Just what the title says. This debate about paternity testing (specifically in marriages) got me thinking about possible compromises that can be made.

Generally, asking your wife who either is pregnant with your child or just had your child for a paternity test is not going to go over well.

There is no way for a man in that situation to make his request seem like anything other than an accusation of infidelity, which is why he should ask for paternity tests before the woman is even pregnant and ideally before she gets married to him. That way if the ask is a deal breaker, both parties can walk away.

If it’s not a deal breaker, asking before hand can open up dialogue about other options:

  1. Waiting until the woman has worked to earn the man’s trust to have kids.
  2. Having kids via artificial insemination, IVF or surrogate so he will 100% know it’s his.
  3. Staying together but not having kids.

Waiting to ask for this, especially when men claim that it’s this huge, equalizing need for them, feels sneaky and underhanded. As if you wait until she’s married to you and pregnant with your child, then the only recourse she has is to deal with it or divorce you: either way you’re still stuck in her life for 18 years to co-parent the child.

This is strictly for married couples: babies had in ons, situatioships, short relationships, or anywhere the couple isn’t married, should be paternity tested.

I even agree that if there’s a history of cheating in the marriage there should be paternity test there too.