Just had my first son.....

Dwaynedibley24601 · 2021-12-01T14:42:32+00:00

are you married to mom? because there are some legalities there.. if you are married.. its a really shitty hospital policy

LateralThinker13 · 2021-12-01T15:23:54+00:00

When my wife and I picked our hospital, we made sure to pick one that didn't pull crap like this. Some hospitals were even banning the father from the birthing room. F that.

JerachoD · 2021-12-01T15:40:57+00:00

Wait until you register them for school or need to speak to the school about anything, or parents evening when they will only address mum but call you her partner not Dad. I found that during pregnancy as well, never called Dad by the neonatal nurses and doctors only mums partner.

Edited to add, TV seems to only acknowledge mums in most adverts for kids stuff, plus Dad's are always incompetent buffoons who lose the kids whilst mum does everything. It's all bollocks.

Castor997 · 2021-12-01T14:51:38+00:00

What happens if the mother dies at childbirth? Will anyone be authorized to sign this thing? What a stupid misandric rule!!!

ZouDave · 2021-12-01T16:02:14+00:00

First off - congrats to you on becoming a dad!

Secondly - you might enjoy r/daddit as a place to get support, laughter, advice, etc.

Third - I'm sorry this happened to you. This should be one of the best and happiest days of your life, it shouldn't be full of these kinds of agitations. Hopefully mom is on your side about this as well and can calmly and politely express her own frustration with the rule, and demonstrate her support for the FACT that you are exactly as much of a parent to this little guy as she is.

Best of luck to you and your family!

lewgea · 2021-12-01T16:11:33+00:00

Here in the UK the mother can choose whether or not to put the father on ther certificate. Then you have to go through legal routes to be put on it. If the mother dies in child birth, you don't have automatic rights over the child. Imagine losing your partner and child in the same day.

Daman_1985 · 2021-12-01T15:29:51+00:00

Seems to me that you can only have father rights when it's an advantage for the other part. All of this is surreal.

boxsterguy · 2021-12-01T16:30:25+00:00

Just sign it. They literally can't stop you, as at least the SSN form isn't the hospital's responsibility (I don't know what the "safe sleep agreement" is, but it can also fuck right off because they can't keep you from taking your child home if you don't sign it; not saying safe sleeping arrangements aren't important, but you don't need to sign anything related to that).

Also, "birth parent" doesn't mean "birthing parent". It's just another way to say "biological parent" as opposed to "adoptive parent". Presumably you're the child's biological parent, and thus you may sign any such form.

Insidious-Sid · 2021-12-01T16:07:18+00:00

Blatant sexism. It's not her child more than your child.

This is a major men's rights speaking point.

Big_Chocolate_420 · 2021-12-01T15:08:36+00:00

you are the birth parentit needs 2 to make a baby. As long as you two are married there shouldn't be a problem

On this formular is not signature by mother

Volkrisse · 2021-12-01T15:55:29+00:00

Thats a weird rule. I’ve been to 4 separate hospitals to deliver my kids. Each one said just to fill it out. Didn’t care if it was dad or mom so long as it got done before they left the hospital.

mistralol · 2021-12-01T14:41:07+00:00

Don't forget to get a paterity test

HeligKo · 2021-12-01T16:57:31+00:00

The nurses/hospital are wrong. The SSN paperwork isn't even their responsibility. The safe sleep agreement is something new, and probably something overly invasive from the department of health or the hospital to manipulate people who want to co-sleep into not doing so.

Last I checked the biological father in most legal discussions is considered one of the birth parents. The classifications pretty much break down like this.

1 Birth parents -- biologically related parents
2 Natural parents -- Parents on the current legal birth certificate (adoptive parents and/or birth parents)
3 Foster parents -- legally assigned guardians through the courts while the parents are deemed unable to safely care for kids. Legally have limited decision making power outside of daily care without the natural parents or courts approval.
4 Step parents -- parent through marriage. Limited legal rights derived/allowed through the natural parent they are married to.
5 Legal guardian -- temporary legal arrangement to ensure the child is cared for when the parents can not. Includes things like teachers/chaperones on trips out of the city or relatives/friends while the parents travel or are temporarily ill. Sometimes for longer terms like when parents are deployed in the military.

warmtoiletseatt · 2021-12-01T16:36:42+00:00

Let me guess. The US?

Beckamabobby · 2021-12-01T16:45:28+00:00

what country was this in? I'm pretty sure this is illegal in the US, not sure about other place tho

Contrarian_Eh · 2021-12-01T14:07:31+00:00

Get used to it

YesYesYesVeryGood · 2021-12-01T16:31:46+00:00

Discrimination against paternal rights. un-fucking-believable.

McFeely_Smackup · 2021-12-01T19:32:05+00:00

It sounds like someone misunderstood what "birth parent" means. It doesn't mean "the parent who gave birth", it means the biological parents.

The father is absolutely and legally "birth parent"

Sam_Etic · 2021-12-01T15:23:05+00:00

Man it’s going to be strange when my surrogate has the baby and we tell the hospital the child isn’t going home with the mother.

Jojothereader · 2021-12-01T16:11:20+00:00

It only gets worse

Possibly_a_Firetruck · 2021-12-01T18:36:45+00:00

That's because a mom doesn't have to name her husband as the father. I asked about this when my kid was born. The mom can basically name anyone they want as the father, or leave that part of the paperwork blank. The reason it says "birth parent" is that unless you get a paternity test, the hospital can only be absolutely, positively, 100% certain about who the kid's mom is, not the dad.

Beckamabobby · 2021-12-02T00:18:28+00:00

Congratulations on becoming a father!

robmat87 · 2021-12-01T17:52:13+00:00

When my son was born I went to the registry office with the mother. The woman in charge said to her "do you give your permission for the father to sign the birth cerficiate" I was seriously enraged to say the least.

Skinnyguy202 · 2021-12-01T15:22:54+00:00

So even though you’re the father, you can’t sign your name?… hm. Are you positive the baby is yours? (If he is congratulations on the little guy) if you’re not able to do those things and only the mother is then that is quite off. You may need to question it and confront the mother

HenryCGk · 2021-12-01T17:41:09+00:00

"Birth Parent" because apparently in 2021 (trans) men can't be mothers. /s (kind /s)

I mean in context I understand what it means but I'm use to it being used in reference to adopted people for a man and a woman.

rabel111 · 2021-12-01T19:49:16+00:00

There is magic in the world and you, your partner and your son just experienced it first hand. Concentrate on the magic for now, but never forget the sexist pigs who tried to "exclude" you from being a parent within hours. That's the world and the haters from which you must protect your son.

My_Butt_Itches_24_7 · 2021-12-01T20:02:37+00:00

Should have signed the paperwork anyways, you are your child's birth parent. There are 2 people, a man and a woman, required to make a child.

FlCoC · 2021-12-01T21:19:11+00:00

Same boat brother.

I’ve already missed ultrasounds because I couldn’t be there. I was specifically told I can’t go into any appointment if it only involves mom and not baby. Okay, these appointments are directly connected to pregnancy so whatever the hell that means. Multiple ultrasounds have been performed during these “only mom” appointments.

We’re not married, yet, still doesn’t matter. Thankfully mom is pissed about it too. It just sucks when she has to downplay ultrasounds when I couldn’t be there.

Diligent-Education64 · 2021-12-01T14:37:25+00:00

Just wait until mom doesn’t need you any more and cuts off contact with your child. Custody fights start from birth. I took this position, did half the childcare and when she kidnapped our son won 50/50 equal shared parenting.

Ok-Elevator-5805 · 2021-12-01T16:28:24+00:00

Ok I’d be fully down to fight for this, because in the off-chance I do find someone stupid enough to love me I’d like to be able to sign a damn document

mgozmovies · 2021-12-01T18:27:31+00:00

Welcome to Sweden. If you and the mother are legally cohabitating (but not married) the child is born with one legal guardian. The mother. You, the mother and the child must then visit a social services office. In front of two social workers as witnesses the mother will confirm you as the father and you will be allowed to sign the documents making you legal guardian.

Should the mother die during childbirth your child does not have a legal guardian and your child will be placed in emergency foster care. You will then be allowed to adopt your biological child after completing the necessary paperwork.

If you're married, no problem, the father is legal guardian right away.

This is totally broken.

soulless_ape · 2021-12-01T17:48:13+00:00

I would have no problem with this as long as if the father does not sign then the mother cannot claim child support from him. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Hoffschloss · 2021-12-01T18:56:48+00:00

Hope you didn’t circumcise him

CrazedKnightCK · 2021-12-01T15:34:54+00:00

Paternity test now ! Don't forget before signing anything !

HenryCGk · 2021-12-01T17:31:18+00:00

Cross out birth (or don't (It's up to you to decide what that means)) and then sign it, see what happens

sarcasmis43v3r · 2021-12-01T18:54:38+00:00

Sign person paying the bill......

ApprehensiveMail8 · 2021-12-01T20:26:01+00:00

Congratulations!

tube_radio · 2021-12-01T22:26:05+00:00

They'd rather have a signer be a person who is completely exhausted and likely coming down off of narcotics and insane natural hormones sign important paperwork, because apparently that's more ethical /s

Don't let them slip in any paperwork requesting to cut parts off of your son or anything, that's all too common in for-profit American hospitals in some areas to try to pull that even if you've refused before.

SunosUnix · 2021-12-02T00:45:36+00:00

Just had my first son.....

Congrats on the kid!

Im sorry for the loss of your social life.

Juice_Concentrate · 2021-12-02T01:45:05+00:00

Let's be clear here. Birth parent means one of the two people who contributed biologically to the child's existence. You *are* his birth parent. One of two. Of the only birth parents he will ever have.

Darknatio · 2021-12-01T18:52:49+00:00

It is ridiculous. You did the right thing by putting pressure on them.

Njaulv · 2021-12-01T21:26:04+00:00

I suppose you can just be glad they are not carting him off to be circumcised without your permission. Small victories and whatnot.

Big_Shot12 · 2021-12-01T21:12:52+00:00

By the way babies aren’t born without men so technically you are a parent. society just biases women

randomjack420 · 2021-12-01T18:10:42+00:00

Bro my son is just over a year old and we have neither his birth certificate or ssn.

moofyre · 2021-12-01T16:40:10+00:00

Ask for a paternity test immediately when they tell you they need a birth parent.

busterlungs · 2021-12-01T19:24:58+00:00

Because covid has hospitals fucked and unfortunately you're not the one that has to give birth lol. They didn't even let my family in when I had surgery last year

stepstohealth · 2021-12-01T20:13:53+00:00

From nurse' perspective, mom and babe are the patients so some of the paperwork has to be signed off by the patient. The birth certificate thing really messes with my brain, though. I never understood how moms had such power to not put dad's name on it.

suicidejojo87 · 2021-12-01T21:35:42+00:00

That's not fair at all. "Birth parent" is such a disrespectful term. What the fuck. Regardless, congrats man! Be the best dad you can be for your kid and yourself. Fuck everybody else.

hawksdiesel · 2021-12-02T00:14:27+00:00

What if your wife suddenly identify as male right after birth, then what would they do?!

reddit-h8s-women · 2021-12-02T00:35:10+00:00

No matter what, breaking out "fucking" at the beginning of any interaction will get you a dirty look. Do you think the nurse/receptionist wrote that policy?

Alarming_Jicama2979 · 2021-12-01T14:59:01+00:00

Being hostile won’t convince them … but as we change the way things are done around here it will get better for everyone. Who thought transgender bathrooms was a great idea? Nobody, so perverts dress like women just to get Privelege with our children!!! Stay in the game dads, kiddos are counting on us!

Canttakethewhyfromme · 2021-12-01T16:31:23+00:00

While I agree with your sentiment, I highly doubt the overworked nurse was the one who personally implemented this policy and it is a major pet peeve of mine when people attack low paid employees (waiter, clerk, nurse, etc) who enforce policies that are created at a higher up level. To me this is akin to attacking soldiers and calling them baby killers for the wars that wealthy people start.

officerfriendlyrick7 · 2021-12-01T18:27:03+00:00

It weirdly sounds a lot like women are property of the system these days.

dbh192 · 2021-12-01T19:38:29+00:00

Hospitals are garbage. i wish i could havr my next kid at home. but hey, you made it out of the hospital, you got your boy. congradulations. you're about to learn a lot and a lot as you go. you'll love it. You'll hate it , but love it even more. let people know very clearly you are willing to make violence and are ready to die for your children, also they can mind their fucking business when it comes to your family. good luck and god bless.

Mrky859 · 2021-12-01T16:23:46+00:00

Cuz women aint shit and the laws aint shit.

scaredofshaka · 2021-12-01T21:45:40+00:00

Congrats my friend!! Welcome to dadhood, a wonderful group indeed.

You are fully right about it and definitively should push back - but don't sweat it too much either man. What matters above everything is your family, and the big societal struggles can come after that. In few years you'll aso be able to help your son develop his own sense of wright and wrong and show him and his mom exactly how well men can be fathers. Seeing a kid learning to love and help women and keep his sense of self-worth intact even when so much around him is clearly unjust.. That's an amazing feeling right there.

Sea-Philosopher2821 · 2021-12-01T21:47:09+00:00

As the dad, I filled out all paperwork. My wife had a really bad c-section and was not functional. There were also two spots to sign, me and the wife. Not sure where everyone else is at, but this wasn’t the case for me.

Starship_Captain01 · 2021-12-01T22:08:33+00:00

I just want to be a dad......why is it already this hard.

Men are second class citizens in the western world.

auMatech · 2021-12-01T22:36:18+00:00

Congratulations mate, it's the start of a helluva journey for you.

If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to about dadding or just wanna vent about things feel free to dm me.

Bosilaify · 2021-12-01T23:20:56+00:00

It'll get better :) congratulations!

pn1159 · 2021-12-02T00:50:34+00:00

I'm curious. Did they ask you to pay the bill or discuss payment with you?

TAPriceCTR · 2021-12-02T01:43:37+00:00

I support this to a degree... fathers have no rights until agreed to by the mother. BUT ONLY if it is combined with fathers having no responsibilities until they are agreed to by the father.

this will solve so much. yes it sucks that it makes official the power women already have to cut off your BIOLOGICAL offspring, my it takes away their power to steal men's money (life) without their consent.

however the fact that you are married SHOULD negate this as it is a contractual agreement to raise children together. but if HIPAA erases assumptions of marriage I can UNDERSTAND also negating this assumption. disagree, but understand.

Blutarg · 2021-12-02T02:07:48+00:00

Congratulations!

iLoveReddit32 · 2021-12-01T22:09:13+00:00

Stop complaining

HelpMeSucceedPlz · 2021-12-01T21:39:19+00:00

Wow, my phone was turned side-ways a little bit and I read that you f*cked them right in the eye! Had to turn it perfectly upright and read it again

StudentOfTheTruth0 · 2021-12-02T03:32:29+00:00

I would be really, really worried to have a son in the first place ... what his future will hold ... just my worry.

Title	Just had my first son.....
Author	Swvfd626
Upvotes	1462
Comments	256
Date	December 1, 2021 1:59 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/r6fd1b/just_had_my_first_son/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/just-had-my-first-son.1089331 https://theredarchive.com/post/1089331

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