Q4W: What are nice guys missing

I think something a lot of people undersell is niceness itself. Sure its just one thing among many that one needs to have, but its one that matters a lot. Especially if you're aiming to date seriously. But I don't think people think a lot about the fact that niceness, kindness, means something very different to different people. What's acceptable, what's too much, too little, what meshes and doesn't. People always see themselves as nice, but that nice doesn't always mesh with everyone or comes with a lot of extra points that work against it really being able to shine through, like a lack of authenticity or simply just expressing it in ways that just don't work with certain crowds of people.

Like say.. consider how different one may perceive the perception of how you open the door for a random stranger, if at all. A lot will colour their perception of that. Who you held it for, how you did it, if you said anything, so on. Or say lets look at if you ran into a stranger who is openly gay with a gal at your side you are taking for a date. You both know he is gay. You smile his way and say hello to him and remember he and you share a class so you see if he wants to maybe study some time for a test together. To the gay, say she's left wing and so on, will either view this as a good sociability and a niceness she can respect or she'll note that you are nice to minority group without issue or anything. She'll like that. Say she's a religious Baptist church type woman. Do that and she will think you're the devil. She'll not see this as niceness and sociability but as being a horrible person supporting something awful.

That's a drastic example but another might be how one comforts someone else for example. The types of words they say, their actions and limits in how they behave. Like asking to touch someone before you do is seen as nice to one person and weird to another.