What's your phone number

mashibeans · 2022-02-11T21:58:03+00:00

LOL, anytime a guy makes a scene of ANY level because you're being cautious, is a HUGE red flag, and best to get the fuck away from them as fast as possible.

Remember ladies, this isn't just a "small" security measure, it's a big one, and any man with an ounce of common sense would understand that women need to be more cautious with whom we give our information.

Jinxhourglass · 2022-02-11T21:17:16+00:00

Imo you should continue not giving someone your number, real or fake, until after you have met them in person. I think it is a good test to see if someone will a respect a very minor boundary. The fact that he assumed you were crazy for wanting a little privacy is a bad sign. I personally would want a man that is understanding of the fact that giving out your phone number to a new person can be unsafe for any woman, and that it’s not something they should take to heart.

I think it also gives you some insight into what type of relationship they are looking for. What would stop him from getting your number and not meeting up regardless? There’s a lot of men that are only looking for textlationships and won’t be upfront about it because they get an ego boost from having a Rolodex of women to text.

overthinker4444 · 2022-02-11T21:00:20+00:00

Same for me! I'm not comfortable with giving men my number. I don't have Snapchat so it goes nowhere lol. Google number is not available for country. Any European know solutions? Thanks!

oceanbreeze88 · 2022-02-11T21:37:02+00:00

A guy asked for my number and I said I give out my telegram (which is not connected to my phone number unlike WhatsApp, and you only give out a screen name..which isn’t the same as my social media). The guy flipped out on the spot and said “you’re so COnFiDeNt I didn’t want your number I have a serious girlfriend and like 3 cars” and made a scene right there in the street where passerbys were looking on at us.. it was the weirdest thing ever.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2022-02-11T20:32:06+00:00

Sounds like you dodged a red flag. Don’t worry about it. I don’t give out my number either.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2022-02-11T20:26:52+00:00

If I meet a guy on OLD I keep all conversation on OLD until after the first date then he gets my Google voice number. New people I initially meet in person always get my Google voice number. At some point if I feel comfortable I'll give them my real number but I don't have a fixed time frame for that.

People can learn way too much with just your phone number. Lots of men try to get us off the apps so we can't report their behavior (even though they rarely see consequences).

Platipus6 · 2022-02-11T21:16:27+00:00

LVM are so entitled to such a personal and direct level of access which is completely unearned. They brag about getting many women's numbers in a day because it's supposed to be a challenge but pickmes give it out like candy.

If you're on the dating app, that level of access is completely fine and safe for you and they hate it. LVM can't send dickpics, they can't say nasty things and not get reported to the app.

If they're cheating or using the app on saturdays int he bathroom, it means they have to keep the app installed to get access to you. Any man who says "he's not on the app much" is deleting it to hide it from a gf. The app is right there, just open it.

Huge DARVO to call you the crazy lol. What a chaff and run.

If you match on OLD, say you only give your number out after a meet, for safety :) They cant argue without looking like a serial killer lol. LVM vanish.

If you meet in the wild, take their number and block your number on an iphone (not sure about android) and give him 24h to plan a date.

Aromatic-Owl8808 · 2022-02-11T23:11:01+00:00

I don't know about any of you, I never give my phone number out. Way too many abusive texts in the past when I tell them... Sorry, I am not into you. .

This is a very understandable and basic boundary.

When I told the guy I don't give out my phone number until after we meet, he decided to not meet up after all because I am one of the crazies you find on dating sites - because I don't do texting...

This is a scrote reinforcing why you have your boundary.

baby-miso · 2022-02-11T21:23:14+00:00

I see it as a sign of control issues. They want to message you outside of the safety of a dating app, with its rules and regulations like don’t be an asshole and don’t send pictures of your dick. It’s also control over you; he owns a piece of you by having your private phone number, something women have guarded since there’s been phones.

Additionally, phone numbers nowadays are instant keys to your full name, address, place of employment. It’s unsafe for women to give out their number, but they don’t care about your safety. Definitely a huge red flag all the way.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2022-02-11T22:11:27+00:00

I have Google phone. I reserve my actual number for official purposes, family, and close friends, not that I’d tell a potential date about this. If he doesn’t like my boundaries, then he’s not the one for me.

ifhewantedtohewould · 2022-02-11T23:33:17+00:00

You dodged a huge bullet. If he gets so angry about you wanting some privacy as a stranger, imagine him getting angry about something in a relationship 🚨

annonymous1393 · 2022-02-11T21:51:44+00:00

As someone who does not change numbers EVER, my alarm bells are ringing 🔔 🔔 🔔 it’s all about power and control

What someone can do with your number: 1. Reverse phone lookup (find your address and immediate family members, as well as their numbers and addresses)

Get your current location (crazy amount of apps out there that let them track you)
Control your primary—or only—device for communication with your family/friends and isolate you (blow it up with texts, calls, snaps, video chats where you become overwhelmed or even start to dread hearing your phone go off)
Permanent connection (I have personally held the same number since high school and it makes it easier for old friends to reach out). If he’s only mildly harassing you, you’ll just do the constant block/delete every couple of months or so. And he knows it.

Besides all of this, it is a annoying and laborious to change your number when he either lovebombs or you get annoyed that he hits you up every couple months as a booty call.

Lastly, an added psycho benefit is that every time you have to share your new number, change it on accounts, or have issues, he will come to mind—6 months or even 10 years from now. And I bet he knows it too.

Nah.

Spittens · 2022-02-11T20:27:33+00:00

I use a Google voice number set up for specifically that reason.

You can abandon and create a new one as needed.

londochig · 2022-02-11T20:55:42+00:00

Please use the Text Now app or a Google Voice number. In my experience Text Now is amazing. You can change the number and area code every 15 days.You're basically using an app to text and call. But whoever you are texting and calling sees it as a normal text or call.

I wish I used this for my ex narc. My situation was extreme, he kept sending abusive texts from different numbers and blowing up my phone. I had 1000s of missed calls. My phone would be ringing all day. My boss couldn't get through to me. I've also been able to do a reverse search and find men's social media, address, age , linked in, family members from only a phone number. Do not give men your real number till 3-6 months in.

bellinibabie · 2022-02-11T21:33:17+00:00

Please remember that a large amount of personal information is tied to your phone number, so even if you won’t receive their texts, they can still find your address, your workplace, your family. And they can still contact you from a different number. You can never be too careful about giving out your number.

sewingmachinesavior · 2022-02-11T20:32:02+00:00

I have a Google voice number. But I don’t give it out until after a successful second date.

Men who want to get off the app ASAP are almost always pervs. That is what made me institute the two date rule even before giving them my Google voice number. 🤷🏼‍♀️😂🙄

purasangria · 2022-02-12T00:20:49+00:00

I don't give out my real number, I use a burner. When I was using OLD, I never communicated via any means other than the app until we met in person. All apps have text, voice, and video, so no reason to give him access to you personally. Men use it to stalk and harass women.

espressomeowtini · 2022-02-11T21:35:51+00:00

I’m not dating right now, but when I was on OLD, I used this app called TextFree to text dates. I never ever give out my real phone number anymore…

I used to, but the straw that broke the camel’s back for me was when one guy kept texting and calling me until 2 am in the morning DURING THE WEEK(!!!).. woke me up out of a dead sleep when I had a crazy busy week at work, I was so enraged. I immediately texted him asking wtf was wrong with him and telling him that it was inappropriate. He freaked out, I hit him with the block and delete. A few days later I realized his messages were still coming through on my laptop, stupid scrote was like “ha I’ll delete your number then” uhhh yes, please delete my number and my entire existence from your pathetic lizard brain. Idiot.

After that, men don’t get the real number until they’ve been pre-screened, vetted, and we’ve gone on at least one real date and I see the potential for more.

Bananabreadandchill · 2022-02-12T04:09:11+00:00

That boundary is totally normal. It’s not like you said you have to be exclusive before he can have your number, you simply wanted to meet him in person. 100% reasonable. I’ve held that boundary in OLD with no issues. I agree with the other posters that he is making a scene just to test your boundaries (a huge red flag).

AnniaT · 2022-02-12T13:23:31+00:00

If the dating app has a chat or message function there's absolutely no reason to give phone numbers to men until we've met them and feel comfortable with it.

KetoKittenAround · 2022-02-11T23:48:00+00:00

You can get a Google number. Very easy to control, also allows you to have your pick of area codes.

catsuramen · 2022-02-12T02:12:07+00:00

If a guy had real interest in you, he would give himself a million reasons why texting/technology/logistics won't work before arriving to the conclusion that you simply not interested.

Don't fall for the lukewarm and save yourself the trouble

_queeeen_ · 2022-02-12T02:35:02+00:00

I don't until after a fist date if we meet on an app. They can still turn out to be duds or abusive. If I meet someone in the wild and we vibe, I'll give him my number.

More importantly, you should define your own boundaries and then cordially define them with men (like not giving out your number until you know each other). From there, he will either accommodate or react offensively. Your gut will tell you how you feel about his response. TRUST IT. Trust your intuition. If you don't like how he handles that, bounce. It's not your problem. If he can't handle you not giving your phone number, how are you going to feel when you say no to sexual advances and he reacts in the same way.

Trust your intuition.

t3ddi · 2022-02-12T02:36:01+00:00

Lol he was just a disappointed little gaslighter. Pay no attn. He weeded himself out nicely.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-02-12T06:30:07+00:00

When I was on OLD almost all men wanted to switch apps. Most wanted Whatsapp and asked for my phone number. I never gave my number. I always made them write down theirs and I didn't want to use IG or Facebook or Whatsapp or Snapchat or whatever. I used this Telegram app where I could add them via phone number but they couldn't see mine except for my username (control through settings). They couldn't call me except through the app. They didn't even know the number they were calling. And they didn't have access to my full name or my photos. I can't remember very well if the app is the same.

lolmemberberries · 2022-02-12T03:52:17+00:00

I wouldn't give out my number if we hadn't met in person. If someone had a problem with that, the trash took itself out.

Hhjjuuy · 2022-02-12T10:43:28+00:00

Number aside if this sort of reactionary boundary pushing from a man you don't even know has you questioning your boundaries you're probably not ready to date.

thewetdog_ · 2022-02-12T01:15:34+00:00

You should pay for a burner number (app) so you can get their actual number and background check it.

I don’t know how but I’ve seen comments on there about reverse checking someone’s phone

matterofplant411 · 2022-02-11T23:14:38+00:00

I’m Australian too. I say ‘I’m happy communicating through the app’ and leave it at that. Sure we can block them but I feel better knowing they can’t search up my insta or anything else using it. If they make a comment I just say we met here let’s keep it on here and don’t get drawn into a convo about it. One guy wanted to chat on the phone first so I asked for his number, blocked mine and called him. He thought it was a bit OTT I told him he was a stranger and laughed it off. Again just dodging any real convo about it. He and I are dating now and it turned out when we met in person and I explained my reservations about men that he was pretty progressive and had sympathy for the steps women have to take.

smart-tart23 · 2022-02-12T04:03:38+00:00

I use a burner phone number It’s the best investment and has saved me from dealing w a lot of yuck It’s like $4 a month and you can block whomever or just get a new number local to you. When they call it goes to that number and you can record a message

aussieJoJo · 2022-02-13T07:46:31+00:00

Thanks for all the comments and upvotes. Will definitly be looking at google chats etc. Plus pushing back and chatting in the website. These are all instaneous these days anyways, no need for personal phone numbers straight up.

Feminineprincess · 2022-02-12T03:25:48+00:00

I don’t give out my number to strangers. I’ll give them my Instagram first and then decide if whether or not I’m comfortable with giving my #

Title	What's your phone number
Author	aussieJoJo
Upvotes	355
Comments	65
Date	February 11, 2022 8:20 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/sq8lhv/whats_your_phone_number/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/whats-your-phone-number.1101183 https://theredarchive.com/post/1101183

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