Do most age gap relationships form deliberately because of the age gap?

TimeConstraints · 2023-08-20T02:47:51+00:00

My woman of 40 years is thirteen years older than me (M62).

She was not looking for a cub, and I certainly was not looking for a MILF/cougar when we met in 1983, when I was 22 and she was 35.

I looked older and acted more assertively than my age (and was shorter and homelier than most), and she looked much younger than her age (she was an Asian beauty).

Our acquaintances didn't know our age gap.

Our relationship was so unusual that we didn't have words like cougar, cub and MILF in our relationship vocabulary back then. It just wasn't done then.

Even without the age gap we had a boatload of red flags; interracial, international, different first languages, both on rebound, both far from home and family, both outside our cultures, and more.

We knew that by every societal measure our relationship was doomed and so we tried several times to break it off. We couldn't do it. We'd discuss the futility of it, agree to part ways and hug solemnly like adults do in movies. We'd go back to our apartments, and then at two in the morning she'd come over, or call me sobbing entreating me to come over, and once again we'd make a mess of things.

Early in our marriage, after we had been together for four of five years, she expressed fear that I was just using her. I confessed to it, and told her that on our 50th anniversary I'd finally admit to her that all along I was just using her for sex. That became one of our standing jokes.

To go directly at OP's question, we were attracted to each other in spite of the age gap, not because of it. We never considered the gap a virtue. We both knew we wanted each other, we were both inclined by personality to not care what others thought of us, and the age gap just wasn't enough of a liability to keep us apart.

Minimum-Slip3494 · 2023-08-20T02:22:24+00:00

One thing I wanted to add. Age gap between two adults seem to be taboo in u.s, but it’s incredibly common. There are a tons of woman that seek out older men , for money. Like it’s incredibly common but woman deep down knows that seeking that feels immoral so they won’t admit it or you won’t hear about it a lot despite it being common. However because age gaps are taboo people like to hate on it or pretend like it’s a bad thing. That’s why there are websites specifically made for woman seeking rich old men. Also for dating app statistics woman seek people that are older then herself all the time.

It’s intresting when you see gen z folks arguing about it by automatically insulting the guy that’s 35 years old in a relationship with a 20 year old female. They always say “her brain is not fully developed” and that she’s being manipulated and that this 35 year old is evil. They know nothing about him btw. It’s super hilarious when the roles are reversed and they don’t care one bit nor call the female that’s older manipulative. It’s like there’s a cult of people against this because social media brainwashed them into thinking men are this or whatever feminist views are being forced upon the gen z folks nowdays. but in reality age gaps between adults are so common.

Minimum-Slip3494 · 2023-08-20T02:05:19+00:00

So today I was was seeing a tik Tok of this model in an age gap relationship and saying how happy she was to be with the guy. Obviously he’s wealthy . I mean this dude is 40 and she’s 22. And the woman commenting were like “I wish I had an age gap relationship” “does he have a brother” . “Goals” . “Older men know what we want” . I’m talking about like over 200 comments praising her and him.

Why I’m saying this is because the day before on Reddit I saw a post of somebody complaining why their coworker that was 33 wanted to talk to this 19 year and all the comments were insulting this 33 year old. Apparently he’s evil just for wanting to talk to a 19 year old. But then there’s a bunch of woman in real life that would be ok with age gaps. It’s like Reddit has a lot of liberals and gen z folks with wierd mindsets due to social media brainwashing them. Has to be something like that. Like who cares what two adults do. If one is using the person for money that’s their choices

Edit: also can’t forget the older woman in their 30s that start victim blaming saying when they were 20 years old that this 30 or 40 year old manipulated her. Like you will see comments like that saying how they regretted it. It’s all competition and jealousy. They say it because they get mad nobody wants them so they lie about stories like that. I swear it’s something like that . Or telling the woman , “don’t do it he doesn’t care about you and will just manipulate” (they don’t even know the guy at all , they are saying this blindly all online lmao)

neinhaltchad · 2023-08-20T04:05:53+00:00

“Love is love”*

Except when some Karen’s find it “problematic”, then it is predatory and gross and constitutes a “power imbalancel

Any scenario with a “potential for abuse” should be openly judged along with dating Asian women or women from a “third world” country.

Notice how all the terms in quotes can change meaning depending on what the Karen is feeling in the moment, but general it will always mean “any scenario in which the man is getting something he wants that makes me feel insecure”

These women have zero self awareness of how arrogant, infantilizing, racist and culturally elitist they come off to the women they are supposedly “protecting”

Zabadoodude · 2023-08-20T06:12:37+00:00

It's difficult to say for sure. Some people explicitly look for age gaps. Many more aren't looking for an age gap relationship specifically, but they are looking for something that they are more likely to find in one.

I'm mid 30's my gf is a decade younger than me. We met a year ago. She said she was open to dating guys from 1-15 years older. She said she found younger guys too boyish and immature. I didn't have a strict age preference, but I wanted a woman who was fun, but fairly responsible. Not too jaded, not on a strict timeline to start a family, but willing to eventually settle down if the relationship progressed well. Effectively that probably meant someone fairly close to my gf's age.

GrassToucher29 · 2023-08-20T02:40:40+00:00

My husband is 25 years older than me. When I was dating around at the time that we met, I was 19, and I specifically wanted men ages 35 and older.

I think my husband was just mad at his then-recently-divorced ex wife and he saw a cute young woman in a bookstore so he thought, “fuck it, why not?”

xxxMisogenes · 2023-08-20T03:12:16+00:00

There's subreddits dedicated to it and it's all voluntary, from both sides.

CryptoThroway8205 · 2023-08-20T06:08:59+00:00

Some apps have age filters. So like on hinge or okc girls would often put that they wanted a guy much older than them. I've seen many girl's profiles that were like 25 looking for 30-40.

It does happen "intentionally" but I think more often it's unconscious. Like say a girl gets hit on by 2 guys in 1 day. The first one is her age and doesn't have a car or his own place yet or the money to take her on vacations, go on nice dates, and to dress well. The second one does but is fatter and balder. She might pick the older guy whose had more time to become financially stable and get further in his career and go on interesting trips. Older guys are more conservative when it comes to paying for dates too. Media also does a lot to portray older men with younger women and the makeup makes the actresses even younger.

I think the thing about girls being mature for their age is a crock. A lot aren't able to manage their finances, have a starter job, are immature, alcoholic, and have "mature for my age" on their profile. Lots of men have started a good career, max out their 401k, cook, have a clean apartment, and don't go clubbing too just out of graduation. I don't think many guys have "mature for my age" on their profile. It's not like the girls in these relationships are usually mature at 19.

Oceansoul3 · 2023-08-20T04:16:13+00:00

They are doomed to fail. Anyone that is in an age gap relationship and thinks they are happy, should be aware their happiness; despite possibly being true for the moment, is not going to last. The age gap in these relationships is actually the defining factor of why these people choose each other. The younger woman will likely fall for the financial security and the maturity of the older man, and the man will fall for the youth and beauty of the younger woman. Now let's fast forward 10-15 yrs; the mature middle aged man that was on top of his game when they met, is now an old men with no energy and long lost his attractiveness. The younger woman, despite still being much younger than the guy, is not as youthful as in her 20s anymore and her eyes will open up to men in her age group and likely even those that are younger will look more appealing because she'll realize she didn't live that young love. The generational difference obviously will play a big role in the relationship to fall apart.

sexualdeskfan · 2023-08-20T01:58:53+00:00

How big does the gap need to be to be defined as an age gap relationship?

I think the larger the age gap the more likelihood that one of the partners was specifically looking for an older/younger partner.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-08-20T02:03:47+00:00

Hard to say really

nunchuckbitch27 · 2023-08-20T04:34:34+00:00

I’m in an age gap relationship and 2 of my friends are as well none of us were seeking an age gap relationship we all met the same as you through similar social circles. All of our relationships are happy, healthy and long lasting none of us are being manipulated and we didn’t go into it for money. I can say for myself I will never regret it I’ve spent the last 21 years with my husband and it’s been wonderful nothing like what it’s made to seem on Reddit. That’s not to say that I can see how it can be problematic and I see why there are concerns but you can’t paint every age gap relationships with the same brush. I would never call my husband a predator and it’s insulting to say that I was groomed into thinking this way I knew what I was doing and what I wanted.

Excellent_Badger123 · 2023-08-20T02:35:53+00:00

I was in an large age gap relationship with a man who was 20+ years older than me when I was young. I didn’t specifically seek it out but I almost always dated older guys because I was very mature very early & wanted to be with someone at least on my level.

Sabrepill · 2023-08-20T04:02:54+00:00

As a 42m, I’m simply not interested in women anywhere near my age unless I’m looking for a hookup because some older women are still very hot. Since I’m looking for long term and to have a large family, my desired age range is 18-35 or so.

Feminists and blue pilled muppets can basically shame me, say nasty things like it’s too late for a family, blah blah but these are insufferable people who are loud on the internet. In real life most of them look like bridge trolls.

In reality, nature decides what happens. Young women have the power of choice. They can choose any man they want. If I’m not attractive or wealthy, or both they will not choose me. So why are these muppets mad when young women choose older men? Because they need something to rage about. Their pre-programmed brains can’t compute when social norms are broken.

Here is a wealthy, fit, good looking man well into his 50s who recently started a family with a teen/20s woman. This will get them triggered

https://instagram.com/gianlucavacchi?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Uglypostwall · 2023-08-20T04:03:58+00:00

Well, yeah. I mean, young women have more to offer, so to speak. The truth is, an age gap is probably good for guys and young women too. Young women offer fertility, the potential for having kids, and feminine energy, while guys can offer them stability and protection. This way, she doesn't have to waste her youth and fertility. Both parties are at their sexual peak, so it's good for sexual intimacy too. I have read a study that suggests men may experience some midlife crisis when their partners or wives reach pre-menopause or grow older.So seems like being with older women is not even good for health and well-being lol.

Men consciously or unconsciously feel a stronger desire for commitment with younger women. I don't think any healthy or masculine man would actually prefer older women, since they are past their childbearing years.

Those who are against AGRs are normally older women. As someone who becomes bitter or jealous when it comes to age-gap relationships lol, these negative feelings stem from jealousy and difficulties accepting the reality. It is common for men to treat their younger partners in ways that we may dream of, and this can serve as a reminder that we are depreciating assets.

potoricco · 2023-08-20T02:00:36+00:00

Yes, no matter what they say

womandatory · 2023-08-20T07:38:26+00:00

When the young women in these relationships wake up at my age, 50, still very fit and active and full of adventure, with kids almost grown and a sudden disposable income for travel and fun, and their geriatric husband doesn’t want to be anywhere but watching re-runs of some desperate TV show with an Afghan rug over his arthritic knees, they may feel differently.

I dated a few older guys, most of us do until we realise they’re not the gods we thought they were, leaving hair on their pillow and struggling to stay hard.

In before anyone wants to call me bitter, I’m actually ridiculously happy with my relationship. He’s a couple of years older, we have kids the same age, we are both really active, our lifestyles and stages are the same. It’s easy. We can plan for adventure when the kids are all out of school, we like the same music and movies and even though we’ve only been together a few years, we’ve got a shared history.

It’s all very well and good to find yourself in a relationship like that because of circumstances, but deliberately going looking for a much younger woman because she’s young or a much older man because he’s got money is a false economy and deeply problematic.

If he’s in his 40s or beyond, he’s probably got at least one ex wife and maybe some kids he’s paying for - unending drama and an instant income slash. You can bet he’ll always put the kids before his gf too, because he’ll be Disney daddy who did none of the raising and all of the buying. Who wants to date a man who is an absent, shit father? If he hasn’t, why? Why have no women picked him yet? Women are the choosers when it comes to relationships. If he’s in his 40s and never been married, he’s a gigantic walking red flag already. He’ll use you for what he can and then hang you out to fry when the next barely legal teen with daddy issues walks by.

Even if she’s ‘more mature than most her age’ or whatever hilarious gaslighting he wants to trot out for her to believe, her friends will be annoying as fuck. Kids are. At some point, hanging with them will be torture, as will hanging with his boring, creepy old friends.

What amuses me so much about this is that so many young guys in the sub are so butthurt about not being able to date women their own age in their 20s, they somehow think that if they can wait, being a washed up middle manager with a receding hairline and a paunch will reap them the reward of some vapid, pretty twit who will happily massage his wilting dick for hours to have a nice meal somewhere once a week. It’s pure fantasy.

Why aren’t more young men angry at predatory old guys ‘running through’ young women (vile expression) and ruining their chances? It’s like some pathetic religious conviction that you’re owed a virgin of your own at some stage, you’ve just got to live long enough to get it. Why not chase the vultures out of the field? Do you really aspire to becoming the creepy old guy who leers at teenagers?

The fact is, some young women will seek out older men to date - some because they genuinely believe they’re more mature or offer stability etc, and some because they think it’s funny to fleece older men of whatever funds they have left in return for having a pretty young thing dangling off their arm. Most age gap relationships fail though, especially the ones sought deliberately on the basis of the power inequality.

The most successful relationships have an age gap of 0-3 years. Male fertility declines too, and most men age like milk. Most young men in this sub will not be the kind of middle aged man who is able to genuinely attract a young woman when he’s in his 40s, and you can’t negotiate desire. If she wants you for your cash, she will take what she can get and give as little as she can for it and walk.

For all the young women nodding along, thinking they’re so eMpoWeRed and in control, you’re not. Please stop embarrassing yourselves. You’re not mature at all. You’re lovely, and smart and beautiful and talented, and instead of wasting the most fun and carefree years of your life getting STDs and mental health issues from some guy with pre-diabetes and a second mortgage, get an education, or build a career, travel with your friends, and stop obsessing about your attractiveness. By the time you’re in your mid to late 20s, there will be spectacular young men rising from the swamp of hormones and stupidity that plagues young men and holds them back. Don’t waste your charm and youth on a guy who will be ogling your little sister in a few years, or will be seeking out the brand new OnlyFans of your kids’ 18 year old best friends when he’s in his 60s.

And for the young guys, start treating the creepy old perverts who are chasing young women like the vultures they are. Be one of the young guys who invests in himself and the future of the family he imagines, instead of sitting around and breaking your brain and dick with porn and video games and worthless pursuits. Learn a real life skill and use it to build something. Invest in yourself and your friendships and family - your siblings and parents and cousins. Cut loose the losers, the grubs, the lazy fuckwits who will bring you down. You’re all so quick to believe the world is against you, when in fact, you’re your own worst enemy.

TDSinv · 2023-08-20T02:34:57+00:00

Most men prefer younger women and most women prefer older men. It isn't more complicated than that.

AngeCruelle · 2023-08-20T02:31:14+00:00

It depends on the age/lifestyle of the younger partner.

Ime undergrad is kind of a bubble where your peers will generally be about the same age as you. A 30-something with a stable job somehow ending up with a full-time college student would seem pretty suspect. What are the odds of their meeting organically without the older partner actively seeking that out? A 30-something with a 24-year-old who's out of college and has entered the work force would be more plausible.

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First-Ad-4314 · 2023-08-20T03:25:41+00:00

If the age got worked we wouldn't be single and 30, we'd be happily married to the man still, think about it.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-08-20T05:35:38+00:00

There is a very strong correlation between youth and beauty, meaning the most beautiful woman in a room of 100 women is probably going to be one of the younger ones. Men prioritize beauty, thus go towards the most beautiful woman they have access to, who is very likely going to be younger. To some part it might be intentional, but I think for the most part it's unintentional and more like a product of the unconscious lizard brain.

dyngladfel · 2023-08-20T11:03:38+00:00

For me that's the litmus test of how I feel about an age gap relationship. If the couple got together because there was a vibe and they didn't midnight the gap that's so fine. Whereas if there's a "young women are tight and deserve my money therefore" its just gross af. You're free to do it, but people are also free to think you're pathetic.

gopher_glitz · 2023-08-20T13:24:46+00:00

Knew a girl 27ish with a guy 40+. He was married and she had a serious boyfriend.

Crazy part is I'd bet that if they were both single and he was like 30+, they wouldn't have never gotten together.

KamuiObito · 2023-08-20T13:29:11+00:00

liferelationshi · 2023-08-20T13:55:51+00:00

Safinated · 2023-08-20T15:27:28+00:00

I don’t interrogate people on their desires

Durmyyyy · 2023-08-21T09:17:56+00:00

I dont think people seek them out on purpose it just tends to happen that way subconsciously

CountMandrake · 2023-08-21T22:20:02+00:00

Well, I'm going to be honest here.

I'm 34 years old, and currently dating around. I tend to go for younger women tho I don't have problems dating +30 girls, granted they are exciting to be around... And hot, yeah.

I'm seing three-four girls right now on a regular, they are 21, 24, 29 and 36 respectively.

Now, I'm going to explain my situation. I'm 6.3', jacked, I've always been fairly good looking and succesful with women, and for the record, I'm a healthy, very outgoing, mentally stable dude. In fact I've done some medical checks since COVID just to be sure and the doc said I'm basically a teen. Even my T levels are well above average for a guy above my age.

The truth is...

Mi libido has decreased, this is obvious for any man pass 30, you're not horny anymore like when you were 20 and your hormones where going crazy, so basically, I've become pickier.

In all honesty, I can't function with older women in the sex department. I just can't. Some of them are good looking don't get me wrong, and there are still some really hot women to go around pass 35, but whenever I'm with one of them, I feel like something is missing.

It's not psychological, because like I said I still find a fair share of older gals attractive...

On the other hand, bring me a 20-25 years old girl, and... Damn...

The difference is quite telling. Like night and day kid you not. The sex is not just better, it's more wild, more fullfilling, I can keep at it for the whole night, the girl can keep at it (and enthusiastically)... IDK man, it's just feels better.

Among the girls I'm dating, one is a 36 years old single "bussines" woman.

She's hot as fuck for a woman her age, and if I was 20 I would absolutely be DTF at any day, but here is my problem, I don't "feel it" with her as much as with other girls, and it has got to a point where I need fucking viagra to have normal sexual intercourse, which I end up enjoying after all mind you.

But then the next day my 24 years old gal comes to my place and it's an instant boner, we go at it like rabbits, no external help needed.

I won't lie, I do feel like this is unwarranted and quite unfair to older girls, but it is what it is. I'm not actively trying to "boicot older women", hell I don't have time for that crap, but that's my experience, young women are more enjoyable lets say.

I don't think I'm the only man who is going through this "phase" in life anyways, I've met quite a few grown ass men with the same dating habits (I never understood them in fact, until now) and it wouldn't surprise me at all a good chunk of men my age felt the same way.

I don't think it's the majority of men, but certainly enough to have a noticeable effect on the dating market and mature women's dating options.

Title	Do most age gap relationships form deliberately because of the age gap?
Author	harmonica2
Upvotes	20
Comments	164
Date	August 20, 2023 1:48 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15vy5x2/do_most_age_gap_relationships_form_deliberately/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-most-age-gap-relationships-form-deliberately.1229110 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229110

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