Regretting not having kids

BrightPapaya1349 · 2025-08-07T10:26:05+00:00

I already work full time. Why would I want another full time job (parenting) on top of that? Also y'all should check out r/regretfulparents... it's way worse when you regret HAVING them.

Present-Interest-975 · 2025-08-07T15:00:10+00:00

I'm pretty sure that I want kids and this is what gets me. I would much rather regret not having them than I would regret having them

Tylikcat · 2025-08-07T19:22:13+00:00

I'm *really* glad I didn't have kids with my ex-husband. I'm very slightly sad I didn't have kids overall. For me it was always about not having kids unless I was in the right situation - because raising kids alone, or without a committed partner, or without a strong community, is flippin' horrible. (I worked with kids a lot while I was an undergrad. And did a fair bit of the raising of my younger siblings, though arguably not enough considering our parents.)

It's easier now that it was when I was mostly doing research. I'm probably a better professor than I would have been a parent anyway :-) (And I'm an excellent offbeat auntie to my collection of blood and adopted nieces, nephews, and nerdsons.)

TermAggravating8043 · 2025-08-07T10:58:57+00:00

I had a similar debate with a guy in this sub a few weeks back where he said something that makes it all make sense

“It’s not about the kids”

attendquoi · 2025-08-07T13:31:42+00:00

I'm 39 and still waiting for the supposed regret. Every time I hear someone talk about their kids, it's generally a complaint. It never sounds worth it.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-08-07T09:01:53+00:00

Yeah, in general what people regret the most is what they didn't do (not what they did) so it's normal some women feel that way, it's liked to the FOMO but if it's trully not what they wanted there is no problem

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-08-07T14:58:15+00:00

Ur so right this, I'm childfree and have had this pov.

Plus if I'm 70/80 and regret not having kids I won't be able to change that but I can ease that pain by adopting a family in exchange for money.

bluepvtstorm · 2025-08-07T21:27:15+00:00

When one removes the emotions from having kids and does a pure cost/benefit analysis of having kids vs not, the calculus for women usually lands on the side of women having a happier life not having children.

The other piece that is often not said is that people who are purposeful about not having kids would probably be the better parents because they considered what the reality of child rearing is and not just the parts that are fun and romanticized.

People love to tell me I would be a great mom. They are right. I probably would. Beyond my financial resources to put my kids in private schools that would already give them a leg up in life. I have a community of people that would help because I have helped them.

I own my own home, I am well educated and come from a family of well educated people. I am the kid of a social worker and therapist so I know what happens to kids that don’t have the support they need.

I still would never ever want to have kids. The amount of work looks annoying and so unfulfilling. I don’t like baby giggles and toddler things. I would have to show up and deal with other people because my kid would be in school and activities. It is never ending and you have no control over what type of kid you get.

And a good parent doesn’t try to force a kid to be something they aren’t. What I get a sports kid, then I would have to watch them play sports and nurture that and I would hate every minute of it but you gotta show up because it’s your kid.

No thanks. I am good. It looks miserable and more people should be smart about it before actually having kids.

mrsmariekje · 2025-08-07T14:23:33+00:00

Having kids or not having kids is mostly a values/personality issue and it is fundamental. Parents and childfree people will never understand each other.

At the crux of it all, if your main aim in life is to gratify yourself, make yourself happy and avoid unnecessary challenge, then you should not have children and it is unlikely anyone could convince you that it's a good idea.

Kreeps_United · 2025-08-07T13:13:09+00:00

I thought "don't pressure people who don't want kids into having them" was one of those things we all agreed with. When does this come up?

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DarkBahamut191 · 2025-08-07T21:27:58+00:00

Women shouldn't regret rejecting the shackles of patriarchy

kerry-wn-001 · 2025-08-08T06:38:43+00:00

If we continue with the trend, let's circle back a generation to come and see the results.

WhatTheyWanttoHear · 2025-08-12T13:44:55+00:00

Don't have kids then.

Most of you shouldn't be reproducing anyways with your self-defeated attitudes.

That's all we need is more lames.

I'll reproduce just to spread my seed around and have more men who think like me because clearly there's not enough men who do yet.

I'll do that passive thing that I just read in another comment where I don't live with the women or bother with the children but I will financially support three or four mothers just like Elon Musk does.

Have fun not breeding. You probably don't like sex for pleasure either so. No one's missing out.

Sea-Cookie-142 · 2025-08-13T17:26:16+00:00

If people actually wanted kids, it wouldn't matter if the child is biologically theirs or not. They would just want to parent and bring up the next generation. Those who whine about women refusing to have kids don't actually care about kids. They're are so many orphaned and foster kids that would love a good home.

PatienceMaterial2060 · 2025-08-07T11:06:25+00:00

I see lots, lots of ugly/mid women in their 40s and 50s that are lonely.

I think that being childless is a good choice for higher quality women: attractive women and upper-middle class women that stay relatively attractive in their older days.

But for an ugly/average looking women without a lot of available income, what's best? Growing old alone and poor? Or cash-in their fertility while they can and have 1-3 children and take care of the children as they grow old?

Independent-Mail-227 · 2025-08-07T21:56:05+00:00

Who said they would be regreting it on their 70s? Look at median age for female suicide vs male one.

Zabadoodude · 2025-08-07T23:05:43+00:00

If you feel like you definitely don't want kids, don't have them. But there are many women in their 30's that want kid's "someday". At that age you have to be taking active steps to find a man to have them with soon if you want it to happen.

Ragazzocolbass8 · 2025-08-07T13:22:01+00:00

You start regretting much earlier than that. Late 30's~early 40's.

BashFish · 2025-08-07T08:50:09+00:00

ive always thought the not having kids thing is pure hubris. we're animals, we exist to make more of ourselves. you can try to fight your nature and maybe it will work but probably not. most people will be happier just following the script; doe normaal

one thing to consider is that when youre 50, youre not going to be partying, fucking, traveling, etc. doing wild shit or at least anywhere near as much. and youve still got 20-40 years left on the clock, what are you going to be doing for fun at age 71? kids are for that

AimlesslWander · 2025-08-07T12:02:45+00:00

I think about this too and I realize that when I am old I will be unable to work or support myself, my 401K is ass and I will have no money when I am old to support myself. I guess I would want kids to help me as I become too old to work or do anything but that won't happen more than likely since finding a woman is difficult now

With declining birth rates and upper ups seeing how there running out of cogs to run their machines they are starting to realize that the system is about to crash because there will be too many old people and not enough young people to take care of the system.

Just look at Japan

crabbieinreddit · 2025-08-07T19:21:03+00:00

this debate only gets a clear winner in online arenas because, gess what, theres less parents there than people without kids. Oh, and the argument of controlling women is absolute bonkers. Go outside, kids

Title	Regretting not having kids
Author	Jazzlike-Lifeguard38
Upvotes	24
Comments	188
Date	August 7, 2025 8:43 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1mjurdr/regretting_not_having_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/regretting-not-having-kids.1559068 https://theredarchive.com/post/1559068

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