How has autism or adhd made it difficult to date?

Spread-Em-Plz · 2022-03-29T12:00:56+00:00

This question was MADE for me, as it's quite likely that I have both

So the TL;DR is a little bit, but not that much, and that's only because both are pretty mild

If I do have autism, I got incredibly lucky that I've missed out on a lot of the more unfortunate symptoms that would really fuck my chances such as

Meltdowns
Monotone voice
Not knowing which facial expressions to use (my face is actually exaggeratedly expressive)
As much as I hate when NTs say this to other people, I don't "look autistic" (admittedly, even with higher-functioning folks, there are some people where you can tell)

Let's not forget that autistic men may also have sensory issues that prevent them from getting certain haircuts that could look better or wear certain styles. Or they may not be able to exercise or lift weights

Sure, I had a lot of social slip-ups and was/is a weirdo for all intents and purposes, but people have never been able to tell my autism

However, with ADHD, it's a LOT more apparent that I have it, but however, it doesn't really fuck my chances that hard.

I'm sure some girls think "Allllrighty then! So HE'S a weirdo!", but eh.

In the past few years, I've recently leveraged my weirdness in a way that it's more funny or could even be considered charming in a unique way.

In my case at least, the average NT can forgive ADHD if you're trying your best and if it isn't severe, since ADHD is the kind of condition NTs will casually say they have even if they don't.

In the past year though, and especially the past few months, it seems I'm having less and less trouble with girls as time goes on.

Pilling_it · 2022-03-29T09:47:09+00:00

Iirc women manage the problems that comes with it better, and you wouldn't guess it most of the time.

For a man, unless he's highly functional, it's really in the face and you see immediately something is up. And let's be real, autism and ahdh (more the former) are extremely poorly perceived due to the connotations. It'll absolutely fuck up the chances of someone's ability to date.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2022-03-29T14:34:50+00:00

If you're talking about my personal experience as a man on the autism spectrum, the main thing was that before I was diagnosed, I had issues with socialization and reading body language/facial expressions, and also with keeping up with some conversations when too much was going on at one time. Because of those socialization issues I developed some very nasty social anxiety which I had to work through. However, this all mostly resolved itself around 20ish (12 when I was diagnosed). Between 12 and 20 (and through today on and off) I've been going to therapy for a variety of issues, which especially in my younger years, included my autism spectrum stuff.

As far as how it affects me now, I more or less pass for neurotypical for short periods of time, and I've really tempered the negatives that crop up over longer periods. I'm pretty successful in my career (which ironically, is a role that is mostly communicating, since I am a project manager), and I've been in an LTR since I was 19. I still do deal with some sensory overload issues around large crowds though, and in general I've always been a bit of a recluse, but for the most part life has been fine. I could stand to make one or two more close friends but that's mostly because my friend circle is somewhat geographically dispersed.

Paliant · 2022-03-29T12:08:07+00:00

For me it’s multi faceted. I have aspergers AND I’m an only child so my social skills are super stunted. I basically only got an opportunity to socialize with others my age in a public setting. I don’t have any sisters or female cousins so my only exposure to girls my age was only in a public setting until around college.

So no surprise my social circle stays pretty small. Having the disposition of Socrates (yes I’m a questioning asshat who loves to debate) is cool but not sexy.

I hate taking pictures, I’d just about rather fight the photographer. I also despise the concept of social media, I am very private with my personal life.

All these are not conducive to dating in the post modern era. I’ve been socially isolated enough that being single doesn’t bother me.

I’m still tall and muscular so I’ve had casual relationships numerous times. In fact I’ve had an opposite problem of most guys. Have been used to hook up with chicks that didn’t want a relationship with me.

dietwindows · 2022-03-29T15:00:27+00:00

Aut here.

Studies show that within 2-4 seconds of interaction, NTs decide they want nothing to do with me, based not on the content of my speech but its style. So the biggest barrier wil always be NT prejudice.

I'm cute irl, so getting first dates was somewhat easy for me. But sound sensitivity issues mean I can't really "go out", though. It's hard enough to socialize under ideal conditions, make it noisy and my brain turns off. Getting women to meet you in quiet places can be hard for obvious reasons.

The other big problem is NT women interpret a lot of autistic behavior as red flags, and explaining autism isn't a viable strategy to solve that. Learning to socialize with nonautistics is hard enough without layering on all this extra stuff, so i mostly avoid people.

Trikger · 2022-03-29T15:15:59+00:00

I'm a woman with ADHD, but I still want to answer. Sorry.

Growing up, I used to be considered weird. I was the quiet kid that drew in class and always got "comically" low grades. When people pointed out my flaws, they didn't feel the need to sugarcoat it.

And then I had my "glow-up," and I taught myself how to look better and talk to people. Suddenly, all those traits that made me weird weren't so weird anymore. They were "cute" and "quirky."

But in relationships, people actually got to know me better. Time dims the halo-effect. While I also blame (self-diagnosed) PTSD for my misplaced anger and other shortcomings, ADHD definitely added an extra layer of intensity and emotional confusion to it. While I do blame mental issues for those traits, I never excused them. I've focused on improving myself and have learned to cope, but it doesn't erase the fact it's hindered me in the past.

Mark_Freed · 2022-03-29T20:45:08+00:00

People on the spectrum have trouble deciphering facial expressions, body language, vocal cues, sub textual meaning.

So it’s hard for them to socialise, be charismatic, communicate implicitly, charm women. It’s easy for them to appear creepy because they don’t see the boundaries.

It’s hard for them to develop “game”. They rarely have status, they aren’t popular.

They miss sarcasm, can’t understand neurotypical humor, interpret things literally. It’s exhausting to interact with them because most people are used to having people work with the same underlying assumptions that are just taken for granted.

So let’s see, maybe they are tall and have good facial features. But they already lost on the 1) Status cause they are typically bullied, don’t fit in and are not respected by peers. 2) confidence - being rejected, feeling like they are broken does not help and they tend to be insecure. Huge turn off especially in men. 3) humor - not easy for them to be funny, flirt, and get jokes.

Ok there is more. 4) People with ASD love predictability. They want routine, stability. Systems that make sense. But most women like men who are adventurous, adaptable, spontaneous, able to handle stressful situations, take responsibility, These autistic guys are neurotic and thus unattractive.

5) people on the spectrum tend to have poor impulse control, they end up being overweight, procrastinate a lot, not take of their hygiene, end up hyper focusing on a niche hobby and not focus on holistic development.

Emotional intelligence is a huge turn on and autistic guys I would argue have it worse than short men. It’s like being really really ugly. It’s still not impossible but you have your work cut out for you.

Especially if you buy into trp and believe women will lose attraction if you mess up. Autistic men will end up masking a lot and stressing out about fucking up.

OkonkwoFweeFwee · 2022-03-29T12:47:38+00:00

I haven’t been actually diagnosed but have been given what amounts to “yeah you probably have it but I’m not going to say it out loud” by a psychiatrist. I have had to work for years to put a filter on what comes out of my mouth and my communication is pretty dry and boring. I can talk to women just fine if not a bit more inhibited than with men but with either, if I’m not really good friends I’m basically on autopilot because of the anxiety. I also hate small talk and can’t keep a conversation going so that also great. Women with high-functioning autism apparently mask it a lot better because they’re much more socialized overall.

When it comes to dating I’m pretty much fucked because I also have depression (comes with the neurodivergent package) so along with not being autistically obsessed with something I can make money from I’m not that interesting to talk to. My only redeeming feature is my face because from what I’ve observed I’m at least semi-attractive but Im also short and skinny so I don’t have much to work with. I probably also have ADHD but not the “good” kind that helps you work on a project for 3 nights straight. I only get hyper-focused on stuff that doesn’t matter.

If you have autism as a man I’d say you either have to find an autistic/neurodivergent woman that “gets” you and is compatible or find a normie woman that can deal with your bull. Very rarely there’ll be just the right type of neurodivergent where you can become a giga-chad that gives no shits about anyone or anything and are attractive enough for women to deal with you but I am not that guy.

BennyHillThemeStops · 2022-03-31T06:42:30+00:00

Yes it is definitely more difficult for us to date. I only use OLD to date. I have no problem obtaining dates. I can autistically create a great profile because I actually had to spend time researching what women find attractive. Most guys are just naturals and clueless on pictures and what makes them attractive.

Then when it comes to irl meetings the women are perplexed that I'm not as socially savvy as they thought.

I find it comes also from be being decent looking, they expect me also to be NT because autistic guys are often portrayed as neckbeards. It's a 50/50 if they find it cute or completely off-putting.

Bonus of being autistic is that I'm numb to rejection. I've had so many potential friends or women reject me over the years that I simply don't care anymore.

iamthemovie1992 · 2022-03-29T18:12:28+00:00

Because men’s place in dating requires them to be socially adept, make the first move, etc. having autism will make it harder or impossible to have this. For men, you cannot have mental illness if you want to be successful with women and rack up numbers. If you want a relationship, it’s still going to be an issue whether it’s you’re trying to create one or keep one. Many autistic men find relationships however, either it’s that their autism isn’t “that bad” or their partner doesn’t particularly care about it (usually because she is fat or some other thing that makes her pool smaller). Even if a guy who is autistic is particularly handsome, depending on the severity of it and his own handsomeness, he can absolutely fuck it up. Ya know the crazy/hot scale for women? Kind of like a autistic/hot scale for men. ADHD isn’t really that big a deal, sometimes they find the behavior kind of fun even (as long as it’s not bad). Plus you can take meds for that, I don’t know of any autism meds. Took ADHD meds in college to study, they had the effect it has when you don’t have ADHD so I guess I do have that going for me.

For women, it doesn’t matter and doesn’t hinder a woman’s ability to date. As long as the guy finds her attractive and she isn’t having melt downs every other day, men will be able to ignore a lot of the mental illness on average. Especially for a hookup, he’ll listen to her talk about whatever Sojo anime she’s loving at the moment and fuck her on her bed with her stuffed animals as long as he finds her cute. Plus women don’t have to approach or aren’t expected to, or lead a conversation, she essentially just has to be there and not be too fat.

jonrah69 · 2022-03-29T12:43:30+00:00

I have ADHD and go on a pretty large amount of dates. I will say i think it has hurt me more than helped

Pros: I have a lot of interests because of it which makes talking on the first date easier

Cons: Suck at texting, Sometimes lose focus during dates stories and have to faux like i listened, Need pretty intense sex to entertain me/keep me focused/aroused, The issues it causes my day to day life bleed into dating.

2022-03-29T14:54:46+00:00

For men it is several times harder just by the fact that men are forced to be active in dating. Not getting cues and not reading body language goes a long way in dating and in any social interaction.

Women can afford to be passive and let these things come to them with minimal effort of their own. Even in social settings they can get away with always saying the political correct thing and play safe. A man in the same position will get labelled as someone with no opinion or lacking a backbone.

The-Devilz-Advocate · 2022-03-29T14:13:25+00:00

ADHD has made it harder for me.

I tend to always look around the room i'm in even while directly talking to another person so from their perspective this either means i am disinterested or nervous.

Same thing with conversations. I could be having a normal conversation about her hobbies or something and if something makes me curious I keep asking her one too many questions about it. It's like an urge to always go down the rabbit hole for anything that piques my interest. Sometimes it's great, other times it makes me look a tad creepy.

Even the stigma of mental health poses a problem. I almost never tell my dates that I have ADHD. Because most of the times I did, I got weird looks from them, specially if they ever saw my prescription pills for it.

All around it's almost never fun. The stress you get with ADHD of replaying things and overthinking things + overall dating nonesense makes it a nightmare to handle imo.

I resorted to acting very aloof to not overstress about dating.

decoy88 · 2022-03-29T16:20:22+00:00

ADHD

I get bored easily and before I would lose interest and want to pursue novelty with others after settling with a woman.

Luckily after becoming self-aware about it I found workarounds and methods to deal with it.

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2022-03-29T22:49:48+00:00

a few years back I found a a studies on marriages with autism(take with a grain of salt). * 34% of autistic men get into relationship * 9% of autistic men get married. * 67% of autistic women get into relationships. 32% of autistic women get married.

Freevoulous · 2022-03-29T11:43:52+00:00

Honestly, my ADHD is absolutely great for dating and made me Chadlike in mentality.

Im too easily distracted to be led on, to simp or to put women on the pedestal. All these things require long term focus which I lack. Its impossible for me to realistically try to court a girl for weeks on end to finally have sex, so I early on hyper-focused (ADHDers know what I mean) on getting as good as humanly possible at getting a first night lay.

About every now and then I get this typical ADHDer's obsessive MISSION in which Im overwhelmed with upbeat energy and focus to get laid, or to improve my attractiveness, or to just go out and socialise until im overwhelmed with new contacts.

And then I get bored and wander away.

wtknight · 2022-03-29T09:51:45+00:00

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mrmaskfawkes · 2022-03-29T13:30:20+00:00

Well first off you're a lot more spacy. Like you have to take your pills everyday to not come off as a complete tool. Which sucks because if you haven't been on Adderall before let me count the ways it sucks to have to be on speed to seem normal and try coming down from it every day. Not just to cram for an exam but literally grinding for days to then feel like you been on speed for eons. You basically have to treat it like damn psych meds to keep up. The social cues.

Basically you don't get cues from anything. Like I have to read books to understand basic human facial features. You also have to learn about emotions in general because for me it's basically been that I don't process emotions much at all outwardly. It boils up until it bursts out in anger or I can't convey entirely what emotions I do have. If I feel like my needs aren't bring met I basically can't communicate it without seeming so blunt it comes off as angry or that I'm sad. I'm basically both really transparent and also have no clue what's going on. Or I don't know a girl is into me or if I'm misreading her. Or I'm basically staying safe in assuming a girl doesn't like me because if I get it wrong I'm a creeper.

Or I have to read and listen to psychology and dating site to understand regular people's behavior. It ends up feeling like I'm an alien at visited the earth. I basically relate to dexter or Sheldon Cooper in bring so incapable to be like other guys I might as well be a damn robot.

I routinely need to keep a watch, clock, timer, alarm, everything to keep thing regular tasks in order with adhd. So I'm already working to keep basic things right. Now factor in dating. I basically have to keep on time or I don't do it. In fact I come off as not wanting to be there even if I'm having a great time because I have to compulsively check my watch to make sure I didn't mess up the time or loose track. Basically my need to function based around time makes me seem like I'm entirely uninterested when really I need to do it to understand partly where I am.

Also with adhd and autism you both procrastinate things and avoid things that make you feel so uncomfortable because you already get drained from socializing (since I literally have to treat almost every interaction like a damn lecture, I basically tune out so often it's not even funny) I literally don't feel the need to socialize so getting out there is more of daunting task for me than anything. It's basically I put off getting out there to even date and when I do date it's pretty awkward,negative, I get called weird or they tell me they're not interested anymore or weren't to being with. Its like having your car telling you to jump off a cliff everytime it refills. You don't want to do it after a while and your exhausted from trying. You put it off or you power through and try.

Another is that women will never say it but you are down point for not being normal. Most people don't realize how much not acting normal is a huge turn off. Also they will routinely be, this isn't to offend but when you already have the attention span of a goldfish this doesn't help, boring. Like it's normally "so I like this one shoe and my sister rlikes it too. I never traveled anywhere before, I'm a pixies rising and-" I'm tuned out. It's not even them but when I find you uninteresting I might as well be watching literally dirt. Or I make an effort to listen but imagine you're hearing everything on .25 speed or 1.25 for no reason. So either I'm forcing myself to listen when I'm actively fighting against my mind to not focus or im hyper focusing and its like everything is fast paced as hell. So if I tune out I missed 25% of everything. So I can't even help it but I literally cannot listen to them. So Im basically bored out of my skull during a date and even in a relationship.

Now on top of all of this it doesn't help that I already don't like social interaction in general but now I'm literally forcing myself through it on a date and then trying to be charismatic, charming, etc. Again having to read books and watch religiously youtube videos is the only way it works. So I'm basically trying to act like I am those thing because in the back of my mind I want to go do something else or do something more fun than this, not even out of spite I just hate being bored. Bored for me is like having a drill pressed against my temple, I'd rather sleep than be consciously bored.

And then I have to manage even getting to the point of dating. I basically have to try to seduce a women with the social skills of someone whose had to learn how to act like a normal person from TV shows and books. Even then I'm impatient so getting to the point is useful but it again suck if I'm trying to hook up and talking starts, so again drill to the temple. Now I sound like a tool if I say this without people understanding what adhd/autism is actually like. So basically I sound like an asshole when my brain and developmental skills literally make it a full on uphill warfare to even get to normal functioning. To be clear I'm not saying I can't value someone for anything besides thier body but when even initating physical romance is an issue, trust me it jsut get awkward and you try to have someone of positive. Basically I'm like any person with wants and needs but I don't have the tools most normal people are able to inherently build. I basically try my best but it's hard to act in socially accepted manner when you can even get there.

And probably the cherry on top I have to manage this with everything else. I have to manage going through this process that might as well being volunteering to get water boarded hoping to get something good out of it, but all my other personal stuff I have to deal with daily. It's like adding another problem on top of being autistic/adhd. So I basically have to try to ge try spirit even up to get this right or basically you get comfortable watching porn since prostitution isn't legal, I'm basically trying to do everything I mentioned over and over.

Also you can't ever really show how messed up you are on the first date, despite your baggage being 90% of your problems. So basically I'm acting like someone else to seem appealing because who I am is a damn mess that basically wants to get affection while seeming like someone who know is more attractive but isn't you. You gotta put on a mask of behavior to function and it takes so much time to not get worn down.

It get exhausting to even exist on my own and to add someone else? I might as well be pushing that Boulder up a hill like syisphus trying to constantly keep up the damn effort.

Tldr you live your life trying to ruck in knee deep mud whole everyone else gets to walk on sand. Living on your own is bad enough, dating is like playing hard mode using only a melee weapon ina first person shooter.

baresquad · 2022-03-29T13:37:52+00:00

I have adhd and I think much like you women find it quirky? Idk if that a thing for a man lol but like they definitely find humor in it. I’ve been called weird but only ever in a playful way

uccelloverde · 2022-03-29T13:57:26+00:00

I’m on the spectrum, and I’ve definitely been a late bloomer when it comes to dating. I’m in my 30s, and i’ve had a couple of girlfriends, but nowhere near the amount of experience most people I know have. I think a lot of the things guys learn through trial and error, specifically how to pursue women, flirt, and escalate physically, I’ve needed explicit advice on. And I think neurotypical people can pick up on subtle cues for when a woman is ready to get physical, but I’ve often hesitated and missed opportunities for fear of getting it wrong. To add context, in my 20s the first girl I tried to kiss kind of freaked out, even though we were officially dating (she was an unusual case because she later revealed she didn’t want anyone kissing her ever, and I decided to end it). I think that early experience made me even more fearful of getting it wrong when I try to kiss a woman, but in recent years I’ve had what are probably more typical experiences: either my date being ready to kiss me, or calmly declining (i.e., not freaking out). I’ve had sexual experiences as well, but my n count is low.

KaleidoscopeEyes12 · 2022-03-29T20:30:43+00:00

My current boyfriend (we’re both in our early 20’s) is very likely ND, he either has ADHD or autism or maybe even both.

He has not been single longer than two months since he was like 13. I don’t know how. It’s always been baffling to me. Of course I think he’s attractive, but he’s certainly not “conventionally attractive”. He’s also just a weirdo. I’m also weird, so I don’t mind. Same energy. It just surprises me how many people vibe with that. He’s one of those “date your best friend” types, but he’s literally never been friendzoned.

Somehow he’s doing something right that the rest of us just don’t get. Normally being ND probably makes it difficult to date. But it’s definitely not impossible.

AloneOnTheStrange · 2022-03-30T04:35:05+00:00

I'm on the spectrum. My social skills have improved a lot over the years. I would honestly be surprised if anyone I work or hang out with knows I'm autistic, unless we're really close or I've told them.

For dating, its made things a lot harder. I generally make good first impressions, because I'm attractive, well groomed, and hold myself well enough. But that initial spark quickly fades when they get to know me better, and see my more awkward side. Most of the girls I've dated are all over me one minute, but get cold after the second date.

I kinda give off a vibe that says I'm "off" in some way. And girls in particular get put off by that. I'm sure even they couldn't say exactly what it is that makes them feel that way.

It can help a lot with talking to guys, if you can play it right. Most guys love talking about history, science, games, movies, whatever. You've just got to get past the whole impulse of "I wanna talk about this exact thing and nothing else for 20 minutes straight".

But with women, it generally hurts. Very few women like talking about technical things. If I mention anything technical they get this blank freaked out look, like I've gone way too heavy for them. And again, this isn't delivering a 20 minute lecture about every cheat code in Age of Empires 2. This is just a slight mention of surface level knowledge on something in history, science, or politics.

Women like extroversion. They feel the halo effect strongly. I can talk about a topic, and get ignored. Then seconds later a popular guy talks about that same topic, and she lights up like it's all she wants to talk about.

I've learnt most of my social cues from being part of social situations. Watching and learning. But more private stuff, I have no choice but to go in blind. Dating, flirting, online conversation, how and when to make that first kiss. There's a lot of unwritten rules in socialising that you have to follow very closely.

It's better as an adult than as a kid. At least I don't get beaten and bullied for it. But it's still very easy to become an outsider. Being around people who are polite, and happy to see you, but leave you out of fun social things, and don't seem to care if you're lonely or dateless.

Gravel_Roads · 2022-03-29T12:30:09+00:00

ADHD has helped, if anything. As has being bipolar. I only interact with people when I'm manic and feeling social, which makes me adventurous, open-minded, chill, friendly ect. Being ADHD makes it easier to adapt to random curve balls.

But I've also spent the past 37 years of my life working on cognitive behavioral awareness, and I work hard to keep my life simplified, and my brain sharply self-aware of what things might trigger dissociative episodes, and avoiding situations that have no benefit to me, so my mania doesn't cause me to jump on the back of a truck just to see where it goes ect.

Swordfromthecement · 2022-03-29T23:49:15+00:00

Have been diagnosed with ADHD, and believe that I am on the spectrum(though somewhat mild).

It’s been interesting. I’d say it really boils down to how you look, and how good you’re social skills are. For me I’m about a 4/5 (by the real world’s standards) so I’m not hideous and I don’t act the way media portrays autistic/adhd people. However I do talk too much when it comes to things I’m really interested, prone to interrupting mid-conversation, and have a hard time regulating my voice/intensity when deep in conversation.

It’s hard for me to stay interested in one girl but ironically enough I really struggle with spontaneously doing things. I really crave having a routine in my life, and nothing dries a woman up faster than boredom and a routine from my experience. I think if I didn’t have these disorders I’d definitely be a lot more successful in keeping and maintaining a relationship. Sometimes I wish I could meet an autistic black girl to see how we mesh, but it’s not the end of the world. Im sure with enough time I can find someone to put up with me.

If you’re a girl getting dates as an ADHD, autistic women is going to be no issue, though I think autistic women are way more subject to being manipulated.

01011001011000010110 · 2022-03-30T22:46:38+00:00

ADHD and it made it very hard if not impossible.

I'm a chronic overthinker with GAD and major depression probably caused by it. I have a hard time to even chat to someone on a dating app and feel like dying when thinking about meeting up with someone as I'm this anxious. I also lose interest really fast and have a hard time building interest if I'm not head over heels from the beginning.

I'm also not conventionally attractive as I have strong dark circles but the more popular in the edgy/metal scene. Actually pretty popular with Bi girls it seems, but to anxious to actually do something. I'm also kinda afraid of sex because I'm heavily afraid of being to bad in bed all because of ADHD.

If I'm in my manic phase tho, people either love or hate me. Same when I'm on alcohol. There were actually girls which quite obviously hinted me to do something but I was too anxious and played it off.

I have no problem making friends tho.

And I'm quite surprised that you have anxiety but that you're still a stripper. I know another woman who has ADHD and is poledancer which is not exactly the same AFAIK but it's still quite funny.

Carloverguy20 · 2022-04-01T05:13:01+00:00

Im diagnosed with autism, and possibly have undiagnosed inattentive ADHD, but I wouldn't say that they have made it harder for me to date. Girls loved my friendly, unconventional, humorous and quirky nature, and the fact that I was in touch with my emotions as a guy, and not a jerk or an asshole.

I may have missed some cues with romance and dating, but i've had dates before. The only reason why I haven't dated more or have had serious relationships, is because of my strict parents forbading close relationships with the opposite gender, if it wasn't for my strict parents who stunted my growth, I would be very successful with the ladies. I blindly listened to my parents life advice and I regret it lots. I tend to get along with women well surprisingly, and people always made jokes about me being the ladies man hahaha. I did have problems earlier in my youth such as starting at people, not knowing what to say, and talking lots about the same thing, annoyed people. Tons of missed opportunities with girls.

You just have to have things going for you, your not going to get a relationship, make friends, if all you do is go home, don't get out and socialize, spending too much time on reddit, watching porn, jerking off, playing video games 24/7, and being a hermit Neet. Im guilty of doing those things, BUT i try to make effort to get out and do things.The problem with lots of Neurodivergent guys are that, they tend to not be the most socially adept people and may not follow social norms. Im not a social expert, but my social skills are good enough.

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Hoopy223 · 2022-03-29T14:47:53+00:00

Dating wise?

A lot of the things that women associate with intelligence and find desirable will be a complete mystery to you. Stuff like pop culture, making eye contact when you speak and fashion are all WTF.

So even if you are very intelligent women will think you are a moron/creep.

What I did to get by was drink, drugs, and pretended to be a character from a comedy movie. That worked until my late 20s.

After that dating becomes either a FWB or they just want someone to pay the bills.

TwoFirmFeet · 2022-03-29T22:05:24+00:00

Either become a famous artist or a school shooter, those are your own choices

iamprosciutto · 2022-03-29T21:49:02+00:00

I have ADHD. Diagnosed. I went through thr wringer with medications until eventually deciding on none then self-medicating with weed. I only recently learned that intrusive thoughts aren't the norm for everyone, but them combined with the obsessive and fixative aspects of ADHD has lead to be coming on way too strong early on in the early phases of dating. I ended up having to learn to consciously remind myself to not be too much early on. If I would text a girl, I would have to decide to put my phone down for 20 minutes to not repeatedly check it or send more messages.

On the other hand, learning to not be clingy came with the side effect of getting distracted for hours at a time and allowing conversations to just die without meaning to, sometimes even leaving them on read overnight with no response until the next day when I was free in the afternoon.

I guess it makes relating to the average person a little hard. I have to try extra hard in the early phases to get that happy medium of attentiveness, bjt it's no so bad after that. My partner sometimes gets frustrated with my hyperfocus on video games when I go through a gaming phase, but she understands what's going on. She also likely has ADHD, though not as bad, and is beginning to understand her symptoms better over time, and through them, my quirky tendencies caused by the ADHD.

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2022-03-29T22:41:01+00:00

I have both ADHD and autistic.

I would say the worst part about it is the autistic inability to read social queues. Dating is basically a conversation with social queues.

When getting advice, everyone response to almost every question is learn how to read body language (I can't and it fucking sucks). Do you know how fed up I am with hearing the term vibe.

Moreover due to the fact that I mask pretty well. In between the stage of random friendly stranger and known friend, I end up in this uncanny valley of being a genuine human. Like I will genuinely care and be interested in people and their life, and they will come back at me like, you don't have to fake caring I know you don't like me. Since I don't social super well my actions may get misinterpreted and people judge me about it without actually knowing I have a disability. Moreover due to the masking, people often rejected the notion that I have a disability because "you seem normal, your just creepy".

In terms of dating if you don't play by the womans script you make them uncomfortable and thus creepy. I'm autistic and can't even read the script so rip me.

The only women that I have gotten dates with (after high school) have also been ND women. I guess because they tend to not see the negatives.

hhhhhhikkmvjjhj · 2022-03-30T00:32:32+00:00

Not being able to do hobbies because I’m disorganized.

Struggled with studies and long term unemployment. Men are success objects so it’s like being morbidly obese as a woman.

Poor social skills, difficulties with humor. So much energy spent on just functioning so there is very little energy to do anything else. As a guy we still need to do all the heavy lifting in dating.

Disorganized living also extends to styling, hygiene and home being messy.

Women no longer being housemaids and needing an income makes it difficult to live up to demands of 50/50 distribution of work. I’m super intelligent but struggle to keep kitchen sink clean lol. It works well professionally but privately it’s a none starter..

So yes it’s a struggle.

Patrickstarho · 2022-03-30T01:37:52+00:00

I can make that pussy go retarded 🤪

s_zauez · 2022-03-31T03:53:22+00:00

My dick is like 5 inch erect. But they say it’s the motion of the ocean, not the size of the ship?

H8beingmale · 2022-04-02T03:33:21+00:00

i believe it will affect men more than women

Cataclysma324 · 2022-04-02T03:57:50+00:00

With autism itself, not really, it was kind of subclinical (though I was diagnosed by DSM-5 NOT DSM-4)

In my younger years, I lagged considerably in my social development. But it caught up, and I got severe social anxiety and bad esteem which of course haunts me to this day. It's not conducive to even making friends.

-KiNG-WaVy- · 2022-04-04T01:24:00+00:00

19 , diagnosed w autism at 8, never had a gf or good friends. Always got bullied and girls saw me as a weirdo

Title	How has autism or adhd made it difficult to date?
Author	lunafox999
Upvotes	40
Comments	96
Date	March 29, 2022 9:39 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/tqw1w5/how_has_autism_or_adhd_made_it_difficult_to_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-has-autism-or-adhd-made-it-difficult-to-date.1109625 https://theredarchive.com/post/1109625

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