What exactly is pair bonding?

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-12-12T03:24:04+00:00

Well, Son, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have some primal, grunting, ball-slapping sex with the windows open to assert dominance against the neighbors, and they continue this routine with each other exclusively until their relationship ends.

rubbooyuri · 2020-12-12T03:34:16+00:00

For some reason red pillers are very concerned about pair bonding when it comes to female promiscuity, and not at all when it comes to “spinning plates”

MooseKabo0se · 2020-12-12T02:45:40+00:00

I'm not sure about the RP definition, but imo pair bonding is essentially emotional availability

TLorrai · 2020-12-12T03:11:00+00:00

People in this thread acting like being intimate with someone doesn't alter your brain chemistry at all and when it's over you don't go through serious withdrawl. When you deeply care for someone and have sex with them your brain releases tons of chemicals to help you one: enjoy the experience, and two: feel closer to the person. In your mind this person becomes someone who brings you immense pleasure and happiness.

The context red pill puts it in is when women are sleeping with multiple men these bonds get paired and broken over and over. Yes casual flings aren't bonding as powerful as LTRs but the bonds still happen. So when a women (or man) pairs constantly with different people these parts of the brain are sending out feel-good chemicals, but they do not affect you as strongly as before. So just like all drugs you need a bigger "hit" each time to get the same affect. So when women (or men) jump from partner to partner it takes more from that person each time to get the same "high" as before. So when they say "reformed sluts won't love you as much" they're saying that you need to be really freaking great to get her as "high" as her previous partners.

These are all over simplifications but it makes sense scientifically. Not all women are bonding with every hook up, and not every women comes off the "carousel" damaged. But, to say having sex doesn't affect people at all is nonsense. People can fall in love at any time. Doesn't mean men (or women) shouldn't be wary when their potential partner has "bonded" with so many people.

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-12-12T02:44:29+00:00

"Working as One"

In old Christian tradition (and I've read similar stories from at least china and japan so it may have been some-what universal perspective in the past) When a couple became husband and wife they became "one flesh."

So basically the mentality of "pair-bonding" is the process of regarding another's needs as the same as your own.

goatismycopilot · 2020-12-12T12:47:27+00:00

It is magical redpill thinking like wife goggles. If you are a man you can bang sluts and cheat on your wife and still be great at pair bonding. But if a woman is not a virgin she is doomed to never be able to pair bond and ends up living on a remote Japanese island with 200 hundred cats.

grandmapurp · 2020-12-12T03:04:48+00:00

There's a middle ground between science and propaganda. Just because it may not be a verifiable scientific phenomenon doesn't mean that it's not a real thing.

When you're young and naive and believe in love and you feel like "this person is the one" and that you're soul mates and destined to be together you feel a very strong connection. The more you cycle through different relationships and get cynical and are constantly on the lookout for something newer and better, that youthful naivete starts to wear away.

Eventually you can't be happy in any relationship, you can't compromise or work through problems. At any little minor annoyance you're ready to swipe onto the next person. At that point, getting into a committed long term relationship has nothing to do with love and feelings but is a purely transactional relationship. Is this person the right one to have my children and financially provide for me? Let's enter into a contract together!

stats135 · 2020-12-12T03:53:30+00:00

We feel a cocktail of emotions when we have sex. The more people we do it with, the more desensitized to those emotions we become. This desensitization process happens with literally every human experience, there's no reason for sex to magically be different.

ihatehijabuwearit · 2020-12-12T02:44:57+00:00

Pair bonding is a bullshit mantra redpillers push. It amuses me as most of them are only high school graduates who never went to college, yet talking about women's psychology and brain anatomy as if they have a PHD in it.

Take women who went through human trafficking. She was kidnapped before she lost her virginity and raped numerous times. You are telling me she "pair bonded" with her first rapist who raped her once and never saw her again? And the second rapist was her "next love" and ect? That's bullshit. Love happens when you meet someone who respects you and makes you happy. Love does not equal sex and can be separated, which is why one night stands and FWB exist. I lost my virginity with lesbian sex with my cousin when I was 14. Did I fall in love with her? No! We were just exploring out sexuality. Redpillers don't know women's brain anatomy.

DeprivedBee · 2020-12-12T03:00:53+00:00

Humans do pair bond. Pair bonding is an observable scientific phenomenon. Humans are primarily monogamous (this includes serial monogamy). When people have sex, they actually release hormones (oxytocin and vasopressin) that facilitate pair bonding.

Source 1

Source 2

I'm unsure if sleeping with multiple people disrupts pair bonding like RP claims though.

flipdoggers · 2020-12-12T03:00:33+00:00

To me, it's the state of feeling committed to a single person. The ability to pair bond is what people say diminishes the more sexual partners you have.

SeemedGood · 2020-12-12T04:58:50+00:00

It is the sacrifice of the self in order to merge with another and create a new being that consists of a combination the self and the other, but has its own identity.

Modern Western women are unwilling to sacrifice the self in order to achieve that union.

SaBahRub · 2020-12-12T22:15:32+00:00

The red pill term for “love”, because that word is icky and beta

PollaTronante · 2020-12-12T02:47:36+00:00

So I’ve seen this thrown around a bunch, from my understanding, pair bonding is bond you have with a sex partner that gets damaged and less powerful the more people you sleep with.

100% a RP lie. Used to rationalize (i.e., hamster) why they shame promiscuous women and praise (because that makes sense) promiscuous men.

Fuego213 · 2020-12-12T02:37:30+00:00

A myth.

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Whisper · 2020-12-12T06:02:06+00:00

Is there actually a science behind this or it is just RP propaganda?

Quack.

rft24 · 2020-12-12T06:27:15+00:00

idk about trp’s definition of it, but i believe it’s the bonding experience that happens during and after sex as a result of the hormones that are released (particularly oxytocin). it results in emotional attachment for some. there is definitely science behind it, i’ve explained it before.

https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/sex-emotions#takeaway

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.businessinsider.com/what-happens-to-your-brain-after-sex-2018-6%3famp

https://www.google.com/amp/s/markmanson.net/sex-and-our-psychological-needs/amp

i don’t know about it getting damaged or being less powerful the more people you sleep with though. if anything, i’d think it doesn’t have to do with having more partners specifically but more to do with people who are promiscuous having a tendency to separate emotions from sex; which means they might not be having that same hormonal reaction they did with their first few partners. this is just a theory though.

jdobrila · 2020-12-12T07:18:21+00:00

You can look it up on Wikipedia. No need to make a passive-aggressive thread.

2020-12-13T07:19:50+00:00

So much hate on this thread lol, you're crazy if you don't think that the second time you have sex with someone is much more important than the 20th.

NotTheBestMoment · 2020-12-13T15:21:42+00:00

I think this is insanely strong when you take someone’s virginity. You’re all they know, and you opened them to the sexual world. It takes a lot to leave that relationship if it had a good foundation.

Zonkey_Zeedonk · 2020-12-13T15:32:16+00:00

So I’m a professor of Biology: In Biology the term “pair bonding” refers to partners in species who mate for life and rear offspring together with an extent of parental care. It’s evolutionarily beneficial in species (like humans) who have small litters and care for their children for long periods before said kids become independent, because the survival rates of the offspring increase due to the extended period of parental care. If survival rates of offspring go up, that’s a plus in terms of Darwinian fitness, so it is selected for.

That said, RP really distorts and misunderstand the term from what I’ve seen.

There’s no biological evidence suggesting people who have more sexual partners in their lifetime don’t “pair bond” with whatever mate they ultimately choose. There also has been very very little research done on “pair bonding” in humans, because its hard to study humans the way we study other primates, both because of the the ethics around it(you can’t keep people in a zoo and watch how they act all day), and the fact that humans live a long time and have long relationships and so any life-history studies we COULD do take many years to complete. Most of what you’ll see in terms of science around human behavior is by psychologists/sociologists/anthropologists, not Biologists. We can’t apply biological principles from other species (even closely related ones) to humans, because they’re not humans. That would be bad science.

Common sense tells me that if you’re sleeping with or dating multiple people at once you probably never get as close to any of them as you would having just one partner, because you’re splitting your time and emotional energy between many people, but I don’t see why it should matter how many people you slept with BEFORE that relationship. I don’t buy it.

Gravel_Roads · 2020-12-12T04:09:12+00:00

From what I can tell it’s some sort of magical telepathic connection that happens most strongly when a virgin penis enters a virgin vagina, and if only that same penis enters that same vagina, it will connect them FOREVER and they will never grow apart, but if more than one vagina enters the same vagina, the owner of the vagina grows numbs to the penises and can’t form a psychic bond

2020-12-12T03:15:45+00:00

The chemical reaction in your brain that overtakes you for just enough time to raise a child out of infancy. Unfortunately all the institutions and norms around this irrational ritual assume that the chemical reaction lasts indefinitely.

CMV: monogamy is the actual low future time orientation decision

LittyKitsune · 2020-12-12T04:57:19+00:00

I used to hear about this all the time in religion class lol. It was shown to us with paper hearts. Can't remember if it was glue or tape but basically for the exercise you had to attach the hearts together, separate them (basically tearing), join what's left to another one, and so on. For people who call religion BP a lot of self-proclaimed RP's sound like high school religion teachers.

Do I believe today that actual connections between people work like paper hearts? No. Considering how my parents are absolutely crazy about each other despite not being each other's firsts by a long shot it wouldn't make sense to believe that. I think orientation toward long term/successful relationships is caused by many factors that can't just be summed up as "magical sex chemical." This includes stability of the relationships they witnessed growing up (particularly parents), the quality of the relationships they have had, and so on. These days I'm convinced that my least favorite ex's antics may be more related to the fact that his mom ran off with his dad's best friend when he was a child than N.

PickleLine · 2020-12-12T05:15:33+00:00

For women, it's something that negatively correlates with N-count and promiscuity.

Title	What exactly is pair bonding?
Author	Sufficient-Ad-3586
Upvotes	5
Comments	124
Date	December 12, 2020 2:20 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/kbgr8i/what_exactly_is_pair_bonding/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-exactly-is-pair-bonding.736098 https://theredarchive.com/post/736098

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