How do you vett men for hookups and long term relationships

Xeltar · 2025-07-10T15:03:24+00:00

Hookups- Be good looking to me, fun and no major behavior red flags (like being an unsafe person to be around, openly bigoted).

LTR - Be good looking and compatible interest and life goals and personality.

leosandlattes · 2025-07-10T14:13:21+00:00

If you want to get a woman to sleep with you early, you have to have lowered inhibition, she has to have lowered inhibition, and you have to be sexy. Typically you should be around average looks or higher and be able to flirt and escalate with a woman. It requires low neuroticism. And there’s a reason why a lot of one night stands are not done sober. I don’t know anyone who has had a sober ONS.

You can probably have hookups or FWBs as an uggo, but then you’re playing in the uggo SMP. Meaning it’s other below average people and heavily fat people. But I mean lots of them are into short term BDSM shit and have no problem being poly and looking for romance-free sexual connection.

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-07-10T14:56:38+00:00

My criteria is based on the things that directly affect me. For example, for hookups, the only direct affect is how safe I will be when alone with him, and if hanging out with him is more entertaining than being by myself. For FWB, the direct affect is the affect any friend has on you. For LTR, the affect is that I will be building a life with him.

For all cases:

Is he showing any immediate red flags? (Ex. disrespectful or dangerous behaviour, makes my friends feel uncomfortable, clearly an idiot or someone who needs to be mommy'd).

For LTR: (Minorly for FWB as well, as a lazy FWB may drag me down with them)

Is he capable of independence to a reasonable degree? (Ex. Can he clean himself and his home without prompting? Are his pets/plants well cared for? If he doesn't have a job, does he have a valid reason, or is he just lazy? Does he have general goals for the future?)

For LTR:

How socially compatible are we? Do we have similar values, similar-enough politics, similar lifestyle, shared interests?

For all:

How does he respond to pushback? (Ex. Does he find it bizarre that I require condoms for oral sex? How does he respond to a plan being changed due to external circumstances? How does he respond to me not responding to messages right away due to business?)

For all:

How sexual compatible are we? The shorter/less passionate relationship, the more compatibility is needed. I can get satisfaction in other ways from a LTR, so my compatibility with them can be worked on overtime, versus there is no reason hookup with a person whose compatibility doesn't already exist.

Redhotangelxxx · 2025-07-10T14:15:09+00:00

Is he hot enough for a hookup? Hookup. Is he hot enough for a hookup and also a nice person to be around who shares values, goals, and hopefully interests that I actually enjoy talking to and spending time with? Relationship.

ETA: for a hookup he has to be flirty/somewhat more uninhibited or social. A shy hot guy is not gonna be as attractive for a hookup as a loud, outgoing hot guy.

Fair-Court-5505 · 2025-07-10T22:42:43+00:00

Is he sexually compatible. Simple. This can be determined via conversation.

If he passes conversational cues. Then the whole “am I attracted to him” comes into play.

If he passes that Then we shag.

If we shag and it’s good for both of us-

He’s now added to the roster as a rookie. After a month or 2 if he’s still good- is doing it well- he’s now a sole FWB- after I ask directly if that’s what he wants.

(That was my process- I don’t actively seek FWB’s because I’m old)

For men who were in the process of being vetted and then checked out- basically they suck. I gave 3 too many times.. and was like nah. . . 😂

SeveralSadEvenings · 2025-07-10T15:21:18+00:00

he's hot, makes me laugh, and makes me feel safe: hook up.

he's hot, makes me laugh, makes me feel safe, and we're compatible: relationship.

Powerful_Monitor3659 · 2025-07-10T14:16:11+00:00

1. Be attractive to me (obviously) 2. Indicate interest in me, escalate flirtation 3. Don't say or do anything stupid.

For repeat encounters the sex has to be good.

Hellarouge · 2025-07-10T17:33:28+00:00

Does he behave like a fuckboy + seem like he’d be good in bed + is he charismatic = hookup

Does he seem like he’s good in bed + do I trust him + are we on the same page + have I decided I definitely don’t want to be in a relationship with him = FWB

Is he charismatic + do I trust him + do our values align + does he have experience with serious relationships + can I talk to him for hours + can I picture a future with this guy = date and explore relationship potential

attendquoi · 2025-07-10T14:12:47+00:00

I don't do repeat casual sex, so no FWB.

Basically the guy has to:

Be attractive according to my own tastes
Not be someone so disgusting that I'd be embarrassed to be associated with him

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floracalendula · 2025-07-11T02:49:43+00:00

I don't vet men for hookups because tbh, hookups with men are not appealing. I vet for relationships by evaluating how compatible our lives and values are, and whether I want to kiss this person stupid.

flipsidetroll · 2025-07-11T07:35:26+00:00

I don’t do hookups. I have to have a connection. Before it would be how easy we can chat, get each other’s humour, enjoy time together. Now, after dating a redpiller, he would be bulleted if any redpill phrase came out of his mouth.

RecognitionSoft9973 · 2025-07-11T12:15:32+00:00

Hygiene, mutual respect, responsbility and common human decency matter for hookups. All these things + commitment matter for LTRs.

Mindless_Junket_4292 · 2025-07-15T03:19:11+00:00

Not be crazy, desperate, or has obvious baggage around sex. (Virgins, wannabe playboys, and playboys.)

FWB: not have obvious feelings for me, a friend.

Lemon_gecko · 2025-07-10T14:19:27+00:00

What is your question about? What is attractive to women? Or what is red flags?

How do you vett men for hookups and long term relationships

Comments

Christ on a raft.

how old are you? 😆😂

Title	How do you vett men for hookups and long term relationships
Author	BrightAutumn12
Upvotes	5
Comments	172
Date	July 10, 2025 5:03 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1lw4bpj/how_do_you_vett_men_for_hookups_and_long_term/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-you-vett-men-for-hookups-and-long-term.1556802 https://theredarchive.com/post/1556802