have little in common anymore, i just dont want to lose the memories together.

So I went home, picked him up, picked up some of his friends (I'd never met before, three boys that I'm assuming just got out of high school. One of them drove their car iirc) we stopped in at the bottle'o so they could get drinks, then back to my place.

The reason my friend had given for being picked up so soon, was that pizza places would be heavily booked later in the evening, and to do it early. But by the time im able to organise what pizzas people want, and get over there, it was already around 8:30pm, iirc.

It was fun though. We watched Wall-E for a bit, and my cat got practice with strangers (my boy cat, Garfield, is scared of strangers but food motivated. He came outta his shell once pizza was around, even if he couldnt eat any lmao.) His friends were nice, and the evening went well.

After 12, i took my car and the guys back to my friends, friends place (the three of them lived together.) I had myself, and two of the friends in the car. My friend, and the other designated driver were in the other car, picking up consoles or something (?)

One of the friends asks about me and my friend, whether we were dating? I told him no. At that point, he asks me out.

I sat in silence, thinking for a bit. I'm not a cougar, and from what i can tell, these guys are young (admittedly legal, they brought their own grog.) What's more, I've always said no to guys asking me out. Even as a teen, I'd said no to guys I wasn't interested in (which was all of hem) because i wasnt sure of my sexuality at the time, and didn't want to confuse people. It also seemed like a slight against my friend, who had asked me out when i was 14.

At the same time, maybe I should take the chance? Maybe theres something wrong with me for not wanting to date guys who ask me out. For being so.... me. I'm autistic, so im used to being in the wrong socially.

I told him, sorry, but no thank you. And he took it well.

I dropped then off, stayed for a bit and was annoyed that, like my friend, gaming was their life (They had three pcs and moniters, all back to back in the lounge. There was barely room to sit.) This reinforced that i was glad, actually, to have said no. And then I left.

It's the weird combo of pickme attitudes (letting my friend rush me, for a meetup that he waited last minute to get back to me about) and proto- fds (not wanting to date people im not keen on, but feeling bad about it because it means I may stay single forever.)

I can't say it lead to me finding this place (I dont think fds existed yet?) But when i have to think of a experience that drives me, to want better in relationships, that's the experience i think of.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-08-01T16:48:46+00:00

I actually found FDS by just randomly looking online for memes to the effect of "why do men expect everything and give nothing in return?". As soon as I arrived at this sub, I knew I found my people.

Title	What made you realize you needed FDS?
Author	Petty_Nuances
Upvotes	133
Comments	67
Date	July 31, 2020 10:12 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i15208/what_made_you_realize_you_needed_fds/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-made-you-realize-you-needed-fds.719554 https://theredarchive.com/post/719554

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