4 Attractive Variables for Men - PLZ MAKE YOUR ANSWERS SUPER SIMPLE FOR OVERTHINKING PPD MEN

EulenWatcher · 2022-04-24T06:56:00+00:00

I'm not really sure there's any practical point for discussing "the minimum". I am either attracted to a person or not and considering I find most people as totally non-sexual beings, I doubt my answer will be really helpful. I'll try to do my best to dissect the way my attraction works, but it won't be accurate in any way. We don't look at a person and mentally check some points, our view of them is more holistic and far far more contextual. You can be a great catch on paper, but it won't work out in real life, just because you can't keep any close emotional connections for example. And a broke guy can be really popular among women because he's really pretty and provides them with fun times.

Anyway, here's what you were asking for. And any angry male users here, please, don't come for me, I've done what the OP has asked.

Personality is the most important. I'm not sure what's the bare minimum here is though.
- Kind, supportive, honest
- Being pleasant and interesting to be around
- Having similar values/morals
- Consistent with their values
- Being able to open up and be vulnerable with your partner
Appearance. It is important, but at least for me it's far less crucial than the first point. If I had to choose between an average appearance and a great personality or a 10/10 with a plat character, I'd pick the first one. The bare minimum here:
- Not overweight
- A bit higher than I am (5'2) would do
- Clean and neat clothing
- Good hygiene
Status
- not antisocial, i.e. not an addict/drug dealer, alcoholic, criminal, known cheater etc
- not divorced/baby daddy/mommy
- white collar job or not dangerous blue collar one
Wealth
- income not significantly lower than mine

avoriure · 2022-04-24T12:05:09+00:00

personality.. looks > money > status.

looks are important to me honestly and not too far from personality on the list. also hygiene is extremely important to me and guys who are good looking and confident tend to take care of it well. i really can’t deal with hygiene issues especially if there’s a problem with it on the first date. (i’ve had a guy lean in to kiss me once and i had to decline because of his breath)

i’d prefer a guy that’s above average but average is fine as long as he takes care of himself. personality wise being open minded, stable, and supportive. he at least has to make more money than me even if it’s not by much. and status? i don’t care much for that as long as it’s not terrible for any weird reason

MicrospathodonChrys · 2022-04-25T13:23:54+00:00

This is going to be a hard question for women to realistically answer because women don’t just observe men in a vacuum…the baseline will always shift over time based on our experiences with specific men.

I’m in a wonderful relationship right now with a guy I’m wildly attracted to. He exceeds my “true minimums” in probably every way. But since i get to be with him, it’s hard to imagine compromising.

That said, my ex probably just barely cleared most of my minimums, but since he was truly the worst partner, I significantly increased my standards after leaving.

But. To try to answer the question as realistically as possible:

Looks- face is important but obvious flaws can be fine as long as the guy carries them well and with confidence. Certain flaws (like scars) can even be a plus if the guy has confidence

Height- prefer a guy to be taller than me (5’8) but it’s not a huge deal and I’ve definitely been into guys who were shorter

Build- i prefer a guy to weigh more than me (135) without being obese. In practice this basically means that taller guys can get away with being skinnier and still be attractive (although there is definitely such thing as too skinny), while shorter guys benefit from muscle.

Fitness- I’m really into lifting but i don’t care if a guy is, though i do like him to be stronger than me in real-world competencies like moving furniture or opening jars. I’m also really into hiking and backpacking, so if a guy regularly couldn’t hang in terms of distance or pace, that would be a turnoff.

Hygiene- smell good, basically

Style- i like guys who just dress “normal.” I respect and notice good style, and i like when a guy looks sharp in a fitted suit for a wedding or whatever. But if a guy put a lot of thought into personal style day-to-day, we probably wouldn’t be compatible.

Personality- someone i can bring to a party or social event who will not be miserable, won’t be embarrassing (like saying inappropriate things to my coworkers or family) and can make conversation with strangers. I also need someone to be emotionally resilient, and self aware, and not scared of doing the hobbies i love most (backpacking and scuba)

Status- idk if this fits but some combination of above average education and intellect is absolutely critical. I need a guy to find my job at least mildly interesting (because i love it) and that requires baseline scientific literacy. I also want to find his work at least mildly interesting, i want him to like his work or find some meaning in it, and to be good at it

Wealth- financially responsible, carries his own health insurance, has a career with some room for growth, has a plan to pay down debt.

Reisiluu · 2022-04-24T07:52:17+00:00

Personality > looks > status > money. I'll date men with a good/compatible personality who are decent in at least 2 out of the 3 other categories.

I won't date someone with good looks, status and money who has an awful or incompatible personality. That might be a problem some seemingly good men face in dating.

beautysleepsodom · 2022-04-24T09:44:00+00:00

What do you mean by "minimum threshold"? You can't quantify personality like that. Are you looking for some kind of number scale?

RinoaRita · 2022-04-24T09:47:03+00:00

The minimum varies based on what the others are. Let’s say each category can net you a certain amount of points, positive or negative. Black pill says it’s only about looks, which is wrong, but they are somewhat picking up that physical attraction is usually the first impression/starting basis so it’s the most noticeable.

You need 8 points to get a woman to sleep with you.

Physical attraction level 10: Perfect chad specimen:

Model gorgeous looks/dresses sharp/hot enough to hang a poster of. His other traits basically have to not be negative enough to pull him down to below 8. This man can pick up random girls at the bar as long he does not put them off severely with his personality, finances, status. (Creepy enough to activate serial killer Ted bundy vibes, literally homeless, maybe rumor preceded him that he has an std and any girl who goes with him will catch it etc)

Physical attraction level 7: definitely cute.

Not quite “every can’t help but notice when he walks in the room hot” like chad up there but he stands out as one of the more handsome guys if you’re scoping out the scene. This guy just needs a drop of positive to get him over the edge and get 1 more point. Nice date with fun conversation? Seems like he’s got a good enough job not to be a mooch? He seems to have a nice circle of friends who seem to like/trust him? All these are enough to get the green light. You vet a little but not enough to really dig.

Physical attraction level 3 This guy isn’t the best looking out there and he’s not noticeable in a crowd based on looks alone but if you look close he’s kinda cute in his own little way. You likely won’t notice how handsome he is at a crowded party and chat him up but if he’s a friend of a friend and already has 3 points socially you might decide to take interest. Maybe you met him at a professional conference and you have ideas about his job and he’s already netted 3 points for finances. If his personality is funny and compatible he can net the last 2 points with a couple of dates, maybe show a hint of long term potential. Then he’s attractive enough to sleep with.

Physical attraction level 1:

My friend’s quote captures it perfectly “The thought of kissing him doesn’t make me want to throw up” yeah this guy is just attractive enough to not be unattractive. He needs a bunch of other factors to be up there to pull a girl. He could have a great earning job and be well liked in a circle and have some compatibility that makes her laugh.

The problem with this is people lose jobs, you can’t be “on” and your charming best all the time and maybe you start drifting from your social scene. There’s a lot of upkeep if you’re maintaining attraction enough to keep the relationship.

Negative attraction; the thought of kissing him does make you want to throw up but maybe he’s a millionaire? Maybe he’s a rock star and you’re trying to make it as a singer?

So in conclusion there’s no minimum really for any one category. There’s a minimum total. If you score the minimum of 1,1,1,1 meaning you’re not actively repulsive in each of them you still won’t hit what’s needed to be attractive.

Lol I home brew dnd table top rules so thanks for coming to my social status appendix. If people want to play a dating sim table top with the 4 stats hit me up lol j/k but not really?

I know you said keep it simple but I think character building ala video games/dnd would palatable enough for the nerds out there.

TL:DR score points for each category must hit minimum threshold. Some combos easier to maintain than others.

Transmigratory · 2022-04-24T12:15:51+00:00

The minimum doesn’t matter as I don’t ever deal with the minimum. I maximize the people allowed into my life, not scrape the bottom of the barrel

daybyday0 · 2022-04-25T16:26:41+00:00

Looks attract me first > personality > wealth > status.

If you're average looking, but we're friends first then personality can win over looks.

Looks

Height - Taller than me (5'7 +)
Weight - my ideal is lean or lean and toned (does not need a 6-pack)
Style - Clean, not-dressed as a bum, some sort of personal style.
Hair and facial hair should be maintained
Scent - no preference, but would be a plus
Beauty regiments - as long as they don't have crazy acne. I don't care.
Basic Hygiene - showers and brushes his teeth lol
Small details - I love guys with bangs. No comb-overs. Nice arms and hands. Nice jawline and smaller eyes.

Wealth

Makes more than me and is good with money

Status

If I introduce him to my friends they approve and I like his friends too. I will judge your personality if your friends are racist or misogynistic. You are who you surround yourself with.
Profession - be passionate about it

Personality

Pluses

Caring/Emotionally attentive/has empathy - notices when I'm down or tired and is there for me.
Good communicator + listener
Positive energy/funny
Loyal + Sticks up for me and what he believes in
Romantic/flirty
Open-minded + easygoing

Negatives

Overly sensitive, critical, misogynistic, stubborn, complains a lot, disrespectful, clingy, controlling

MrMushySauce · 2022-04-24T07:26:54+00:00

Here’s the catch: besides ‘income’ the rest are really difficult to describe in writing to strangers. Even income is swayed by location. So the women are just going to give vague answers to these vague questions

Ylduts · 2022-04-24T06:36:54+00:00

Man or women if you see a list like this run. Not a good match for a long term monogamous relationship.

Transmigratory · 2022-04-24T08:26:28+00:00

How important they are (according to what you included in each category)

Personality > looks (you included hygiene) > status (I find passion about one’s job a massive plus, I assume that would be this category. And the people you surround yourself with > wealth (just need to earn enough that we can enjoy things together)

YouAskedIt · 2022-04-24T09:59:11+00:00

These are my bare minimums for a relationship

Sexually attractive to me. I've only experienced it 3 times, but I know when I feel it. There's no chance of it developing if it's not there for me immediately. I don't know what triggers that physically as they have all been widely different and were instant.

Health- eats healthy, looks after their body with moderate exercise, mentally stable, no personality disorders or addictions, no untreated mental illness, no communicable diseases, no current/past history of drug use, no smoking, no history or current use of alcohol(except social drinking 2-3 times a year), and maintains preventive upkeep with regular dentist/Dr visits as recommended

Hygiene- Shower at least once a day, dressed in clean unstained well maintained clothing appropriate for the setting, well groomed(regular hair cuts and shaving), smells nice, clean teeth and fresh breath, clean maintained nails, and makes an effort to present their best appearance

Personality- Kind to others, no history of bullying, no aggressive(unprovoked) or passive aggressive behavior, 0 history of domestic violence, extroverted, socially proficient, charitable, intelligent, affectionate, good communication skills, respects boundaries, emotionally intelligent and open, no double standards, hasn't had casual sex, no weird sexual kinks, doesn't want more children, must be a genuinely nice good person, and must share compatible morals and life goals

Status- no one antisocial, strong friendships, no history of accused abusive behavior, and a good reputation among people that know them

Wealth- can not make significantly less than myself, university grad, professional career path, stable history of employment, no significant personal debt outside of a mortgage, and shared future financial goals

MelodiousTones · 2022-04-24T21:50:42+00:00

There is no combination of traits that appeals to “all” women or “women in general”.

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2022-04-25T06:34:10+00:00

As nice a it would be to have a generic list, I don't think this idea works very well. Especially if you have experienced being a man, the bare minimum doesn't mean "the littlest I need to date you" but more along the lines of "the littlest I need to consider dating you" thus not actually the bare minimum.

This idea of mine stems from the fact that most women tend to be extremely fickle when it comes to who they find attractive (more than just physical). Thus fickleness means that a guy can check literally every single of her boxes and she she still may not be attracted to you. Thus any form of "what do men need for you to date them" question doesn't really work. Most men don't have problems meeting those requirements, they just have difficulty knowing what the requirements are.

We men are logical, we do a thing and if we don't see results, the thing doesn't affect the outcome. So we do what is on the lists as listed and don't get any results, thus the list is useless..

Lysa_Bell · 2022-04-24T09:46:10+00:00

Where is sexual compatibility? You don't have that at all in your little list of criteria. For me that is extremely high on a priority list. I'm with my SO because we have the same kinks and sexual preferences. I only learned after we talked about our sexual preferences that he is also a kind, caring guy.

No matter how rich, nice, handsome a guy is, he would totally get filtered out for me if he can't find the clit.

Why isn't that on the list?

intelectualycurious · 2022-04-24T06:48:29+00:00

What’s the point I’m thinking like this? It’s almost like you’re looking for a reason for women to disqualify you based on these criteria.

Avakayi · 2022-04-24T06:17:04+00:00

Lol people here would be like #EVERYTHING

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Siukslinis_acc · 2022-04-24T09:52:22+00:00

By importance: personality > status/wealth > looks. Though all those things are required. So none can work without the other.

Personality:
• Respects my boundaries
• does not make me a target for jokes.
• Have vaues that don't clash with mine.
• We get along together.
• doesn't have a short fuse.
• Not vulgar.

Wealth:
• Earns enough to cover for his lifestyle without going to debt.

Status:
• Is not psycho.
• Can do things (go to places/events/hobbies) without requiring my involvement.

Looks:

• Not morbidly obese

• no sharp smells.

• Doesn't reek of smokes/alcohol.

• does not wear pants that are intentionally ripped

2022-04-24T11:36:16+00:00

Looks:

Dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, basic hygiene, soft belly, not too much muscle, no tattoos

Wealth:

Whatever. Education is more important to me.

Status:

As long as he can relate to UMC/UC family background, we're good

Personality

Gentle, shy, kind, nurturing, shared religious beliefs

neetykeeno · 2022-04-24T11:41:34+00:00

That's not the way it works.

Bigbog54 · 2022-04-24T12:08:24+00:00

The minimum list goes like this:

Need to be attracted to the person, that has a million variables impossible to list.

Tall/short, black/white/Asian, blonde/brunette/other, big/small tits/ass, employed/unemployed, rich/poor, kids/no kids, the list is endless and doesn’t matter. U you just need the attraction, money, clothes, houses etc don’t mean shit, if you’re attracted to someone that’s all you need. Except pt. 2

Hygiene, she needs to be an adult and able to clean herself
Other than that everything will work itself out

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-04-24T13:00:47+00:00

Fine ok.

As long as he’s bigger than me, in height and weight

Taller than 5.3

Clothes that aren’t falling off him are are appropriate fir what he’s doing

I do like a nice scent/spray

A touch of gel in hair if he’s leaving the house

Showers daily unless it’s a deliberate lazy day where you aren’t meeting people

Net worth -don’t care

Income -don’t care, I just want him to understand you have to be able to pay your way in life, live within your means

Personally I’d like him to be known in my social circle so that I can ask about background

Same answer, I want other people to know who he is too

Don’t care his profession as long as he understands you have to work (except a car salesmen)

Anything he has a passion fir is interesting

Honestly if he was part of anything exclusive or associated with higher people I would feel intimidated

Humour. Never underestimate humour. It trumps everything including wealth and attraction, this is a must fir any relationship

GlumManufacturer1557 · 2022-04-24T14:15:17+00:00

Personality<money<looks/status

Orange_Paisley · 2022-04-24T17:18:25+00:00

Looks:

Attractive to me, which can include eyes, smile, hair, style, clothes, grooming. I’m partial to men with expressive eyebrows, good cheekbones, they don’t have to be buff. I like a range from lanky to slightly overweight. A dark eyed, dark haired man who is chubby is not out of the running.

Wealth: I don’t care as long as you don’t expect me to support you.

Status; As long as my family and my friends like you, I’m not particular about this.

Personality: this rates highest for me. I am an introvert and I have social anxiety so I have a small but fiercely loyal social circle. I value kindness, open mindedness, intellect, creativity, and wit. Good taste in music. If not well read, at least familiar with literary references. Someone who I can have fun with. You don’t need to be a social butterfly but you should be able to integrate into mixed company without being abrasive or blending into the furniture.

amyg36819 · 2022-04-25T00:53:31+00:00

for context i am rich uni student.

Looks

• height (my ex is ~my height <4’10”> and it was fantastic)

• any beauty regiments (when a man has good perfume and skincare it is just amazing)

• hygiene (we can’t be in bed but my little brother has better hygiene than u, baby)

• small details: arab look; big nose, thick beard, honestly don’t mind thinning hair

Wealth

• able to survive (pay bills, stay clean, attend uni), whether from job or parents’ money.

Status

• profession for me. from stable job: this one is a sticky one. i would say profession

Personality

• kind, caring, supportive, respectful, willing to open up, sharing similar or same political values

. . .

ik this is already really fucking long but i will now describe the minimum of each trait.

• height: 5’5” absolute max. if he’s like 5’7” then that’s far too tall. im 4’10” so that’s huge for me. guys like 6’ are instant no.

• beauty regime: looks after beard and cleans hair. not even at barber. messy hair i don’t mind at all just as long as it doesn’t look matted and unkempt. but i do prefer brown hair. especially dark brown. simple skincare. cleanser, toner, moisturiser. that’s all i do haha.

• hygiene: i don’t mind a guy skipping one day shower. life gets in the way but at least be smelling decent. deodorant. brushing teeth. hair? idk. AS LONG AS YOU DONT SMELL BAD!!!

• small details: idk how to say it. he just needs to have a big arab nose and beard. beard doesn’t need to be super thick. dunno why but yh it is what it is 🤷🏽‍♀️. honestly don’t mind dad bod. miles more attractive that super jacked guy. (sorry i ik u said keep it simple. but i love arab guys. my man is Tamil so he has a very big nose and my my, my God. just looking at him makes me wet)

and also explain why i don’t care much for physique. my ex boyfriend was perfect physique for me but didn’t open up to me about everything. maybe my standards are high for personality. but if he is super cute and not opening up i ~~will~~ leave. my current boyfriend got the dad bod but there’s more emotional trust between us. it maybe is a lot to ask for but it’s just what i look for.

wealth

• i won’t run away if ur poor: dunno. i am from a rich family but he can absolutely be broke. that’s fine. broke guys are more humble anyways. as long as he’s looking to get out of his financial position though. i will support him but only short term. don’t wanna become sugar mummy haha

status

cause it affects our social circles, how our communities see us. achievements of any kind not sure. i would definitely pick having a profession or aiming for a good one cause i think it’s an achievement to have a good career.

• i got two examples. with my ex boyfriend i was so happy. he was making so much money but he has shitty social status. he is just my type. short but very fit, thick beard, other things. (but he had like squeaky voice which i lowkey highkey didn’t like). this is gonna sound super narcissistic, but he made me look like a super introverted hermit which hurt my pride.

• other example is my current man. he’s average height so that’s a bit tall for me. one thing is is that he is kinda poor. he’s international student but not like others. he doesn’t get any money from parents. so he works his ass off to live. therefore he’s got many many friends he meets with. that’s cause people respect him so he gets on well with people in general. he’s doing all this while being engineering student. that means that he’s got high social status. i wasn’t particularly looking out for that but it’s definitely much more attractive.

• if you are slightly shy of introverted that’s totally fine and normal. but if you are seen as the weird dodgy guy that everyone avoids then it’s a hard pass. poor social skills can’t be overlooked. usually means people don’t respect you. profession… difficult to say for me. like i said you don’t need great profession. but you need to be working towards going higher

personality

• pleasant to be with: pls I BEG. we don’t even need to get on amazingly in the beginning. just being able to have simple conversations is a start :)!

• YOU CANT BE DISRESPECTFUL. lack of respect for people, esp waiters and waitresses, probably indicates ignorance.

• AND CAN’T HE CLOSED OFF. i always give my all in a relationship and then when a guy is closed off, i usually leave.

• caring: i am very weak and frail. i have strength but it takes a lot out of me to use it. someone willing to accept my disability without looking at me as subpar is BARE MINIMUM!!!

• moral opinion: this is very sticky, but sharing opposing political and moral values usually ruins relationships. or at least for me. me and this guy really liked each other. like seriously. but he was super super super conservative. i love to have a lot of sex sooo therefore he cut me off for that reason. i respect his values. shame he couldn’t respect mine :/

[TL;DR]: aaaand those are the reasons why i love my bf sooooo so much. Praise God for the blessing that he is :’)

Exciting_Phase_1665 · 2022-04-25T16:21:34+00:00

I think this is over-rationalizing attraction, no one really approaches dating with this kind of list. Every woman has preferences. It’s unreasonable to simplify attraction into a list of qualifications. At least for me, attraction happens naturally and unexpectedly, so it’s difficult to describe it objectively. I’ve been attracted to multiple people who all had different looks & personalities.

Now, I’ve definitely tried rationalizing my feelings one too many times, especially being autistic. That’s just how my brain works. I constantly try to figure out the root of my attractions, analyzing my crushes’ traits, etc. Unfortunately, I’ve learned that romantic attraction just can’t be explained as you’ve requested.

I can give you a rundown of some traits I’ve observed in all the people I’ve liked, but keep in mind, this is just my experience. It’s also possible that I’d remain uninterested in someone even if they were to have all of these traits on paper, cause attraction is contextual!

Personality (arguably the most important) - Is an interesting person (ie: their personality, hobbies, and interests make me want to engage with them) - Sincere - Extroverted - Charismatic - Confident - Makes me laugh, has a similar sense of humour to mine - Unashamed, passionate, and open about interests - Shares my values - Intelligent - Shares some nerdy interests with me - Is able to hold lengthy, interesting conversations - Not sure if this counts here, but I prefer socializing with neurodivergent people over neurotypical people for obvious reasons - Cares about me

Looks: Difficult to describe as I’ve been into many different people appearance-wise - Taller than 5’5 (my height) - Takes care of their appearance - Deep-ish voice - Dark hair

Wealth - This doesn’t really matter to me, richer people tend to have less interesting personalities imo

Status - Also relatively unimportant, but it’d be nice if they were open to socializing with my friends & family and introduce me to their friends

just_a_jane_doe · 2022-04-24T10:24:35+00:00

4 OvErTHinKiNg MeN

Piss off, no one owes you any answer

januaryphilosopher · 2022-04-24T10:27:39+00:00

Physique/body - be a healthy weight, and have no disabilities that require a lot of help to be dealt with. Height - so long as it starts with a 5 it shouldn't cause problems. Clothing - I guess you could fuck up by dressing terribly but even wearing very generic clothes is fine. Grooming - just shower and use basic hygiene please, take care of your hair if it's long, I'd also prefer a shaved face. Any beauty regiments - nothing required that I haven't mentioned, apart from skincare if your skin is noticeably bad. Hygiene - the regular amount I'd expect of any functioning adult. Small details - none that are necessary. Net worth - don't be in debt. Income - just have a job please. Other indicators of wealth - I'm unlikely to date you if you seem rich or otherwise posh. Social circle - have at least a few close friends who are not me. Local community - so long as you're not widely hated I don't care if anyone has even heard of you. Profession - this makes no difference. Achievements - have A Levels or equivalent, and have at least one achievement you want to work on in life. Exclusive groups - I might rule you out if you're part of one depending on what it is. Would certain personalities draw me in - absolutely, this is why I'm not interested in everyone who has the other things. Personality traits - depends on the person but at minimum they need to be trustworthy, loyal, honest, kind, caring, romantic and intelligent. And a feminist or feminist ally, but I'm not sure where to put that. As well as being roughly sexually compatible (not sexually dominant, enjoys intercourse, libido is at least a couple of times per week) and not enjoying casual sex, and shared values in important aspects (family, relationships, morality, overall worldview).

Title	4 Attractive Variables for Men - PLZ MAKE YOUR ANSWERS SUPER SIMPLE FOR OVERTHINKING PPD MEN
Author	Transmigratory
Upvotes	25
Comments	172
Date	April 24, 2022 6:12 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/uao9e0/4_attractive_variables_for_men_plz_make_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/4-attractive-variables-for-men-plz-make-your.1111390 https://theredarchive.com/post/1111390

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