Are some males infatilized/desexualized because they look childish?

lectrohS_naisA · 2022-07-27T09:13:22+00:00

That's me lol. I'm Chinese and I live in the UK, so naturally I can't grow a fucking beard, I'm short and I still get ID'd for alcohol at age 30 with the ladies there going "Oh sorry dearie I thought you looked under 20!"

Maybe when I hit 60 I might finally look my age. As of right now I'm pretty much a babyface and I assume most would see me as a friend rather than an object of sexual desire.

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-07-27T08:10:51+00:00

An adult having sex with a child has serious legal reprecussuions.

Maybe adult women are less likely to sexualise children, thus if you look like a kid, they won't sexualise you.

Men might have less of this "social stop". I remember here many women saying that they were sexualised by adult men when they haven't started puberty or were in the early stages of one. I also remember those countdowns till an actress becomes of legal age in magazines.

People who look like children tend to be seen as children. And women have less inclination to see children in a sexual way (maybe motherly instincts has to do something with it), than men.

Specialist-Action-33 · 2022-07-27T11:52:52+00:00

Took the words right out of my mouth. I am living proof of this structure. Could you imagine when boys were getting facial hair at age 15 having full grown beards at 20, I didn't have any at 19. I was accused of being younger than my age, and women in their early 20's don't like younger men, let alone younger looking men.

A majority of the cause is being a late bloomer and having lack of testosterone. Unless you are a celebrity, you will rarely see success with women if you have a baby face, until you're about 30. The major issue is the lack of testosterone that your body produces which prevents you from looking more manly, causing you to look younger than your age.

And don't believe that horse shit when people say when you get older, it will be easier to get younger women because of the fact you look younger than your age. That falls in line with that "husband material" horse shit.

urukgay2022B · 2022-07-27T13:29:51+00:00

I look childish and no doctor ever dared to measure my testosterone for some reason. It seems they want to avoid measuring it anymore for some mystery.

It is frustrating as women and transmen often get hormones so easily but for men, it is almost impossible and illegal to get the substances by your own.

It seems indeed society want some men to be weak and sick. My cholesterol is to the roof and I've read part of that is low testosterone, and yet no doctor cares. They prefer to give me statins and put me on unrealistic diets that healthier men do not have to follow.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2022-07-27T08:16:34+00:00

Women look at such males and just impose infatilizing/desexualizing assumptions on them - 'he is so harmless', 'he must just play video games all day', 'don't worry about him, he can't flirt with girls'

This has significantly more to do with presentation than it does to do with base physical appearance. Someone who presents and carries themselves as if they can command the attention of a room, who crafts an intentional look that fits their build/aesthetic will not struggle much if at all. It's as much about communication ability and aesthetic as it is about appearance, if not more. A guy who doesn't even have the pretense of appearing to be charismatic will fail and die and fail and die in all sorts of social situations throughout their lives, not only romance. Developing charisma DOES take time and effort, but the energy someone gives off in communication massively changes the way people think about you. Arguably, how someone acts is more impactful than how they look, again not limited to just romance. If someone presents in a childish manner (with regards to styling, behavior, communication skills/ability/style), they will be seen as immature and not really particularly socially notable.

On the same token, someone who leans in hard to their aesthetic will look way better doing it than someone who awkwardly wears it. For someone who is extremely skinny, with a narrow build, maybe underweight, with very little body hair, it's WAY better to lean into the "pretty"/put-together/very intentional/refined look than it is to just exist and adopt typical male fashion and presentation, which is not properly fitted to the individual and is frankly bland af. The other option is to go with a highly stylized look that is less polished, but that isn't as easy.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-07-27T13:46:00+00:00

I have an aged too much since high school, and while I wouldn't say I have a baby face, I definitely look a lot younger than I do, it's actually kept me able to hook up with college aged chicks as well as the MILFs lol

mustbepurged · 2022-07-27T15:46:23+00:00

Welcome to the world of being an Asian male, full of neoteny and collagen until your 40s. The neoteny doesn’t ever leave you unless you’ve got uncommon genetics.

bluealexandrite · 2022-07-27T11:41:27+00:00

Yes, but I think it can also happen if you’re female (anyone you date is called a pdf file, you’re not taken seriously at all), or have a disability (“people with ____ date?” “Why is ____ going out with him? Is she trying to take advantage? Maybe get $$$?”)

If you get written off as someone who can’t hold equal power in a relationship, despite being a mature consenting adult, you’re treated as childish entertainment and essentially off the market.

Mobrowncheeks · 2022-07-27T14:26:28+00:00

I wonder if this also reflects in how they feel about men who will date women in their early 20’s even when the man is 30-40.

anon018274031 · 2022-07-27T16:50:37+00:00

I don’t infantilise these men but I’m not sexually attracted to them either. Same way I’m not sexually attracted to school boys.

If someone looks like a school kid, even if they are 30, I can’t then somehow flip a switch to make that attractive

BUT there are certain people that do like a cute young looking boy. Everyone has their thing I guess

xX_VapeNayshYall_Xx · 2022-07-27T18:16:57+00:00

In my experience, it mostly true what you are saying. Women are difficult to impress if you have childish features. Best case scenario is you make them laugh. But even if you make them laugh, you probably just remind them of their little brother. Defining coming of age features, (beard, jawline, overall musculature, height etc.) are of significance to most women.

I’ve met women that are into guys with beards (maybe a majority?). I have also met women that prefer a man that shaves. Ironically, women that prefer clean shaven men, are turned off by men that don’t have stubble. Majority of women want a man that can grow a beard, even if they want him to shave it every morning.

Also keep in mind a majority of people (men or women) don’t give a rat’s ass if someone has a “potent sex drive”. If someone isn’t interested in another person sexually/romantically, they are just looking to live their own life. It’s easier for all of us to just play dumb and remain oblivious to unwanted sexual attention.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-07-27T11:21:07+00:00

100%. I was sharing some underweight, narrow shoulder men with various women and the women kept going "ew he's like 12 years old". The dudes were in their mid 20s.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-07-27T08:24:12+00:00

I've always looked younger than my age. I think there's a tendency to treat someone similar to a child when they look like they are one, even if you know they're not. It doesn't seem right to sexualise someone who isn't an adult in your mind. I'd like it if people were less condescending, though, as honestly that's not even how you should treat children a few years younger than you.

KombuchaEnema · 2022-07-27T15:31:50+00:00

Think of it this way:

If you were a warrior one thousand years ago, it wouldn’t matter how baby-faced you were. A woman could watch you slaughter a man who was threatening to pillage her home and she would be all over you like white on rice.

The fact of the matter here is that men are already becoming more feminized in general. The man who sits at a computer all day programming doesn’t have much of an opportunity to show off his masculine energy.

I watch videos on Youtube and the way men stand, the way they groom themselves, the way they carry themselves - it all seems like it’s becoming increasingly more feminine.

Take two identical twins. Both are baby-faced. One spent his life growing up on the streets learning how to fight to defend himself. He went through constant stresses and tests of his character (rites of passage). He has had to work hard in order to survive.

The other twin grew up in a middle-class home and enjoys playing video games and sometimes kicking a soccer ball around. He’s a nice guy but you can tell he’s never been pushed to his limit. He’s never been punched in the face. He’s never had to face a challenge that rattled him to his absolute core.

Those two men will absolutely carry themselves differently and women will pick up on it.

No matter how scrawny you were back in the day, you’d build muscle training to fight or hunting or performing hard labor. You wouldn’t be stick thin like some men are today. I know that’s harsh but it’s the truth.

Go watch The Sopranos and look at the way the men in that show carry themselves. Their body language, manner of speaking - all very accurate to the way you see mobsters speaking and carrying themselves in real-life interviews. These are men who know they could die at any moment if they make even the smallest mistake.

Now go watch a Jubilee video on YouTube and look at the men there who are in their early twenties. The way they carry themselves is completely different.

I think the reason men get infantilized is simple: life is easier nowadays. People don’t go through the same challenges that forced us to build a sense of character and composure. People are softer. Also, we have begun sexualizing/fetishizing mental illness and it’s hot right now to be dysfuctional (see: suicide girls porn, fuckboy culture) so people are leaning into their traumas rather than working to overcome them.

If you have a babyface, that piles on to the disadvantage modern men already have when it comes to being seen as manly.

I think that has a lot to do with it. Twelve year old boys are playing video games and making Tik Toks instead of learning how to fight or hunt or fix a car. It makes these boys seem infantile to women when they become men.

The same thing is happening to women. A lot of us act like teenagers in our early twenties and it makes men less attracted to us.

GlowingAsItDazzles · 2022-07-27T11:29:44+00:00

duh?

Trolburg · 2022-07-27T12:04:43+00:00

While it probably makes you less appealing to some groups of women it might make you more appealing to others.

For example I'm baby faced - mid 20s and still have people check if I'm over 18, carded etc. I have blond hair and blue eyes and wear sunscreen a lot so I think that all contributes.

I used to work in a school and I was told by a teacher and some of the girls that half the 16-18 year olds had crushes on me. I'm guessing being baby faced makes me less intimidating while being older is also attractive. Plus I'm athletic and rock the business casual look

On the flip side I haven't had much luck with women my age (although a couple are into it) and I just usually get mothered my older women, which can be quite a good thing in some respects but not good fr dating. Also a lot of people think I'm gay

Express-Fig-5168 · 2022-07-27T14:31:21+00:00

Similarly to what u/DatingVX stated. I wouldn't say it is that they look childish alone, it is all about the energy you give off, if you seem non-confrontational and wishy-washy you will be infantilised and women will baby you whether you look buff or not this is the case.

Eastuss · 2022-07-27T12:13:36+00:00

[permanently deleted]

HeartCatchHana · 2022-07-27T14:04:32+00:00

You probably are correct

DatingVX · 2022-07-27T11:42:26+00:00

I mean, yea. Appearance has to do with how you appear. You have friendly energy and sexual energy. The same goes for women with glasses that have a ''cute'' physique, versus the more sex bomb type. You find out, the ''cute'' ones are as sexual or even more so.

It's the whole feminine versus masculine men debate/issue. In general, there are fewer masculine men now because women/society wanted this. But in the end.. did not actually want this.

You can use this to your advantage tbh. I have a friend who's Asian and has a similar appearance. He gets approached a lot because he feels friendly. He just has to translate that later into 'no I want sex too'

Spread-Em-Plz · 2022-07-27T17:34:28+00:00

Yes, this happens all the time.

Your resident babyface here has many anecdotes that point to the answer to your question being YES.

Those infantilizing assumptions are basically things I’ve heard word for word. Things like “What you do for fun? You a gamer?”, “Whaaat? YOU don’t smoke!”, “You’ve never been in a fight before.”

I said a while back that you can be good-looking but not sexually dimorphic, and this is a prime show of how.

Despite me being an athlete (an MMA fighter at that) and not a complete straight-edge, people assume on sight that I’m nice, respectful, a “square”, pacifist, etc. (read: a pussy)

Hell, people upon first meeting me assume I’m too “nice” to curse or say the word nigga, then are caught by surprise when I swear every other sentence.

I also get asked disproportionately if I’m a virgin or not. People insist that I have to be lying when I tell them I’m not

I’m starting to grow into the babyface and becoming more sexually dimorphic though, so eh, can’t be mad for too long.

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todo_pasa_ · 2022-07-27T16:47:29+00:00

That's a huge thing with asian men that you can see in kpop.

This women find some male idols "cute" "babyface" and they also want ~~to fuck them~~ be their girlfriends

Academic_Snow_7680 · 2022-07-27T20:45:43+00:00

Nope. Boyish men have always been my type.

f_ckupsomecommas · 2022-07-28T00:08:23+00:00

Everyone has a different natural build, but a lot can be accomplished through lifting. If you’re a teenager don’t even worry about being skinny, you’ll naturally fill out as you get older. I remember my wrists used to be like toothpicks when I was 15 which I was super insecure about, but now at 21 they’re much thicker and I even had to buy a new watch.

When I was a teen I was also only about 160 lbs at 6’2, which is pretty thin. I was definitely not respected by other people, and I noticed that other men would make fun of me or see me as an easy target.

I’ve been lifting for about 5 years as well, so I’m much larger than I used to be, but also a lot less lean. I honestly prefer being slightly bigger than being lean and skinny, at least other men seem to be more willing to engage with me. Women I’m not sure, maybe they notice me a bit more? I don’t honestly know because I have a very plain looking face, but it’s also easy to spot me in a crowd.

menelik0 · 2022-07-28T02:17:28+00:00

I can relate to this. On top of having a baby face, I’m short and could pass for a middle schooler when I was in college. Fun times haha

jymssg · 2022-07-28T03:18:08+00:00

maybe putting on some muscle will help?

ClaraBow01 · 2022-07-28T04:29:00+00:00

I think this is more of an issue about stereotyping. If we stereotype what a toxic man and a non-toxic man are, it can lead to people getting into bad situations. A youthful looking man isn’t any more or less potentially dangerous than an older looking man.

Title	Are some males infatilized/desexualized because they look childish?
Author	SuitableStart
Upvotes	47
Comments	117
Date	July 27, 2022 7:44 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/w98hb0/are_some_males_infatilizeddesexualized_because/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-some-males-infatilizeddesexualized-because.1125543 https://theredarchive.com/post/1125543

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